35 replies to this topic

[LokiNishizaki]

Hey. I finally got around to posting my story on fanfiction.net and also at the fanfiction library.

On Fanfiction.net

On this site

I've merged a few of the shorter chapters together and I've increased the length of each new one.

The new chapter 1 is chapter 1-2-3

The new chapter 2 is chapter 4-5

I haven't posted chapter 2, because I didn't edit it yet. Every chapter except chapter 5 has been previously released on this site.

Tell me what you think.

[tombadgerlock]

quite good. It's a bit better written (crisper). Makes me even want the next update even more :-)

[LokiNishizaki]

I added the latest chapter on fanfiction.net. I'll update it on this site when I come back.

Tell me what you all think.

Chapter 2

[tombadgerlock]

wow... Thel ast chapter was quite good :-)
I particularly liked the fact that you aren't bashing sasuke too much, but still are not glorifying him
to hoping sakura helps naruto gets better.!!!

[LokiNishizaki]

Hey, I finally got around to finishing the 3rd chapter. Now, this one is really special. If you have questions I'd appreciate it if you were to ask them here.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2802266/4/

I haven't gotten around to posting it on this site yet. I'll do it after I come back from night school.

Later.

[tombadgerlock]

interesting way of going further than canon. Garret pi had done something special about a shogun too :-) A bit outlandish, but still good :-) a small question: in the prologue, naruto seems more worried about cloud and stone and oro than the empreror... Does that mean he is dealt with?

[LokiNishizaki]

This is a big spoiler for the third chapter, so I don't recommend going ahead if you haven't read it yet.

Click For Spoiler

Not even close. See, the emperor isn't their enemy... not yet anyway.

In the original timeline, when Naruto became Hokage, he set about doing all the stuff he said he'd do when he was younger. In one chapter, probably during the wave arc, he said that he'd change the idea that shinobi are tools. To do that, he had to get information on who was controlling the shinobi. After several years of digging and spying, he found out what Teishi told Naruto and Sasuke.

He hadn't gotten to the point where he started the revolution when Konoha was attacked by Orochimaru. So basically, the reason he wasn't worried about the emperor is that he had bigger fish to fry.(Not really bigger, just more hostile.) Of course, he always had a feeling that the emperor knew of his intentions and that he was the one that made The Stone and The Cloud ally with The Sound... but that was never proven.

Right now, the emperor has absolutely no idea that anyone knows of his plans.

About Sasuke leading the FOX unit. Well think of it like this: In Teishi's mind Sasuke had two possible futures. The first is that he'll be loyal to the village and under Teishi's direct command. The second is that he'll be dead. Naruto won't be able to lead the FOX unit because he'll be Hokage and Teishi has other plans, important plans. That only leaves Sasuke. You have to remember that those three are the only ones that know about it. The Hokage knows about the emperor's existence but that's all he's aware of.

[Lloyd_Aurion]

This is a big spoiler for the third chapter, so I don't recommend going ahead if you haven't read it yet.

Click For Spoiler

Not even close. See, the emperor isn't their enemy... not yet anyway.

In the original timeline, when Naruto became Hokage, he set about doing all the stuff he said he'd do when he was younger. In one chapter, probably during the wave arc, he said that he'd change the idea that shinobi are tools. To do that, he had to get information on who was controlling the shinobi. After several years of digging and spying, he found out what Teishi told Naruto and Sasuke.

He hadn't gotten to the point where he started the revolution when Konoha was attacked by Orochimaru. So basically, the reason he wasn't worried about the emperor is that he had bigger fish to fry.(Not really bigger, just more hostile.) Of course, he always had a feeling that the emperor knew of his intentions and that he was the one that made The Stone and The Cloud ally with The Sound... but that was never proven.

Right now, the emperor has absolutely no idea that anyone knows of his plans.

About Sasuke leading the FOX unit. Well think of it like this: In Teishi's mind Sasuke had two possible futures. The first is that he'll be loyal to the village and under Teishi's direct command. The second is that he'll be dead. Naruto won't be able to lead the FOX unit because he'll be Hokage and Teishi has other plans, important plans. That only leaves Sasuke. You have to remember that those three are the only ones that know about it. The Hokage knows about the emperor's existence but that's all he's aware of.

That's about it, thanks for the review.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[LokiNishizaki]

On certain points, yes. But Neji has one gigantic critical point against him.

The greatest con is that he is a part of the Hyuuga clan. Not only that, he's part of the branch-house. He would have to answer to his clan as well as Teishi. That's a big no-no.

Another point is that Sasuke is easier to mold and with a little work would make a better agent/tool than Neji. Sasuke's hang-up is bigger but it can be used in Teishi's advantage unlike Neji's main-house obsession.

Besides, Neji hasn't exactly joined FOX yet. He won't until he gets over his father's death. Lee and Tenten won't abandon their teammate so they'll pretty much have to wait until the end of the chuunin exams.

[tombadgerlock]

ah i see... interesting :-)
I would myself have put sakura as a leader- a leader who preserves life, instead of killing people. like tsunade, in a way.

Well, i am glad as to how things are going, it means that our friends are going to be "much" stronger this time around.

Oh, and you let passed that sakura is either dead or a traitor...could we havea spoiler on that?

[LokiNishizaki]

Alt-Sakura's status is something I can't tell you right now, you'll just have to wait until it comes up in the fic.

I'll tell you just one thing, Alt-Sakura is entirely responsible for Teishi and Alt-Naruto's meeting. In what way... that's a secret.

Sakura can't lead the FOX unit because Teishi's planning to make her the Hokage's assistant/care-taker. That's a full-time job. You can't expect Naruto to not attack the other Kage after the 50th veiled insult/threat directed at him or his shinobi. Teishi and Sakura are the only ones able to make him listen and as I said earlier, Teishi's going to be busy.

That reminds me, after Naruto's ascension to Hokage is assured, him and 5 others will go... somewhere. They'll be gone a long while and I'm not sure who I want to go with him. Feel free to give me your suggestions! I'm might not take them, but at least you'd have tried.

Oh yeah, I hope you know Sakura's one of the five. You should.

[tombadgerlock]

Five?
Sakura, hinata,kiba,lee,tenten
trustworthy people, maybe replace shino and tenten if you prefer
or do as you wish.
Hum, so teishi doesn't hate sakura, does he? maybe she is his mother... how old is teishi? eighteen?

[Lloyd_Aurion]

How about:

Sakura-(all ready stated and thoroughly obvious)
TenTen-(cause I like her)
Neji-(cause he's one of my favorite characters)
Lee-(for comic relief)
Gai-(for those hilarious Lee/Gai-sensei moments)

I'd like to say Gaara and Temari in place of Lee and Gai, but I don't really think Gaara will be able to go. And Temari won't go if Shikamaru doesn't go. Oh, and are you going to make this fic Hyuugacest? Or could you be talked into NejiTen?

[LokiNishizaki]

I guess it would help if I gave a list of candidates huh?

Ok then. Here goes.

Of the FOX unit' current members and instructors:

Kurenai
Chouji
Kiba
Ino
Sakura
Hinata

Of Gai's team

All of them excluding Gai.

Uh... I'm starting to realize that the complete list will include spoilers*...

Oh well, read on ahead if you dare.



...And no, she isn't his mother. He's 23... 24 now actually.

Click For Spoiler

Gaara
Temari
Haku
Zabuza
Kimimaro
Tayuya
Jiraiya

[tombadgerlock]

hum... i don't understand how you are going tojustify putting some of them, but i guess we'll see :-)
arf, i really hope you are writing five hours a day

[LokiNishizaki]

Well, it's going to take some heavy manipulation on Teishi's part and a lot of Naruto's special ability, but it shouldn't be all that difficult.

Click For Spoiler

Once their leader is dead, they'll fall apart real fast. It's just a matter of picking up the pieces in the right order. It won't happen magically and it'll take some time. Trust me on this one, it'll make a lot of sense when it happens.

[tombadgerlock]

It makes me wonder exactly how strong is teishi, if he was sent to fight a powerhouse like orochimaru. Ah, i see what you mean :-)

Ok, have good games then. Hope you finish them quickly your story is kinda interesting, at least so far.

[LokiNishizaki]

Well, think of it like this: How many kage class students do we know?

Sarutobi
The Sannin
Yondaime
Kakashi
Naruto

How many of them had many years to study with their teachers?

Sarutobi
The Sannin
Yondaime
Naruto

Who are the strongest in that batch? (At their prime anyway.)

Sarutobi
Yondaime
Naruto

Now, Teishi has spent over 10 years in training with Naruto and his comrades. In that time, they develloped countless techniques and lots of other things. Where do you think Naruto and Teishi learned to use weapons? Tenten. Whenever he needed something, he had an appropriate teacher available.

To answer your question, Teishi's definitely Kage class. He underestimates himself a lot because he always compares himself to his teacher.

Anyway, I guess I should mention that I just posted chapter 4 on fanfiction.net

Chapter 4

I'll post it in the fanfiction library right away. Tell me what you think.

[Lloyd_Aurion]

Well, think of it like this: How many kage class students do we know?

Sarutobi
The Sannin
Yondaime
Kakashi
Naruto

How many of them had many years to study with their teachers?

Sarutobi
The Sannin
Yondaime
Naruto

Who are the strongest in that batch? (At their prime anyway.)

Sarutobi
Yondaime
Naruto

Now, Teishi has spent over 10 years in training with Naruto and his comrades. In that time, they develloped countless techniques and lots of other things. Where do you think Naruto and Teishi learned to use weapons? Tenten. Whenever he needed something, he had an appropriate teacher available.

To answer your question, Teishi's definitely Kage class. He underestimates himself a lot because he always compares himself to his teacher.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I think that you are over-estimating Kakashi's strength. While it is true that he is of the highest echilon of Jounin, he isn't strong enough to be considered Kage level. And you left out several people in the Kage-level list. People like Itachi, who is at this point in time, possibly the most powerful person in Naruto. I mean honestly, how can anyone short of Naruto beat Tsukiyomi and Amaterasu? And even he'd need years more training before he could.

Hope that didn't come out too rude.

[LokiNishizaki]

No, you weren't rude at all. But you did misunderstand what I was trying to say.

What I wanted to establish is that generally, those who study under kage level shinobi become kage level shinobi. Kakashi's the exception because his teacher's death interrupted his training. I am fully aware that Kakashi isn't kage level.

Well, think of it like this: How many kage class students do we know?

What I meant by this is more of: How many people do we know that studied under Kage class shinobi.