67 replies to this topic

[Greed-Sama]

Revenge Upon The Avenger

New fiction that I've begun to write that is still in its infancy. Please comment and review on both here and the website to let me know what you think. I would also like to know what readers would like to see incorporated into it.

Thank you. (The Ωmega Man)

[Greed-Sama]

Revenge Upon The Avenger: Coming to Terms

Chapter 2 has just been posted on FF.net

[Hopestar]

Sorry just can't really get into it! It's like watching Sasuke in Naruto's body, unless you can give some perspective of where you're going. Sorry to be such a critic!

[Greed-Sama]

Chapter 3 Choji's Legacy is now up on FF.net

[pharix]

needs faster updates because I'm interested in how it's gonna pan out!

[Greed-Sama]

needs faster updates because I'm interested in how it's gonna pan out!

Haha. Well I do have college. Just be thankful it's week updates instead of months like some authors.

[Torxe]

Hi read your fanfics and overall I found them good but here are still some hints:

- Sakura and Ino don't always call each other by forehead and ino-pig only when they have some kind of arguement

- Kakashi doesn't refer to to Tsunade as Tsunade-dono (?)

- And you could refrain from using in the middle of the text some japanese words, it really threw my reading off. (like teme or kami) I think I was lucky this time to understand them.

- Sakura refers to often to Naruto as the baka however she never really called him the baka.

But the story is well described (feels like I'm reading the latest HP in english so that's ok),
so look if you want to work on the hints I gave, and keep up the good work .

And you refer to what other pairing we would like but I didn't find a reference to what pairings you're already working on.
Guessing

ino-chouji
NaruSaku
ShikaTema?

as an extra:
LeeTenten (=> could prove a challenge? don't actively support them though)

Edited by Torxe, 15 February 2011 - 08:45 AM.

[Greed-Sama]

Hi read your fanfics and overall I found them good but here are still some hints:

- Sakura and Ino don't always call each other by forehead and ino-pig only when they have some kind of arguement

- Kakashi doesn't refer to to Tsunade as Tsunade-dono (?)

- And you could refrain from using in the middle of the text some japanese words, it really threw my reading off. (like teme or kami) I think I was lucky this time to understand them.

- Sakura refers to often to Naruto as the baka however she never really called him the baka.

But the story is well described (feels like I'm reading the latest HP in english so that's ok),
so look if you want to work on the hints I gave, and keep up the good work .

And you refer to what other pairing we would like but I didn't find a reference to what pairings you're already working on.
Guessing

ino-chouji
NaruSaku
ShikaTema?

as an extra:
LeeTenten (=> could prove a challenge? don't actively support them though)

NaruSaku is the one that is definitely going in there.

As for the others I'm a little unsure. ShikaTema have some nice interactions but it's overly done, plus with this story I'm not so sure Shika will be romance compatible. InoChoji - I haven't decided how I'm going to play Choji's loss to here just yet.

I'm thinking about pairing Gaara with someone.

[Torxe]

Hinata (they're both rather gloomy?)

and what did u think of my hints where they profound (not sure if I'm using the right word)

[Greed-Sama]

Hinata (they're both rather gloomy?)

and what did u think of my hints where they profound (not sure if I'm using the right word)

Yes. Though some explanations. Tsunade-dono is the correct honorific that is used when talking with the Hokage, though it's not always needed and i cut it out in the chapters where Tsunade is present for the most part.

You should read some other fanfictions on the website. Check my profile and look under my favorite stories for Naruto one's. It might show how most fanfic authors write Naruto. There's almost a certain way somethings are written.

[Torxe]

I know I'm going to sound somewhat persistent. But are you saying that you write Tsunade-dono because everyone else does?
I had the impression that you tried to represent the characters personalities as accurate as possible.

[Greed-Sama]

I know I'm going to sound somewhat persistent. But are you saying that you write Tsunade-dono because everyone else does?
I had the impression that you tried to represent the characters personalities as accurate as possible.

Yes. While I try and represent how they sound through dialogue, there are formalities and things that I have to follow. If it makes you feel any better if I use any Japanese words I'll provide a glossary at the bottom to define them.

I only use words like

teme - which means bastard

Kami - which means god (kinda)

baka - which means stupid, idiot

and a few others I can't remember or so.

And I do think I do a fairly decent job of representing the characters as accurately

[Torxe]

Yeah,

I actually understood those words (It's already 2y I watch Naruto English subbed so here and there I know a word Japanese), but it still threw me of although I read in english; somewhere it still gets translated to Dutch and when I encounter a Japanese word I'm like wtf this isn't english, what language is it oh it's japanese and since I can better translate Japanese to english and then to Dutch instead of directly to Dutch there is has a lot been going through my head before I knew what you were talking about.

And I was actually complementing you with the fact that you try to make your characters as accurate as possible hence the shock from Kakashi's Tsunade-dono (i could have somehow lived with -sama) and Sakura's first reference to the baka (I was kinda expecting Sasuke-kun so no prob there).

And I think it's a bummer you have to follow rules when writing a story

[digifruit]

Just for future reference, keep in mind that "teme" doesn't literally mean "bastard"... the misuse of the word "teme" has been perpetuated by fanfic authors for quite a while now. For example, Naruto can only call Sasuke "teme" directly. He wouldn't be able to refer to Sasuke as "teme" when talking to Shikamaru or Sakura. Kind of like how a wife may call her husband "anata" but she'd never refer to her husband in that way when talking to the neighbors

And, like Torxe said, the use of Japanese is an inconvenience to some readers (even when it is properly used). It's tempting to use Japanese words, and all fanfic authors have been guilty of giving into that temptation at one point or another, but it's actually not a good practice. Generally, only use Japanese if you actually have a specific reason for it.

Also, when in doubt, don't try to follow what other fanfiction authors do. All it does is perpetuate false "fanon" cliches. For example, just because half the fanfics out there have the Kyuubi calling Naruto "kit" doesn't make it canon.

And I don't ever recall Tsunade being referred to as "Tsunade-dono" in the anime. I clearly remember the use of "Tsunade-sama" or "Hokage-sama" but not "Tsunade-dono"... can you correct me if I'm wrong? Maybe I'm getting old and can't remember anymore?

[Greed-Sama]

Just for future reference, keep in mind that "teme" doesn't literally mean "bastard"... the misuse of the word "teme" has been perpetuated by fanfic authors for quite a while now. For example, Naruto can only call Sasuke "teme" directly. He wouldn't be able to refer to Sasuke as "teme" when talking to Shikamaru or Sakura. Kind of like how a wife may call her husband "anata" but she'd never refer to her husband in that way when talking to the neighbors

And, like Torxe said, the use of Japanese is an inconvenience to some readers (even when it is properly used). It's tempting to use Japanese words, and all fanfic authors have been guilty of giving into that temptation at one point or another, but it's actually not a good practice. Generally, only use Japanese if you actually have a specific reason for it.

Also, when in doubt, don't try to follow what other fanfiction authors do. All it does is perpetuate false "fanon" cliches. For example, just because half the fanfics out there have the Kyuubi calling Naruto "kit" doesn't make it canon.

And I don't ever recall Tsunade being referred to as "Tsunade-dono" in the anime. I clearly remember the use of "Tsunade-sama" or "Hokage-sama" but not "Tsunade-dono"... can you correct me if I'm wrong? Maybe I'm getting old and can't remember anymore?

I'm well aware of most of these things. But an inconvenience to some makes it better to others. I can't please everyone. I don't follow everything of course, but some things seem to be a must.

[pharix]

teme is like saying "You...!!!"

and I think either other Kages or Daimyos would use -dono

[Greed-Sama]

teme is like saying "You...!!!"

and I think either other Kages or Daimyos would use -dono

Yes I realized my mistake. and I went back and edited them. So thanks for all the constructive criticism. I really appreciate trying to make my story even better than what it is.

Edited by TheOmegaMan, 15 February 2011 - 10:39 PM.

[Fyuria'sLeo]

I really like them and im interested so please update more.

[catsi563]

in regards to the Dono vrs Sama statement let me clarify.

Dono is most often used to denote someone of similar rank or position, or someone deeply respected.

Sama is often used as a title for a person of higher position, such as a hokage or lord or lady.

thusly the people would refer to the following people in certian very specific ways.

Kakashi to Tsunade would be Tsunade Sama (ie Lady Tsunade) or Hoikage Sama (ie Lady hokage) as he is of lower rank then her.

Tsunade to Gaara or vice versa would be Kazekage Dono as both are of equal rank and thusly he would refer to her as Hokage dono. they could also refer to each other as Gaara-sama or Gaara dono, Tsunade Sama or Tsunade dono if the two were close as friends or aquaintences.

In the case of the Daimyo both would refer to him as sama since he out ranks them, he technically would refer to them as dono out of respect for their positions, but they would defer to his authority since he outranks them.

So in essence Dono is used for two people who respect each other and or are of equal rank usually but not limited to royalty. for example people might refer to Naruto as Naruto Dono despite his being a genin he is the savior of the world and thus worthy of a certian respect.

Very few would refer to him as sama but it would not be out of the question either as while he is not royalty he has earned a position of considerable respect for his actions.

[Greed-Sama]

in regards to the Dono vrs Sama statement let me clarify.

Dono is most often used to denote someone of similar rank or position, or someone deeply respected.

Sama is often used as a title for a person of higher position, such as a hokage or lord or lady.

thusly the people would refer to the following people in certian very specific ways.

Kakashi to Tsunade would be Tsunade Sama (ie Lady Tsunade) or Hoikage Sama (ie Lady hokage) as he is of lower rank then her.

Tsunade to Gaara or vice versa would be Kazekage Dono as both are of equal rank and thusly he would refer to her as Hokage dono. they could also refer to each other as Gaara-sama or Gaara dono, Tsunade Sama or Tsunade dono if the two were close as friends or aquaintences.

In the case of the Daimyo both would refer to him as sama since he out ranks them, he technically would refer to them as dono out of respect for their positions, but they would defer to his authority since he outranks them.

So in essence Dono is used for two people who respect each other and or are of equal rank usually but not limited to royalty. for example people might refer to Naruto as Naruto Dono despite his being a genin he is the savior of the world and thus worthy of a certian respect.

Very few would refer to him as sama but it would not be out of the question either as while he is not royalty he has earned a position of considerable respect for his actions.

I appreciate this. I'll keep this in mind for the future.