12 replies to this topic

[uv12345]

Hey I am making a fan fiction narusaku some hints of naruhina but trust me it’s totally focused on narusaku.

The name of the story for now is called “This weird feeling” and it takes place right after the time skip. I think it will be mostly teen but there might be some lemon. So to be safe I am making it mature. Do you think I should change it back to teen? Anyways here is the summery

Ever since Sasuke and Naruto left, Sakura's has been having these horrible nightmares. But what if, one day, a familiar blond kid appears? Whenever Naruto comes close to her, they both get this weird feeling. Naruto has been away from women so long, he can't talk to Sakura like he did when he was a child. And what happens when Sakura starts to have some feelings for him? (credits to adrianna for correcting me)

If you like it just posts below and if I get enough reviews of the summery then I ill start typing the first chapter.

[Danni]

That sounds preety good, So there narusaku & naruhina I like both of the couples. And if you dont get alot of reviews, Dont worry just write on how you think it willl be.So naruto kinda like hinata acting shy, WELL i cant wait for the 1st chapter.

[adrianna]

It sounds good, but to make the readers more interested, you might want to fix some of the grammatical errors.

Ever since Sasuke and Naruto left, Sakura's has been having these horrible nightmares. But what if, one day, a familiar blond kid appears? Whenever Naruto comes close to her, they both get this weird feeling. Naruto has been away from women so long, he can't talk to Sakura like he did when he was a child. And what happens when Sakura starts to have some feelings for him? What will happen? [You might want to change this sentence. It's a bit repetive of the sentence right before it.] Read and find out!!

I think that should be right. *It makes reading it easier, and makes a better impression on the reader, I think. It sounds like an awesome story! B) Do you have a link for it?

[uv12345]

"It sounds good, but to make the readers more interested, you might want to fix some of the grammatical errors."

This was just a fast draft but ill keep that in mind heh heh


oh yea one more thing.... just so you know a little about me. I like fanfics and fanart that atually resemble the characters. I dislike fanfics that the characters say something they would never say. example: "shikamaru: chouji i hate you" I dislike fanart which the character looks nothing like it would in the series. Trust me there is a difference between poorly drawn and purposly drawn. so by this opinion you get to know that my story isnt going to be wacko but there are some things different then the series in the fanfic.

[MonkeysTotallyRock]

okay, you're older than 16, aren't you? cuz otherwise you shouldn't be writing lemon. well, then again, it isn't any of my business. ''^^ sorry.
okay, so first impressions are always important. so, the title, keep it. love it. summary, too long. too boring. it won't fit on the ff.net thing, and so people won't see it. as for the sakunaruhina pairing, it's fine. my story is like that, too. so chill! it's all good. B) anyways, that's my main advice. summary needs fixing. love the plotline by the way. it's nice. it could turn out to be a really successful story.

[uv12345]

okay, you're older than 16, aren't you? cuz otherwise you shouldn't be writing lemon. well, then again, it isn't any of my business. ''^^ sorry.
okay, so first impressions are always important. so, the title, keep it. love it. summary, too long. too boring. it won't fit on the ff.net thing, and so people won't see it. as for the sakunaruhina pairing, it's fine. my story is like that, too. so chill! it's all good. B) anyways, that's my main advice. summary needs fixing. love the plotline by the way. it's nice. it could turn out to be a really successful story.

Lol i really have good ideas but I CAN NEVER EXPRESS THEM

[MonkeysTotallyRock]

yeah, i have the same problem. the ideas always seem so much better in my head. ''^^ ah, well.

[Danni]

So true, I love the title just like what MTR said You need to make you summary a little shorter.

Dont worry here are some hints.
Think about your story in your head, Write important thing down in your story. Express the characters feelings. Write a rough draft, And before you make your finaly dragh re-read it.

Hope that helps and I can't wait to read it.

So true, I love the title just like what MTR said You need to make you summary a little shorter.

Dont worry here are some hints.
Think about your story in your head, Write important thing down in your story. Express the characters feelings. Write a rough draft, And before you make your finaly dragh re-read it.

Hope that helps and I can't wait to read it.

[jmf]

i like it has promise and potential and very good summary set's up the story perfectly.

[Zahrn]

Ever since Sasuke and Naruto left, Sakura's has been having these horrible nightmares. But what if, one day, a familiar blond kid appears? Whenever Naruto comes close to her, they both get this weird feeling. Naruto has been away from women so long, he can't talk to Sakura like he did when he was a child. And what happens when Sakura starts to have some feelings for him? (credits to adrianna for correcting me)

First off, these are my comments. Feel free to use my advice or ignore it.

If this is a summary, you shouldn't have questions for the reader. While stories should naturally have questions, you shouldn't force the reader to come to his own conclusion with your open-ended questions in a summary. Having questions for yourself is fine. Also, I would stay away from using what if so-and-so did this or this event happened.

Also, it sounds like Sakura is the main character of the story, but you gave Naruto a problem ( he cannot talk to Sakura has he did in the past ). I would leave that out unless you make him the main character. Also, you should write your story in Limited Omnipotent. Unlimited Omnipotent becomes to messy in my opinion. The only way to can get around the unlimited issue is having different Point of View chapters. One chapter you have Sakura's PoV, and the next chapter you have Naruto's.

Try to limit your summary to sentence or two.

Things you want to ask yourseif.

What is the theme of your story?
What is Sakura's problem or what does she want? ( Conflict )
What is standing in her way? ( Antagonist )
How will she solve her problem? ( Climax / Resolution )

Going through your summary:

Ever since Sasuke and Naruto left, Sakura's has been having these horrible nightmares.

What is the meaning behind the nightmares? Does these nightmares lead to something else? Possible catalyst to her conflict?

But what if, one day, a familiar blond kid appears?

I would reword this to something like: One day a familar spikey, golden haired kid appeared on the streets of Konoha.

But, so what Naruto appeared?

Whenever Naruto comes close to her, they both get this weird feeling.

As I said before, be careful with Point of View. If you want to show that both characters have this weird feeling, you need to separate them into different chapters.

Naruto has been away from women so long, he can't talk to Sakura like he did when he was a child.

Your story is about Sakura. Doesn't matter if Naruto was gone for a day or three years. I would remove this.

And what happens when Sakura starts to have some feelings for him?

I would reform this into a sentence and not a question. This is what your story should be trying to answer. Is this what Sakura wants? For Naruto to love her. If that is the case, what is standing in her way? Her feelings for Sasuke. How will she solve her problem? Say goodbye to Sasuke.

[MonkeysTotallyRock]

listen to my wisdom that i have developed over two weeks of reading zharn's posts... whatever he says... it's true. listen to him.
p.s. i always called it omniscient and omniscient limited, but anyways, continue.

[Zahrn]

I've seen it called both ways.

[Haruno Sakura]

It sounds nice! (but this is from a noob :sigh:)