9 replies to this topic

[Hitori Kennin]

well this is the thread to discuss Dark Tide, my fist fic. I'm open to anything, so please, discuss!

[MonkeysTotallyRock]

can i have the link please? or if its on ff.net i can just look it up myself.

[Hitori Kennin]

wow i'm stupid....i forgot to leave the link...well here it is.

http://www.narusaku....ory.php?sid=122

[MonkeysTotallyRock]

ah. thank you. will be sure to give constructive criticism (if i can. ''^^ i can't really criticize cuz i'm not a very good author myself. )

[Hitori Kennin]

aright then, go for it

[MonkeysTotallyRock]

okay.
i don't really see the point of the oc character. i think it revolves around your storyline, but don't use oc's unless they're realy essential.
you run into another problem by adding an oc. they have like five man team now?
1) sensei (yamato or kakashi or whatever) 2) sakura 3) naruto 4) sai 5)oc dude...
max is four... and sometimes its even three... that doesn't work out. >.<
yeah.
another thing, is that your chapters are too short. cuz, just when you begin to develop an idea, you end the chapter and leave the reader hanging; it's hard to read. now a cliffhanger can be used as a stylistic method, but that's only when you drop a reader at the climax of a conflict, not when it hasn't fully blossomed. yup.
other than that, you've got a great story line. yup. nice job! :thumbs:

[Canis Black]

Actually, while we rarely see teams larger than four it doesn't mean that there aren't and can't be teams that are larger.

I've not read the fic so I don't know much about the actual story or the OC, I just wanted to point out that teams CAN be larger than the standard four man team. Still, if the team IS larger then it probably needs to be a team put together for a specific mission/purpose; not a permanent basis even if the mission is a long term one.

[Hitori Kennin]

monkey's you're mistaken about the 5 man team part, because i did clearly state in chapter 2, that Sai has returned to his ANBU duties, leaving only Sakura, Naruto and Kakashi. Yamato, was never permanent in the first place.

[MonkeysTotallyRock]

ooh... ''^^ eheh... wasn't reading carefully then. sorry about that.

[Hitori Kennin]

no problem, as said this is a discussion thread, and made for discussing such matters