Like Tricksie said the forum isn't as active as it use to be so getting people to respond to a post can take a little bit of time. I saw your story though, on DA, because I'm the only active admin of the NaruSaku group and you submitted it. Now I wasn't able to read it all because I was busy but aside from that the way it's written makes it very hard to read. If you really want it to work then you need to start all over again. Read other people's stories so you can get an example of how to structure your work. Most people aren't going to read a story that has a dialogue format and that's riddled with notes from the author, no matter how good it is. So focus on the structure first, no dialogue scripts. In other words this...
Naruto-Sasuke come on!!! i don’t wanna fight you let’s go back to the village
Sasuke-no!!!!now let’s end this fight!!!
Naruto-dammit Sauske!!!!!fine!!!
(charge chidori and rasengan...charging at each other)
Sasuke-NARUTO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Naruto-SASUKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Focus on writing from a point of view and stick to it. You can pick writing things from a first person point of view, like from Naruto's or Sasuke's, or you can pick third person. Either way try and stick to that format for most of the story. Keep notes out of your story too. This is very off putting and personally when I'm reading a story and a author note pops up it ruins the effect of being immersed in their story and it ruins the natural flow. So I hope this helps. If you really want feedback put it on FF.Net this is the best place to get reviews from people. Just make sure that when you do it's ready, meaning the format is better, and you've checked for typos. Good luck.
Edited by Konohakitten, 22 November 2016 - 08:01 PM.