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Revenge Upon The Avenger


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#21 Torxe

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Posted 16 February 2011 - 08:41 AM

By now I've read about 10-15 fanfics. And I noticed that some people only use Japanese in the beginning of a sentence. Or just use a full japanese sentence (nothing to lengthy though).

Some however do use japanese words mid-sentence, but for some reason it bothered me less than in the fanics I read from you Omegaman.
Ofcourse it could also be because I get more used to it. Next time I read one of your fanfics (chapter 4 of revenge Upon the Avenger?? HINT... tongue.gif). I will see if that's the case if so I'll let you know.

In support of the Sakura we once knew:

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#22 Greed-Sama

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Posted 16 February 2011 - 08:42 AM

QUOTE (Torxe @ Feb 16 2011, 02:41 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
By now I've read about 10-15 fanfics. And I noticed that some people only use Japanese in the beginning of a sentence. Or just use a full japanese sentence (nothing to lengthy though).

Some however do use japanese words mid-sentence, but for some reason it bothered me less than in the fanics I read from you Omegaman.
Ofcourse it could also be because I get more used to it. Next time I read one of your fanfics (chapter 4 of revenge Upon the Avenger?? HINT... tongue.gif). I will see if that's the case if so I'll let you know.


Well what did you think of their quality? I'm curious if mine's any good compared to theirs.
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#23 Torxe

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Posted 16 February 2011 - 08:59 AM

Quality I can't actually compare, yours follow more or less the original story but with a few major changes to the plot.
Choji and Neji dying


while the others I read where entirely fiction (forgive me for not crediting the author atm I will look him/her up this evening and edit):

fly me to the moon for example.

It had me clustered on the text like I was actually reading a book.

If I really needed to compare it's like (on lvl of story) reading the manga and if I read yours it was like watching the anime
(although with drastic changes and without the crappy animation from time to time or hinata worship and all those flaws of the anime),
you could more or less guess the development of the story, you did surprise me however when you let Shikamaru devise a plan to kill Sasuke WITH the aid of Naruto. But that was about the only surprise the story brought for me thus far.

while those other fanfics are like a totally new story kind of like the sensation of a new chapter you just read as fast as u can to find out what happens in the story.

So do your best to keep me reading your story... (not going to be that hard though really looking forward to chapter 4).

In support of the Sakura we once knew:

Sakura-killing-hinata-naruto-shippuuden-


#24 Greed-Sama

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Posted 16 February 2011 - 09:04 AM

QUOTE (Torxe @ Feb 16 2011, 02:59 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Quality I can't actually compare, yours follow more or less the original story but with a few major changes to the plot.
Choji and Neji dying

while the others I read where entirely fiction (forgive me for not crediting the author atm I will look him/her up this evening and edit):

fly me to the moon for example.

It had me clustered on the text like I was actually reading a book.

If I really needed to compare it's like (on lvl of story) reading the manga and if I read yours it was like watching the anime
(although with drastic changes and without the crappy animation from time to time or hinata worship and all those flaws of the anime),
you could more or less guess the development of the story, you did surprise me however when you let Shikamaru devise a plan to kill Sasuke WITH the aid of Naruto. But that was about the only surprise the story brought for me thus far.

while those other fanfics are like a totally new story kind of like the sensation of a new chapter you just read as fast as u can to find out what happens in the story.

So do your best to keep me reading your story... (not going to be that hard though really looking forward to chapter 4).


Well thanks again. "Fly Me To The Moon" is actually written by Digifruit who I feel is a very talented author with a very creative spin on some of the characters and interactions. What you read is called AU (which means Alternate Universe) my starts as canon but goes to an AU story, and as things get further along the further it gets away from canon. The best way I can describe it is like dropping a rock in a pool. It starts making ripples that continue to grow outward getting bigger and bigger.
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#25 Torxe

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Posted 16 February 2011 - 09:11 AM

You better start writing then instead of posting on forum. tongue.gif

Just kidding ofcourse.

But seriously: when do you think approximately that you will have finished ch4? (Don't rush it though)

A very big minus point of mine is that I easily get addicted to stories/series/games/etc... tongue.gif

PS: I knew i.e. is used for giving examples but could someone please say to me what the abbreviation stands for google just returns industrial engineer huh.gif.
(kinda hope i can at some point put that in front of my name though tongue.gif)

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#26 Greed-Sama

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Posted 16 February 2011 - 09:17 AM

QUOTE (Torxe @ Feb 16 2011, 03:12 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You better start writing then instead of posting on forum. tongue.gif

Just kidding ofcourse.

But seriously: when do you think approximately that you will have finished ch4? (Don't rush it though)

A very big minus point of mine is that I easily get addicted to stories/series/games/etc... tongue.gif

PS: I knew i.e. is used for giving examples but could someone please say to me what the abbreviation stands for google just returns industrial engineer huh.gif.
(kinda hope i can at some point put that in front of my name though tongue.gif)


I'm actually writing as we speak. I post every Friday too so you'll be able to look for it at the point.

Also I'll answer your question about i.e. fully written it's (id est) which is Latin for "That is..."

And we all get addicted to things. But I think getting addicted to stories and series is a lot better than getting addicted to other things out there.
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#27 Torxe

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Posted 16 February 2011 - 09:21 AM

thx, for the explanation. Looking forward to Friday

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#28 Greed-Sama

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Posted 19 February 2011 - 01:07 AM

Revenge Upon The Avenger: A Pinkette In Need has been posted.
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#29 Greed-Sama

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Posted 20 February 2011 - 08:34 PM

So I'm looking for someone on FF.net who might want to beta this story. They would get sneak peeks and such, and be able to help me bounce off ideas so I don't have to ruin things for the general populace. If you're interested P.M. and let me know.
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#30 Torxe

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Posted 22 February 2011 - 01:58 PM

Read the new chapter, tbh the story is getting me into it seems you're kind of leaving the plot from the manga. Liked the talk with Lee and TenTen. Lee was very realistic btw and you don't seem to use japanese words anymore. That or I it was bothering me due to lack of practice in fanfic reading. I you can call that practice.

I'm not much one to give comments on a story and my life's atm to busy to be a beta-reader of any kind and I suspect that after my internship I will need to focus for my exams and 2nd tries for exams in august plus my holiday job (wich is as a waiter in a restaurant/bistro kind of thing). Ad to that that I really want to graduate in September so that I can take the next step to become an engineer. And I know you'll understand that I just don't have time for it. Otherwise I still can give reviews if you'd like. (some are going to be a little late)

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#31 Greed-Sama

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Posted 23 February 2011 - 11:45 AM

So I'm looking for a beta reader. I'm not really looking for someone who will check my grammar or spelling, as I'm usually pretty good about that. I'm looking for someone to bounce ideas off of, to read my latest before it comes out and tell me their reaction.

If you're interested P.M. me at Ff.net.

There isn't a reward I can give you. Though being able to get super secret views on how I work might be considered one. Idk biggrin.gif
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#32 Torxe

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Posted 23 February 2011 - 02:02 PM

there gonna be a new chapter friday?

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#33 Fyuria'sLeo

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Posted 23 February 2011 - 06:51 PM

Good chapter cant wait till the next one.

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#34 Greed-Sama

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Posted 23 February 2011 - 07:06 PM

Actually there may be another chapter Thursday if I everything goes right.
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#35 Fyuria'sLeo

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Posted 23 February 2011 - 08:52 PM

Sweet cant wait.

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#36 Greed-Sama

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Posted 24 February 2011 - 03:17 AM

Chapter 5 The Last Supper is up.
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#37 Fyuria'sLeo

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Posted 24 February 2011 - 04:37 AM

Nice chapter cant wait till the next one.

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#38 Torxe

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Posted 24 February 2011 - 12:18 PM


Just read it and it's an amazing chapter. Though I don't like the fact that Shikamaru began smoking because of Asuma and don't understand the comparison between Shikamaru and Sasuke about the whole traitor thing. Imo didn't betray anyone he just quits not like Sasuke that goes to the biggest enemy of Konoha.

And another minor detail. I'm thinking that this Teuchi guy is a very generous guy he just treated Naruto to 5 bowls of ramen Iruka's not included. tongue.gif

And tbh how you described "suddenly a flash of pink in the corner of his eye" or smthng along those lines I thought Naruto would get punched by sakura or smthng, but that's just me.

Other than that I think you're getting better in writing. Looking forward to the next chapter and Sorry but I don't like to read crossovers, so I won't read your masterpiece. Atm busy reading Mizukage by dragon6 and he uses Hyourinmaru from bleach as Naruto's weapon. If Naruto wasn't such a badass in the story I would stop reading it for that reason alone.

Keep up the good work

Edited by Torxe, 24 February 2011 - 12:20 PM.

In support of the Sakura we once knew:

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#39 Greed-Sama

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Posted 24 February 2011 - 07:27 PM

QUOTE (Torxe @ Feb 24 2011, 06:18 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Just read it and it's an amazing chapter. Though I don't like the fact that Shikamaru began smoking because of Asuma and don't understand the comparison between Shikamaru and Sasuke about the whole traitor thing. Imo didn't betray anyone he just quits not like Sasuke that goes to the biggest enemy of Konoha.

And another minor detail. I'm thinking that this Teuchi guy is a very generous guy he just treated Naruto to 5 bowls of ramen Iruka's not included. tongue.gif

And tbh how you described "suddenly a flash of pink in the corner of his eye" or smthng along those lines I thought Naruto would get punched by sakura or smthng, but that's just me.

Other than that I think you're getting better in writing. Looking forward to the next chapter and Sorry but I don't like to read crossovers, so I won't read your masterpiece. Atm busy reading Mizukage by dragon6 and he uses Hyourinmaru from bleach as Naruto's weapon. If Naruto wasn't such a badass in the story I would stop reading it for that reason alone.

Keep up the good work


Ah that's cool. Though it's not a crossover. It's separate stories with the same original character. That's it.
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#40 Torxe

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Posted 24 February 2011 - 07:36 PM

Going to give the Naruto world one a shot then.

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