Sounding Heartbeats

Holy kitten, it's been such a long time since I've updated this... thing. School holidays started on the 9th so starting from then, I was basically in holiday mode. And I pretty much still am right now. So sorry guys for being such a lazy sloth.

Anyways, I'm not here to blog about how New Years Eve went tonight, or rather last night since it's morning here. Yeah, coming here to not blog about the day destroys the purpose of having a blog, but because this is my personal online journal, I can do whatever the hell I want with this. And right now, I'm here to share something personal. I could have easily made a new thread in the Ichiraku Ramen bar to get people's attention, but since it's more like a statement, testimony, whatever the hell I'm about to write that's personal, I feel that it's more appropriate to post it in the i-Blog section. And because this is my personal statement, I'm posting this in my blog. I'm not running the risk of starting a whole new topic and then having it shut down two minutes later.

kittening hell I've already wasted a whole paragraph on where I'm going to post this piece of kitten that possibly no one's going to read. But whatever. At any rate, it's time to get to the bloody point already. Brace yourself, because this is going to be one long-ass post.

So... wow. Time flies. I can't believe it's already 2012.

Lately I've been talking to friends on the phone, messaging them, hell even my friend came over to my house. My sister was always out and my parents were always busy with work. I needed reliable friends to talk to and to cheer me up. They were there, they listened, and that changed my mood. I've been in numerous communications with God more than ever in my life. He was there, he listened, and that changed my mood as well. Sure, Christmas was a fun event [although it meant more than what the six-year-old me thought it was] but after that I just felt like my whole life went down the drain. Since Christmas, all this time I've been sitting my ass on my bed being a little emo b*tch, and things were not okay. Even now things are still not okay with me.

Pissy. Frustrated. Depressed. Agitated. You name it all. That's all I felt since Christmas.

A lot has happened between Christmas and now, and none of you guys need to know what exactly those issues are. But I have to say this: what the kitten? Despite the kitten I've been going through lately, there's so many people out there that have been going through worse than I have, yet, I never really stopped to think about how kittened up their lives could be compared to mine. And that includes the people here on H&E. I've only focused on my own problems. I put them in front of everything else, and for that I'm sorry.

Yet, I still have that faith inside of me. Even when the going gets tough, and not just now, but every day that will pass in the the year ahead of me, I'm not going to give up that faith on my side. I have a G-O-D, and he is B-I-G, and that is where my F-A-I-T-H is derived from.

And don't think that I'm lying about this so I can get attention. I've thought long and hard about what I'm writing [typing rather] right now. This also isn't just to turn around my life on the internet, but also my life in the real world.

I'm not going to just forget and disregard all the things that have happened during the past year. I'm going to tell my mom, dad and sister how much I love them. I'm going to apologise to them. They all have two jobs. One, the careers they chose to pursue, and two, a full-time job of taking care of the youngest member of the family. In other words, their second job is to take care of me, a girl who can't even get a kittening part-time job until this June. Because yes, that's how young I am. All they ever did was take care of me, and all I ever did was be unthankful and put them down when they did absolutely no wrong. For that, I'm sorry. So this year I'm going to cherish every little second I spend with them as mother and daughter, as father and daughter, as sister and sister, and as a whole family. Our love for each other as a family is what keeps us strong. It's the best gift God has ever given to us as a family. We're holding that in union this year, and forever.

To the most wonderful and epic online friends I've ever had. On H&E, YouTube, MSN, etc. I'm going to apologise to every single person for verbally eating them alive. Whenever I'm in a bad mood and I don't feel like bringing up my issues to people I know in real life, I come online to pretty much vent my anger on my online friends. All you guys ever do is give me a wonderful time in the online world, cheer me up, listen to what I have to say, and yet I just weigh my problems on you. You have the choice to ignore those problems, yet you all choose to listen and make me feel good. I know a lot of people online who are sick and tired of having to listen to someone's real life problems, and having to sympathise just for the sake of sympathising. So for that, I'm sorry, and this year I'll resort to being less pissy online so no one has to continuously deal with my stupid problems that I can solve myself but choose not to.

To the people online and in real life that choose to turn their backs to me for my ditzy and stupid actions. I'm going to apologise to those people because at certain times, they had the right to be angry at me. Yet, I'm the one who gets angry at them. Despite their reasons, which are plausible, the tables are turned and they are the ones to feel guilty when I get angry for either an absolutely stupid reason, or no reason at all, plain and simple. For that I'm sorry, and so this year I'll remember to keep in mind that I must think before I act to prevent kitten like this from happening.

To the people who have just cared for me in general. I'm going to apologise to every single one of you because I didn't think how fortunate I was for having such great friends and family. I wasn't appreciative, I took it for granted, and for that I'm sorry. This year I'll remember to be thankful and reciprocate that care to the rest of you.

And finally, an extended apology to God my creator, and Jesus my saviour, once again coming from the heart.

I put myself and my desires in front of you, your will and what needs to be fulfilled. And for that, I'm truly sorry.

So new year, new start.

I'm going to start clean and fresh again. Using this blog entry/post, my New Years resolution is not to just have all straight A's on my school report at the end of the year, or throw the biggest party of the century, but to turn my life around. I'm doing this for the better. I'm doing this for the benefit of myself, my family, friends, and the lovely people I've met online, including H&E. This year and in the future, I'm going to live my life to the best of my ability, and not just in the real world, but also online. To spread the love and faith and dissolve that little bit of doubt and bitterness that I have within me right now.

This is a prayer to change myself and give me faith. This is a solid and public testament for me to choose the right decisions in life. I pray for the Holy Spirit up there to come guide me and help me succeed in turning this post into something that will point to my future.

And everyone in the house say "I believe it is done".

AMEN!

So everyone, Happy New Year and God bless you all. <3

#61 Toasty Warrior

#62 Rocket

#63 Toasty Warrior

#64 Phantom_999

#65 Rocket

#66 Phantom_999

#67 Toasty Warrior

#68 Rocket

#69 Phantom_999

#70 Rocket

#71 Toasty Warrior

#72 Rocket

#73 Rocket

#74 Rocket

#75 Rocket

#76 Rocket

#77 Toasty Warrior

#78 Toasty Warrior

#79 Phantom_999

#80 Rocket

0 user(s) are reading this topic

Sounding Heartbeats

0 user(s) are reading this topic

Sign In