339 replies to this topic

[Toasty Warrior]

I don't know if I'll make it to my second year on Heaven and Earth.

[Sarge]

OH... just FYI i cast myself as Von Hohenhiem ;D k thanks bye

[Greed-Sama]

This is a character sketch on a short story I'm working on. It's vague for a reason. Tell me what you think.


Chilling silence is mixed with the sound of surging thoughts. It is a potent combination that produces debilitating numbness. But to me it is a saving grace that serves to isolate and protect. The void becomes a tool to repress the sight of the crying masses, dressed in grim black, repress the feel of a smooth yet firm mahogany husk created to protect its contents from the constant strain of weathering and withering, and to repress the words that are about to be spoken by a distant but so familiar voice.

“At the end we are allowed eternal peace. Think of it as our reward for suffering through the agony that this world seems to offer in plenty. This woman was not perfection by any means because there is no such thing, but those that were close to her will mourn her passing. Elissa was a beacon of light in this dark and cruel plane of existence. There are many out in the audience who would attest to that…”

The words shifted to the background. I could feel the sorrow pulsating, as if it originated from an epicenter of energy, much like fire or life. But it had a form of its own, a perpetually flowing and changing force that shaped our lives into a rollercoaster of highs and lows, melancholy the only constant, even in the most joyous of moments. It would hang over the apex of the emotional rise, acting as a looming reminder of the inevitable fall.

I looked down at my watch, the damn thing still broken.

“…Even though we can’t halt time, we can utilize it to the best of our abilities. May she rest in peace.”

With a final breath I ended the eulogy and took a seat in the front pew of the church auditorium. Elissa was always a pious individual. Was heaven even real?

I felt a cold hand caress my shoulder, but did nothing as the young woman whispered in my ear, “Your wife was a beautiful woman.”

Edited by TheOmegaMan, 24 January 2012 - 04:43 AM.

[Dragunov]

This is a character sketch on a short story I'm working on. It's vague for a reason. Tell me what you think.


Chilling silence is mixed with the sound of surging thoughts. It is a potent combination that produces debilitating numbness. But to me it is a saving grace that serves to isolate and protect. The void becomes a tool to repress the sight of the crying masses, dressed in grim black, repress the feel of a smooth yet firm mahogany husk created to protect its contents from the constant strain of weathering and withering, and to repress the words that are about to be spoken by a distant but so familiar voice.

“At the end we are allowed eternal peace. Think of it as our reward for suffering through the agony that this world seems to offer in plenty. This woman was not perfection by any means because there is no such thing, but those that were close to her will mourn her passing. Elissa was a beacon of light in this dark and cruel plane of existence. There are many out in the audience who would attest to that…”

The words shifted to the background. I could feel the sorrow pulsating, as if it originated from an epicenter of energy, much like fire or life. But it had a form of its own, a perpetually flowing and changing force that shaped our lives into a rollercoaster of highs and lows, melancholy the only constant, even in the most joyous of moments. It would hang over the apex of the emotional rise, acting as a looming reminder of the inevitable fall.

I looked down at my watch, the damn thing still broken.

“…Even though we can’t halt time, we can utilize it to the best of our abilities. May she rest in peace.”

With a final breath I ended the eulogy and took a seat in the front pew of the church auditorium. Elissa was always a pious individual. Was heaven even real?

I felt a cold hand caress my shoulder, but did nothing as the young woman whispered in my ear, “Your wife was a beautiful woman.”

According to what you are trying to achieve, the description above is too vague, at least for the formula of a character. It seems more like a development of sentiment, but the growth of a character cannot necessarily be seen here. Sure, the evidence above gives me insight towards the feeling of sadness or melancholy that this individual feels, but how does it apply to the character? How does this incident change him? Where is his growth, or his change, or even yet his foundation as a personality? Try to express his change in actions, and you should be able to achieve your goal.

[Greed-Sama]

According to what you are trying to achieve, the description above is too vague, at least for the formula of a character. It seems more like a development of sentiment, but the growth of a character cannot necessarily be seen here. Sure, the evidence above gives me insight towards the feeling of sadness or melancholy that this individual feels, but how does it apply to the character? How does this incident change him? Where is his growth, or his change, or even yet his foundation as a personality? Try to express his change in actions, and you should be able to achieve your goal.

It's a description. It tells about his character and the base traits. There is no action in it yes as we aren't working on the plot structure yet. Though I do have something in mind. Try and read a bit deeper and see everything you can gather from this page description about this character.

[Dragunov]

Hmm... I think I can see what you're trying to do. How long before your entire piece is complete?

[Greed-Sama]

Hmm... I think I can see what you're trying to do. How long before your entire piece is complete?

I'll be finishing in March. It's my midterm for the class.

[Toasty Warrior]

Hey Omega, you ever going to finish your other stories you posted or are they in limbo right now?

[Greed-Sama]

Hey Omega, you ever going to finish your other stories you posted or are they in limbo right now?

Some of them have been updated. But for the most part, I'm having a hard time trying to find time to write them; however, I do plan on finishing them so don't worry.

[digifruit]

I like how the line about the broken watch was immediately followed by an excerpt from the eulogy about halting time. Twas very cool

[Toasty Warrior]

Good to hear you haven't given up on your stories Omega.

[Amy-chan]

...........here......

[Greed-Sama]

That's fantastic, Amy. Keep drawing. You're really good.

[Greed-Sama]

Today flat out sucked.

So I'm new to relationships...or whatever I want to call this. And today I said something stupid and I got in a fight because of it. My mind works too fast for it's own good sometimes.

Edited by TheOmegaMan, 27 January 2012 - 06:49 AM.

[Sarge]

My friend, let me tie you to this tree to give u some advice so you don't run away (cause i do that apparently...)

in a relationship you are gonna say a lot of things that are stupid some may be the right thing to say but over all a majority will be kinda of ill placed or just down right stupid. (trust me i know) I've done a lot of stupid stuff in my days I'm a goof-ball and you know that but the biggest thing is to live without regrets and i know the mind thing... mine never stops running. i swear i have a psychotic streak of something in my head or something idk... but besides me, u always got me buddy your old rival Kakashi your a good gai. oh my all the puns!! i hope you enjoy this but life is an adventure you just gotta keep moving forward

[Anguyen92]

Today flat out sucked.

So I'm new to relationships...or whatever I want to call this. And today I said something stupid and I got in a fight because of it. My mind works too fast for it's own good sometimes.

Ahhh yes, I've been there a good amount of times during 8-10th grade with you-know-who, and its not pretty. At this point, anything you say and do to fix the situation is going to turn ugly. So the only way to fix this is to just let it simmer down for a good amount of the time until it is actually pretty clear that they want to talk to you again. Now, I know it sucks waiting, and it took me three years before she and I were on good terms where it was pretty clear that we were on good terms as oppose to her shunting me, worst years of my life, but oh crap this is dragging too long.

Ok, scratch all of the above, what is the situation?

[Mole]

My friend, let me tie you to this tree to give u some advice so you don't run away (cause i do that apparently...)

in a relationship you are gonna say a lot of things that are stupid some may be the right thing to say but over all a majority will be kinda of ill placed or just down right stupid. (trust me i know) I've done a lot of stupid stuff in my days I'm a goof-ball and you know that but the biggest thing is to live without regrets and i know the mind thing... mine never stops running. i swear i have a psychotic streak of something in my head or something idk... but besides me, u always got me buddy your old rival Kakashi your a good gai. oh my all the puns!! i hope you enjoy this but life is an adventure you just gotta keep moving forward

I wasn't going to say anything but... Good grief, man! The emoticons! You've put me to shame!

Oh, and yeah, people are stupid by nature. Don't worry about it Just remember you're always wrong and you'll go far, kid.

Edited by Mole, 27 January 2012 - 05:21 AM.

[Greed-Sama]

Ahhh yes, I've been there a good amount of times during 8-10th grade with you-know-who, and its not pretty. At this point, anything you say and do to fix the situation is going to turn ugly. So the only way to fix this is to just let it simmer down for a good amount of the time until it is actually pretty clear that they want to talk to you again. Now, I know it sucks waiting, and it took me three years before she and I were on good terms where it was pretty clear that we were on good terms as oppose to her shunting me, worst years of my life, but oh crap this is dragging too long.

Ok, scratch all of the above, what is the situation?

I don't want to delve into details for privacy reasons, but it boils down to me being human and not as powerful as I would like to believe.

[Anguyen92]

I don't want to delve into details for privacy reasons, but it boils down to me being human and not as powerful as I would like to believe.

Ok, I had that as well and all you need is something to make you humble and this is one of them, but whatever you do, don't ask what I (you) can do to make it better. Always test the waters out to make sure that you satisfy the person's needs without degrading yourself.

Edited by Anguyen92, 27 January 2012 - 05:22 AM.

[Greed-Sama]

Ok, I had that as well and all you need is something to make you humble and this is one of them, but whatever you do, don't ask what I (you) can do to make it better. Always test the waters out to make sure that you satisfy the person's needs without degrading yourself.

What do you mean?