51 replies to this topic

[Yoshimoya]

Well this has come up a lot recently with my family and I wouldn't really feel comfortable bringing this up with my friends at school, don't want to be seen as a philosophical weirdo or something if it's avoidable. xD.
But I've been talking a lot about how I've wanted a girlfriend and whatnot and how society today is so superficial, at least in America. All I heard with my friends is looks looks looks looks. Like honestly I can safely claim that 90% of highschool relationships are based on physical alone. Back then couples would be able to last through highschool and college and become sweehearts then end up marrying eachother, but I've been told and I can even SEE it that that won't be the case nowadays. I can't even claim it as "rare" because I think it's way more intense than that.

Don't get me wrong I fall into that temptation that society presents too us all too much sometimes and just want to get after a girl cause she's hot. But at the end of the day I'm more real than that. But it's sad to see everyone aiming for that and relationships happening only because of that. Anyone in highschool would get what I mean, teenagers are so superficial and immature honestly. Is it that I'm more mature than our average teen? But like I see all those rappers and whatnot they're like adults already and yet the indulge in that stuff because they can, they're rich, they're swag, they're getting high everyday. There's a lot more I can add to this fear I have of our society today and whether I'll be able to find my true love and whatnot, but I'm not confident I'd be able to get it out right yet without having some flaw in what I say. If anyone knows the ideal kind of love I'm talking about can be seen in the anime "ToraDora" for anyone who's watched that... and of course in the mature relationships my family has... however my uncle who's younger than most of my family fell hard to society and is going through a lot of kitten for cheating. I just think it's kind of absurd how obvious the problem is and that people still cease to do almost nothing about it.

I just got done talking to this girl friend of mine and she said "If you look past looks you get onto feelings... i dont do feelings" She's pretty cute and she hooks up occasionally, I think it's due to her internal issues that cause her to not "do feelings" but still that mentality about "looks first and foremost" is way too profound and common in all my friends and heck... teenagers today! People talk the talk like me of course, but don't walk the walk. It's so frustrating because I have never felt anyone real due to this stupidity spreading around like a disease.

Everyone just believe in sex and I can't even imagine any of the girl friends I know today knowing what the purest form of love is without sex involved. You don't NEED sex, at least I hope not... because to me I really value my virginity and I want it to be intimate for my whole life, not just some pleasure toy. OF COURSE I DO SOMETIMES but when I see the purest love in animes like Toradora, Clannad, any other dramatic/love romance movie (mostly foreign since americas so fond of sexual freedom) and in my family I simply forget the stupid ass pleasure that our shallow world wants and invests in so much today and desire the intimate true and pure love I see in other's relationships. No doubt physical attraction is a factor but it's definitely not primary and I lose my drive to find an intimate relationships because people commonly make looks a primary factor. MY WILL gets weak and I sometimes just want to mess around and you know.

I spoke like this once with my Uncle and he told me "thats just cause youre a virgin" he said "its like a vampire tasting blood, they cant help it they just want more" And that really threw me off because I looked up to my uncle so my drive was further weakened then... I felt like I was abnormal and that I will be a loser who never gets shagged you know? But then if you look at my uncle now he has a ruined marriage for cheating. I was thinking ",maybe that doesnt happen to every guy who invests ingetting the most girls sleeping with the most girls" so it'd be okay and its even GLORIFIED nowadays... I'm just really lost and could use some input. I know I'm young and I should have fun, but I get afraid that I'm adding to the "common mentality" of superficiality and indulging in pleasure.

[Fox-And-Flower]

Well this has come up a lot recently with my family and I wouldn't really feel comfortable bringing this up with my friends at school, don't want to be seen as a philosophical weirdo or something if it's avoidable. xD.
But I've been talking a lot about how I've wanted a girlfriend and whatnot and how society today is so superficial, at least in America. All I heard with my friends is looks looks looks looks. Like honestly I can safely claim that 90% of highschool relationships are based on physical alone. Back then couples would be able to last through highschool and college and become sweehearts then end up marrying eachother, but I've been told and I can even SEE it that that won't be the case nowadays. I can't even claim it as "rare" because I think it's way more intense than that.

Don't get me wrong I fall into that temptation that society presents too us all too much sometimes and just want to get after a girl cause she's hot. But at the end of the day I'm more real than that. But it's sad to see everyone aiming for that and relationships happening only because of that. Anyone in highschool would get what I mean, teenagers are so superficial and immature honestly. Is it that I'm more mature than our average teen? But like I see all those rappers and whatnot they're like adults already and yet the indulge in that stuff because they can, they're rich, they're swag, they're getting high everyday. There's a lot more I can add to this fear I have of our society today and whether I'll be able to find my true love and whatnot, but I'm not confident I'd be able to get it out right yet without having some flaw in what I say. If anyone knows the ideal kind of love I'm talking about can be seen in the anime "ToraDora" for anyone who's watched that... and of course in the mature relationships my family has... however my uncle who's younger than most of my family fell hard to society and is going through a lot of kitten for cheating. I just think it's kind of absurd how obvious the problem is and that people still cease to do almost nothing about it.

I just got done talking to this girl friend of mine and she said "If you look past looks you get onto feelings... i dont do feelings" She's pretty cute and she hooks up occasionally, I think it's due to her internal issues that cause her to not "do feelings" but still that mentality about "looks first and foremost" is way too profound and common in all my friends and heck... teenagers today! People talk the talk like me of course, but don't walk the walk. It's so frustrating because I have never felt anyone real due to this stupidity spreading around like a disease.

Everyone just believe in sex and I can't even imagine any of the girl friends I know today knowing what the purest form of love is without sex involved. You don't NEED sex, at least I hope not... because to me I really value my virginity and I want it to be intimate for my whole life, not just some pleasure toy. OF COURSE I DO SOMETIMES but when I see the purest love in animes like Toradora, Clannad, any other dramatic/love romance movie (mostly foreign since americas so fond of sexual freedom) and in my family I simply forget the stupid ass pleasure that our shallow world wants and invests in so much today and desire the intimate true and pure love I see in other's relationships. No doubt physical attraction is a factor but it's definitely not primary and I lose my drive to find an intimate relationships because people commonly make looks a primary factor. MY WILL gets weak and I sometimes just want to mess around and you know.

I spoke like this once with my Uncle and he told me "thats just cause youre a virgin" he said "its like a vampire tasting blood, they cant help it they just want more" And that really threw me off because I looked up to my uncle so my drive was further weakened then... I felt like I was abnormal and that I will be a loser who never gets shagged you know? But then if you look at my uncle now he has a ruined marriage for cheating. I was thinking ",maybe that doesnt happen to every guy who invests ingetting the most girls sleeping with the most girls" so it'd be okay and its even GLORIFIED nowadays... I'm just really lost and could use some input. I know I'm young and I should have fun, but I get afraid that I'm adding to the "common mentality" of superficiality and indulging in pleasure.

You know, Its reading a post like this, written by a 16 year old, that i dont lose hope in society (much)

I agree with you 110%. You're not wierd, you're not abnormal, and dont let anyone ever tell you otherwise! This is your belief. You have values. A lot of people dont even have any by the time they hit 40!!

I started dating my boyfriend in the 9th grade, we were together for a year, and I split with him because I told him I wasnt ready for anything serious, I was scared and nervous. He was my first boyfriend. a year and a half later, I told him everything, and we got back together. We are still together today, and i'm in my second year of college.

I'll let you in on something personal. I'm 19 years old, and I lost my virginity to him 4 days ago. Most of my friends lost it at 14/15/16... but i waited until i was ready, and with someone i care about.
And when i did, it was nerve wracking and a little embarassing, but i honestly felt like there was no one i could trust more at that moment. We laughed a lot that night, and I think thats the best. When you can learn with eachother that way, and,make mistakes and laugh about it together.

I thought I would have a hard time finding a boyfriend with my beliefs too. I dont even drink and i've never touched a cigarette.( My family raised me strict and we are a pretty old fashioned italian family, and i think they taught me very well.)

but i did meet someone. So dont get your hopes down. From what you said, a girl would be lucky to have you!

[Fyuria'sLeo]

I understand you completely, I have been rejected by every girl ive asked out, im one of those nice guys who think emotion is the key to a good realationship. But keep looking theres someone out there for you.

[Yoshimoya]

You know, Its reading a post like this, written by a 16 year old, that i dont lose hope in society (much)

I agree with you 110%. You're not wierd, you're not abnormal, and dont let anyone ever tell you otherwise! This is your belief. You have values. A lot of people dont even have any by the time they hit 40!!

I started dating my boyfriend in the 9th grade, we were together for a year, and I split with him because I told him I wasnt ready for anything serious, I was scared and nervous. He was my first boyfriend. a year and a half later, I told him everything, and we got back together. We are still together today, and i'm in my second year of college.

I'll let you in on something personal. I'm 19 years old, and I lost my virginity to him 4 days ago. Most of my friends lost it at 14/15/16... but i waited until i was ready, and with someone i care about.
And when i did, it was nerve wracking and a little embarassing, but i honestly felt like there was no one i could trust more at that moment. We laughed a lot that night, and I think thats the best. When you can learn with eachother that way, and,make mistakes and laugh about it together.

I thought I would have a hard time finding a boyfriend with my beliefs too. I dont even drink and i've never touched a cigarette.( My family raised me strict and we are a pretty old fashioned italian family, and i think they taught me very well.)

but i did meet someone. So dont get your hopes down. From what you said, a girl would be lucky to have you!

Thank you. And thank you for sharing that personal information as an example also you didn't have to do that, appreciate it! I understand that I'm not weird and abnormal now but you know with like all the good lookings couples and "cool" kids who smoke out, drink, party and stuff, like sometimes I just want to fall into that and have fun even though it'd only be temporary for me. I've actually fallen that far somewhat at a point, however, got into trouble recently and fixing that up... But yeah in the end I really want what you have with that boyfriend of yours you've dated in high school and dating currently. Sounds real nice you know. And yeah same here most people I know have done it. The only reason they haven't is because they probably couldn't get a girl to yet, cause trust me most of my friends are just itching too... And yeah it's not like I don't want to but my standards in a girl are so high and really all I see is superficial a**holes nowadays.

How could I know if a girl's worth it? If she has similar values to me?

I've never had my first kiss with anyone before... well not with someone I truly like. I've hooked up and stupid spin the bottle haha but that's nothing. But like now I'm trying to decide that that's not me... I want something special but it just gets so frustrating because people glorify the "player" nowadays. I get afraid to get close to a girl because if I build upon that relationship and gain attachment in the end she ends up just being superficial and kitten. Like one girl, who was my best friend for a long time 2 years ago I liked her but she didn't wanna get with me because (she told me recently why cause i asked her) that she wasn't physically attracted to me. Now she's a girl who's hooked up countless times, had countless boyfriends, and lost her vcard already. Pretty much a hoe. Still hot... but yeah. and then the day that this other chick tells me I'm cute and I get so confused. Girls make my confidence high, then low, then high, then low. Honestly girls confuse/piss me off haha.

So with all these mixed signals I get caught up thinking... should I aim to be a player and get the most girls/whatnot, be glorified for that ish. or stay true to my beliefs and wait for that one girl? I think I put too much thought into "staying true" that I end up not putting myself "out there" that much anymore. Because when a girl is superficial or like that hoe who told me i wasn't physically attractive to her, it hurts... and I get scared to start something again with another chick, because I start thinking looks are everything and stuff. Idk, Im that kind of guy who's cute to some chicks but ugly to others...? It's mostly the mexican, darker girls who think im cute and the asian girls dont think so as much... (im filipino/central american) The thing is I have a thing for asian girls haha... that's probably another factor. I feel that if girls were more open to the emotional/caring side of guys rather than looks as much than relationships would be a lot healthier/maturer nowadays. Cause look what high school did to me haha.. I can't decide if I'm good looking or not and I develop a complex about my looks -.-

[Darth Krypt]

Boys look for girls to sleep with. But men look for girls worth waking up with. I'll tell you that I have never been in a serious relationship before. Those with emotional feelings anyway. All of my past flings were purely because of physical attraction and that made me think, "I don't want this". Most of my friends did the same thing and they broke up after awhile. Now what I look for in a relationship is long-term, the kind of person that you will stay with for a long time. Not those driven by lust and impulses which is what most relationships are nowadays. It doesn't help that the media is encouraging this kind of relationships. If you like someone, make sure you don't just like her for her looks, but her character too. Remember, looks are what makes you attracted to someone, but personality is the one that will make you stay.

[Nee-sama]

I'm someone who had sex at 16. I was attracted to this guy for physical reasons, and I let those feelings get the best of me. I seriously regret it now, even though we were a couple for a year and a half. The guy made me laugh but he was a dumbass!

So that's the road you're thinking about taking. I think if you give in to the hype you will also regret it, although maybe not for a while. I just wanted to tell you that there are people out there who save themselves for marriage, who don't look for the superficial ideal. They are a quiet minority but they exist! You are so not alone for thinking the way you do.

As a 16 year old I know the temptation is high. Really very high. Hormones are flying around like mosquitoes in a swamp. But I think the best thing you could do right now is to concentrate on yourself. Get your priorities straight. Go to college and start a career. High school is such a sludge pit, why would you want to pick a life mate from there anyway?

Let me just tell you that the difference in maturity between teens and 20s is vast. And I'll tell you something about sex. It sucks the first time. Even if you're a guy. And it never goes the way movies portray it. Sex gets better when you have it with one significant person, repeatedly. So waiting for marriage can be very rewarding once you get through the wait!

[alexander]

Well, I will give my opinion, even thought it's not very positive at all.
In all this years living in this society that bombaded you with radical cultural changes and showing new trends, I grew to somehow not like them, and after all this years I finally realized why. Because it's just shallow, society is shallow, people are shallow, perhaps because it makes thing more easy, and also more empty. And in the end the purity of animes and mangas that you mentioned, it's just an shadow of something we will never reach (probally), today relationships can't be pure, because most of us totally lost our senses of purity. I have been 16 once just like you, and like you all I wanted was an relationship that is meaningful, but I never founded it, mostily because I was too insecure to persuade it, and when I finally did, I regreated it. Let me tell you an story of mine. When I was 16 and on highschool, there was an girl that I liked, more than any other in my life, she was my classmate, and there would be no day that I would not think about her, she was everything I wanted: beaultifull, cool, charming and loving, and for two whole years, I stayed quiet, I were good friends with her, but never said anything to her, I was afraid to ruin what we had, then after school was over and we took our separated paths, even tought we still kept in touch by email, and six months later, I found out that she was working part time on an store I knew, I don't know why but I knew I had to go talk to her. That was by an slingshot to most embarassing and awkward moment in my live, but I was so happy at the same time, since I finally said how I feel, and then we agreed to set up a date when we both had some spare time. However, this is when things fell apart, I came to visit her over 6 times on her job, I casually called her trying to set up a day for us to meet, but every time, there was an excuse, after many tries, I realized, she didn't wanted to see me, my visits were actually bothering her, and the more I tried, the more displeased she looked, and then I stopped visiting her, and one last time I tried to call her, only to discover she changed her number, then I knew it, she never liked me, and probally felt too sorry for me to even reject me personally. And that was the end of it, I was crushed, furious, I feel apart. And after many weeks thinking about it, I had an Epiphany, I asked myself, why do I need so desperadely pursue an relationship? Because of emotional needs? Because of society preassure? I don't need a relationship, that it's just something society and culture try to smash on your head, you don't necessarily need to pursue love, you can be on your on, you can have work, friend, and even hapiness without an romantic life, is for you to choose. So, in the end, if you feel that you can't find someone that match your ideals, it fine, just let it go, it's better then just pursue something you will regret for the rest of your life.

Edited by alexander, 26 September 2011 - 03:54 PM.

[shadow_Uzumaki]

I'm 19, still haven't had a girlfriend. Do I care? Kinda, but chasing after the same girl for almost 4 years has pretty much emotionally burnt me out. It'd be nice for me to get a girlfriend, but eh. It's cliche but stay true to your beliefs, but be realistic that hormones, emotions, feelings can lead to something happening that you may not be prepared for but happens anyway. Don't freak out and try to keep your cool for the aftermath.


Also, stay away from alcohol, drugs, tobacco...Yadda yadda, all that warning stuff. They complicate things.

Edited by shadow_Uzumaki, 26 September 2011 - 05:45 PM.

[Nate River]

I don't think your weird either. I grew up in the 1990's and didn't have my first girlfriend until I was 16 and even that was not very serious. I didn't enter into a serious one until I was 22 and that was with the woman I married. I didn't have sex until I was 27. I wanted to wait until I was married and I did. My wife was the same. So, you are definitely not alone.

When I was in highschool I remember feeling pressured. Not so much from a sexual aspect, but that by the time I was sixteen I felt that you had to have done XYZ and got into a relationship with a girl without having a clue and, to be honest, not really being in love with her at all, not even superficially. I don't remember feeling any connection. The result was a short lived relationship where nothing happened. The break-up was uneventful, but I still regret that to this day, because I got into it for all the wrong reasons and wasn't a particularly good boyfriend. We shouldn't have gotten together and I got into one for all the wrong reasons.

Let me just tell you that the difference in maturity between teens and 20s is vast. And I'll tell you something about sex. It sucks the first time. Even if you're a guy. And it never goes the way movies portray it. Sex gets better when you have it with one significant person, repeatedly. So waiting for marriage can be very rewarding once you get through the wait!

Couldn't agree more.

The first time is glorified to no end, but it's awkward, clumsy, and for women, painful. The expectations on what it should and what it actually is are light years apart.

[Amy-chan]

Im only 15 so I might not be much of a help, stick with the way your thinking now. As shadow said Hormones will be you biggest concern if you get into a realationship. Also there are some girls out there that have those kind of beliefs too, So keep looking and some day you'll find the right person. And Im waiting for the right person to give my virginity to aswell.

Edited by Amy-chan, 26 September 2011 - 09:33 PM.

[CloudMountainJuror]

I'm 16 right now as well, and to tell you the truth, I don't plan on having sex or anything close until I find the right person (and am preferably at least 18 years old). My thoughts aren't organized enough to type out nearly as much as the others lol, but I just wanted to let you know for 100% sure that you're not alone in thinking this way.

[Anguyen92]

Well, I might as well contribute to this thread at the age of 19. But, three years ago, at the age of 16, my mind was only focusing on school, poker dreams, rebuilding my social life after a somewhat of a meltdown during 14 and 15, I'm not going to get into that for various reasons. But yep, never once that having sex at that age came into my mind during that time. Also, because of the fact, that my colleagues called me Dirk Sledgehammer, because they played the fact that they thought that I was a porn star so that time, so that discourages me into thinking about sex. Plus, the fact that I had feelings for a girl and I was only focusing on the process of rebuilding that foundation, that we once had (And that was successfully done, we're still friends though we hadn't talk to each other for a year, but we will talk to each other, eventually).

The fact of the matter is that its always nice that as oppose to getting into bed with someone too quickly, that you had to build a foundation with someone. Talk for hours and never be bored of it, have a blast with each other in anything you guys do.

To sum this all up, yep, you're not alone in this kind of matter.

Edited by Anguyen92, 26 September 2011 - 09:18 PM.

[TheBerserkMoogle]

I've got the same problem, as I'm sure a lot of other people do. I always hear about the preps having a new girlfriend each week, about "Hey dude, I totally did it with Samantha!" and that sort of thing. It always pisses me off internally every time I hear that because I think they're throwing their life away. It also pisses me off how I feel like I'm the one who's going to do well in life, yet I'm almost always ignored. There's a friend of mine who supposedly likes me, and I honestly feel disgusted every time I think or hear about it. I know that she doesn't like me for me, because I hardly ever talk to her. It's highly unlikely that she knows very much about me, in other words. I'm not trying to say that I'm immune to the sex drive, because frankly I'm not. I get urges every now and then, as I'm sure everyone else does. I suppose that my main problem is that I'm pretty shy when it comes to actually asking someone out. I've probably had... Six crushes since I began kindergarten, yet I've never had a girlfriend because I've never had the guts to actually ask them out. Right now I look upon society and ask, "Why?", Why must everything be based off of sex? Why must a relationship come so easy to others that they don't even ackknowledge it, and I not be able to have even one? Why can't everyone realize that it's dumb to base your life solely on sex? The worst part is that my friends seem to have fallen for the dang media in this regard. One time I was asked, "If you could marry the hottest girl in the world right now, would you?" and of course dumb me answered. "No." My reply was immediately answered with "Are you gay?", and all I said outwardly was, "Of course not." In my mind I was seething with disgust at how this person immediately assumes I'm gay just because I said no to his question. What right does he have to think he knows my sexuality just because of a simple question? How does he know what my feelings are? Does he even think I could not have a sex based life? Anyway, thank you for making the topic. This sort of thing has been nipping at my mind for a while now.

[CloudMountainJuror]

I've got the same problem, as I'm sure a lot of other people do. I always hear about the preps having a new girlfriend each week, about "Hey dude, I totally did it with Samantha!" and that sort of thing. It always pisses me off internally every time I hear that because I think they're throwing their life away. It also pisses me off how I feel like I'm the one who's going to do well in life, yet I'm almost always ignored. There's a friend of mine who supposedly likes me, and I honestly feel disgusted every time I think or hear about it. I know that she doesn't like me for me, because I hardly ever talk to her. It's highly unlikely that she knows very much about me, in other words. I'm not trying to say that I'm immune to the sex drive, because frankly I'm not. I get urges every now and then, as I'm sure everyone else does. I suppose that my main problem is that I'm pretty shy when it comes to actually asking someone out. I've probably had... Six crushes since I began kindergarten, yet I've never had a girlfriend because I've never had the guts to actually ask them out. Right now I look upon society and ask, "Why?", Why must everything be based off of sex? Why must a relationship come so easy to others that they don't even ackknowledge it, and I not be able to have even one? Why can't everyone realize that it's dumb to base your life solely on sex? The worst part is that my friends seem to have fallen for the dang media in this regard. One time I was asked, "If you could marry the hottest girl in the world right now, would you?" and of course dumb me answered. "No." My reply was immediately answered with "Are you gay?", and all I said outwardly was, "Of course not." In my mind I was seething with disgust at how this person immediately assumes I'm gay just because I said no to his question. What right does he have to think he knows my sexuality just because of a simple question? How does he know what my feelings are? Does he even think I could not have a sex based life? Anyway, thank you for making the topic. This sort of thing has been nipping at my mind for a while now.

@bolded
Wow...that's just outrageous, them saying that. I hate how most people my age are thinking like that; it pisses me off.
Thank you for sharing that, though; it was very well put

Edited by zacrathedemon5, 26 September 2011 - 09:55 PM.

[Darth Krypt]

One time I was asked, "If you could marry the hottest girl in the world right now, would you?" and of course dumb me answered. "No."

Well the answer should be obvious at the bolded part. Why would you marry someone just because she's the hottest? Like I said in my post above, looks attract, personality makes you stay. Is that why there's alot of divorce cases? God I really hope I don't end up like that. Oh and I totally understand you in people calling you gay. I had hot girls who asked me why I didn't show any interest in her and then asked me the same question. Well I'm sorry but your personality isn't attracting me. But in the end I just said no so I won't hurt their feelings.

[Yoshimoya]

Thanks for all the input guys/girls! So I should just pick up myself and get myself secure first and not think much about a relationship huh? Cause highschools sort of a sludge place as someone said up there ^ but then what do I do in the girl department then? Just chill, but that would be boring.... like I should like act on it if I think a girl is cute but not to the harmful extent? When is it harmful and superficial? I'm pretty sure I can tell if it's not superficial if I ever get in a relationship.. but like the superficialness around me makes me concious you know.

I think it's not only a problem how shallow/superfcial/lusty relationships start and exist nowadays, but how they make the average teenager feel.. Cause I look all around and i'm most definitely not the only insecure one. But I can only worry so much about them... it gets to me often. Like sometimes I can talk a girls ear off yet im still in the friend zone -.- in the end just telling me it was my looks. (like my story with my best girl friend from long time ago) like i hate thinking that a girl has to think im cute before i even try getting at her... sucks. some girls do think im cute but like the ones i wanna get at dont haha.

Edited by Yoshimoya, 29 September 2011 - 01:16 AM.

[Darth Krypt]

^^ You should make friends with a hot girl and ask her how she handles it. She will always ask herself whether a guy likes her for her looks or her character.

[ia3]

Thanks for all the input guys/girls! So I should just pick up myself and get myself secure first and not think much about a relationship huh? Cause highschools sort of a sludge place as someone said up there ^ but then what do I do in the girl department then? Just chill, but that would be boring.... like I should like act on it if I think a girl is cute but not to the harmful extent?

I don't claim to be an expert. But my 2 cents it that when you are single, your focus should be on you. Build yourself up and be the person you want to be. Learn new things all the time, always remember that there are things about yourself that can be improved, and work on them. At the end of the day, you don't lose out by doing this, and you can still "just chill" with regards to the girls. Don't look, don't be desperate and just take your time. You're 16 and have your entire life ahead of you. What's the rush?

It's a great feeling, being with someone. But relationships are sorta double edged swords in some ways in my opinion. The ups and downs really affect you too, especially if you really do care as much as you seem to. If you like a girl, get to know her. If a girl likes you, don't lead her on but get to know her anyway. There's no harm in being friendly eh? And all this talk about "being superficial" etc., do you think you might be a little too quick to judge people yourself? You say people don't take the time to know you, but it seems like you may be dismissing a few people too soon yourself. Again, if you disagree, I bow to superior circumstancial knowledge.

[Nee-sama]

^ Very well said.

[KonaKonaFan]

I'm someone who had sex at 16. I was attracted to this guy for physical reasons, and I let those feelings get the best of me. I seriously regret it now, even though we were a couple for a year and a half. The guy made me laugh but he was a dumbass!

So that's the road you're thinking about taking. I think if you give in to the hype you will also regret it, although maybe not for a while. I just wanted to tell you that there are people out there who save themselves for marriage, who don't look for the superficial ideal. They are a quiet minority but they exist! You are so not alone for thinking the way you do.

As a 16 year old I know the temptation is high. Really very high. Hormones are flying around like mosquitoes in a swamp. But I think the best thing you could do right now is to concentrate on yourself. Get your priorities straight. Go to college and start a career. High school is such a sludge pit, why would you want to pick a life mate from there anyway?

Let me just tell you that the difference in maturity between teens and 20s is vast. And I'll tell you something about sex. It sucks the first time. Even if you're a guy. And it never goes the way movies portray it. Sex gets better when you have it with one significant person, repeatedly. So waiting for marriage can be very rewarding once you get through the wait!

This, and similar advice, and, well, my religion, is the reason I'm waiting untill marriage.