16 replies to this topic

[TheVileOne]

Hey guys. I finally took it upon myself to get into this. So I'm now in the middle of writing what I hope will be the ultimate Naruto/Sakura lemon fanfic. My idea is starting with this and then making a whole action adventure story around it, but I'm not ready to do that yet.

Basically, I've gotten the set-up and first half done. I'm not ready to post it on FF.net, mediaminer, AFF.net, etc. because I want a lot done before I start uploading. It disappoints me when promising fics start, go a while, and then just suddenly stop.

So I was wondering if I could post the first half here and if anyone could read it and give me their thoughts.

My basic take on it is that I am big on TLC. And I love the angle of Sakura giving Naruto some sexual healing since she's a medic and all. I want to show Sakura using her aggressive side in a more sexual and seductive way, and I want to show Naruto being the truly kind, gentle, and unselfish person we all know he really he is. And that Sakura and Naruto are kindred spirits and soulmates meant to be together.

In a lot of ways Naruto/Sakura reminds me of Guts/Casca from Berserk, just not as screwed up. So I think that Sasuke represents the Griffith persona to Sakura like Griffith did to Casca, but Naruto is the person she ends up with and falls in love with for real.

I want it to be romantic, fluffy, as well as sexual and erotic.

My big inspirations on the fanfic and this story in particular are Desaix, Dave-D, Daniel Goldberg, and of course Sharingank.

So is it ok to post rough drafts here?

[GoNeKr@zY]

Sure! Just make sure you post it in the fanfic library. Welcome to the site by the way! Hope you have loads of fun here.

[TheVileOne]

OK did that. So I guess posting things in here is off limits?

Not sure if this link will work. I'd really appreciate some feedback.

http://www.narusaku....tory.php?sid=94

[GoNeKr@zY]

its not validated as yet.... I'll read it as soon as admins does it.

[TheVileOne]

Alright, so please check it out guys. I hope you like it.

[Daniee]

Looking forward to reading it.

BTW, I've seen you on both the NarutoForums and SuperHeroHype boards (though I don't go to the former anymore). Had no idea you were a NaruSaku fan.

[TheVileOne]

I am totally all about Naruto/Sakura. I was Naruto/Hinata at first, mainly because of Dave-d's fics. But Naruto/Sakura grew on me more.

[GoNeKr@zY]

Well..... I read the first chapter. And i Liked it a LOT. Only 2 things bothered me however....

1) Sakura's name should be Haruno Sakura not Sakura Haruno. The Japanese naming system puts the Sir-name before the name of the person. (Since you use Japanese words like Gomen in the story you should atleast follow the naming system as well.)

2) Ugh..... "Believe it". I LOATHE that sentence.... Dattebayo doesn't mean "Beleive it". It's just the idiots who wrote the script for the dub that put that in. My suggestion would be to just remove the "Believe it" and completely ignore the Dattebayo that Naruto frequently says in the Anime(Jap version). that way you can placate both the fans of the dub and those that hate it (Like me)

I lokk forward to the next chapter. good work.

[Valaria]

yeah.. whatever that person who dub it should be shot to death.

oh well.

[InvaderSpax]

read the first chap.

good start.

Onle thing though, the bold type confused me a bit. Was that thoughts? You may want to try italics and quotes for that.

Then again, it might just be me.

Lookin forward to the next part.

[TheVileOne]

I don't have the prejudice of believe it as an appropriation of dattebayo. A friend of mine studying Japanese said its basically like a colloquial slang and an English equivalent would be, "Doncha Know?"

Yeah, the bold type meant thoughts.

[Vespar]

Hmmmm... Me thinks you could add a few pieces of Naruto's injury and Sakura's conclusion to how she'll... *ahem* alleviate the tension.

By this I mean for Sakura, it's probably a good idea to have some background on how her feelings for Naruto deepens. All of us here appreciate Naruto and Sakura getting together, but a reason for them getting together is like icing on the cake, you know?
Then about Naruto's injury, well... Let's say regenerating the hole in a torso as opposed to messing up someone's head require different sorts of TLC, eh? With a hole in a torso, you wouldn't want to aggravate the wound, whilst messing up someone's head needs more comfort and stuff.

I'm not good with writing romance though. Or lemons for that matter.
So my opinions are probably the equivalent of an eggplant -it looks and reads funny.

[TheVileOne]

Well about Sakura's feelings, the idea is that certain things have happened before this little interlude. Which I hope to get to later, I just kind of wanted to start here. But I have an outline of how things take place. But for Sakura they were pretty significant.

As for the injuries, Sakura is going to take special care not to aggravate anything :thumbs: .

[TheVileOne]

Well I posted the second chapter and lemon. Can't believe I got through with it. I think it's ok, but remember, I've never written anything like this before. This is really the first time I've ever done fan fiction, let alone a hentai lemon one.

[TheVileOne]

So what do I have to do to get chapter 2 validated? That's the one with all the GOOD stuff.

[Sono]

Read the first chapter and it's great! Sakura's kinda creepy, though.

[TheVileOne]

Yeah, chapter 2 just isn't getting validated for whatever reason.