Shadow Wolf

You wanted her to be your love, but she never wanted to be yours.

There was always someone else.

This truth would have been way better than all the mess that happened back then. I believe i would have saved way more hardship and suffering than the veil of secrets that was placed during that time. But, now a lot of things make sense now, so thank you.

OK, like I mentioned. Feel free to share your experiences my fellow NS family. Always ready to lend an ear (or an eye to read in this case, hehehe)

Hi everyone! Hope you are all doing well. Hopefully Boruto hasn't brought much disappointment and that your love for NS is as strong as ever.

I've been pondering about whether I should write the topic I'm going to cover in this post. It should be a topic that does not matter to me anymore, but maybe the reason as to why I haven't completely let it go may be due to selfishness or something similar. As such, I hope to shed some light on my own behavior as I write this. During my time in this forum, I got to know a certain person and grow closer to her. The details of the events are vague due to the years passed, but I'll try my best to remember. 

If memory serves, everything began in February 2012, back to when I was fairly new to the forum. Knowing Spanish and English caught the attention of some people I befriended, including this person. As such, I began talking with each of them. I became friends with some and they are still my friends to this day. The person I'm talking about though, she became special. 

We started having a lot of conversations and began to develop an online relationship which grew by the day. By the time April and May came around, we were sharing with each other a lot of personal information and intimate topics.

However, sometime between June and July of the same year, something began to change. Whatever circumstances were surrounding her began to affect her a lot and a void began to form around our friendship. Eventually, she wanted me to move forward and not think about a relationship with her. When I asked why, she said that it was something that she could not share with me.

Feeling powerless due to not being able to help, I did the one thing she asked me not to do: write a post revealing that we have been secretly in a relationship in order to ask her friends to help her. 

My intentions were simply to ask people around the forum to support her with whatever was worrying her. However, in the process, it seems that I only made matters worse. This was proven due to her writing me a massage that my post was simply an act of revenge against her. It was so bad that she said it was the worst thing anyone has done to her in her life. My post was actually taken down, and even though I asked around as to why, no one had any idea as to how it disappeared and why.

After a while, I tried to apologize for the consequences of my actions, but I was not forgiven. After contemplating the worst for a while, someone else in the forums helped me to move forward.

Eventually, the person in question disappeared and I never heard from her again. 

____

Up to this day, I still have many questions left unsolved.

1-What was happening that eventually led her to let go of our friendship/relationship?

2-Why was so important that I kept all of this a secret?

3-Why was my post an act of revenge even though my intent was the complete opposite?

4-Why did she eventually disappear?

and finally...

5-I was left only with one cryptic message when she disappeared:

"Tell him that is not his fault".

Why these last words?

10 years have passed and up to this day, I was never able to know the truth behind all of this. I did hear rumors of "harassment, stalking and fear/danger of life", but nothing was specific enough to answer any of these questions. Not knowing of her fate made me wonder if she was even alive and as the years went by, the "loss" affected me to the point where I even wonder if the person was real in the first place...

This has been a weight that I've been carrying for a long time and, although I have shared this with some people (Thanks James S. Cassidy for saving my life back then and sorry that you have had to deal with my stubbornness), and I tried at one point to find answers without success, there was always this void that I was never able to fill. Maybe this is a feeling similar to when someone close to you dies and it is some sort of grief, or maybe it is my curiosity to know the truth behind everything that makes me not want to forget this for so long, but whatever it is, it still haunts me to this day.

I'm sorry if I bring any bad memories to anyone around the forum. Those who were around at that time may probably figure out who the person is, but for the sake of confidentiality, I do not want to say their name.  I feel like I did enough damage back then even though that was not my intention, so I do not want anything negative out of this. I'm simply writing to figure out how I can let all of this go.

Do I want answers? Yes and No. Although I still search for answers, I do not have anyone who could give me answers. Heck, I wouldn't even know who to ask about this anyway. And yet, there is still this desire for me to move on that I can't complete yet. Is it because I still want to save something or someone, or is it simply because I want answers? I don't really know. So maybe writing this down and reading it again my help me figure things out myself and in the process, answer my own questions. Who knows. maybe after this I can finally let all of this go and accept that, even though I may have hurt someone, I can still learn and grow. and maybe, just maybe, sometime in the future I can prove that I really wished and still wish for her to be happy. The romantic feelings may be gone, but the fact that I want those who made an impact on me to be happy remains. So, wherever you are, I will keep believing in you no matter what, just like I always believe in NaruSaku. 

If I have one question for anyone who reads this, is the following: Have you had any stories in where you have had to deal with loss? How did you move forward?

Use this topic as a sort of group therapy of sorts if you feel like it. Maybe that way we can help each other heal.

Take care guys and thank you for enduring my rants, hahahahahaha

Louis (Shadow Wolf) 

It's been so long since I wrote anything here. I hope everyone is doing well. I know this day is special for many of you, so I hope you enjoy this and every other day.

There are far too many things that have happened during the course of these years, so I'll try to be brief:

1-Got a new job  after 5 years in my previous job and it seems that a bright future is ahead. Not even 4 months into the job and a "Strong" Year end review along with a good word from my coworkers points to them being great at teaching me the basics of my new job.

2-I'm a father of a now 16-month-old princess. She is practically a mirror version of me as a girl, but I know she will be a better version of me.

3-Remember that gift I mentioned in my previous post? Yup, managed to return it and I'm very glad that he was very happy to have received it.

4-COVID wasn't easy, but we were able to pull through. I think the hardest part of COVID for me was being forbidden from going to the Gynecologist with my wife at the time she was pregnant. Keep taking care of yourselves no matter your opinion on the vaccine. My wife's twin sister lost her Mother-In-Law to COVID, so for that reason we took the vaccine. However, it is OK if you want or don't want to take it as long as you keep taking care of yourself.

5-Finally, I still do not follow Naruto or Boruto much nowadays. I prefer NaruSaku fanfics these days, hehehehe

Overall, my life has become better than before. People like James S Cassidy, Konohakitten, and many others here helped me during some of my hard times, so thank you all for that. I may not talk much these days, but I will never forget you guys.

I'll still lurk around, so if you have any questions, feel free to ask. 

Best wishes

Lou