40 replies to this topic

[Nate River]

go out drinking.

Seen many a DWI suspect do precisely this.

[Vyse]

Six Thinking Hats!

You just have to find a piece of paper, something to write with, and use three of the hats. The red hat deals with intuition and feelings, and you can sit down and write what you feel. Then you use the black hat, which deals with negative aspects of what you're thinking of. Write down a list of why this hurts. Finally, you use the yellow hat (benefits), and write down why this might be a good thing. Don't even try to tell me you can't come up with anything, because if you can't see anything positive with any situation, you're too depressed for self-help and you should seek professional help. Write down the positive aspects.

When you're done, you just burn the paper. The reason for this is that you used the red hat as an outlet for your general feelings, which should now be on that piece of paper. Your negative list burns, and the list of positive aspects should be the writing fresh in your memory. This is a pretty decent self-help activity, which is also very effective if you're a leader professionally.

And everyone should stop pitying her. Everyone will experience a broken heart at some point, and people showing pity will just lead her into a deeper depression since pity and negative thoughts is a recipe for disaster. This is something you should deal with on your own, since you're strong enough to get over anything life can throw at you. Ups and downs, thing might hurt now, but it won't hurt forever. Stop worrying, and get on with your life.

[Sakura Blossoms]

"Every long lost dream lead me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you."

Wow, that was really beautiful. Thanks for sharing that

Six Thinking Hats!

You just have to find a piece of paper, something to write with, and use three of the hats. The red hat deals with intuition and feelings, and you can sit down and write what you feel. Then you use the black hat, which deals with negative aspects of what you're thinking of. Write down a list of why this hurts. Finally, you use the yellow hat (benefits), and write down why this might be a good thing. Don't even try to tell me you can't come up with anything, because if you can't see anything positive with any situation, you're too depressed for self-help and you should seek professional help. Write down the positive aspects.

When you're done, you just burn the paper. The reason for this is that you used the red hat as an outlet for your general feelings, which should now be on that piece of paper. Your negative list burns, and the list of positive aspects should be the writing fresh in your memory. This is a pretty decent self-help activity, which is also very effective if you're a leader professionally.

That was some good advice.

And everyone should stop pitying her. Everyone will experience a broken heart at some point, and people showing pity will just lead her into a deeper depression since pity and negative thoughts is a recipe for disaster. This is something you should deal with on your own, since you're strong enough to get over anything life can throw at you. Ups and downs, thing might hurt now, but it won't hurt forever. Stop worrying, and get on with your life.

But then this part, not surprising coming from you, almost sounds like an insult. No one as far as I can see has been 'pitying me'. I asked for advice and people have been generous enough to give it.

However if you're in the process of and not in the aftermath I've got nothin'. Probably rally around the people close to you. Friends and family are better with this advice then random people on an internet forum.

I've known quite a number of people on this site anywhere from 1 year to 5 years, so I don't consider you guys 'random people on an internet forum'


THANK YOU everyone who has said something and taken the time to give some good advice. I've actually felt better about the whole thing as I've read through your words. Right now I'm at the stage of trying to avoid contacting the person. I just want to know why they chose to end things. So far all I've gotten has been "I dunno, feelings just change". And this is from someone who wanted us to create a family together and was talking about getting me a ring. So it hurts a lot that it can go from something that serious to "I don't know".

[Black Rose]

Oh my, what an excuse. Feelings don't change that easily. Glad you feel better Shauna!

[Pink Cherries]

Stay strong, Sakura Blossoms. You inspire me to overcome the grief of my own breakup.

[Sakura Blossoms]

Thanks everyone. I really am feeling better. Thanks so much for all the support

And I hope you feel better with your own breakup too, Pink

[Chivalrysae]

Glad you're feeling better. And don't be concerned about the why. Sometimes knowing will lead to either regret or just having it eat away at you even when the outcome won't change. Just remember that you deserve someone that enjoys and appreciates you and your imperfections. Everyone has their flaws, and the ones that embarce them are the ones worth keeping. If they can't love you for who you are, it's best to let them go. The sooner you can let go, the sooner you can find happiness again.

And not sure if this would help, but I volunteer a lot, and helping others and knowing that I made someone's day always makes me feel better. No matter what mood I'm in.

[Sakura Blossoms]

And not sure if this would help, but I volunteer a lot, and helping others and knowing that I made someone's day always makes me feel better. No matter what mood I'm in.

You know I was actually thinking about doing that, and was even doing some research on volunteer locations in my area ^^

And just want to say thank you again everyone. It still hurts, but I feel like I have the strength to try to work past the pain now. And that's all thanks to all your caring advice. I think I can close this thread now and work on feeling better. Love you all and thanks for all your help and support

[Sakura Blossoms]

Re-opened for a lil while 'cause I need a little helpful advice again.

Just found out my ex is now 'happily' dating someone else. I had actually been doing fairly well recently, but finding this out yesterday was like getting a sledgehammer hit to the heart, and it was like all the progress I'd made getting over all this was shot right out the window. How did/do you guys deal with finding out your ex is now off happily with someone else? Especially in my case, after this person made it seem throughout our entire relationship that I was 'the one', yet now they are off with another person -.-

[ShippudenGirl]

Oh, Sakura-chan D:

I'm not too great at giving advice because I don't date... But from what I've heard it is really hard to see the person you really liked/loved with someone else... Consulting friends (Like, real people not on the Internet XD) really helps! I mean, if he is happy with someone else obviously he's not the one; but just think, you can always do better! Find that super hot soul-mate of yours and have babies! :) Yeah... the baby part wasn't necessary XD

I'm sorry for my stinky advice... I sincerely hope you feel better! No need to cry, you see? Your gonna find the greatest guy ever and never remember what's-his-name again! :D Of course I know it will take time to heal, but life moves forward! Just keep on walkin' honey!

[Chivalrysae]

From the sounds of it, you guys don't really hang out anymore and it's perfectly normal to feel a little jealous about other couples when you're single, expecially an ex. Don't let those feelings fester or consume you. (Think of those feelings as the Kyuubi, you need to lock it away somewhere...haha) Just remember that love's a two way street, and if both people aren't committed to each other it wouldn't work out in the long run anyway. I learned a long time ago that one person can't love enough for two people.

So my advice is to focus on your own happiness. His happiness shouldn't keep YOU from being happy. Sometimes, you have to be a little selfish for your own sake. Personally, I spend more time with friends. It helps me forget about the loneliness of being single while I wait it out for the right girl to come along. Being around people that care about you really help to fill the emptiness. Just have faith that in time, you'll find someone of your own. It'll happen. So live your life.

Make a list of things you want to do this year and work on them. You'll find that over time you'll realize that you don't have to be in a relationship or be with a specific person to feel whole. This year I'm training for another half marathon, "trying" to learn to play the guitar, and my stretch goal is to go swim with whale sharks.

Hope that helps!

[Sakura Blossoms]

Oh, Sakura-chan D:

I'm not too great at giving advice because I don't date... But from what I've heard it is really hard to see the person you really liked/loved with someone else... Consulting friends (Like, real people not on the Internet XD) really helps! I mean, if he is happy with someone else obviously he's not the one; but just think, you can always do better! Find that super hot soul-mate of yours and have babies! Yeah... the baby part wasn't necessary XD

I'm sorry for my stinky advice... I sincerely hope you feel better! No need to cry, you see? Your gonna find the greatest guy ever and never remember what's-his-name again! Of course I know it will take time to heal, but life moves forward! Just keep on walkin' honey!

Lol, it's not stinky advice at all

And I've talked with a couple friends (not on the internet =p) but it's always good to get as many varied thoughts and opinions on something as one can ^^

And truthfully, I'm not sure I even believe in soulmates anymore. I'm trying really hard not to let this whole experience jade me away from believing in 'true love' and all that, but it's hard ^^

Thanks for chiming in though. It really does help

From the sounds of it, you guys don't really hang out anymore and it's perfectly normal to feel a little jealous about other couples when you're single, expecially an ex. Don't let those feelings fester or consume you. (Think of those feelings as the Kyuubi, you need to lock it away somewhere...haha) Just remember that love's a two way street, and if both people aren't committed to each other it wouldn't work out in the long run anyway. I learned a long time ago that one person can't love enough for two people.

So my advice is to focus on your own happiness. His happiness shouldn't keep YOU from being happy. Sometimes, you have to be a little selfish for your own sake. Personally, I spend more time with friends. It helps me forget about the loneliness of being single while I wait it out for the right girl to come along. Being around people that care about you really help to fill the emptiness. Just have faith that in time, you'll find someone of your own. It'll happen. So live your life.

Make a list of things you want to do this year and work on them. You'll find that over time you'll realize that you don't have to be in a relationship or be with a specific person to feel whole. This year I'm training for another half marathon, "trying" to learn to play the guitar, and my stretch goal is to go swim with whale sharks.

Hope that helps!

Lol, I like your Kyuubi reference =p
And ya know, you're right. I've told myself over and over that it's best that things ended when they did, than later on when we'd have been together even longer, and the break-up would have been much more painful because of the time spent together ^^

And ah yes, the loneliness is a kicker ^^;
But I am trying to spend more time with friends and it really does help with that =3

Lol, swimming with sharks sounds epic XD
I'll work on a list for myself. Thanks for all the good advice =3

[tricksie]

Re-opened for a lil while 'cause I need a little helpful advice again.

Just found out my ex is now 'happily' dating someone else. I had actually been doing fairly well recently, but finding this out yesterday was like getting a sledgehammer hit to the heart, and it was like all the progress I'd made getting over all this was shot right out the window. How did/do you guys deal with finding out your ex is now off happily with someone else? Especially in my case, after this person made it seem throughout our entire relationship that I was 'the one', yet now they are off with another person -.-

Bless your heart. Well it was bound to happen, and I don't think time would make it any easier. That's one of those awful milestones after breaking up, when you or the other one shows signs of moving on. But the good thing is that now you're past it. You sooner to seeing things clearer than you were before. If he could so easily pick up with someone else, then he simply wasn't who he said he was. And a love that easily swayed isn't what you want...even if you feel like, right now, it's what you want more than anything. Sooner or later, he'd prove to be a dud.

Be kind to yourself right now, and treat yourself to some indulgences you might otherwise have skipped. Hair, nails, new lipstick. Chocolate! Whatever makes you happy.

After one bad breakup in college, I poured myself into the things I loved. I didn't let myself sit around. I got up, dressed extra nice everyday, did things I didn't normally do, and stayed away from the things I used to do with him. It was hard. But I deepened my friendships that I realized I'd neglected, I spent more time on school work (which gave me more longterm satisfaction than the stupid relationship ever did), and I looked better while I did it than I ever did while we were dating.

I'm telling you about the dressing nicer, wearing make up stuff because it helped me move through those days in unexpected ways. I could feel bad, really bad, then I'd catch myself in the mirror and think, 'Gosh, I look nice today.' People would compliment me, tell me how together I looked, and word eventually go back around to him that I really looked great and had moved on. Which, though it wasn't my intention, did make me feel better.

Hmmm... this could sound shallow, I suppose, but it's not. I didn't feel great, I didn't feel good, I didn't feel ok. I went through the motions of getting dressed, looking nicer, but I was barely holding it together. However, more than feeling bad, I couldn't stand looking in the mirror and seeing myself as his second best. It was like my own defiance. He might have hurt me, but I'd never let him see it.

Ultimately, personally, I guess deep down it was my hope that one day I'd come back around to feeling as put-together on the inside as I looked on the outside. And eventually, I did. I look back at the time as one of intense pain and intense growth. It helped me realize who I was, who I wanted to be, and I wouldn't have been ready for the next wonderfully satisfying grown-up relationship without it.

This is way personal stuff for me, btw, but I think about myself back then and everyone said 'awww, he was a jerk, you deserve better,' blah blah blah. No one ever said, 'Screw 'em, go spend sometime on yourself. You didn't start with him and you don't end with him.' So I'm telling you what worked for me, and I think that you should leap whole-heartedly into the things you love, things that might have taken a backseat to your relationship. And before you know it, he will be the one going, "Wow, she's really happy...." And the funny thing is, when he finally realizes what he's lost, you really won't care what he thinks anymore.

Hang in there - trixie

[Madz]

Be kind to yourself right now, and treat yourself to some indulgences you might otherwise have skipped. Hair, nails, new lipstick. Chocolate! Whatever makes you happy.

Seconding this.
Treat yourself to some girlie things; a visit to the saloon, the hairdresser, some shopping for some nice clothes...do everything to make yourself feel beautiful, and flaunt it. Your are beautiful, tell yourself that, and there are hundreds or thousands of guys who would fall for you.
And don't forget, TIME is the best remedy of all. Give yourself time.
Best of luck.

[Sakura Blossoms]

You guys are doing exactly what I was hoping for. Giving me very very helpful and wonderful advice, and making me feel loads better

This is way personal stuff for me, btw, but I think about myself back then and everyone said 'awww, he was a jerk, you deserve better,' blah blah blah. No one ever said, 'Screw 'em, go spend sometime on yourself. You didn't start with him and you don't end with him.' So I'm telling you what worked for me, and I think that you should leap whole-heartedly into the things you love, things that might have taken a backseat to your relationship. And before you know it, he will be the one going, "Wow, she's really happy...." And the funny thing is, when he finally realizes what he's lost, you really won't care what he thinks anymore.

Hang in there - trixie

Thanks for sharing such a personal experience for you, to be able to make me see how to deal with my own experience ^^

Be kind to yourself right now, and treat yourself to some indulgences you might otherwise have skipped. Hair, nails, new lipstick. Chocolate! Whatever makes you happy.

I'm telling you about the dressing nicer, wearing make up stuff because it helped me move through those days in unexpected ways. I could feel bad, really bad, then I'd catch myself in the mirror and think, 'Gosh, I look nice today.' People would compliment me, tell me how together I looked, and word eventually go back around to him that I really looked great and had moved on. Which, though it wasn't my intention, did make me feel better.

Hmmm... this could sound shallow, I suppose, but it's not. I didn't feel great, I didn't feel good, I didn't feel ok. I went through the motions of getting dressed, looking nicer, but I was barely holding it together. However, more than feeling bad, I couldn't stand looking in the mirror and seeing myself as his second best. It was like my own defiance. He might have hurt me, but I'd never let him see it.

Be kind to yourself right now, and treat yourself to some indulgences you might otherwise have skipped. Hair, nails, new lipstick. Chocolate! Whatever makes you happy.

Seconding this.
Treat yourself to some girlie things; a visit to the saloon, the hairdresser, some shopping for some nice clothes...do everything to make yourself feel beautiful, and flaunt it. Your are beautiful, tell yourself that, and there are hundreds or thousands of guys who would fall for you.
And don't forget, TIME is the best remedy of all. Give yourself time.
Best of luck.

Lol, I actually went to Krispy Kreme yesterday, and indulged myself in rich ooey-gooey donuts after I found out. It most definitely made me feel better as I was indulging

And going out and treating myself to a new hairstyle and clothes also sounds good =3


Okay, yosh! I no longer feel like all the progress I'd made to get over all this was for nothing! I'm a young, fairly good-looking woman, I don't need someone else to make me happy, and I have a lot to offer someone else!

Thanks for the support and advice everyone

[Chivalrysae]

Lol, swimming with sharks sounds epic XD
I'll work on a list for myself. Thanks for all the good advice =3

It's not like swimming with regular sharks. They eat plankton, but they are the largest fish in the ocean. Up to 40 ft in length. I've seen pictures and video of people snorkeling with them and it looks incredible.

Lol, I actually went to Krispy Kreme yesterday, and indulged myself in rich ooey-gooey donuts after I found out. It most definitely made me feel better as I was indulging

mmmm....donuts!

[Sakura Blossoms]

It's not like swimming with regular sharks. They eat plankton, but they are the largest fish in the ocean. Up to 40 ft in length. I've seen pictures and video of people snorkeling with them and it looks incredible.



mmmm....donuts!

Hope you have a great time if you do get to do it

Krispy Kreme donuts = greatest donuts evah!

[Kyuudaime]

Re-opened for a lil while 'cause I need a little helpful advice again.

Just found out my ex is now 'happily' dating someone else. I had actually been doing fairly well recently, but finding this out yesterday was like getting a sledgehammer hit to the heart, and it was like all the progress I'd made getting over all this was shot right out the window. How did/do you guys deal with finding out your ex is now off happily with someone else? Especially in my case, after this person made it seem throughout our entire relationship that I was 'the one', yet now they are off with another person -.-

Sounds exactly like how my situation was a few months ago.
Fill your life with hobbies and things you enjoy?

Well... that sounds like the stuff posted above.

[jason voorhees]

sakura-chan
im not good at advice but heres what helped me.

1. dont be modest take everything one step at a time.
2.Everything always works out in the end because its always a new begining.
3. lifes to short make it count

good luck xD

[tricksie]

You guys are doing exactly what I was hoping for. Giving me very very helpful and wonderful advice, and making me feel loads better

Thanks for sharing such a personal experience for you, to be able to make me see how to deal with my own experience ^^

I'd rather tell you what I did, than what to do. But really, any port in a storm. If you have a bad day, be extra good to yourself. If you have a great day...be extra good to yourself! lol

And the next guy you meet, is going to love the strong girl you are that has persevered. He's going to love every bit of you.