Blossom In My Eyes
#1
Posted 21 October 2008 - 04:29 AM
Blossom In My Eyes is actually my first NaruSaku and also the first romance I've actually tried my hand at (besides Different but romance wasn't the main theme). Basically, I keep getting the impression that Blossom In My Eyes is nothing but a whole bunch of fluffy moments packed together by a complication and an eventual resolution. I want to know what you guys think of it and, since I reckon I'm doing a bad job of meeting them, shoot what you expect from this fic at me. It'll help me get some bearings on the story and understand what satisfies my readers - it's not guaranteed that these expectations will be met, but they will help me improve on the plot.
A couple of things you might want answered:
Sakura will not recover her eyesight; I think these happy endings are just too hard to write and are a little cliche. Sakura will remain blind, folks.
I might write up a sequel; the poll on my FF.net profile page told me that a lot of people wanted this sequel, which is Sakura leading a genin team while she is still blind. At the moment, I'm a little doubtful about that now - wasn't really thinking when I posted that up. Now I'm just like, How the hell will that work out? Eventually, I might work out a sequel...
Link: Blossom In My Eyes
#2
Posted 22 October 2008 - 12:10 AM
She was always good with chakra to begin with, so I could see her discovering a new technique that could help her improve. I'm embarrassed to say that I love fluffiness, so "if it ain't broke, don't fix it"
#3
Posted 22 October 2008 - 01:29 AM
Like I've said, I like the direction of the story, though I am quite curious as to how you're going to continue with Sakura's recovery without having her dependency on Naruto escalate to even more extreme levels. And as for the fluff aspect, it just conveys that much clearer how close these two have grown that they are basically each other's worlds and how it would crumble if either of them were to disappear. It's a good touch.
Now that you've mentioned not the possibility, but the actual truth that Sakura's blindness would not be cured actually excites me. This started out as a serious and dramatic story of a strong kunoichi's life falling apart from the loss of her sight and how she is to overcome her new handicap. I think that it should stay as that instead of Sakura remarkably recovering her sight, since that would be rather pointless for all this character development of learning to stand up again with her new handicap only to have it disappear and have her go her merry way again as if all of her friend's efforts were futile. Sure she could appreciate her friend's hospitality and efforts after she regained her eye sight, but to me it doesn't feel quite as satisfying.
Oh look, I've rambled way too much. Sorry, it's just been a while since I've actually been engrossed in and followed a NaruSaku story that actually has plot and substance. Well, in short, I like how you've written your story out so far and I'm looking forward to the end of the story. Keep up the good work!
Fanfiction.net C2: Heaven & Earth: A NaruSaku Library
Colored by me
#4
Posted 22 October 2008 - 01:37 AM
When I first found this fic it was kinda funny because I was thinking of how cool a NaruSaku romance fic would be if the hook was that one of them became blind somehow. I have no idea why i thought that would be cool, but regardless your fic definitely delivered.
#5
Posted 22 October 2008 - 01:39 AM
#6
Posted 23 October 2008 - 05:06 AM
I will eventually have to create some emotional complications so things don't go too smoothly - not gonna mention what and how. I'll try not to give away anything of the fic from my posts.
If you have any questions about the fic, stuff you're not happy about, you can post them up here.
#7
Posted 23 October 2008 - 06:21 AM
The story line is brilliantly original, and the conflict/realism well portrayed...(I must agree, Sakura suddenly regaining her sight like--that...*snaps*...would be nauseatingly cliché)
This may prove to be one of my favorite fics thus far (Up there w/ "Human Contact", "Move Over", "Shade of the Leaf", and "Boiling Point".)
Keep the chapters coming!
S.N. Well...
I could now go into a long rant on how I REALLY hope you plan to continue "Only Human"...but I shalln't.
I'll just stay content and stick w/ what you've got and wish you the best of luck.
[color="#FF8C00"]My fan-writing <3 fairycloud22
#8
Posted 23 October 2008 - 06:29 AM
#9
Posted 23 October 2008 - 07:08 AM
Darn those plot bunnies! DX (Heh, I can totally relate.)
I have about a thousand of them tromping around my brain CONSTANTLY. O_o
They reproduce…well…like rabbits. ;;;
It’s surprising that I haven’t completely gone insane…
Either they move too fast for me to finally PIN them down to a piece of paper, or they eventually die from neglect under piles of others. =_=
Poor, poor, nonexistent rodents. *shakes head*
[color="#FF8C00"]My fan-writing <3 fairycloud22
#10
Posted 23 October 2008 - 07:16 AM
*sigh* I'm so bored... now would be a great time to start on the next chapter of Precious People... but I'm just so bored. *sighs again* Suppose I'll just hang around the boards for a bit and then get down to work.
#11
Posted 23 October 2008 - 10:26 PM
...but no. You had to pull off something I thought was totally different. Sakura...being blind! I love this story (I've only gotten up to the 2nd or 3rd chapter). You captured the characters reactions perfectly. I could definitely see Naruto totally throwing his chance at the Jounin exams away to help Sakura. The part where Sakura takes her first blind steps towards Naruto was touching. You showed how strong of a spirit she really is.
I know you're way ahead of this part already, but I figured I'd praise you nevertheless for it. I'll have to catch up with the chapters later. Thanks for this great read. Keep it up and I'll have no choice but to put it on my favorites .
#12
Posted 23 October 2008 - 10:47 PM
Sakura just seems too weak, crying at the drop of a hat and holding onto Naruto like he's some kind of life preserver. It just doesn't really fit with her attitude post time skip, even with her disability. I understand that things like that can affect a person pretty heavily, but she seems to have regressed to the point that she's weaker than she was when she first met Ino.
The other part that bothers me is Sasuke. The guy tried to kill her, put her in a coma, and blinded her. And his only punishment is a guilty conscience? Sounds like bull to me.
#13
Posted 23 October 2008 - 11:11 PM
An eye for an eye makes the world go blind? lol.
#14
Posted 24 October 2008 - 05:07 AM
Sakura just seems too weak, crying at the drop of a hat and holding onto Naruto like he's some kind of life preserver. It just doesn't really fit with her attitude post time skip, even with her disability. I understand that things like that can affect a person pretty heavily, but she seems to have regressed to the point that she's weaker than she was when she first met Ino.
The other part that bothers me is Sasuke. The guy tried to kill her, put her in a coma, and blinded her. And his only punishment is a guilty conscience? Sounds like bull to me.
Yes, I've realised that Sakura has become a bit of a powerhouse for tears. I figured that was rational, since she's suddenly had her world go permanently black. She will be resuming more of her post time skip self in the next chapters, since she is now getting some extensive training down and will learn to lean more on herself than Naruto.
I promised no spoilers, but Sasuke will eventually be dealt with - and I'm not talking about super guiltiness. I won't guarantee that it will be dramatic, but justice shall prevail! Elaboration: Uchiha won't get off with just a slap on the wrist.
#15
Posted 08 November 2008 - 07:35 AM
Oh...and please update soon. I can't wait to see what happens
#16
Posted 08 November 2008 - 08:39 AM
Seeing as how complete eye transplants seem to be possible in the shinobi world (Kakashi-Obito) and thus that's something beyond retinal malfunction which we have a limited ability to cure, I certainly don't like the idea of a permanently blind Sakura. Again though, this is mere personal preference. I must applaud that you have a great concept though, and you should keep going for it. I'll just be a tad bit selfish and hope that you don't ignore Precious People, one fic I love reading.
#17
Posted 08 November 2008 - 09:37 AM
Seeing as how complete eye transplants seem to be possible in the shinobi world (Kakashi-Obito) and thus that's something beyond retinal malfunction which we have a limited ability to cure, I certainly don't like the idea of a permanently blind Sakura. Again though, this is mere personal preference. I must applaud that you have a great concept though, and you should keep going for it. I'll just be a tad bit selfish and hope that you don't ignore Precious People, one fic I love reading.
No problem, EarthBorn. Everyone has their own preferences. It's sort of like me having nothing against slash fics but just can't bring myself to read them (no offense to those people that write or read slash).
I shall most definitely not ignore Precious People! The flames of youth forbid me from conducting such an atrocious act. I usually alternate update times between my stories. Usually it's Blossom In My Eyes, then Precious People and Only Human. They're not written in order to which one I prefer more; it's just some order I got stuck on. But of course, I have the occasional oneshot plot bunnies and they throw me off track for a couple of days...
EDIT: Updated with chapter 14
Edited by peanutbutter126, 14 November 2008 - 05:45 AM.
#18
Posted 15 November 2008 - 01:35 AM
GOOD JAERB! I expect another youthful chapter from you!
LOVE IS WAR,
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