17 replies to this topic

[peanutbutter126]

For those who are currently reading my fic Blossom In My Eyes, I've started this discussion for it. Here's the issue:

Blossom In My Eyes is actually my first NaruSaku and also the first romance I've actually tried my hand at (besides Different but romance wasn't the main theme). Basically, I keep getting the impression that Blossom In My Eyes is nothing but a whole bunch of fluffy moments packed together by a complication and an eventual resolution. I want to know what you guys think of it and, since I reckon I'm doing a bad job of meeting them, shoot what you expect from this fic at me. It'll help me get some bearings on the story and understand what satisfies my readers - it's not guaranteed that these expectations will be met, but they will help me improve on the plot.

A couple of things you might want answered:

Sakura will not recover her eyesight; I think these happy endings are just too hard to write and are a little cliche. Sakura will remain blind, folks.

I might write up a sequel; the poll on my FF.net profile page told me that a lot of people wanted this sequel, which is Sakura leading a genin team while she is still blind. At the moment, I'm a little doubtful about that now - wasn't really thinking when I posted that up. Now I'm just like, How the hell will that work out? Eventually, I might work out a sequel...

Link: Blossom In My Eyes

[emilykawaii123]

I honestly love this fic, but I would like to see Sakura gain some independence and understand the true nature of her relationship with naruto, beyond her obvious dependence on him to live.

She was always good with chakra to begin with, so I could see her discovering a new technique that could help her improve. I'm embarrassed to say that I love fluffiness, so "if it ain't broke, don't fix it"

[Onionhead Attacks]

I actually kind of like the direction of where you're going with your story so far. It shows how Sakura went from treating and seeing Naruto only as friend to her pillar in her now darkened world. She now relies on him on such an unhealthy level that drama and possibly angst could occur if he were to possibly be permanently ripped away from her before she could fully recover and stand on her own again.

Like I've said, I like the direction of the story, though I am quite curious as to how you're going to continue with Sakura's recovery without having her dependency on Naruto escalate to even more extreme levels. And as for the fluff aspect, it just conveys that much clearer how close these two have grown that they are basically each other's worlds and how it would crumble if either of them were to disappear. It's a good touch.

Now that you've mentioned not the possibility, but the actual truth that Sakura's blindness would not be cured actually excites me. This started out as a serious and dramatic story of a strong kunoichi's life falling apart from the loss of her sight and how she is to overcome her new handicap. I think that it should stay as that instead of Sakura remarkably recovering her sight, since that would be rather pointless for all this character development of learning to stand up again with her new handicap only to have it disappear and have her go her merry way again as if all of her friend's efforts were futile. Sure she could appreciate her friend's hospitality and efforts after she regained her eye sight, but to me it doesn't feel quite as satisfying.

Oh look, I've rambled way too much. Sorry, it's just been a while since I've actually been engrossed in and followed a NaruSaku story that actually has plot and substance. Well, in short, I like how you've written your story out so far and I'm looking forward to the end of the story. Keep up the good work!

[NutMan]

I love this fic. My only "issue" has been that Naruto is a bit OOC sometimes(too smart mainly), but that was at the beginning and I think that lately you've managed to keep in character as much as possible for a fanfic.

When I first found this fic it was kinda funny because I was thinking of how cool a NaruSaku romance fic would be if the hook was that one of them became blind somehow. I have no idea why i thought that would be cool, but regardless your fic definitely delivered.

[racerxdsr]

If you need some help with her condition about being able to sense around her I've read in other stories, where there were blind characters, the person use a chakra pulse of which acts like a radar or something similar to what Daredevil uses. Hope this helps with the handicap portion. I lke your story and it shows how they are each other's strength. I like how you showed her feelings are changing for Naruto but there is the one chapter where Sasuke came back and calmed her when she was having a nightmare or something. From my point of view that is something powerful that needs to be resolved somehow. I think that moment will always haunt Naruto even when Sakura starts to show her feelings even more to him. Moments like those always create doubt and she would have to somehow overcome that and come to some resolution. I know it may be difficult because she never new the incident ever happened because she was unconscious. Hopefully I haven't made your story harder to write. Your story has great potential and hope to see you continue.

[peanutbutter126]

Seems like people are actually alright with the way I've taken things... interesting. And here I was thinking I was doing a bad job, hehe.

I will eventually have to create some emotional complications so things don't go too smoothly - not gonna mention what and how. I'll try not to give away anything of the fic from my posts.

If you have any questions about the fic, stuff you're not happy about, you can post them up here.

[Gena kumo]

Must admit, what I'm really pleased about your fic is the fact that it is WELL WRITEN.

The story line is brilliantly original, and the conflict/realism well portrayed...(I must agree, Sakura suddenly regaining her sight like--that...*snaps*...would be nauseatingly cliché)

My little shpeal --Click here to view--

...However, the fact that you put some REAL, grammatical and constructional effort into its composition (whether intentionally or unintentionally) sets it apart from other fics.

I'd rather say that your supposed "fluffy moments" are more towards the sentimental side of things than pure "kawaii cuteness NaruSaku FOREVA" fluff.

Permanent blindness is NEVER a funny thing, but that doesn't mean that a story that involves such a handicap can go without proper transitions and still lighten up the plot-line and keep it flowing. So far, you have done this well.
(It was a bit angsty at the beginning, however; that is completely understandable, since Sakura just had her whole world go black. An event such as that is unavoidably traumatic, unless you have a severely twisted sense of humor.)

The romance speed (to help my NaruSaku heart palpitations XD) could be a bit faster...if it wasn't realistic. And I wouldn't have it another way.
(Least they aren't jumping each other's bones in the first chapter like...ehem...*glares*...SOME fics...)

This may prove to be one of my favorite fics thus far (Up there w/ "Human Contact", "Move Over", "Shade of the Leaf", and "Boiling Point".)

Keep the chapters coming!

S.N. Well...

I could now go into a long rant on how I REALLY hope you plan to continue "Only Human"...but I shalln't.
I'll just stay content and stick w/ what you've got and wish you the best of luck.

[peanutbutter126]

Eheh, thanks for all that *ego swells "muhahaha!"* Ahem, anyway! You needn't worry about Only Human. Even though it is a bit of an experiment, I shall continue it. It's my first modern fic, so I must see how that works out. Update times for my stories might slow down by a small fraction since I'll have to alternate between updating three running Naruto fics and satisfying the murderous plot bunnies that have invaded my mind. >.<

[Gena kumo]

Eheh, thanks for all that *ego swells "muhahaha!"* Ahem, anyway! You needn't worry about Only Human. Even though it is a bit of an experiment, I shall continue it. It's my first modern fic, so I must see how that works out. Update times for my stories might slow down by a small fraction since I'll have to alternate between updating three running Naruto fics and satisfying the murderous plot bunnies that have invaded my mind. >.<

Darn those plot bunnies! DX (Heh, I can totally relate.)

I have about a thousand of them tromping around my brain CONSTANTLY. O_o
They reproduce…well…like rabbits. ;;;
It’s surprising that I haven’t completely gone insane…

Either they move too fast for me to finally PIN them down to a piece of paper, or they eventually die from neglect under piles of others. =_=

Poor, poor, nonexistent rodents. *shakes head*

[peanutbutter126]

*Nods with enthusiasm until neck cracks* I understand too. I'm listening to this song and I suddenly had a plot bunny involving Naruto, Sakura, ice-cream and hurt/comfort. Might get round to snagging that furry beast... eventually.

*sigh* I'm so bored... now would be a great time to start on the next chapter of Precious People... but I'm just so bored. *sighs again* Suppose I'll just hang around the boards for a bit and then get down to work.

[Denim88]

Well, I saw your story, peanutbutter...and I have to say that I am actually quite impressed. I mean, I'm not a pro, but I like to think I have experience in writing and reading fanfics (especially NaruSaku). I was wondering if this was going to be a typical Naruto waiting for Sakura to wake up, and she ends up having a life threatening condition, yadda yaddah...

...but no. You had to pull off something I thought was totally different. Sakura...being blind! I love this story (I've only gotten up to the 2nd or 3rd chapter). You captured the characters reactions perfectly. I could definitely see Naruto totally throwing his chance at the Jounin exams away to help Sakura. The part where Sakura takes her first blind steps towards Naruto was touching. You showed how strong of a spirit she really is.

I know you're way ahead of this part already, but I figured I'd praise you nevertheless for it. I'll have to catch up with the chapters later. Thanks for this great read. Keep it up and I'll have no choice but to put it on my favorites .

[KungFuTruffle]

Most of this story is good, if a bit heavy handed on the warm and fuzzies. However, there are some parts that bother me about it.

Sakura just seems too weak, crying at the drop of a hat and holding onto Naruto like he's some kind of life preserver. It just doesn't really fit with her attitude post time skip, even with her disability. I understand that things like that can affect a person pretty heavily, but she seems to have regressed to the point that she's weaker than she was when she first met Ino.

The other part that bothers me is Sasuke. The guy tried to kill her, put her in a coma, and blinded her. And his only punishment is a guilty conscience? Sounds like bull to me.

[NutMan]

The other part that bothers me is Sasuke. The guy tried to kill her, put her in a coma, and blinded her. And his only punishment is a guilty conscience? Sounds like bull to me.

An eye for an eye makes the world go blind? lol.

[peanutbutter126]

Most of this story is good, if a bit heavy handed on the warm and fuzzies. However, there are some parts that bother me about it.

Sakura just seems too weak, crying at the drop of a hat and holding onto Naruto like he's some kind of life preserver. It just doesn't really fit with her attitude post time skip, even with her disability. I understand that things like that can affect a person pretty heavily, but she seems to have regressed to the point that she's weaker than she was when she first met Ino.

The other part that bothers me is Sasuke. The guy tried to kill her, put her in a coma, and blinded her. And his only punishment is a guilty conscience? Sounds like bull to me.

Yes, I've realised that Sakura has become a bit of a powerhouse for tears. I figured that was rational, since she's suddenly had her world go permanently black. She will be resuming more of her post time skip self in the next chapters, since she is now getting some extensive training down and will learn to lean more on herself than Naruto.

I promised no spoilers, but Sasuke will eventually be dealt with - and I'm not talking about super guiltiness. I won't guarantee that it will be dramatic, but justice shall prevail! Elaboration: Uchiha won't get off with just a slap on the wrist.

[#1NuckleHeadNinja]

I am really enjoying this fic. It's definitely one of the best I've read in quite a while. I personally think you're doing a great job with your portrayal of Sakura's character after becoming blind. If she had been gung-ho about becoming a ninja and overcoming her obstacles it wouldn't have seemed real. A sudden handicap like blindness can have serious affects on a person. So you're doing great. I'll admit her crazy amount of tears does get on my nerves just a little but it's worth it for the character you're creating. Great job and keep up the good work.
Oh...and please update soon. I can't wait to see what happens

[EarthBorn]

No offense at all Peanutbutter, but I'm more inclined towards light-hearted fics; Precious People being a perfect example of that. I did start reading Blossom in My Eyes, but I got a little put off after a few chapters. Again, this is just a personal preference and has nothing to do with the quality of writing, which is excellent by the way.
Seeing as how complete eye transplants seem to be possible in the shinobi world (Kakashi-Obito) and thus that's something beyond retinal malfunction which we have a limited ability to cure, I certainly don't like the idea of a permanently blind Sakura. Again though, this is mere personal preference. I must applaud that you have a great concept though, and you should keep going for it. I'll just be a tad bit selfish and hope that you don't ignore Precious People, one fic I love reading.

[peanutbutter126]

No offense at all Peanutbutter, but I'm more inclined towards light-hearted fics; Precious People being a perfect example of that. I did start reading Blossom in My Eyes, but I got a little put off after a few chapters. Again, this is just a personal preference and has nothing to do with the quality of writing, which is excellent by the way.
Seeing as how complete eye transplants seem to be possible in the shinobi world (Kakashi-Obito) and thus that's something beyond retinal malfunction which we have a limited ability to cure, I certainly don't like the idea of a permanently blind Sakura. Again though, this is mere personal preference. I must applaud that you have a great concept though, and you should keep going for it. I'll just be a tad bit selfish and hope that you don't ignore Precious People, one fic I love reading.

No problem, EarthBorn. Everyone has their own preferences. It's sort of like me having nothing against slash fics but just can't bring myself to read them (no offense to those people that write or read slash).

I shall most definitely not ignore Precious People! The flames of youth forbid me from conducting such an atrocious act. I usually alternate update times between my stories. Usually it's Blossom In My Eyes, then Precious People and Only Human. They're not written in order to which one I prefer more; it's just some order I got stuck on. But of course, I have the occasional oneshot plot bunnies and they throw me off track for a couple of days...

EDIT: Updated with chapter 14

Edited by peanutbutter126, 14 November 2008 - 05:45 AM.

[Deidara Lover]

GOOD JAERB! I expect another youthful chapter from you!