2508 replies to this topic

[jworks]

I just finally put up one of my fanfics (oneshot) and I thought I'd share since its NaruSaku!

Sleeping Through Revelry

[ciardha]

I just finally put up one of my fanfics (oneshot) and I thought I'd share since its NaruSaku!

Sleeping Through Revelry

Overall it's a good story, but some constructive critiquing on a few points- as tips for future fanfics of yours:

The first one is just a general critique not just addressed to you- it's a kind of irritating thing I've seen creep into fanfic lately that comes from porn, not reality or even the Naruto manga: having female characters sleep naked.

(In the real world it's extremely uncommon for women not in a regular sexual relationship to sleep naked- heck, even in sexual relationships women tend to go to bed in far more clothes than men do- teddies, sleepshirts and underwear, pjs, nightgowns, etc...)

We absolutely know Sakura does not sleep nude. At least twice in the manga she's been shown waking up in bed or getting ready for bed in part 2 of the manga- once in a sleep yukata (at the hot springs), and once in what look like a variant of her part 1 tunic at home- when she was looking at the Team 7 picture.

Sakura actually seems to be even more self-conscious about her body (and perhaps other women's bodies too in a nonmedical situation) than even Hinata is- even around her female friends Sakura seems to be inhibited about being nude around them- we see this in both hot springs pictures Kishimoto has illustrated her in part 2. Around the female strangers she stands turned away from the other women and with even her breasts completely underwater. With her female age peers she turns her back to them, hiding both the front of her body from them and perhaps to avoid seeing them nude in a nonmedical situation.

(We also know Naruto actually still wears full pjs at home in part 2 of the manga- from when Sakura comes by his apartment to take him to the meeting with Tsunade.)

Second point is that Sakura reaction to the situation is a bit too stereotypical tsundere- not fitting her character, especially not the Sakura we've seen around Naruto from chapter 343 onward. Look as well as her words to Naruto in chapter 469-70, what she says about being in Naruto's arms.... She's definitely not going to decide it's all his fault- that's just never been part of her personality even in early part 1. She never has blamed him for her own situations. No displaced anger at him at all- in fact she tends to be rather overly judgmental of herself instead, and believe that overly harsh judgement is how people see her, this to a crippling extent in part 1, still a private weakness in part 2.

Third point- You set up a premise and don't truly explain why they were blanking out or have Sakura react to this medical mystery in a way her character would tend to- she is an elite medic ninja, already more skilled and knowledgeable than Tsunade was at her age, she would have known exactly what drugs would have made them blank out and tested both Naruto and herself for traces of any of those drugs. She would have researched this mystery relentlessly until she discovered the answer. (This was the point that troubled me the most about your fic)

Fourth point- Kakashi? No way. She knows he's a perv, he's a guy, and he's not a medical ninja. All these points would totally rule him out as the person she would go to. She would go to Ino, Tsunade or Shizune. The typical choice for fanfic writers would be Tsunade or Ino (and either would be believable) , but I could almost see Shizune more in this circumstance, plus fanfic writers rarely choose her in the type plotline where she needs advice, even though Kishimoto has established she does have an emotional bond to Shizune as well.

[Konoha'sCrimsonFox]

I just finally put up one of my fanfics (oneshot) and I thought I'd share since its NaruSaku!

Sleeping Through Revelry

I was about to post your story in the rec thread, but anyways, good one-shot. Although, I agree with one of the reviews that you should continue this story. In the end, you're the author. Looking forward to your future stories.

Overall it's a good story, but some constructive critiquing on a few points- as tips for future fanfics of yours:

The first one is just a general critique not just addressed to you- it's a kind of irritating thing I've seen creep into fanfic lately that comes from porn, not reality or even the Naruto manga: having female characters sleep naked.

(In the real world it's extremely uncommon for women not in a regular sexual relationship to sleep naked- heck, even in sexual relationships women tend to go to bed in far more clothes than men do- teddies, sleepshirts and underwear, pjs, nightgowns, etc...)

We absolutely know Sakura does not sleep nude. At least twice in the manga she's been shown waking up in bed or getting ready for bed in part 2 of the manga- once in a sleep yukata (at the hot springs), and once in what look like a variant of her part 1 tunic at home- when she was looking at the Team 7 picture.

Sakura actually seems to be even more self-conscious about her body (and perhaps other women's bodies too in a nonmedical situation) than even Hinata is- even around her female friends Sakura seems to be inhibited about being nude around them- we see this in both hot springs pictures Kishimoto has illustrated her in part 2. Around the female strangers she stands turned away from the other women and with even her breasts completely underwater. With her female age peers she turns her back to them, hiding both the front of her body from them and perhaps to avoid seeing them nude in a nonmedical situation.

(We also know Naruto actually still wears full pjs at home in part 2 of the manga- from when Sakura comes by his apartment to take him to the meeting with Tsunade.)

Second point is that Sakura reaction to the situation is a bit too stereotypical tsundere- not fitting her character, especially not the Sakura we've seen around Naruto from chapter 343 onward. Look as well as her words to Naruto in chapter 469-70, what she says about being in Naruto's arms.... She's definitely not going to decide it's all his fault- that's just never been part of her personality even in early part 1. She never has blamed him for her own situations. No displaced anger at him at all- in fact she tends to be rather overly judgmental of herself instead, and believe that overly harsh judgement is how people see her, this to a crippling extent in part 1, still a private weakness in part 2.

Third point- You set up a premise and don't truly explain why they were blanking out or have Sakura react to this medical mystery in a way her character would tend to- she is an elite medic ninja, already more skilled and knowledgeable than Tsunade was at her age, she would have known exactly what drugs would have made them blank out and tested both Naruto and herself for traces of any of those drugs. She would have researched this mystery relentlessly until she discovered the answer. (This was the point that troubled me the most about your fic)

Fourth point- Kakashi? No way. She knows he's a perv, he's a guy, and he's not a medical ninja. All these points would totally rule him out as the person she would go to. She would go to Ino, Tsunade or Shizune. The typical choice for fanfic writers would be Tsunade or Ino (and either would be believable) , but I could almost see Shizune more in this circumstance, plus fanfic writers rarely choose her in the type plotline where she needs advice, even though Kishimoto has established she does have an emotional bond to Shizune as well.

Then again, why does everyone or some people are too over critical about canon consistency? This is fanfiction for the mother of kami. I do get displease when some authors decide to change the color of Naruto's attire (Naruto's favorite color) , but isn't this what fanfiction all about? To use your imagination. However, I still agree that each character must somewhat main a certain of canon. Any other than that, I agreed with all this.

Edited by Konoha'sCrimsonFox, 27 May 2012 - 01:02 PM.

[jworks]

Overall it's a good story, but some constructive critiquing on a few points- as tips for future fanfics of yours:

The first one is just a general critique not just addressed to you- it's a kind of irritating thing I've seen creep into fanfic lately that comes from porn, not reality or even the Naruto manga: having female characters sleep naked.

(In the real world it's extremely uncommon for women not in a regular sexual relationship to sleep naked- heck, even in sexual relationships women tend to go to bed in far more clothes than men do- teddies, sleepshirts and underwear, pjs, nightgowns, etc...)

We absolutely know Sakura does not sleep nude. At least twice in the manga she's been shown waking up in bed or getting ready for bed in part 2 of the manga- once in a sleep yukata (at the hot springs), and once in what look like a variant of her part 1 tunic at home- when she was looking at the Team 7 picture.

Sakura actually seems to be even more self-conscious about her body (and perhaps other women's bodies too in a nonmedical situation) than even Hinata is- even around her female friends Sakura seems to be inhibited about being nude around them- we see this in both hot springs pictures Kishimoto has illustrated her in part 2. Around the female strangers she stands turned away from the other women and with even her breasts completely underwater. With her female age peers she turns her back to them, hiding both the front of her body from them and perhaps to avoid seeing them nude in a nonmedical situation.

(We also know Naruto actually still wears full pjs at home in part 2 of the manga- from when Sakura comes by his apartment to take him to the meeting with Tsunade.)

Second point is that Sakura reaction to the situation is a bit too stereotypical tsundere- not fitting her character, especially not the Sakura we've seen around Naruto from chapter 343 onward. Look as well as her words to Naruto in chapter 469-70, what she says about being in Naruto's arms.... She's definitely not going to decide it's all his fault- that's just never been part of her personality even in early part 1. She never has blamed him for her own situations. No displaced anger at him at all- in fact she tends to be rather overly judgmental of herself instead, and believe that overly harsh judgement is how people see her, this to a crippling extent in part 1, still a private weakness in part 2.

Third point- You set up a premise and don't truly explain why they were blanking out or have Sakura react to this medical mystery in a way her character would tend to- she is an elite medic ninja, already more skilled and knowledgeable than Tsunade was at her age, she would have known exactly what drugs would have made them blank out and tested both Naruto and herself for traces of any of those drugs. She would have researched this mystery relentlessly until she discovered the answer. (This was the point that troubled me the most about your fic)

Fourth point- Kakashi? No way. She knows he's a perv, he's a guy, and he's not a medical ninja. All these points would totally rule him out as the person she would go to. She would go to Ino, Tsunade or Shizune. The typical choice for fanfic writers would be Tsunade or Ino (and either would be believable) , but I could almost see Shizune more in this circumstance, plus fanfic writers rarely choose her in the type plotline where she needs advice, even though Kishimoto has established she does have an emotional bond to Shizune as well.

I'm flattered that you would take the time to write such a hefty critique and I honestly can't deny any of your points so I appreciate the feedback. I do have to say that I'm aware of some the unrealistic aspects like sleeping in the nude. Some of these things I decided to add for the sake of the story or a few jokes. Although I agree it would have added more solidity to handle the whole "drugged" mystery better. Thanks for the thoughtfulness

I was about to post your story in the rec thread, but anyways, good one-shot. Although, I agree with one of the reviews that you should continue this story. In the end, you're the author. Looking forward to your future stories.



Then again, why does everyone or some people are too over critical about canon consistency? This is fanfiction for the mother of kami. I do get displease when some authors decide to change the color of Naruto's attire (Naruto's favorite color) , but isn't this what fanfiction all about? To use your imagination. However, I still agree that each character must somewhat main a certain of canon. Any other than that, I agreed with all this.

[Chew]

The second chapter of my story "I Love You, Baka" has been posted. Find it here:

http://www.fanfictio...I_Love_You_Baka

Enjoy

[Toasty Warrior]

Strength Of Two Hearts has been updated with chapter fourteen: http://www.fanfictio...h_Of_Two_Hearts

[Toasty Warrior]

Well, it's not an update of Strength Of Two Hearts, but rather a look at the original story I had in mind for Without You, hope you enjoy: http://www.fanfictio...2/2/Without_You

[JJindiana]

Gettin' back into the fandom because my sister's now into it and these awesome links are helping rekindle my enjoyment of this couple. It's exciting how many new fics I get to read now! Thanks for sharing guys!

(In the real world it's extremely uncommon for women not in a regular sexual relationship to sleep naked- heck, even in sexual relationships women tend to go to bed in far more clothes than men do- teddies, sleepshirts and underwear, pjs, nightgowns, etc...)

Er...what? Haha, sorry, gotta shake my head at that. I'm a woman and I sleep naked. So do most of my friends. It's actually pretty common to sleep naked, especially when we're single. Putting on clothes before bed is annoying and unnecessary, even pointless when we're alone.

[ciardha]

Gettin' back into the fandom because my sister's now into it and these awesome links are helping rekindle my enjoyment of this couple. It's exciting how many new fics I get to read now! Thanks for sharing guys!




Er...what? Haha, sorry, gotta shake my head at that. I'm a woman and I sleep naked. So do most of my friends. It's actually pretty common to sleep naked, especially when we're single. Putting on clothes before bed is annoying and unnecessary, even pointless when we're alone.

Nah, that's not typical at all. There's even been a fairly recent poll on that- only 14% of all women sleep nude (and the majority of those were in a relationship), 31% of men (again, the majority were in a relationship). Why would any department store have such a huge area devoted to women's sleep clothing, and practically no area devoted to men's sleep clothing. Me, I know my female friends, relatives, and coworkers sleep clothed because women do talk about what kind of sleepwear we like and sales on them, etc... Women's nightwear is actually one of most department stores top selling items. Women in relationships are more likely to sleep nude than single women. (and even then it's a distinct minority)

The point of my critique though was it's manga canon that Sakura sleeps clothed (even when sleeping alone). I've seen this trend of male writers having virginal single female characters sleeping nude across fandoms even when it's made obvious by the story writer the character sleeps in nightclothes. It's a theme that comes from American male pornography, not something the vast majority of women do- even in relationships, much less a single virginal teenage girl.

[jworks]

Nah, that's not typical at all. There's even been a fairly recent poll on that- only 14% of all women sleep nude (and the majority of those were in a relationship), 31% of men (again, the majority were in a relationship). Why would any department store have such a huge area devoted to women's sleep clothing, and practically no area devoted to men's sleep clothing. Me, I know my female friends, relatives, and coworkers sleep clothed because women do talk about what kind of sleepwear we like and sales on them, etc... Women's nightwear is actually one of most department stores top selling items. Women in relationships are more likely to sleep nude than single women. (and even then it's a distinct minority)

The point of my critique though was it's manga canon that Sakura sleeps clothed (even when sleeping alone). I've seen this trend of male writers having virginal single female characters sleeping nude across fandoms even when it's made obvious by the story writer the character sleeps in nightclothes. It's a theme that comes from American male pornography, not something the vast majority of women do- even in relationships, much less a single virginal teenage girl.

First of all it doesn't come from 'American male pornography.' I enjoy plenty and don't see the connection. I see how you can assume as much but its exactly that, assuming. I've noticed you are quite secure in your extensive opinions and that's fine but stick to what you know. What the nude sleeping thing came from in my fic was sillyness. It wasn't meant to infuse the situation with sexuality but rather add a joke. the joke being that, yes, it is slightly ridiculous to sleep in the nude and am I wrong that in 'canon' naruto would get a kick out of it?

Besides I honestly don't care much for what you consider 'canon.' The very idea of fanfiction writing is non-canon. Literally everything not written by kishimoto is non-canon. I understand the need for characters to act believably but to me, sticking to exactly the way kishimoto's story has been written is boring as hell. With the amount of info kishi has to cover each week in just pure dialogue and little pictures it doesn't leave much room for detail or nuances. That is where the fanfiction writers fill in their interpretation.

Honestly though I appreciated your critique and took it to heart.

[Dragunov]

Lets drop the sleeping naked subject. We dont want the mods dropping by.

[Konoha'sCrimsonFox]

Shhhhh... I'm trying to listen here, man. And My nose is bleeding *pervy*

Also, I like to share that FF.net has an image management for book covers , logo and sigs are available.

Edited by Konoha'sCrimsonFox, 05 June 2012 - 07:10 AM.

[Gammy Das]

http://www.fanfictio...7/1/Konoha_High

Heh, I'm new here, but seriously, this site rages! Anyway, I'd like it if some of you could read this and tell me how it is.

Its an AU fic, where the Konoha 12 are still in High School. Its of the genres of Romance and Humor, and if I had the ability to give it a third one, I'd pick Friendship. So anyway, its NaruSaku centric, with mild focus given to other pairings as well. I ask you all again, please give it a read.

If you do, I'll be thankful.

[ichaichamaster]

My life is now complete.

You really write like god XD

[Gravenimage]

A new one shot from wubbzy tittled" Mockingbird" has been added http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8231449/1/

[Toasty Warrior]

I'm doing a series of one shots right now until I get back into writing Strength Of Two Hearts, hope ya enjoy! http://www.fanfictio...uras_Adventures

[ichaichamaster]

ok guys im wrting a angsty narusaku fic about the war and here is what i have written so far could you please check it out? keep in mind english isn't my first language

here

Edited by ichaichamaster, 20 June 2012 - 09:06 PM.

[Gravenimage]

The Melancholy of her goodbye by ClutteredHailey14 has been updated with chapter 18 http://www.fanfictio...t/s/5575477/18/

[Konoha'sCrimsonFox]

The Melancholy of her goodbye by ClutteredHailey14 has been updated with chapter 18 http://www.fanfictio...t/s/5575477/18/

I've been reading that story lately, and it seems that its not getting nowhere. Notting is being done to help Sakura's condition.

Anyways Book I Rokudaime Chronicles: New Era has updated Chapter 7: Naruto's Peril

Edited by Konoha'sCrimsonFox, 25 June 2012 - 05:33 PM.