33 replies to this topic

[Dalton.T.R]

Okay, so... I recently met this girl when I went out to the movies and we kind of grew on each other. We became friends because I helped her out with her car after the movie was done and bought her a drink and a candy bar. Well...we started hanging out with each other a lot more, and a couple of days ago I finally built up the courage to ask her out. 

 

We didn't do anything out of the ordinary for our first date. We went bowling. Ate at a restaurant, goofed around a little, and ended up coming back to my place to watch a movie (Nothing serious. We just ran out of ideas, but didn't want to call it a night yet). I asked her what she wanted to watch, she said she didn't care, so I just shrugged my shoulders and put on Titanic because I had yet to meet a girl who didn't like that movie.

 

The movie ended and we both started doing our own things. She started reading a book she had brought along, and I want back to my room and started to play some video games.

 

About thirty minutes later she comes stomping back to my room, starts screaming that I'm just like all the others, and stomped out. I asked her what she was talking about but she never answered.

 

The house was clean

 

I had told her I liked to play video games

 

I told her a lot of other things about myself...things that I thought made me a pretty average guy... But I guess I was mistaken apparently...

 

Can anyone give me some advise on the matter? Because I am beyond the level of 'confused'.

[Win-chan]

Well, I think the fact that you went back to your room and started playing video games while you were on a date seems kinda like a big tell-tale. I do think she overreacted (ugh, females), but even so, if you're on a date, you should probably devote your time to the girl. There's nothing wrong with playing video games, heck, if you wanted you could've invited her to play video games with you and you two could've played together. But going off by yourself to your room, which all sounds pretty shut off, seems like that was the problem. Sure, maybe she was reading a book (I don't know the whole situation or how things went down) which is also very solitary, but it's a lot easier to say, "Hey, let's do something!" to someone who's reading a book out in the open than to someone who went through all the trouble to turn on a game and is playing it in solitude. Maybe next time, say, "Hey, do you want to play video games?" or "There's this awesome game I like to play. Care if I show it to you?" Just make sure you do it together. You can both do your own things after the date's over. Better luck next time! :) (and I do think she overreacted. Overreacting is annoying).

[Dalton.T.R]

Well, I think the fact that you went back to your room and started playing video games while you were on a date seems kinda like a big tell-tale. I do think she overreacted (ugh, females), but even so, if you're on a date, you should probably devote your time to the girl. There's nothing wrong with playing video games, heck, if you wanted you could've invited her to play video games with you and you two could've played together. But going off by yourself to your room, which all sounds pretty shut off, seems like that was the problem. Sure, maybe she was reading a book (I don't know the whole situation or how things went down) which is also very solitary, but it's a lot easier to say, "Hey, let's do something!" to someone who's reading a book out in the open than to someone who went through all the trouble to turn on a game and is playing it in solitude. Maybe next time, say, "Hey, do you want to play video games?" or "There's this awesome game I like to play. Care if I show it to you?" Just make sure you do it together. You can both do your own things after the date's over. Better luck next time! :) (and I do think she overreacted. Overreacting is annoying).

Actually, I did invite her to play. She said she just wanted to read her book and that I could do whatever I wanted. Also, the rooms are literally connected. She could see me from where she was sitting and vise-versa...

 

I don't think it was because I started playing video games. It felt like there was something else wrong...

[Win-chan]

Oh, okay. Well, from the synopsis you gave that's what struck me. Other than that, idk what it would be. Maybe she was doing that non-communicating thing where she's trying to hint something and you don't pick up on it and she gets mad. *shrugs* Sorry, man. Sounds like a sticky situation.

Edited by Win-chan, 13 November 2014 - 07:28 AM.

[James S Cassidy]

Edited by James S Cassidy, 13 November 2014 - 07:28 AM.

[Dalton.T.R]

^ That ain't no joke.

 

~sigh~ women are confusing...

[KonaKonaFan]

I suspect that there's some info you're forgetting to tell us here. I highly doubt that she just went off on you just based on what the original post.

[Dalton.T.R]

I suspect that there's some info you're forgetting to tell us here. I highly doubt that she just went off on you just based on what the original post.

No...that's literally what happened. 

 

We did all those things and at the end of the movie she said these exact words:

 

Her - "Hey, I've been reading this book lately, and it really has me hooked. Mind if I read a chapter before we do anything else?"

 

Me - "Sure. I know the feeling. Mind if I play some games while you're reading?"

 

Her - "Won't be a problem...so long as it doesn't have F-bombs in every sentence or extremely gory..."

 

 

The game was "Super Smash Brothers" on the Nintendo GameCube.

 

I think there was a point I said "Dammit" but that's all I said...

[Kikuyu]

Girls are totally unpredictable-- this is weird because i'm a girl myself but yes I do agree at some point where I get to a men's sentiment better than women.

 

Well, some girls hang out with guys and see them as a prospect for bf material and "test" things out while on a date. like

"I wonder if he's another jerk if i do this" and do stuff to see if you'd fall for the bait or another thing is she dated someone who probably did the same thing with all the things you two have done for the whole day or she didn't like people who cuss-- "Dammit" can be considered or she's being plain crazy at that moment. or is actually on her period.

 

EDIT : Girls have this tendency to feel like they needed to be treated special when they're on a date, I'm not sure if she falls under that category but it could be another factor. Lol. I think most girls complain about guys because of their lack of awareness regarding their personal issues. idk some girls like to talk about it with guys wondering if they'd get approval/acceptance and if that happens they could feel a "special connection" going on already

Edited by Kikuyu, 14 November 2014 - 10:19 AM.

[Ace of Circle]

When she said she wants to read her book before you two DID anything... could that have been it.?  image.jpg   35.35KB   0 downloads

[dejavu]

Actually, I did invite her to play. She said she just wanted to read her book and that I could do whatever I wanted. Also, the rooms are literally connected. She could see me from where she was sitting and vise-versa...

 

I don't think it was because I started playing video games. It felt like there was something else wrong...

 

 

 

 

I don't know what type of girl she is but she must've wanted you to do something about her "reading a book"

 

like maybe she wanted you to pay attention to her even if she's gonna read a book instead of you going off to do your own thing.

 

or you should've ask her again.. something like you did not try hard enough to convince to her play that game with you ,

 

or did not want her that much that you'd easily agree to do your own thing. something like you just asked once so it kinda shows you just invited her for formality or something but gives off the vibe that it doesn't really matter whether she joins you or not.

 

 

lol i'm also a girl and i do act crazy most of the time but not on a first date though. she is a bit of a mystery to me too.

 

my suggestion is go ahead and ask her what is wrong.

 

if you really like her and is still interested to hang out or date her then do something sweet, nothing grand just simple things or gesture that she can appreciate based on what she likes.

 

Then tell her honestly that you don't know what you did wrong to make her upset. ask her if she wants to talk about it.

 

If she says "forget it" or "it's nothing", try to coax her a little bit more but be cautious and try to sense when to stop.

 

Don't try to say sorry or else she may lash out at you that you don't even know what you are sorry about and you are apologizing therefore you just want things to end quickly because its getting bothersome but don't really care about the matter at hand.

 

 

How young is this girl btw?

 

and when was the last time you talked to her?

 

try to ask her like after 3-4 days after that incident.. she probably just have or will be getting her period and is just feeling emotional.

 

that thing is uncontrollable.

[Catwho]

She wanted you to express interest in the book.  "Oh really? What's the book about?"  She wanted to talk to you about it, to see if you are also interested in the same kinds of books that she is.

 

I was reading an article about how relationships are a series of "bids for attention."  Couples who respond to the bids for attention from the other person tend to have more successful relationships.  I see it all the time with my husband - "hey honey come look at this really funny thing I found on the Internet" is our most common one.  

 

It's an invitation to share the experience.  That's why dates are frequently things like movies or concerts - it's a shared experience that you can talk about for days or weeks or months, depending on the impact.

Edited by Catwho, 14 November 2014 - 03:58 PM.

[Lady_duckish]

I'm a woman. Feel like i should state that first lol.

 

Anyhow, the fact that she even brought a book to a first date seems extremely rude imo. I would make an excuse to leave   before I would pull a book out of my bag and start reading when Im suppose to be getting to know you better. Seriously, why not just go home ? Doesn't necessarily mean the date was bad, just that its time to cap the night off. 

 

As for her reaction...she has no right. She was the one who pulled a book out on your date, like she couldn't wait an hour or two. LOL She can read at her own house. Idk, maybe this is some sort of nervous thing like texting because you're feeling awkward??? I know you said the two of you are friends first, but going back to someone's house, especially on a first date, can be nerve wrecking.  

 

If you decided to up and play video games while she just set around and watched, you would be a horrible date. But she basically dismissed you so she could read, and then got mad when you found something to do while she ignored you. I understand both women and men can play games and that a lot of it happens in the early stages of a relationship, but I would have looked at her like she lost it and chucked this one up to not being compatible maturity wise. 

[lupina]

I can't blame her. 

You showed acutally 0 interest in her as a person, what made her think you just want a girlfriend and do not really care about her. 

 

What made her think that: 

 

- You just put in a romantic movie "everyone would like" and didn't ask any further. 

- You showed no interest in her book and just went off to play video games (on a date ... man, seriously, never do that again! You go on a date to spend time with the person you desire!)

 

But her bringing a book could also mean that she was never really interested in you in the first place. 

[KonaKonaFan]

I can't blame her. 

You showed acutally 0 interest in her as a person, what made her think you just want a girlfriend and do not really care about her. 

 

What made her think that: 

 

- You just put in a romantic movie "everyone would like" and didn't ask any further. 

- You showed no interest in her book and just went off to play video games (on a date ... man, seriously, never do that again! You go on a date to spend time with the person you desire!)

 

But her bringing a book could also mean that she was never really interested in you in the first place. 

 

There we go. Let's learn from this experience:

 

1. Don't leave your date.

 

2. Don't leave your date.

 

3. Don't leave your date.

 

4. Ask questions about her. Get to know her better. She takes out a book? Ask what it's about. Does she like it so far? Is that the type of book she usually reads? Does she read a lot? What's her favorite book? 

 

5. Treat her like an individual, not a means to having a girlfriend.

 

6. Want to put in a movie? Ask her what type of movie she likes. For all you know, she could prefer Lord of the Rings or Taken to the Notebook or PS I Love You. She's indecisive? Pull out a movie, ask, "Have you seen this one? Do you like it?" Pro-tip: Pixar is your cheat card. Most people like Pixar. Also, this may just be me, but hilariously bad movies are amazing for dates. Pull out Birdemic or The Room, be like "Oh my god, this is the worst movie I've ever seen and I love it." I'd personally be hooked.

 

7. Have conversations. Just... have lots of conversations. Obviously, when a movie is playing, it's acceptable to just silently watch, but when the movie is over, hey, look, you have the movie to talk about.

 

8. Shared snacks are weirdly comforting. Get a bowl of popcorn or chips while watching the movie.

 

9. Don't leave your date.

 

Hope that helps.

[Konohakitten]

I'm a woman. Feel like i should state that first lol.

 

Anyhow, the fact that she even brought a book to a first date seems extremely rude imo. I would make an excuse to leave   before I would pull a book out of my bag and start reading when Im suppose to be getting to know you better. Seriously, why not just go home ? Doesn't necessarily mean the date was bad, just that its time to cap the night off. 

 

As for her reaction...she has no right. She was the one who pulled a book out on your date, like she couldn't wait an hour or two. LOL She can read at her own house. Idk, maybe this is some sort of nervous thing like texting because you're feeling awkward??? I know you said the two of you are friends first, but going back to someone's house, especially on a first date, can be nerve wrecking.  

 

If you decided to up and play video games while she just set around and watched, you would be a horrible date. But she basically dismissed you so she could read, and then got mad when you found something to do while she ignored you. I understand both women and men can play games and that a lot of it happens in the early stages of a relationship, but I would have looked at her like she lost it and chucked this one up to not being compatible maturity wise. 

 

I agree she technically left her date first, and she lashed out because you couldn't read the message she was trying to convey, which women tend to do all the time. Men don't catch on to what we as women feel is obvious. We play mind games and leave hints instead of just flat out saying what we want. If she told you oh I'm going to read she probably wanted attention like others have stated. She wanted you to stop and ask oh what are you reading, is it any good, but men are literal she gave you an answer and you listened to what she said, but you didn't "read into" what she was saying, which isn't your fault. Her behavior was uncalled for and instead of saying you're like all the rest she should look at herself and how she's approaching her dates. So in retrospect you need to remember that successful dates happen with two people. The success of it shouldn't just fall on you, or her, it's a group effort. I hope you're able to mend what happened between you two.

Edited by Konohakitten, 15 November 2014 - 09:03 PM.

[Dalton.T.R]

I can't blame her. 

You showed acutally 0 interest in her as a person, what made her think you just want a girlfriend and do not really care about her. 

 

What made her think that: 

 

- You just put in a romantic movie "everyone would like" and didn't ask any further. 

- You showed no interest in her book and just went off to play video games (on a date ... man, seriously, never do that again! You go on a date to spend time with the person you desire!)

 

But her bringing a book could also mean that she was never really interested in you in the first place. 

I showed 0 interest in her? Yet I'm the one who helped her with her car, helped her with ideas for a book she wanted to write, shared a lot of similar interests as her, paid for the entire date myself, offered to help her in any way I could in the future...yet I show no interest in her? LOL...what?

 

I ASKED what movie she wanted to watch. She said she didn't care. I asked if she would like to watch Titanic. She said yes and didn't say anything negative about it.

 

SHE pulled the book out and told me I could do whatever I wanted while she read the chapter. I said I'd be in the other room if she thought of something else. I wasn't only playing video games either. I was cleaning a mess my Dad had made before he went out himself.

 

I'M the one who requested she read the book in the first place. It was Legend by Mary Lu. I've already read all three of the Legend books in the first place!

 

Either way, it doesn't matter now. A friend of hers got hold of me and said it wasn't something that I personally did. Apparently,she's allergic to dogs...a slight detail she didn't tell me about. I have a Yellow Lab and a Golden Retriever. I don't see how that makes me like ALL the other jerks out there...but fine.

[DJSparty]

Okay, so... I recently met this girl when I went out to the movies and we kind of grew on each other. We became friends because I helped her out with her car after the movie was done and bought her a drink and a candy bar. Well...we started hanging out with each other a lot more, and a couple of days ago I finally built up the courage to ask her out. 

 

We didn't do anything out of the ordinary for our first date. We went bowling. Ate at a restaurant, goofed around a little, and ended up coming back to my place to watch a movie (Nothing serious. We just ran out of ideas, but didn't want to call it a night yet). I asked her what she wanted to watch, she said she didn't care, so I just shrugged my shoulders and put on Titanic because I had yet to meet a girl who didn't like that movie.

 

The movie ended and we both started doing our own things. She started reading a book she had brought along, and I want back to my room and started to play some video games.

 

About thirty minutes later she comes stomping back to my room, starts screaming that I'm just like all the others, and stomped out. I asked her what she was talking about but she never answered.

 

The house was clean

 

I had told her I liked to play video games

 

I told her a lot of other things about myself...things that I thought made me a pretty average guy... But I guess I was mistaken apparently...

 

Can anyone give me some advise on the matter? Because I am beyond the level of 'confused'.

Bro, you had her in your room lol. She was probably looking for some affection from you, especially after you watched a romantic movie. 

 

As a guy, I have learned that it is always best to lead any interactions. For example, when selecting a movie to watch, have a few selected that you like (3 is good, action, romantic comedy, horror. If she can't decide then err on the side of caution and go with the romantic comedy unless she explicitly states she doesn't like those sort of movies). 

 

As far as the dates go, it's always better to have planned ahead, know where you are going, and it definitely impresses the girl if you happen to know people that work there. Plan a romantic activity after the date, walks in the park work well, and ice skating is a personal favorite of mine. 

 

Most importantly you have to know how to read the mood and calibrate to certain situations once they are presented to you. If she getting physically closer to you? Does she play with her hair? Does she laugh at a lot of the things you say or do? If she does that then take that as a sign that she likes you and wouldn't mind moving the interactions forward in a romantic way. Appropriate physical contact (hand holding, brushing of the arms, brushing of her hair, palm placement on the lower back, not to high and not to low) is paramount so that when you inevitably go in for the kiss it's not gonna be awkward. The more spontaneous the kiss the better. Women love spontaneity.  

[Lady_duckish]

What do dog allergies have to do with her screaming about you being like all the other guys? Who knows maybe she was having a really rough day before your date and she just took some frustration out of you. Sounds very immature to me, but maybe with time things will become clearer. If you really like her and you think its something that can turn into gold then DONT GIVE UP (:

 

As for her supposed cries for attention, I think she went about it all wrong Assuming thats what she wants. Pulling out your phone, a book or anything that takes time away from your date sends only one clear message imo : IM NOT INTERESTED IN TALKING TO YOU. ..I mean pulling out a phone and texting/surfing is one of the most popular ways to get a man to "hopefully" leave you alone 

 

Heck, she even had a conversation topic. You recommended the book, so she could have easily asked you about it. Something like " I just read ch X and this happened, can you believe that?" I think its unfair to place all the weight of the date on you. What were you suppose to do, tell her not to read? 

 

Also, movies make bad first dates. Especially ones that everyone has already seen. They have been discussed to death and bam there's 1.5-2hr where you sat in silence instead of getting to know each other. Then there's almost always an awkward "what do we do now silence" after. I know you said you did other stuff before hand, but ijs. 

 

Games can be fun but everything in moderation. Too many mind games just lead to a lot of misunderstanding and petty nonsense. 

[Fyuria'sLeo]

You did everything wrong son.

 

Im sorry.

 

I can't help.