20 replies to this topic

[Dalton.T.R]

Greetings! It has been a while since I was last here, mostly due to a new job that often works twelve hour days six days a week, finally publishing my second book, and other real life stuff that had to be dealt with when it came along. 

 

So...I think I kind of hinted at this when I was last on this site, but in case I didn't, or we have some new people here, I'm in the process of writing a series that could potentially resurrect our favorite anime couple. Naturally, I have to make these characters different to keep the story interesting, and I think I've done a pretty good job of that. However, I wanted some opinions on what would be the best course of action. 

 

The counter characters to the Naruto cast all have similar traits with them, but are still worlds apart. For example, my lead character who is based off Naruto himself is completely different on the outside. He is extremely intelligent, very laid back, keeps to himself mostly, and is a very gifted alchemist. However, he is very weak with magic control and relies on his potions, poisons, and many additional tools he acquires through the series to combat other mages. But like Naruto, he has only one goal: to protect the girl he's in love with. This is what gives him strength as a character. He has no desire to advance in rank or serve his king. He wants only to protect the girl he loves, and this is why he becomes so successful. Because he has something to protect. He has something to fight for and defend. And because of this, you will see him achieve things you may have originally thought he couldn't.

 

For Sakura's equivalent...there really isn't a huge difference aside from the fact I'm actually going to make her do things. This character is a Restoration and creation mage. She doesn't focus on studying magic that harms potential threats, but focuses on magic that does the exact opposite. She's a support character who stays behind her team mates casting wards, healing spells, and providing them with additional power. However, she's about as much as a girly girl as a girly girl can get. She'll freak out at any reptile or bug, and nearly loses it when she watches her teammate let snakes bite him so he can create cures to the venom. 

 

So if there's anything else I can improve on, or if you have any ideas...please share them. 

Edited by Dalton.T.R, 06 May 2018 - 04:20 PM.

[LuckyChi7]

That's great to hear man, I'm also currently in the process of writing my own series too more so finishing the writing the of my first book, it's a post apocolyptic story, and there is a romance subplot with two particular characters. I wouldn't say my main character is like Naruto per say, he's smart (not like super genius of course) but he does have his moments of being a goof. There is this mysterious aura about him won't say what it is, but it's more or less the key component of his character.  The girl character I'll say is the one that's got the romance element part, again won't say how, but it is one of the two key parts to her character. You'll know which part of her feels like Sakura, but that's basically the building block of her character. Over the course of the series she's gonna change for the better. It's not going to be completely like Naruto and Sakura's relationship in terms of goofiness, but there will be elements of that sprinkled into the story. I like to describe it as a mature (realistic) approach of NaruSaku. You know the more serious moments like from Tenchi Bridge, Promise of a Life Time, Pain Arc Ending, CPR Scene, etc. 

 

 

 

When it comes to your particular story I actually really liked the way you described the characters, they both seem really interesting.  I'm not sure if you've already got this part with your main male character, but by any chance does he have like a jokey side to him. The way you described the character I'll say kinda reminds me of Shikamaru, no to say it's bad but something I did kind notice based on how you described him. In terms of the Sakura equivalent character you mentioned.. there's not too much I have to say. Quite curious about the interaction she's going to have about the main character which I'm hopefully they are great, and more than likely funny given what she freaks out about.  

 

 

Plus, you mentioned that you're publishing this too, what particular steps does it take for the publishing to happen? Like I said before I'm in the final stages of finishing the writing of my first book, and then going to self edit it myself afterwards. Just curious that way I'm aware of the following steps I need to take after I finish self editing. 

 

Really looking forward to seeing your story completed. 

Edited by LuckyChi7, 06 May 2018 - 05:53 PM.

[Dalton.T.R]

That's great to hear man, I'm also currently in the process of writing my own series too more so finishing the writing the of my first book, it's a post apocolyptic story, and there is a romance subplot with two particular characters. I wouldn't say my main character is like Naruto per say, he's smart (not like super genius of course) but he does have his moments of being a goof. There is this mysterious aura about him won't say what it is, but it's more or less the key component of his character.  The girl character I'll say is the one that's got the romance element part, again won't say how, but it is one of the two key parts to her character. You'll know which part of her feels like Sakura, but that's basically the building block of her character. Over the course of the series she's gonna change for the better. It's not going to be completely like Naruto and Sakura's relationship in terms of goofiness, but there will be elements of that sprinkled into the story. I like to describe it as a mature (realistic) approach of NaruSaku. You know the more serious moments like from Tenchi Bridge, Promise of a Life Time, Pain Arc Ending, CPR Scene, etc. 

 

 

 

When it comes to your particular story I actually really liked the way you described the characters, they both seem really interesting.  I'm not sure if you've already got this part with your main male character, but by any chance does he have like a jokey side to him. The way you described the character I'll say kinda reminds me of Shikamaru, no to say it's bad but something I did kind notice based on how you described him. In terms of the Sakura equivalent character you mentioned.. there's not too much I have to say. Quite curious about the interaction she's going to have about the main character which I'm hopefully they are great, and more than likely funny given what she freaks out about.  

 

 

Plus, you mentioned that you're publishing this too, what particular steps does it take for the publishing to happen? Like I said before I'm in the final stages of finishing the writing of my first book, and then going to self edit it myself afterwards. Just curious that way I'm aware of the following steps I need to take after I finish self editing. 

 

Really looking forward to seeing your story completed. 

He actually does have quite a respectable number of funny moments, most of them being from cultural shock when he leaves his neck of the woods and seeing stone buildings, roads, and the weapons the soldiers are carrying. I don't know how to describe his attitude when it comes to comedy, but Obi-Wan Kenobi's attitude from the animated Star Wars the Clone Wars isn't that far off from Floris. Most of the comedy in the series comes from Rook, who just shatters the 4th wall to pieces and trolls me as the writer, and the readers on a fairly regular basis. 

 

As for publishing, I'll send you a PM. 

Edited by Dalton.T.R, 06 May 2018 - 07:55 PM.

[Dalton.T.R]

So...about the promise of a life time. This series I'm writing does have its own version of that, and in my personal opinion...it's going to have a much stronger impact on the reader and the characters. I didn't make this exactly clear last time, but my lead character doesn't have a spirit of some kind inside him that keeps him from death. He's just as mortal as you and me, and the second a bullet, arrow or knife pierces a vital organ he's done. 

 

I don't want to spoil a lot of this moment, but the main character ultimately loses the coming battle, and suffers some serious injuries. His right arm is blown off, and several bones are broken, along with severe burns all over his body. He is found all but dead by two elemental mages who rush him back to the nearest hospital, which is where....this gets interesting, and where I really need an opinion for the development for the couple I have in mind. If Naruto had sustained these types of injuries, didn't have the fox spirit to heal him faster, and was literally on the verge of death...what would Sakura have done in this particular situation?

 

This couple is based off NaruSaku, and will ultimately resemble what they could have been if they had been written correctly. So I need all the help and advise I can get. 

[T XD]

The ideas of your story and characters are interesting. The set of the story reminds me of Harry Potter.
 
Regarding personality traits and type of character, personally, I'm fine with how the Naruto equivalent is because that's how you want him to be, but I didn't get much of what you mean with Sakura's equivalent.
 
Sakura's equivalent not being much different from Sakura in Naruto, but she's a girly girl ? You mean she's like Misty from Pokemon; Tsundere, but is afraid of bugs ? If that's what you mean then it's fine. But, if she's not much like the latter and is a girly girl then she gets irritating and tiresome to read about her or watch her. Most of the people will be annoyed and some would see her weak. Be careful. By the way, is she the heroine, a main character or a side character ?
 
I'm looking forward to hear more about your story. Will it be a novel or a manga ?
 

So...about the promise of a life time. This series I'm writing does have its own version of that, and in my personal opinion...it's going to have a much stronger impact on the reader and the characters. I didn't make this exactly clear last time, but my lead character doesn't have a spirit of some kind inside him that keeps him from death. He's just as mortal as you and me, and the second a bullet, arrow or knife pierces a vital organ he's done.

I don't want to spoil a lot of this moment, but the main character ultimately loses the coming battle, and suffers some serious injuries. His right arm is blown off, and several bones are broken, along with severe burns all over his body. He is found all but dead by two elemental mages who rush him back to the nearest hospital, which is where....this gets interesting, and where I really need an opinion for the development for the couple I have in mind. If Naruto had sustained these types of injuries, didn't have the fox spirit to heal him faster, and was literally on the verge of death...what would Sakura have done in this particular situation?

This couple is based off NaruSaku, and will ultimately resemble what they could have been if they had been written correctly. So I need all the help and advise I can get.

Sakura would try hard and do the best she can to heal him. Afterwards, she would tend to him and stay by his side when he's in bed in the hospital. Naruto at some point would be happy that she helped him and stayed by his side.

You can add a funny moment too.

Edited by T XD, 12 May 2018 - 10:42 AM.

[Dalton.T.R]

Oh, I didn't realize someone had replied to this thread. My bad. 

 

This will be a novel series called Mages of the North. And I'm not real sure how to give a simple answer to your questions about Sakura's equivalent, so I'll just give you a bit of her backstory. And yes, she is in fact the lead female character. 

 

The name of the character is Kathrina Kathrine. She's the runaway daughter of a noble family trying to escape a forced marriage she wanted no part of. Long story cut short, she joins the Mages Guild to persue her goal of becoming the best healer in the northern continent, and tending to wounded soldiers brought back from the wars in the south. As a noble, she tends to stand out because of her clothing and accessory items such as earrings, finger rings, necklaces and so on. And because of her background, she doesn't understand how the "real world" works, which creates some good and bad character traits. She's terrified of bugs, snakes, wild animals and reptiles in general, and will run away screaming at the top of her lungs the second a frog croaks at her. She is eventually teamed up with Floris and Alvis (Floris being Naruto's equivalent, and Alvis being Sasuke's) where a rather interesting love triangle forms. 

 

Because Floris and Alvis come from a very primitive village deep within the South Swamp, they are accustomed to a very different way of life than Kathrina may ever be able to understand. Floris was the village healer before he left, and had to use what resources the swamp gave him, meaning he experimented on live and dead animals on a regular basis to perfect his potions and poisons. Kathrina may see this as a cruelty and ask him to stop, not realizing that this is the very nature of alchemy. 

 

 

If anyone wants to know more about this series feel free to PM me. 

[T XD]

Oh, I didn't realize someone had replied to this thread. My bad. 

 

This will be a novel series called Mages of the North. And I'm not real sure how to give a simple answer to your questions about Sakura's equivalent, so I'll just give you a bit of her backstory. And yes, she is in fact the lead female character. 

 

The name of the character is Kathrina Kathrine. She's the runaway daughter of a noble family trying to escape a forced marriage she wanted no part of. Long story cut short, she joins the Mages Guild to persue her goal of becoming the best healer in the northern continent, and tending to wounded soldiers brought back from the wars in the south. As a noble, she tends to stand out because of her clothing and accessory items such as earrings, finger rings, necklaces and so on. And because of her background, she doesn't understand how the "real world" works, which creates some good and bad character traits. She's terrified of bugs, snakes, wild animals and reptiles in general, and will run away screaming at the top of her lungs the second a frog croaks at her. She is eventually teamed up with Floris and Alvis (Floris being Naruto's equivalent, and Alvis being Sasuke's) where a rather interesting love triangle forms. 

 

Because Floris and Alvis come from a very primitive village deep within the South Swamp, they are accustomed to a very different way of life than Kathrina may ever be able to understand. Floris was the village healer before he left, and had to use what resources the swamp gave him, meaning he experimented on live and dead animals on a regular basis to perfect his potions and poisons. Kathrina may see this as a cruelty and ask him to stop, not realizing that this is the very nature of alchemy. 

 

 

If anyone wants to know more about this series feel free to PM me. 

I think I got an idea of her character. I'm thinking she's headstrong, but has weakness which one of them are bugs, wild animals, etc.

[catsi563]

The thing with the Promise to me was that it was meant to be a turning point for Naruto and Sakuras relationship where we see how desperate Sakura is and hurting and she turns to the only one she feels she can trust, Naruto.

 

Naruto is huirt of course but does what any selfless person would and promises her this does NOT go unnoticed by sakura who sees him in a new light

 

This to me is meant to be the point where Sakura and Narutos stories cross in regards to their relationship[ and she starts loving Naruto

 

I defined team 7s relationships as 3 lines wth Sakura starting closer to sasuke and running parallel with narutos. only for Sakuras line to shift away from sasukes and closer to narutos line as the story progressed and she developed.

 

The POAL is where her line connects to Narutos at their most intimate in terms of relationship development and character.

 

the scene where she tells him to wait for her is where I still believe she has fallen in love with him though she cant bring herself to says so because she feels she would hold him back. which is why she asks him to wait not so they can get sasuke together--though that is part of it-- but so she can stand by his side as a strong capable Kunoichi and be brave like he is.

 

the promise is meant to be a deep and selfess act, and while yes it does morph over time into something more it remains one of the more iconic moments in Naruto

[Dalton.T.R]

I think I got an idea of her character. I'm thinking she's headstrong, but has weakness which one of them are bugs, wild animals, etc.

I'm not sure if "headstrong" is the right word for her, but sure. 

 

I'm not sure if I'm going to keep her like this or not to be honest. The series is still a ways away from starting because of stuff I have to deal with in real life, so things might change in the future. 

 

I would like to get her as close to Sakura as possible in terms of personality. But she never hates her potential partner. She never has a reason to. But Sakura down right despised Naruto in the beginning. 

[catsi563]

I don't agree she despised him, her ""Hate"" was more an example of her immaturity then actual OMG Die you hate.

 

Sakura in part 1 was meant to be well frankly a little girl, engaging in childish crushes and petty things. Its through her relationship with Team 7 that she grows and matures as a person and a woman. 

 

Her character develops and matures until the promise of a lifetime where she has a breakthrough shifting her character away from the childish to the Adult

[Dalton.T.R]

I don't agree she despised him, her ""Hate"" was more an example of her immaturity then actual OMG Die you hate.

 

Sakura in part 1 was meant to be well frankly a little girl, engaging in childish crushes and petty things. Its through her relationship with Team 7 that she grows and matures as a person and a woman. 

 

Her character develops and matures until the promise of a lifetime where she has a breakthrough shifting her character away from the childish to the Adult

I suppose that does make sense. Whether or not that's what was planned for Sakura I have no idea, but she does get over her "hate" for Naruto relatively quickly when team 7 is formed. Well...relatively speaking at least. 

 

Anyway, moving on to my new post here. Since the couple I have in mind is based off NaruSaku, would it be more preferred if the girl didn't like the boy in the beginning? I can give her a number of reasons why she wouldn't like him, though they are somewhat petty. Or would it be more interesting if they meet with no opinions of one another and form their relationship as they go? 

[T XD]

I suppose that does make sense. Whether or not that's what was planned for Sakura I have no idea, but she does get over her "hate" for Naruto relatively quickly when team 7 is formed. Well...relatively speaking at least. 

 

Anyway, moving on to my new post here. Since the couple I have in mind is based off NaruSaku, would it be more preferred if the girl didn't like the boy in the beginning? I can give her a number of reasons why she wouldn't like him, though they are somewhat petty. Or would it be more interesting if they meet with no opinions of one another and form their relationship as they go? 

If you want the pairing to be like NS then it's the first option cause Sakura didn't like Naruto at the start before they were assigned in a team.

 

If you want to go with the second option : When they meet, a friendship begins to form with each other soon and with the second main male character that you have in mind. In time, the Sakura-like character begins to develop romantic feelings.

Edited by T XD, 20 May 2018 - 07:46 PM.

[Dalton.T.R]

Okay. I'll think up something. It shouldn't seem too forced or something. She's the daughter of a noble family, he's from some backwater village in the South Swamp. Maybe she views him as a primitive low life at first? And since she's a noble, she might not have any experience in the "real world" and views his "experiments" as barbaric and unnecessary.  

[Dalton.T.R]

So, about the villain of this particular series, I have a few ideas that I think could be quite intriguing. There will be multiple villains, each differing in terms of how evil or corrupt they are. An example of one of the lesser villains would be a priest who views mages as demons in human form, and sends inquisitors out to hunt for mages on missions. 

 

For the main villain, or the one who poses the biggest threat to the series...I was thinking of something like a Necromancer seeking to become a lich, He will have knowledge of dark forbidden spells, and practice ancient magics that were believed to have been erased from time. 

[T XD]

Okay. I'll think up something. It shouldn't seem too forced or something. She's the daughter of a noble family, he's from some backwater village in the South Swamp. Maybe she views him as a primitive low life at first? And since she's a noble, she might not have any experience in the "real world" and views his "experiments" as barbaric and unnecessary.  

Yeah, I guess mentioning that at the beginning would be fine. But, don't use this reason more than once.

 

So, about the villain of this particular series, I have a few ideas that I think could be quite intriguing. There will be multiple villains, each differing in terms of how evil or corrupt they are. An example of one of the lesser villains would be a priest who views mages as demons in human form, and sends inquisitors out to hunt for mages on missions. 

 

For the main villain, or the one who poses the biggest threat to the series...I was thinking of something like a Necromancer seeking to become a lich, He will have knowledge of dark forbidden spells, and practice ancient magics that were believed to have been erased from time. 

Sounds fine.

[Dalton.T.R]

Okay, is there any real legitimate reason the girl should not give the guy a chance at dating her or trying for a relationship after he eventually recovers from the hospital? He's literally brought back with severe burns, crushed bones, a missing arm, and multiple other injuries. He's even forced to go through the Mages Guild's burn hospital where he's practically begging for the Restoration mages to kill him. He goes through this for months and months and months on end until he's eventually healed. 

 

And the "Sakura" of this series is with him every step of the way through this, and is even the one who's cleaning the burnt skin off him. 

 

Sure this whole thing would bring them a lot closer...but I'm struggling to see a reason why she wouldn't be willing to give him a chance at this point. 

 

Even if this happened to Naruto after he got back from his first fight with Sasuke, I have a feeling Sakura still wouldn't have given Naruto a chance. 

[T XD]

Okay, is there any real legitimate reason the girl should not give the guy a chance at dating her or trying for a relationship after he eventually recovers from the hospital? He's literally brought back with severe burns, crushed bones, a missing arm, and multiple other injuries. He's even forced to go through the Mages Guild's burn hospital where he's practically begging for the Restoration mages to kill him. He goes through this for months and months and months on end until he's eventually healed. 

 

And the "Sakura" of this series is with him every step of the way through this, and is even the one who's cleaning the burnt skin off him. 

 

Sure this whole thing would bring them a lot closer...but I'm struggling to see a reason why she wouldn't be willing to give him a chance at this point. 

 

Even if this happened to Naruto after he got back from his first fight with Sasuke, I have a feeling Sakura still wouldn't have given Naruto a chance. 

They can date, but it would be too early in the story. Leaving the main pairing till at least half way through the story is a lot more exciting and rewarding. That's why I think most of the writers leave the main pairing till later.

 

I don't think also Sakura would have given Naruto a chance yet cause Kishimoto would think about it as something too early in the story and wanting to focus on other themes.

[Dalton.T.R]

Hmm...that could potentially be a majoring factor for the time skip. Like Naruto, the boy will go off with several elemental mages for a time to train with them, and learn as much as he can. Then, he'll come back a lot stronger, and a lot different compared to how he used to be. 

 

Unlike Naruto, this guy is going to be pretty mature and laid back.

 

Girl at their first meeting after several years: "So, tell me. Have I become more womanly since we last saw each other?"

 

Rook: "Don't answer that! These kinds of questions never end well with women!" 

 

Boy: "Um...time has never effected your beauty. You have become a lovely young woman since I left." 

 

Girl either proceeds to blush, or rolls her eyes like she doesn't believe him. 

[T XD]

Hmm...that could potentially be a majoring factor for the time skip. Like Naruto, the boy will go off with several elemental mages for a time to train with them, and learn as much as he can. Then, he'll come back a lot stronger, and a lot different compared to how he used to be. 

 

Unlike Naruto, this guy is going to be pretty mature and laid back.

 

Girl at their first meeting after several years: "So, tell me. Have I become more womanly since we last saw each other?"

 

Rook: "Don't answer that! These kinds of questions never end well with women!" 

 

Boy: "Um...time has never effected your beauty. You have become a lovely young woman since I left." 

 

Girl either proceeds to blush, or rolls her eyes like she doesn't believe him. 

That's a good idea.

 

That's a nice and funny conversation. You should include it XD

[Dalton.T.R]

Yeah, I have no doubt Rook is going to be my most liked character out of every book series I write. His one job as a character is to completely destroy the 4th wall, and troll the readers - as well as me as the writer to no end. I as the author will actually talk with Rook in a deep rumbly god-like voice that only he can hear, and all the other characters think he is just insanely mad with the way he'll start having random shouting fits. 

 

Here are just some examples of his shenanigans:

 

1) While exploring an ancient ruin, Kathrina looks over her shoulder to warn her friends, "Careful. The ancients of this land rigged places like this with deadly traps, so watch where you step."

 

Rook rolls his eyes and leans against the wall with his arms crossed, "Gee. Who would've seen that one coming. First it's fire breathing dragons, then it's zombies, and now it's traps. Is the reader even still reading at this point? This author is clearly running out of ideas. Everything this chapter has been sooo cliche, it hurts!"
 

Without warning, the wall he was leaning on opened up, and a boxing glove on a spring sent him flying across the room, crashing through the far wall. When the dust settles, all that could be seen was Rook's legs bent over what remained of the wall. The other mages rush to his aid, but as they arrive, Rook pints his finger towards the ceiling, "Rule number one as a fictional character: NEVER diss the author you belong to. Bad things happen."

 

2) The side of the heavy first rate collides with the iceberg, ripping apart the lower decks, and freezing arctic water rushes onto the crew who are trying to escape. 

 

Rook watches as the ship is torn apart at the bottom, then looks at Floris, "You know...I feel like a ship somewhere in an alternative universe became really popular because of something like this..." 

 

These are just examples with no connection to the actual story. 

Edited by Dalton.T.R, 05 July 2018 - 12:24 AM.