Jump to content

Close
Photo

Rag Doll


  • This topic is locked This topic is locked
10 replies to this topic

#1 sharingank

sharingank

    Inner Kyuubi

  • Elite Jounin
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 2,102 posts
  • Location:OHIO!!
  • Interests:Uh...stuff. I like Naruto. Wow. What a surprise. Gaara, Kakashi, Neji, and Kankuro are the boys.

Posted 12 October 2004 - 09:07 PM

Rag Doll




It was raining. He felt the drops like needles against his fevered skin, piercing to his very core. The breaths he drew were ragged, coarse, raw. A river of crimson glimmered on the ground near his feet. A knife fell from his limp fingers, and his knees gave way.

?Touch me,? the boy across from him whispered, stretching out his hand. ?Please.?

All he saw was blood, spilled by his own strike. He recoiled from it, his eyes wide.

?Please,? the boy repeated. ?I don?t want to die alone.?

?I can?t,? Naruto forced himself to say. He felt sick. ?I?m the one who killed you.?

Sasuke coughed, sending rivulets of blood flying, a few drops landing on Naruto?s face.

?I know,? he said, black, dimming eyes locked with those of crystal blue. ?Please, Naruto.?

What have I done?

Their hands met, Naruto?s warm, Sasuke?s cold and clammy.

The dark haired prodigy of the Uchiha clan smiled. ?Everything has to end,? he murmured, the tiny ember of his life slipping away. ?My pain will be yours now.?

Naruto?s brow furrowed. ?What do you mean??

But he received no answer.

?Sasuke!?

His friend and enemy lay still.

?Sasuke!? He yelled, and, seized with an alarming sense of rage, he began shaking the dead boy. ?Wake up, damn you! Tell me what you meant! Sasuke!?

The only reply he received was from the weeping sky.

Slowly, he came back to himself and cradled his fallen comrade in his arms.

?It wasn?t supposed to be this way,? he sobbed, rocking back and forth. ?I was going to save you!?

After a few moments, he pulled away to look at Sasuke, noting through his tears that the curse seal had disappeared.

No longer was he the tool of his own revenge, but the Sasuke of their Academy days, the Sasuke before Orochimaru and Akatsuki?

The Sasuke who he had laughed with, trained with, grown with?

His best friend.

His only friend.

My pain will be yours now.

?Let?s go home,? Naruto whispered, getting to his feet.

The rain continued to fall.


**********

Silence greeted him when he stepped through the gates of Konoha. The villagers were all tucked safe in their beds, not suspecting that a killer was in their midst.

All but one.

Tsunade sensed something had happened, and the knowledge kept her awake. She paced back and forth on the balcony of her compound, not quite certain what she was searching for. Movement down below caught her attention, and she paused.

?Naruto,? she said to herself when she made out the figure moving in her direction. Why are you out in the rain? She squinted. He was not alone.

?We?re almost there,? the blonde boy said, unaware that the Godaime was tracking him. ?Just a little bit further.?

The shadows moved.

?Stop.?

He knew that voice.

?Oba-chan.?

Tsunade stood before him, her carefully schooled features blank. Never before had she been so thankful for the training she received as a girl, for it allowed her to mask her shock. She had not expected to see what she did now. She opened her mouth to speak, but Naruto was faster.

?Don?t ask questions,? he said in a voice not his own. ?You won?t be able to tell what you didn?t hear.?

Her eyes narrowed.

?What are you going to do?? She said, voice cracking.

?Forget it,? Naruto told her, and thrust the body into her arms. ?Bury him beneath a Sakura tree,? he whispered. ?Those were his favorite.?

Tsunade?s eyes moved from Naruto to the corpse and back again.

?You?re leaving,? she accused, terrified for him. For as little time as she had known this boy, she had grown to care for him as she would a son. If he were to leave now, after committing a murder, he would be labeled an S-rank criminal, and even she as the Hokage would be able to do nothing to help him.

Naruto knew very well what he was about to do, and how very grave the consequences would be, but he had no other choice.

My pain will be yours now.

Those words continued to play through his head, and he could not ignore them. I have to fix this. I have to. Sasuke will never forgive me if I abandon him.

?And who?s gonna stop me?? He said quietly. ?You? The villagers? I don?t think so, Oba-chan. The only thing that kept me here died today.? He made to touch the body one last time, but his arm fell to his side. ?I?m sorry, Godaime-sama. I think you know how sorry I am. But this is the way it has to be.?

?Why, Naruto?? Tsunade cried, anguished. ?What will you gain if you go to him? There are people who love you here!?

He placed a finger over her lips, silencing her. ?My pain will be yours now. Those were the last things he said to me,? his eyes strayed to Sasuke. ?I will be the person he was going to be. I will do the things he was meant to do. No more questions, Tsunade.?

Without another word, Naruto turned his back on the village he had grown to love and walked away.

Tsunade watched him go, her heart beating painfully against her chest. The rain mixed with the tears that spilled down her cheeks, but she did not notice.


Click For Spoiler

Obviously, I got rid of Sakura. I kind of pictured something like this happening if Naruto did not have her around to fight for, or to show him that he was important...

Very depressing, I know.

#2 Smiter

Smiter

    ... WHAT?

  • Kage
  • 6,863 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:United Kingdom
  • Interests:Animanga, Art, Books, Gaming, Web Design.(Yes, I am a geek and proud of it)

Posted 12 October 2004 - 09:32 PM

I like this, Ash. happy.gif

I twigged there was no Sakura from the moment I noticed Tsunade was the only one waiting. wink.gif It is depressing, but that is fitting since Sakura is really important to Naruto and she would probably be the only one who can stop him from losing himself when he gets back to Konoha.

And this is very much in keeping with how Naruto would feel if he killed Sasuke!

I'm looking forward to your second story! biggrin.gif

#3 Jingure

Jingure

    Rookie

  • Rookie
  • Pip
  • 72 posts
  • Location:sunagakure, quite literally.
  • Interests:narusaku, ska, zombification, hoshigaki kisame, fanfiction, canon, fandom

Posted 12 October 2004 - 09:45 PM

My first clue was when it was said that Naruto was his only friend.

Che... ;_; So sad. But luffly.

[hugs Naruto] o__o;

Excellent, excellent work. happy.gif I really am elated a talented author like you responded to my challenge...y...thing.

much love,
jingure.

#4 sharingank

sharingank

    Inner Kyuubi

  • Elite Jounin
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 2,102 posts
  • Location:OHIO!!
  • Interests:Uh...stuff. I like Naruto. Wow. What a surprise. Gaara, Kakashi, Neji, and Kankuro are the boys.

Posted 12 October 2004 - 09:57 PM

Aww thanks!!! *huggles Jingure and Smiter* Heh...I'll be writing the second story in anthropology on Thursday. Woot woot!!!

#5 Blayze

Blayze

    Godaime|Erokage-sama

  • Missing Nin
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 2,015 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Yorkshire, England

Posted 12 October 2004 - 10:00 PM

Cool... dark tongue.gif

I like it smile.gif

#6 Guest_Aethos_*

Guest_Aethos_*
  • Guests

Posted 12 October 2004 - 10:51 PM

It was good, you should post it up on FF.net

I mean even if it is a little short it really brought the point across.

Poor Naruto if only Sakura had been there.

#7 alphabet

alphabet

    dumpling-buns

  • Elite Teacher
  • PipPipPip
  • 1,176 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Minnesnowda
  • Interests:...

Posted 12 October 2004 - 11:14 PM

Writing through classes? o.O How will you learn???

Kidding, kidding. tongue.gif Seriously, that was awesome. Really made you think. . . what would Naruto be like with no Sakura? You captured it wonderfully.

I'll put mine up in a few days, after I revise it a bit. I have a favor to ask, t3h Ashy. Can I send it to you, and you tell me what's wrong with it and how to make it sound better? It's my first ficlet, and I think I'd like to write a few more later. 121721.gif
Posted Image

#8 Arashi

Arashi

    Kiiroi Senko

  • Genin
  • PipPip
  • 125 posts
  • Location:Canada

Posted 12 October 2004 - 11:53 PM

This is definately something that should be put on FF.net. Very well written and expressed. Man your writing just keeps getting better and better every time. This is the sort of thing that shows exactly how much of an impact Sakura is on Naruto. Once again, a job well done. smile.gif

BTW, just a word of advice. If you are going to post this outside of the NaruSaku forums, it may be good to add a note explaining how this isn't a NaruSasu story. The people here have common sense enough to understand what you've created, but the crazy yaoi fangirls at FF.net may mistake Naruto's valour for "something else"

Vultures I tell you.... vultures. ninja.gif

#9 sharingank

sharingank

    Inner Kyuubi

  • Elite Jounin
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 2,102 posts
  • Location:OHIO!!
  • Interests:Uh...stuff. I like Naruto. Wow. What a surprise. Gaara, Kakashi, Neji, and Kankuro are the boys.

Posted 13 October 2004 - 12:03 AM

Oh you guys!! I'm so flattered!! Thank you!! I just felt so strongly about this story...I really think that a lot of who Naruto is hinges upon Sakura...

Do you really think I should put it on FF.net? I thought it was a bit too short to stick up there...perhaps if I tweak it a bit and make it longer...but I don't know if I want to do that...

#10 Yoko

Yoko

    Summoning Master

  • ANBU
  • 1,465 posts
  • Gender:Female

Posted 13 October 2004 - 12:57 AM

dark! Angst! yay! I loved it, Ash-chan!

#11 Snoopy

Snoopy

    Fresh Meat

  • Fresh Meat
  • 7 posts
  • Location:Queensland, Australia

Posted 13 October 2004 - 07:54 AM

So dark, so dreary, so depressing... by god that was good! (and not just cause Suske died...is it alright to feel so happy about someone dying? unsure.gif ) The way you wrote it set the scene so well. Naruto's actions at the end surprised me though.

Anyways enough of my senselss babble all that needs to be said is that this fic rocks and if you were to stop writing it would be a crime against humanity.

And on a completely unrelated note, Yoko your avatar is so damn cute I want to hug it....
"One shall stand. One shall fall"
Optimus Prime




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users