How the Grinchmoto Stole Christmas ( from Everyone but NH)
By Dr.Tsuki
Every fan down in fanville liked Naruto a LOT…
But the Grinchmoto who lived in the east, DID NOT!
The Grinchmoto hated Naruto, the whole lot! ( But for Sasuke who he liked a lot.)
Now, please don’t ask why, no one quite knows the reason.
It could be that his first editor was to thank for all in good season.
It could be, perhaps that his employers were to blame.
But I think that the most likely reason of all,
May have been that his brain was three sizes too small.
Whatever the reason, his editor or employers,
He stood there in the month of November, hating the fan’s,
Staring down from the east with a foolish, trollmoto smile
For he knew every Fan down in Fanville below
Was busy then, preparing for the end, hanging up posters and purchasing products.
“And they’re watching reruns and highlights!” He sneered with a snarl.
“Next month the movie comes out. It’s practically here!”
Then he growled, his Grinchy hands drawing panel after panel.
“I seriously must find some way to stop them from stomaching this series!”
For next month, he knew all the Fan girls and fan boys would wake bright and early. They’d rush for their Magazines, and then! Oh, the letters! Oh, the letters!
Letters! Letters! Letters!
That’s the one thing he hated! The FAN LETTERS.
LETTERS! LETTERS! LETTERS!
Then the Fans, Young and old would sit down at their desks.
And they’d DEBATE! And they’d DEBATE! And they’d DEBATE!
DEBATE! DEBATE! DEBATE!
They would debate about Narusaku, about Sasusaku, and even about Naruhina.
This was something the Grinchmoto could not stand in the least!
And THEN they’d do something he liked least of all!
Every Fan down in Fanville, the Tall and the Small
would post close together with their keyboards a-clacking.
They’d make post after post. And the Fan’s would start skyping!
They’d Skype! And they’d Skype! And they’d SKYPE!
SKYPE! SKYPE! SKYPE!
And the more the Grinchmoto thought of this fan Naruto-skype
The more Grinchmoto thought, “I must stop this whole thing!”
“Why for 15 some years I’ve put up with it now!”
“I must stop these fans from coming! But HOW?”
Then he got an Idea! an Awful idea!
The Grinchmoto got a WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
“I know just what to do!” The Grinchmoto laughed in his throat.
And he made a terrible, quick ending where Sai and Yamato disappeared.
And he chuckled, and chuckled, “What a great terrible trick!”
“With Sakura with Sasuke and Naruto with Hinata this ending will tank!”
“All I need now is a movie to retcon everything…” Grinchmoto looked around.
And there he found Studio Periot standing around.
“ Let’s make Hinata the heroine instead!” he said, and the Studio eagerly agreed.
So they called up their directors, their assistants and animators. They wrote a script and it was okay.
“No!” He screamed, throwing the papers away. “This simply won’t do, it has to be worse!”
So they wrote it again and again until it was a mass of soggy,mushy shoujo clichés.
Then he released the final two chapters and let the world believe it was a lie.
The fan’s sat stunned in their homes as they stared at their magazines. “This isn’t right!"
They all cried, but for the Naruhina’s and the Sasusaku’s.
“It must be a lie!” Cried the Narusaku’s. “In the movie all will be well!” and they all quieted down for the night.
“This is just step number one!” The cruel Grinchmoto hissed,
and he crawled to the roof of the first little house whose windows were all dark and slid down the chimney, the bags in his hand fisted tight.
The he stuck his head out of the fire place where all the little subplots he’d abandoned long ago hung neatly in a row.
“These,” He grinned. “Are the first things to go!”
Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,
Around the whole room, and he took every parallel!
Sakura’s development! Naruto’s confession! Karin’s whole being! The cycle of hate! Popcorn! And logic!
And he stuffed them in bags. Then the Grinchmoto, very nimbly,
Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up that chimney!
Then he slunk to the icebox. He took the fan's Naruto Drink!
He took the Fan’s love! He took their ability to stomach his face!
He cleaned out that icebox as quick as a flash.
Why that Grinchmoto even took their very last hope!
Then he stuffed it all the up the chimney with glee.
"And NOW!" grinned Grinchmoto, "I will take away Naruto’s love!"
And the Grinchmoto grabbed the proof, and he started to shove,
When he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.
He turned around fast, and he saw two small Fan’s!
Little Lys-Lou Fan and Tiny Tsuki Fan, who were not more than Twenty three and Twenty Four.
The Grinch had been caught by these tiny Fan daughter’s,
Who'd gotten out of their bed’s for a cup of cold water.
They stared at the Grinch and said, "But…Grinchmoto, why,”
"Why are you taking away Canon? WHY?"
But, you know, that old Grinchmoto thought he was so smart and so slick,
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!
"Why, my sweet little tots," the shill of a writer lied,
"This canon never existed!"
"It was all your imagination, so don’t be alarmed."
"Naruhina and Sasusaku were clearly the most developed…”
“You can see now that you were reading it wrong."
And he thought that his fib fooled the two. Then he patted their head’s,
And he got them a drink, only to turn and find them and Naruto’s love gone!
He searched and he searched, but they were long gone, so he shrugged and he sauntered, safely sure he’d damaged the work beyond salvage.
But when he went to his sleigh, he was stunned to discover what else was amiss. Sakura was gone, and so was her development! Gone were the parallels that he’d stolen, gone were his subplots, gone was his respect and adoration! Everything was gone, GONE, GONE!
They’d taken it all and run away with it, the Fans had refused his will!
"Well, it doesn't even matter!" He sniffed derisively and yelled for his wife to pull the sleigh.
"When we get home its back to the kitchen with you!" Groused the Grinchmoto as he climbed on the empty cart.
For you see dear reader, it didn't matter what the two brave young Fan's had done, for when the sun rose in the morning
it will all be done. The movie would be out, it would become the NEW canon.
All would be lost, or so he thought.
For yes indeed, the movie did come out but the theaters of Fanville were neigh empty!
A gloriously terrible thing was happening.
There was the clacking of Key boards, and POST AFTER POST!
The letters still came! Letter after letter, post after post!
Debates were still going on and on and on!
"It can't be!" Grinchmoto wept, and smacked the plate from his wife's hands.
It couldn't, it shouldn't be possible! "Things are even worse than before!"
For the Fans down in Fanville did not weep or slip quietly into depression,
they fought with their keyboards,
they screamed with their skypes!
They raged and they raged all through the night.
They rejected his canon and such was his plight,
that the very next night his wife took flight.
To this very day, way up in the east,
The clicking and the clacking
The posts and the notes
keep coming and coming with no signs of stopping.
While way down in a quiet corner of Fanville
The Naruhina's are left alone. "Perhaps it’s true." they thought with a sigh.
"Perhaps before was better than this..." and then they barked a laugh.
"Nah, couldn't be!" They called into the lonely, empty night.
The End.
Edited by Tsuki Hoshino, 06 December 2014 - 10:38 PM.