Writing Ultimate Naruto/Sakura romantic lemon
#1
Posted 18 August 2006 - 11:08 PM
Basically, I've gotten the set-up and first half done. I'm not ready to post it on FF.net, mediaminer, AFF.net, etc. because I want a lot done before I start uploading. It disappoints me when promising fics start, go a while, and then just suddenly stop.
So I was wondering if I could post the first half here and if anyone could read it and give me their thoughts.
My basic take on it is that I am big on TLC. And I love the angle of Sakura giving Naruto some sexual healing since she's a medic and all. I want to show Sakura using her aggressive side in a more sexual and seductive way, and I want to show Naruto being the truly kind, gentle, and unselfish person we all know he really he is. And that Sakura and Naruto are kindred spirits and soulmates meant to be together.
In a lot of ways Naruto/Sakura reminds me of Guts/Casca from Berserk, just not as screwed up. So I think that Sasuke represents the Griffith persona to Sakura like Griffith did to Casca, but Naruto is the person she ends up with and falls in love with for real.
I want it to be romantic, fluffy, as well as sexual and erotic.
My big inspirations on the fanfic and this story in particular are Desaix, Dave-D, Daniel Goldberg, and of course Sharingank.
So is it ok to post rough drafts here?
Joe Is Gonna Kill You.
#3
Posted 19 August 2006 - 12:03 AM
Not sure if this link will work. I'd really appreciate some feedback.
http://www.narusaku....tory.php?sid=94
Joe Is Gonna Kill You.
#5
Posted 19 August 2006 - 12:29 AM
Joe Is Gonna Kill You.
#6
Posted 19 August 2006 - 12:59 AM
BTW, I've seen you on both the NarutoForums and SuperHeroHype boards (though I don't go to the former anymore). Had no idea you were a NaruSaku fan.
#7
Posted 19 August 2006 - 01:11 AM
Joe Is Gonna Kill You.
#8
Posted 19 August 2006 - 02:23 AM
1) Sakura's name should be Haruno Sakura not Sakura Haruno. The Japanese naming system puts the Sir-name before the name of the person. (Since you use Japanese words like Gomen in the story you should atleast follow the naming system as well.)
2) Ugh..... "Believe it". I LOATHE that sentence.... Dattebayo doesn't mean "Beleive it". It's just the idiots who wrote the script for the dub that put that in. My suggestion would be to just remove the "Believe it" and completely ignore the Dattebayo that Naruto frequently says in the Anime(Jap version). that way you can placate both the fans of the dub and those that hate it (Like me)
I lokk forward to the next chapter. good work.
#9
Posted 19 August 2006 - 06:25 AM
oh well.
#10
Posted 19 August 2006 - 07:06 AM
good start.
Onle thing though, the bold type confused me a bit. Was that thoughts? You may want to try italics and quotes for that.
Then again, it might just be me.
Lookin forward to the next part.
#11
Posted 19 August 2006 - 07:46 AM
Yeah, the bold type meant thoughts.
Joe Is Gonna Kill You.
#12
Posted 19 August 2006 - 06:33 PM
By this I mean for Sakura, it's probably a good idea to have some background on how her feelings for Naruto deepens. All of us here appreciate Naruto and Sakura getting together, but a reason for them getting together is like icing on the cake, you know?
Then about Naruto's injury, well... Let's say regenerating the hole in a torso as opposed to messing up someone's head require different sorts of TLC, eh? With a hole in a torso, you wouldn't want to aggravate the wound, whilst messing up someone's head needs more comfort and stuff.
I'm not good with writing romance though. Or lemons for that matter.
So my opinions are probably the equivalent of an eggplant -it looks and reads funny.
#13
Posted 19 August 2006 - 11:23 PM
As for the injuries, Sakura is going to take special care not to aggravate anything :thumbs: .
Joe Is Gonna Kill You.
#14
Posted 20 August 2006 - 08:37 AM
Joe Is Gonna Kill You.
#15
Posted 22 August 2006 - 04:51 AM
Joe Is Gonna Kill You.
#16
Posted 22 August 2006 - 05:32 AM
#17
Posted 22 August 2006 - 06:33 AM
Joe Is Gonna Kill You.
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