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[Candleguy]

Originally posted on tumblr here: http://bodegacowboy....chasing-the-sun

 

Disclaimer: This is a lemon okay? Those of you who don't know fanfic terminology this means there is sex involved. There will be a sex scene. I just needed to wrap a story around it to legitimize myself as an artist .

 

Also its an affair fic so y'know if that bugs you then please don't read it and get your feelings hurt.

 

I don't condone cheating in real life and if cheating occurred in canon I'd go "hey that 's a little weird for kid's story and out of character"

 

What do you need to know for this fic? Its canon based, by that its mostly tries to be "canon" with a few of the more unnecessary details tossed out, for example I didn’t bother dealing with SaiIno so that doesn’t exist.

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The Seventh woke up with one of the worst hangovers he had ever experienced

This was saying something since over the last few years he had come to know a handful of intense hangovers. He was currently sprawled out on his back on what he had first imagined was grass but upon closer inspection appeared to be carpet. Next to him lay two empty bottles of sake.

Remarkably the words of Naruto’s godfather managed to burst through the haze of confusion.

If you ever find yourself waking up in a strange place after a night of hard drinking you need to immediately try and remember three things. Where you should be, what you were doing before you blacked out and who you should be waking up with. Don’t even move until you can answer at least two out of three of those questions.

Though it felt as if a dozen galloping horses had been running through his head, Naruto willed himself to concentrate. Bits and pieces of his long term memory resumed functioning and what he remembered brought a smile to his face.

He was in Amegakure. He was in their recently built Imperial hotel, and he was here because these were historic times. He was here for the first ever chunin exam completely sponsored by the United Shinobi Forces.  The chunin exam was now a multinational biennial examination featuring hundreds of genin gathered from every shinobi village that was a current member of the ever-growing shinobi alliance. And if that wasn’t impressive enough it also doubled as a Kage summit.

The Kages of each nation would come together to discuss worldly matters while the youngsters of their villages attempted to advance in the ranks.

It was an unprecedented event and undeniably a significant step towards peace talks on a continental scale.  

And it was all his idea.

Naruto sat up and grinned. He had spent a tremendous part of his first years as Hokage working diligently to convince the others Kages and daimyos to support this exam.

His grin widened when he recalled the grand festivities of the opening ceremonies. All his hard work had paid off.

So why had he had been black-out drunk again?

The reason for his current wretched state broke the surface of his consciousness. His grinned faded.

Oh no

He groaned loudly conscious of the fact that each individual Kage had the luxury of having an entire floor to themselves. No one was likely to hear his hangover pains.

Naruto picked himself off the hotel room’s kitchen floor. Stumbled into the living room area and plopped himself on the comfy couch there.

Drawing in a deep breath Naruto thanked his lucky stars that the Kages had voted against bringing their families to the summit for safety reasons. Hinata for sure would not have been pleased to see him a state.

“This is not exactly Kage behavior” He told himself.

Then again granny drank like a fish and she did a great job. I should ask her for tips on how to handle my drinks better.

A knock on the hotel room door reverberated through his entire body.

“Who is it?!” Naruto called out as he massaged his forehead.

“It’s Sai.”

“Come in!”

The door swung open and Sai quietly entered the room.

“Good morning, are you feeling alright?” Sai asked when standing before Naruto.

“How drunk was I last night Sai?” Naruto groaned.

“Very”

“In public?”

“No you restrained yourself to the hotel for the most part.”

“Good.” Naruto studied his friend and current bodyguard. He pointed at the notebook Sai held in his hands.

“What’s that?”

“This is Sakura’s journal.” Sai replied.

Naruto stared in horror at the book.

“Why did you have that?” He said with his voice cracking.

“You ordered me to take it from her room.”

Naruto hung his head in shame.

Sai shifted uncomfortably on his feet. “May I ask you something?”

“Go ahead” Naruto said bracing himself

“How did you know she had this journal?”

“She told me she started writing in a journal after Sarada started in the academy.”

“I see. So this is a prank? I noticed you and Sakura had regained your past playfulness."

Naruto ran both hands across his face. "You noticed that huh?"

"It is my job to pay attention."

“Well you are right. It’s a prank gone horribly wrong” Naruto said solemnly.

“It is a very brave prank” Sai said.

“Sai from now on don’t take orders from me when I am drunk.”

Sai considered this for a moment. “So if you are drunk and we are attacked and you order me to save your life I should not follow those orders.”

Naruto sighed. “Okay let’s revise that. If I am drunk and I give you an order that could get us both killed, like stealing Sakura’s personal things for example, don’t just follow those orders blindly, use your better judgment.”

Sai nodded in acquiescence. “I understand. So what do I do with this? I’m sure she will notice that it’s missing by now”

Naruto held his hand out. “Give it to me. I’ll give it back to her.....when y’know the prank is done.”

Sai hesitated.

“I won’t tell her you helped me.”

Sai let out a sigh of relief and handed the notebook over to the Hokage. Naruto casually placed the book beside him on the couch and quickly dismissed Sai from the room.

When Sai’s footsteps had receded from earshot Naruto glanced guilty at the journal. If he had been in the right state of mind he would have never ordered the journal to be stolen. But he had and since it was already here.

He had a question that needed answering so his desire for answers overcame his shame.

Naruto picked up the journal and quickly scanned its interior. He noticed that each page was dated so he quickly skimmed to the latest entry. According to the date listed Sakura had jotted it down last night.

Naruto began to read

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Feb 16: 7:30pm

“What do you want Uchiha-san?” Naruto slurred to me when I entered his room.

I suppose “Uchiha-san” was supposed to hurt me but he was the one who flinched at his own words. As if he had tossed explosives at me but was standing too close to the explosion to avoid the sharpnel.

Naruto groaned loudly and put his face into his hands. He pressed his palms against his eyes until he saw pink dots.

So stupid...so embarrassing...I am the Hokage of the Leaf...I am a father.....What the heck am I doing?

Every fiber in Naruto’s being told him he should close the journal now march to Sakura’s room and beg for her forgiveness.

He would ask for forgiveness.....after he had validated his suspicions

With a specific date in mind Naruto returned to the journal.  

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October 9th 12pm:

Nothing really could shatter the relative peace of my daily routine like the Hokage showing up at my front door.

Under most circumstances such an event would call for bowing or the recitation of oaths and other such expressions of loyalty and subordination. I am however one of the few people in any village who is fortunate enough to be able to greet the Kage of the Leaf at the door with a warm hug. I led him to the kitchen where I served him tea as if he were a neighbor stopping by for the latest gossip

We chit-chatted a little about our families Sarada and Boruto specifically. During the first pause in the conversation Naruto asked me to once again be a part of a historic event.

According to Naruto the medical staff that will treat injured genin during the exam will be a collation of different medics from different villages. And apparently my Hokage had it in his mind to suggest to the alliance that I lead the medical team.

I wasn’t sure what to say so I just said the obvious, besides the occasional emergency I hadn’t done any consistent medical work in years. Naruto then casually hinted that the council had mentioned the same thing when he had suggested my name as head representative of the village’s medical corps. He actually grinned mischievously as he implied that I was being slighted by the village elders.

Naruto admittedly had played a good hand. I was sufficiently annoyed at being looked down upon but it wasn’t enough to entice me back to active duty. I had stepped away from being an active kunoichi to raise my daughter. Naruto was asking me to spend a seventeen days away from my child.

“If you believe your skills have diminished it’s fine....” he had said flagrantly adding fuel to my fire.

I replied rather indignantly that I was as sharp as I had ever been. However Naruto Tsunade or even Shizune would be better fits at this time.

He said nonchalantly, “They are better fits if you say no.”

At that point I thought I had been saying “no” just in a very polite way. The problem that I saw however was that though inactive I was still a kunoichi and Naruto despite our history was my boss. So refusing outright was in all likelihood insubordination.

As if reading my mind he said, “I am not ordering you to do this. I came here personally to ask you to do me a favor as a friend and not the Hokage. I wish to rely on your...”

He paused I suppose he was searching for the right word. He looked me in the eyes and said “expertise.”

I said yes despite the maternal guilt. My parents would watch over Sarada while I was away, she would be fine until I returned.

Now I do not regret agreeing to leading the alliance medical staff but I do regret what happened immediately after I had agreed to help.

I walked Naruto to the door and just as he had finished saying goodbye I kissed him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Naruto glared dumbfounded at the journal.

That was it? That’s all she had to say about it?

Naruto thought back to the kiss. The problem was that the kiss had been too good. No that wasn’t right, saying it was good immediately created comparisons with the kisses he had shared with his wife. The first time he had kissed Hinata he thought that was good as well. No good wasn't the right word, good wouldn’t have affected him the way that it had. This kiss it had a lot of weight to it a lot of history attached to it.

It just fit.

It was exactly how he had used to imagine kissing Sakura would feel. It was something undefinable, it was, it was,

Us, it was just us

Even now he could taste her on his lips.

Wait....this might be a good thing.

It occurred to him then that he may have been looking at things from the wrong perspective. If the kiss was meaningless to Sakura he could accept it as a fluke. It would be okay, all he had to do was confirm for sure that the kiss meant nothing. Then things would go back to normal.

He continued reading skimming quickly through any entries that did not appear to offer any clues to the answer he was seeking.

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Dec 9th:  9:30pm

I’ve tried to keep from dwelling on it. But its officially been a month since I kissed Naruto. The odd thing is that I am still not sure if anything has really changed.

After the kiss when Naruto wordlessly stumbled out the door I was afraid that our friendship was at risk. And my fears multiplied as the days went by without any word from him. But as I think deeper on it the last time I had anything close to a meaningful conversation with Naruto was during Sarada’s birthday party earlier this year. And before that was Boruto’s birthday party. We were two adults who only seemed to converse during our children’s birthdays or village holidays. Perhaps nothing changed and we’ve simply fallen back to our usual routine.

I had briefly considered walking over to his office and apologize. But I thought better of it. Maybe it was better to simply let it fade into history. Maybe that’s what Naruto is doing letting it fade.

For now though the kiss still lingers with me.

In its wake I felt sensual, womanly, I suppose that’s the effect a good kiss could have on a person

But I felt immensely guilty as well.

I suppose that’s what a good kiss from someone who is not your husband could have on a  person

Naruto’s face went successively from a look of surprise to astonishment, from astonishment to joy, from joy to shame, from shame to worry.

He closed his eyes drew in a deep breath. when he reopened his eyes he began flipping through the pages, he had another specific date in mind

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Jan 26: 9pm: The road to Amegakure

Naruto insisted on everyone leaving at the same time. His bodyguards, his administrative staff, the genin, would be spectators, everyone marched out of the village in unison creating the effect of a mini-parade. Villagers cheered on our departure and the faces of the genin glowed with pride and excitement .

Instant morale.

Being Hokage wasn’t just about being strong you needed to understand people. It seemed Naruto had a firm grasp on that concept

Speaking of Naruto I have yet to speak with him since our last encounter. I am not sure if he’s avoiding me or I am avoiding him. All of our communications in the last few weeks have been via messengers or emails from his secretarial staff.

I am not sure if he is avoiding me or if he is just busy.

On a more positive note I used most of the day to refresh my friendship with Sai. To be honest things started out a little rough as he had greeted me this morning with what I suppose he considered a compliment

“I’ve noticed that you’ve lost a lot of weight. I am very impressed since you had Sarada and stopped being on active duty I never thought I’d see you this thin again.”  

I gave him a friendly tap against the skull with my fist. Our conversations from then on were much more amiable.

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Jan 27th 2:37 pm:

Met with Naruto, finally, unexpectedly.

I was walking along the road so caught up in my own thoughts that I hadn’t noticed his approach. It was an eerie coincidence because I was thinking about him one moment and then suddenly I felt a masculine presence at my side. Time and old age had yet to work their magic on Naruto’s speed.

He greeted me with practiced stoicism as we walked shoulder to shoulder. “Sakura I would like to converse with you.”

Momentarily caught off guard by his statuesque stiffness I hesitantly agreed. I looked around the nearest shinobi was well out of earshot. This was as private as it was going to get.

I turned to Naruto and stared forward his eyes on the road. He was at that moment essentially The Seventh.

Of the many brief but complaisant conversations I’ve had with Sasuke in the last two years was about the changes in Naruto. I asked if he had noticed that Naruto was less boisterous, less energetic. Sasuke had noticed, but it was he claimed the unfortunate cost and burden of leading men.

“Nothing stays the same forever Sakura.”

From a practical standpoint I knew Sasuke had been right about Naruto, some change was to be expected but how much was too much?

“I wanted to thank you for coming Sakura. This is the first time you’re spending time away from your daughter and I know that can be hard.”

I told him that I missed her a ton. And that I knew if she were here right now she would have likely told the Hokage to his face that this whole procedure was silly.

I mimicked Sarada’s voice

“Everyone walking to Amegakure like this is silly, why does the Hokage where that hat it’s silly, mama you’re silly.”

I looked over at Naruto to see that he had quirked half a smile. And just like that we were friends again.

I asked him then if he had cried the first time he had left for a summit and had to say goodbye to Boruto and Himawari.

He cleared his throat. “I may have teared up a little.”

The strongest Kage in the world tearing up over his children. I found the image sweet and I told him that. Visibly embarrassed he quickly changed the subject.

“I simply wanted to say that your village thanks you for your service.”

I replied that if the village was ever in any serious need I would be glad to offer my services however if I were to be honest I was going to Amegakure because he asked.

“I am doing you a favor remember? Now if can you do me a favor, please stop it with that too-serious face. I am finding it very distracting.”

Naruto snorted and looked off for a moment. When he turned his attention back to me he had a familiar playful smile on his face.

“You know Sakura one day you will notice that I am your boss.”

I informed him quickly that I had no problem having him as my boss. I simply preferred he talk to me with his normal face.

He conceded the point and carried on.

“I was just trying to say I am glad you came.”

I let out a laugh and revealed a bit of insight that had dawned on me since we left the village. I told him that I knew for sure that part of the reason he had dragged me out of my home was so he can brag about this grand historic event.

Naruto’s face shone with childish delight. “Why would I brag about this? It wasn’t all my idea.”

I explained my reasoning to him. The exam was mostly his idea and it’s not what people expected from him. Of course if there were a super strong tyrant out there people would expect him to go out and punch someone in the face. This was different, this was about ideas, culture, diplomacy, this was proof that he was not just a near limitless source of chakra.

I looked over at Naruto to see that he could hardly suppress a grin.

I continued. “I can see it clearly now. We are going to get to this huge event and you are going to point at the crowd and say Sakura “this is my baby.’ Then I am going to say Naruto you are the coolest guy. Because that's what you want to hear me say.”

He laughed, it was a contagious laugh and so I laughed too. I pleased by the return of his carefree laugh. It had been awhile. Eventually the laughter had to settle, and that’s when things turned serious. It was actually my fault since I noticed that he wasn't getting enough sleep.

“There are shadows beneath your eyes. And you seem restless” I said to him.

“There has been a lot on my mind recently” Naruto declared.

It was an open secret that Naruto and Shikamaru had spent the better part of the entire year leading up to the exam burning candles at both ends in the Hokage office. The fruits of their labor were dozens of revolutionary proposals to present to the other Kages.

His voice lowered to just a cut above a whisper.

“Work has kept me up most nights. But you know what hasn’t helped me sleep either? That kiss.”

I felts some color coming to my cheeks coming but I suppressed it. I think. I hope I did.

“You should be angry at me” I told him.

“I am not mad at you. I am just confused.”

“You shouldn't be confused.”

“I shouldn’t be, but I am.”

“Please don’t be confused it shouldn't have happened.”

“It shouldn’t have, but it did.”

“You shouldn’t even think about it”

“I shouldn’t but I do.”

That was the totality of our conversation about this kiss give or take one to two minutes of awkward silence in between each statement.

We didn’t even look at each other. Which worked out for the best since we immediately noticed that we were rapidly catching up to the  group walking ahead of us.

As softly and quickly as I could I reiterated that it had been a mistake and that I was sincerely sorry that it had happened.

Naruto cocked his head to the side and looked at me questioningly. His eyes were searching. For what I don’t know.

“Don't worry about it. Let's just consider it a private joke between friends.”

“A joke?” I asked.

“A private joke, something we can laugh about it later.”

I agreed to these guiltless terms.

He nodded to me. “I should go, let us speak on this matter on another day.”

The Seventh had returned and he quickened his pace to break away from me.

“Try and get some rest tonight.” I called out to his back.

Naruto slowed his pace and turned to me. He chuckled softly. “Jiraiya used to say there is no rest for the wicked Sakura. But maybe he should have said there is no way to rest with wicked thoughts.”

This time I believe color did rise to my face but luckily Naruto had already turned away likely grinning like a fool.

I saw then that his intent was to tease me about the kiss likely for the rest of our lives.

He was a monster but we were still great friends.  

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Naruto sighed, he had been joking but some jokes still held a grain of truth.

That stupid kiss. It had burned him for weeks now. How many nights had he shamefully awoke hard with desire and stunned at the good fortune that he hadn’t called out Sakura’s name while his wife slept.

He wasn’t proud about it. But there were times when the ache was overbearing and he reached out to Hinata to satisfy the need. Their lovemaking would be furious then, fiery and explosive. But it wouldn’t ever fully satisfy the desire. That lingered like a minor burn crying out for a soothing salve.

Naruto sighed again and kept reading.

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Jan 28th 2 AM: The road to Amegakure

Can’t sleep

Why did that idiot have to say that?

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Jan 31: 10:30 PM: Amegakure : Imperial Hotel

The eve of the first ever Allied Shinobi Chunin Exams was an exciting one for good and bad reasons.

Being a part of the Hokage’s inner circle landed me in party full of diplomats, Kages, and pure blooded nobility. Luckily I had assumed the entire event would be one long party so I had packed the proper attire for formal and informal celebrations.

For the party I reacquainted myself with an old classic. A short strapless black dress with open toed shoes that was simple but elegant enough for this sort of affair. I flitted from conversation to conversation like a social butterfly but all the while I kept an eye out for Naruto.

He had been stalking the other side of the room with a seemingly paradoxical look of predatory stoicism on his face. He held the posture of a shinobi of great importance, relaxed enough to be approachable without subverting the objective fact that he could the entire room if came to that. It wasn’t until Gaara joined his company that the usual gentle light returned to his eyes.

Besides Gaara the only person Naruto seemed to really have a report with was the man who consistently appeared by his side to refill his champagne glass.

I would have to keep an eye on that.

It was actually when Naruto had looked up from the bottom of an emptied glass that he caught me in a stare.

His mouth spread into a pleased grin and I could feel mine do the same. We maintained eye contact from across the room until some VIPs invited themselves to Naruto’s personal space. He greeted them and I turned away to search for a bite to eat.

I did feel the pangs of maternal guilt throughout the night and I tried to embrace it as punishment for leaving Sarada behind. But in the end it was impossible to fight the creeping sensation that I was having a good time. Especially when I was pulled into a group of high ranking medics from Amegakure. Initially they picked my brain about Tsunade’s methodology but it soon became a fascinating discussion on current breakthroughs in medical research.   

It was an enjoyable conversation though I was the only female in the group and the only one in our mini party with a ring on my finger. It didn’t really surprise me at all when the occasional subtly suggestive remark was floated in between talks of medicine and anatomy. Most of them tested the wasted the waters but I deflected their inquiries with grace and politeness.

They were harmless.  

The real troublemaker arrived forty minutes into the conversation.

“Excuse me gentlemen may I speak to my head medic for a moment.”

The medics scattered like lowly bureaucrats before a lord at the sight of Naruto’s presence.

“Well I didn’t mean for them to take off like that” Naruto said sheepishly.

Though to me he appeared to be rather pleased with himself.

When he turned to me and I asked, “Your head medic? I thought I was working for the Alliance”

He smiled, “no you’re still mine-the village’s medic I am simply showing you off.”

“Oh like a pony’ I retorted.

“A prized pony.”

A question occurred to me then but I kept it to myself until we were in a less public setting. Instead I asked what Naruto wanted to talk to me about. He replied without looking directly at me that he simply wanted to know if I was enjoying the party.

As I was explaining that I was enjoying it more than I expected his eyes flickered suddenly. I sensed him look me over more than than I saw the total movement of his eyes. That kind of subtlety could have helped Naruto graduate at the head of the academy.

As I was trying wrap my mind around the implication of this. He excused himself politely but abruptly from my company.  

When he rejoined Gaara and melted back into a crowd of diplomats I assumed that would be the last I saw of him that night.

I was wrong. Because when I returned to the floor of my hotel a few hours later I found him waiting just outside my door.

“I left early” he said answering the obvious question in the air.

“And you came here.”

“No, I went to my room first.”

I sniffed. “And then you pigged out on some ramen?”

“How did you know?” he asked.

I told him that I smelled it on him.

I then noticed a piece of noodle that lingered in the corner of his mouth. I reached out to wipe it away but then I realized how much of an intimate gesture that would have  been. This sudden onset of self awareness paralyzed me and my hand just hovered in the air between us.

I pointed to his mouth, "You've got some noodle on your lips"

“Oh” Naruto swiped at his mouth and I willed my hand down to my sides.

I let him know that he should really cut down on the ramen,

“But it’s delicious.”

I shook my head and wondered aloud how is was it that Naruto had mastered senjutsu training but he didn't have the discipline to keep a healthier diet.

“It’s really simple Sakura, I wanted to master senjutsu.”

“So what’s your question?” I asked him.

“Why did you kiss me?”

I let out a long slow breath before I answered. “You caught me at a bad time.”

He eyed me skeptically.

Words simply flowed out of my mouth. “I had been up earlier than usual. Sarada was asleep, she wasn’t going to wake up for another hour. The house is bigger than it looks Naruto. Sometimes it echoes.”

I waited for Naruto to reply but he remained silent. He was wearing the face of the Hokage again.

“I was lonely. It was a mistake” I added.

“Okay” He said dispassionately. “I understand.’

I had a question for him.

With my voice tinged with irritation I said  “I’ve been thinking about it since it happened. When you broke up the enjoyable conversation I was having with the Amegakure medics. Were you just looking out for Sasuke’s wife?”

He cringed, breaking his Hokage face. Then immediately denied my accusation.

“Are you sure you don’t feel obligated to protect the virtue and honor of your best friend’s wife.”

Naruto cleared his throat. “I admit I noticed some of them flirting with you. I admit that. But imagine this, I do nothing, one of them gets fresh, all of a sudden I hear “shannaro” right before I see a Amegakure medic being transported across the room with a broken jaw via your first. Alright now Amegakure demands you be arrested, I decline their request, they declare war on us I have to declare war on them. They attack us our defense obliterates their forces. Losing the war affects their economy and they fall into a depression. If I was protecting anyone here it’s Amegakure.”

It was a deflection but it was a very amusing one. It was enough to sway me towards forgiveness. Whatever Naruto’s intentions were I was at the very least sure they came from a good place.

“So I can assume you are not here watching my door like a guard dog for Sasuke’s sake?”

He sighed. “No, that was the last thing on my mind.”

“Good. And I can take care of myself.”

He put his hands in the air as if to surrender. “I know, I know. I am sorry if it came across that way.”

I nodded in acceptance of his apology. “But Naruto, wouldn’t fighting a war over me extend the cycle of hatred?”

He thought about this. He actually paused to consider this.

“I guess there are exceptions to the rule.”

“Doesn’t your office support pacifism?”

“Sakura it’s closer to a non-aggression principle.”  Naruto then gave me a cheeky look that seemed to say I’ve come a long way. Are you impressed?

I was impressed for the record.

“Alright Naruto if by chance I punch a foreign ally I give you permission to allow me to be arrested, ok? If I happen to break decade long peace treaties feel free to just let me go.”

He paused.

“I don’t think I can let you go.” And he quickly tagged on, “As a Hokage I have an obligation to protect my people.”

There had been something about the tone of the first half of his statement that had an immediate affect on me. Goosebumps ran up and down my flesh so I responded with a general but true statement about how loyalty to his people was what made him a good leader. I then slipped my key into the door and unlocked it just do something other than stare awkwardly at Naruto.

I heard him say over my shoulder because as I was at that moment trying not to look at him. “You looked beau-nice tonight.”

I quickly turned to face him. Not sure why now that I think about it.  

“Well you are just being kind.”

His eyes softened. “No I am not.”

“Well thank you, I guess its not bad for a mama huh? You also looked nice tonight, very handsome actually. If I were single well.....I mean..If we were both single...y’know...maybe. Who knows right? If things were completely different than how they are now....”

He looked at me clearly confused as if I had broken the married man and married woman’s neutral compliment pact.

“Sakura are you alright?”

I told him I was fine. Which was technically the truth. I was physically very healthy.

“May I ask another question?”

I nodded to him.

“Why is it that I am having a hard time believing you?”

“About what?”

“The kiss.”

He took a half step forward me. My instinctual response to this was to lean my back against the door for support. Of course it popped open and I stumbled backwards inside. I floundered for about three stumbling steps before I caught myself with as much grace as I could muster. I looked up at Naruto and asked, as if it was what I had in mind all along, if he wanted to come inside to talk.

He consider it quietly for a long, long, long time.  Then he smiled before slowly backing away for the doorway, apologizing and announcing that it was best for him to go get some sleep.

I readily agreed I recommended a minimum of eight hours.  

I didn’t let go of my breath until Naruto was gone and I had locked the door .

Overall I suppose, despite the very clear and present danger I had faced at this event. I had a good time.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

With the journal in hand Naruto paced the living room of his hotel. He remembered the night of the party very well. The kiss had been the catalyst of course. That had been the source of the leaks that left him in a consistent state of emotional confusion. The party however was where the dam had burst and his emotional unraveling had truly begun. .

He actually had never seen Sakura looking as lovely as she did that night. or maybe he had, maybe she had looked as lovely at her wedding. Then, he had simply felt legitimately happy for his friends and there was nothing more to it. There was definitely something more going on now something more than friendly.

He had spent the initial moments of the party disoriented, like a man suddenly regaining his sight after being blind for fifteen years. Rather than being drawn to her like a month to a flame Naruto had deliberately stayed to one side of the room to avoid her. His tactic had worked until the Amegakure medics arrived to the scene. When they had surrounded Sakura, when she had happily become lost in the conversation and lost to the room. He felt something he had not felt in a long time.

At first it had manifested in amusement.

These guys are pretty lucky that Sasuke isn’t here

As the conversation continued it became impatience.

Talking for so long to another man’s wife those guys are pretty lucky I’m not Sasuke

As the conversation continued it became irritation.

If I were Sasuke, I would be using my eyes to ignite things from across the room by now

And then.

If I were Sasuke....

The visual came to him immediately, he saw himself henging into Sasuke taking Sakura by the hand, leading her away from the wolves and back to their room. Where he would breathe her in, taste her. Touch her like she wanted to be touched until he could feel her essence coursing through his blood.

Naruto stopped the visual now as he had then with a vigorous shake of his head as if he were a wet dog.

He had been jealous, passionately jealous. And next thing he knew he had been standing right beside her in front of a hotel door. Him smelling of ramen and her of sweet perfume.

The moth had been drawn to the flame and he had been burned into cinders.

Naruto knew one thing. When a husband is jealous over his wife, he worries that he might be losing her. Sakura was not his wife. How could he be worried about losing something he never had?

That’s what I need to find out.

Naruto returned to the journal.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Feb 01: 10:30 AM:

In the morning I watched Naruto give a speech to genin. I had not expected to be a part of that moment. I’d simply decided to stop by and greet the Leaf academy students before they set off for Amegakure’s version of the Forest Death. I gave them a few quick and easy medical tips. Some advice that could potentially help if they happened to be injured and waiting for an Allied instructor to pull them from the arena.

As I was about to leave Naruto arrived and he went to work quickly.

Initially it started as one might expect, you represent the village now, make your families proud, you are the future of Konohagakure. The genin of course gave Naruto the kind of attention one would give a living legend. But he really grabbed their hearts and minds when he told them a fable once told to him by Jiraiya.

It was a tale about a race of sage birds who dwelled deep within the darkest rainforest in the world.  Generations earlier the sage birds had secured this rainforest as their native homeland because of its abundance of resources and lack of natural predators. The sage birds had everything they needed in the rainforest except consistent sunlight.

So even though the top canopy of the rainforest blocked over ninety percent of the sunlight from the sage birds they learned to thrive on the forest floor. They lived peacefully and comfortably and without the need to fly.  After a few decades the sage birds had stopped teaching flight and soon enough most of them had forgotten this ability altogether.

There however came one sage bird who loved the sunlight. On the rare occasions that a stream of light managed to reach the forest floor this bird bathed in it’s warm touch. When he heard tales of how his people used to fly he began to dream of soaring above the trees and being embraced by the delicious rays of the sun.

This bird studied under all the sage elders, he unearthed the lost histories of his people, he rediscovered the ability of flight. And as soon as he was physically able to do so the sage bird took off into the air and burst through the canopy.

Unfortunately a storm had been brewing over the rainforest and the sage bird once again found himself shielded from the light. This time not by leaves but by ever growing dark clouds. Distraught but not deterred the sage bird realized he only knew two things for sure. One that beyond those storm clouds awaited the warming glow of the sun. Two the sun on his feathers was what made him truly happy. With the dreams of gliding between sunrays in his heart the sage bird soared right into heart of the storm.

And he was never seen or heard from again.

After the story Naruto announced that there were a number of morals to the tale. It was likely a cautionary fable against impulsive foolish behavior, against impatience, against arrogance. On a deeper level it could be seen as a story about being greedy or simply an observation of human nature and how people are never content or satisfied with what they have. Naruto conceded that all of these wise interpretations were valid. However when he had first heard the story from Jiraiya he had not considered any of that. He actually admired the bird, he thought it was courageous for the bird to risk the dangers of the storm for his dream.

Naruto had grinned broadly at the genin. He told them how as an adult he can see now that either interpretation held some validity since the lines between courageousness and foolishness, selfishness and selflessness can easily blur.

“What if I told you that the life of a sage bird was far less than that of a human. What if I told you the sage bird spent most of his life learning how to fly. And he knew he only had weeks left to live, no days? Would it change the way you think about the story? Would it change the way you think about the Sage Bird?”

He continued by telling the genin that there would be a moment during the exam where they will think to themselves it was ok to quit now. That they could just try again later. That the two years until the next exam would go by quickly.

Naruto went on to say depending on the situation this could be the most reasonable point of of view in the world. But they assume, and it was admittedly a reasonable assumption to make, that the exams would be around in two years. That they would be around in two years. Sometimes he said whether you know it or not you only get one chance.

“If you get that chance, the opportunity to be be happy to fulfill a dream...”

He paused.

“Some birds may be okay singing and dancing on the forest floor. That’s fine, that can be a happy and fulfilling life for many birds. But if you are the type of bird that dreams of the sun. You may find that to get to its warm embrace you have to face the rain. It’s up to you to decide if it’s worth the risk.”  

The genin departed for the first of two phases of the exam with gallantry and vigor in their hearts. It was ironically the Hokage that lingered tentatively in their wake.  I followed him for a little bit as he walked about aimlessly around the campus grounds. When there was a comfortable distance between us and the bodyguards I matched his pace and nudged him playfully with my shoulder.

I told him how similar we were in many ways. I got that kind of bittersweet feeling every time the exams come around as well.

“It just means we’re getting old” I joked.

He appeared surprised by my presence for a moment. Then he chuckled warmly.  “It might be something a bit more than that.”

I asked him to elaborate. He shook his head and mentioned that it was no big deal.

Naruto then craned his head back, looked up into the sky and I said. “You know Sasuke really should be here with us.”

I couldn’t disagree with him.

Despite the currently flawed state of my marriage and the currently awkward status of my relationship with Naruto, there would always be an “us” in some way or some form.  “We” would always exist

I suppose neither of us had anymore to say about my husband so we continued walking.

“Sakura, you think I’ve changed don't you?” Naruto asked after a few quiet minutes.

"Why would you say that?” I asked back.

“It must be obvious. I know the way I look at some things has changed.  When I was younger I would try and break every single rule if it got me some attention. Then I felt like there wasn’t a rule I wouldn’t break to protect my friends. Now, well life can be so complicated. I am starting to think-”

He glanced at me, unemotional.

“-I do think that maybe the only way to keep it simple is to keep to the rules.”

Not knowing exactly how to respond I said,  "Funny how things change"


Impassively, Naruto studied my face,“So you do think there's been a significant change?"

"I think your priorities have changed a lot but your heart is always in the right place.”

Naruto looked at me in an odd mixture of surprise and hurt mingled with appreciation. I can only assume in hindsight that this had been the first time anyone had acknowledged Naruto’s change, at least to his face.

“I couldn't be the Hokage and still be....I had to mature to become the kind of man a Hokage should be be.”

“Oh you've matured? I hadn’t noticed.” I said teasingly.

He looked at me with amusement in his eyes. “I am mature I read books now.”

I asked him what kind of books did he read.

“Literature” he said a grin forming on his face.

“Oh what kind of literature?”

“The classics.”

“Like what?”

He glanced up into the air. “The Lighthouse on the Mountop. Its not a well known book but its classic.”

I laughed out loud. “You just made that up.”

He chuckled. “Sakura do not be jealous that I am more well read than you are.”

“You are not” I challenged. “Who is the author of The Lighthouse on the Mountop?”

“Questioning your Hokage is an arrestable offense” He replied.

“I am sorry Hokage-sama” I said wiping tears of laughter from my eyes.  

After a quiet moment Naruto turned to me with a smirk on his face and said, “What did you do to me?”

I asked him what he meant by that. So he leaned in close and whispered conspiratorially. “Ever since you kissed me my mind has been cluttered with unnecessary thoughts.”

Abruptly Naruto’s stomach collided with my fist.

“That’s the kind of joke you want to crack in public?” I whispered back to him.

Naruto half laughed, half coughed as he bent over at the waist. He quickly turned away from me and towards the approaching bodyguards. Continuing to laugh-cough Naruto waved them back to their original positions with one hand while massaging his gut with the other.

When they were back in place Naruto returned his attention to me. Still trying to catch his breath, he plopped down on the ground to collect himself. I did likewise. I sat facing him

Naruto continued laughing “You know how long its been since someone hit me?”

“I didn’t hit you that hard.” I said now slightly embarrassed.

He laughed again and I was suddenly struck by nostalgia.

“Naruto don't change too much okay?”

“That is a  promise I can't make.” He pointed to his hat. “I had to redefine myself to be worthy of this hat and I’ll have to improve myself further to keep being worthy of it.”

He sighed and smiled at me.

“Some things may change Sakura, but you will always be sorta scary to me.”

I scoffed. “And you will always be an idiot to me.”

He grinned. “That’s fine. I don’t think I mind that at all”

It was one of Naruto’s better grins. It flashed and reflected in the Amegakure sun and I was suddenly infused with a vibrant energy that I think will carry me through the rest of the day.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Feb 05: 11:30 AM:

Naruto and I have fallen into some strange kind of routine. At least “routine” is the only word I can think of at the moment to describe these successive encounters.

We see each other frequently but between the summit meetings and him monitoring the progress of the exam we barely utter more than a few phrases to each other.

Maybe I am being too generous calling them actual encounters. Especially if the majority of them consist of us simply passing by each other as we head off in opposite directions. He would be the Seventh then, surrounded by important people chattering in his ear. They would stop at seemingly random intervals and Naruto would then make some concise authoritative statements to no one in particular. The moment he stopped talking the chatter would start up again.

Whenever I get close enough to this cavalcade Naruto’s eyes would abruptly cut towards me and I’d see a smile dance at the corners of her lips.

I don’t know why but I don’t say “hello”, I don’t wave, I simply meet his gaze. And in the time it takes to draw in a breath he is back to the Seventh and I turn away.

The discreetness of the entire exchange is odd. I’m not sure how to describe the tangible undercurrent of these moments.

Is it it residual awkwardness from the kiss? Why would it manifest itself like this? But the fact is each of these random seemingly banal moments somehow leaves me simultaneously terrified and elated.

I am a grown woman, a wife and a mother, what is wrong with me?

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

All of it came vividly to Naruto’s mind. Their laughter, their easy conversation, the warm, secret glances they had exchanged.

He could remember it all without much effort.

Naruto stared at the journal. He wondered if he would have to order Sakura to destroy it.

With the damning evidence down on paper it all seemed obvious.

He kept reading.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Feb 07: 10:30 AM:

I am not sure how concerned I should be about what just happened.

I was making the rounds in the emergency room when I saw Sai seemingly patrolling the area. The moment he caught sight of me he rushed over.

“He seems very upset” was all he said before gesturing for me to follow him.

“He” of course was Naruto.

Sai brought me to the the featured restaurant in the hotel where found Naruto sitting alone in VIP section clicking away at his laptop.

I mentioned to Sai that Naruto didn’t seem all that upset.

Sai shook his head,  “Do you know what he hates the most when he is working? When someone breaks his concentration.”

Sai pretended to trip and knocked a lone glass from an empty table to the ground. The glass shattered against the ground breaking the quiet stillness of the restaurant. Naruto’s head snapped up and his blue eyes blazed with shadowed intensity. When his eyes focused on us they immediately warmed.

Naruto generally wore his heart on his sleeve. But the more passionate versions of his emotions rarely broke through the surface.  For as long as I had know Naruto people’s first impressions of him was that he was an overly emotional kid. But if you paid attention you’d realize he knew how to govern his passions and master his emotions' to an enviable degree. If he wanted you to know he was angry you would see his frustration. If he didn’t want you to know he was sad you’d see a smile. What he expressed emotionally was completely contingent on what Naruto felt really mattered in any given situation.

After Sai helped a staff member clean up his mess. Naruto beckoned us to his table.

“You guys are just in time for lunch” He said.

We joined Naruto at his table and we ordered. As we ate I couldn’t help but notice that Naruto was being unusually quiet.  I pointed this and other subtle signs of his frustration out to him but Naruto deflected my observations.

As we neared the end of the meal Sai blurted out what I had been dancing around. "Naruto are you okay?"

A look of caution blossomed on Naruto’s face. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You seem upset”

“I am fine” Naruto said, looking at me but addressing both of us.

Before either of us could respond Naruto gestured to a passing waiter who was carrying a tray of drinks. He then asked if either of us wanted a drink.

“A little early for that don’t you think.” I remarked.

He laughed and told me that just now I sounded like Shikamaru. This did not deter him from ordering a cup of wine.

“You should watch yourself with the drinks Naruto.”

“Your concern is noted” He said after taking a big mouthful of wine.  

By the time we had finished lunch Naruto had confided in us. Well he told us as much as he could considering that what was discussed at Kage summit's was supremely confidential. Factions had sprung up among the Kages, mini alliances within the Alliance. Some of the new Kages from the more recent villages had decided that it was in their best interest to curb Naruto’s influence on the shinobi world. So they undermined his proposals forcing him to have to present them again after adding significant concessions.

“When I was just strong enough to save their lives they loved me. Now that I have ideas that may change their lives they are scared of me. And all I want to do is offer them a better chance at a lasting peace.”

“Some people want peace on their own terms” Sai said to Naruto.

It was very profound point. Unfortunately Sai continued to talk.

“Have you considered that your influence can reach beyond the Kages, to their council, to their people? With your status as a living legend many shinobi would prefer to be in your shadow rather than that of a Kage who is clearly inferior to you in strength. You can create factions in their village setting up the foundations for a coup d'etat. In two years time at the next summit meeting you reveal to the Kages that they can either submit to your will and stay as figurehead rulers of their village or they can face the humiliation of being stipped of their power by their village council.”

Naruto leaned back in his seat. “I had not considered Sai probably because I am not Danzo. Sometimes I forget that you used to be in ROOT.”

“I am just saying the easiest route for everyone would be to either single handedly or with Sasuke’s help wipe them all out in a magnificent display of power at the next summit, except for the Kazekage of course, then you declare yourself the Kage of Kages and have Sasuke as your--”

I interrupted Sai with a kick to his shins from beneath the table.

“Sai’s just trying to help” I told Naruto.

Naruto nodded patiently. “I know but Sai’s not that far away from what some people actually think I am capable of. That’s the frustrating thing about politics it's still a war just without bloodshed.”

Immediately after our lunch we were dismissed by the Seventh. Sai and I loitered at the table for a moment but Naruto’s focus was now completely on his laptop. We’d gotten as far as the entrance before I doubled back to Naruto’s table.

Upon reaching him I jumped right into narration. I told Naruto a brief story about Tsunade’s work ethic. Whenever Tsunade was working on a difficult project and things weren’t really clicking for her she’d end the night by saying “I have not failed I've actually discovered five hundred ways that won't work.: The night after if things still didn’t go well she’d say I have not failed I've actually discovered five hundred and one ways that won't work. She'd keep on going like that until she found the way that worked.”

Naruto tilted his head away from the screen just enough to show that he acknowledged my presence.

“I know you will find the right way Naruto because I still believe in you.” I blurted out to him. “Well I’m sure a lot of people probably still believe in you. I am definitely not claiming that I hold exclusive belief in you Naruto, I just wanted to remind you that I am still amongst those who still believe in you.”

Naruto turned away from the screen a smile slowly making its way across his lips.

"Thank you Sakura-c..." He swallowed his words, cleared his throat, swallowed again.

“Sakura being around you makes me feel very nostalgic.”

It was strange the way he said that—It did not come across as something he viewed as a positive.

“Thank you Sakura. You may go now.”

Once again I found myself in Naruto’s presence with nothing meaningful to say to him. I left and reconnected Sai outside the restaurant.

After talking it over for awhile. We have agreed to keep an eye on him from now on.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Feb 08: 9:00 AM:

Naruto (and the mass of people surrounding him) just stopped by the medical labs. All the medics and technicians stopped to stare at the legend as he walked towards me.

He asked me about the genin. I revealed that as of today no one had suffered any permanent injuries, and there were no casualties either.

He found this to be excellent news. Though of course he would have already known this because I had sent a report saying the same thing to him the night before. Naruto read all my reports before going into a summit meeting.

I caught his eye and added to my news that I was a little concerned about him. By the looks of it I did not think he was getting enough sleep.

He smiled, narrowing his eyes playfully “I appreciate your concern, but I am fine. Sleep is a luxury for a Kage”

I raised my fist. “Naruto if you insist on not getting adequate rest. I’ll put you to sleep myself.”

Naruto chuckled, and then following his cue the rest of the room chuckled. It was as if he had made the joke.

“I will definitely take that into consideration. I am sorry to have concerned you, but I will be fine.”

“Of course you will be fine sir, you are the strongest man I know” I said.

After then was gone leaving a buzz of excitement in his wake.

A young medic from Takigakure approached me tentatively and asked “You can call your Kage by his first name?”

I hope the next time Naruto wants to tell me he is okay he’ll not drop by the medical labs. It took me ten minutes to get everyone back to work.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Feb 09: 8:00 AM

You never wake up in the morning hoping to have an emotionally exhausting day.

It all started when I made a startling discovery in the emergency room. The moment I had a break in my shift I made a beeline for Naruto’s room. Only to find a line waiting outside his door. Luckily I was only there for a few minutes when Sai stepped out of the room to inspect the line. As the head of Naruto’s personal guards he could just about walk in out of Naruto’s room at will. I let him now I had an urgent message to deliver and Sai did not hesitate to usher me through Naruto’s door to the dismay of the others on the line.  

“He’s being fitted for a custom robe right now, it’s a gift from the Amegakure council, but since you say it’s urgent...”

Sai led me through Naruto’s bedroom door, without bothering to knock. We walked in on a scene featuring two geriatric women fussing over the Hokage. Ignoring our sudden presence in the room they stretched cloth measuring tape across the width and length of his body.

Oh and Naruto was dressed only in his boxers.

Surprise flashed on his face when he was saw me but he reined it in with impressive swiftness. Then he addressed us as if were a normal occurrence for people to burst into his room.

“Is something the matter Sai?”

Sai related quickly that I had some urgent news for him. But by the time Naruto turned to me I had completely lost my train of thoughts. Or I should say my train of thoughts had left me behind, and a new breath stealing train of thoughts had taken its place.  

“What is your news Sakura?” Naruto asked.

I told him that I had two questions for him first.

“Are you wearing silk boxers?”

He nodded, embarrassment briefly coloring his face.  

Silk boxers, form fitting, obviously a wife’s gift to her husband. Hinata had gone shopping for these boxers and picked them out knowing his exact measurements, knowing for sure what looked good on him. These thoughts simply bloomed in my mind as pure facts rather than speculation. Exposed to these facts I should have been amused or indifferent to them but I found myself in a confusing state of ambivalence.

I went on to my next question.

“If you spend most of your time in your office how is that you are in better shape now then you were during the war?”

Naruto’s eyes shone with sudden mischief when he looked at me. He explained that it wasn’t enough to simply train one's mind for politics. The village head had to be in top physical shape at all times. So his exercise routine was as vigorous now as it had ever been.

When one of the elderly tailors wrapped a measuring tape around Naruto’s right arm. He flexed and his arm confessed to the room that it was indeed heavy with well defined muscle.

The old woman hanging on his arm cooed playfully while Naruto locked eyes with me.

“Not bad for a papa” Naruto said with a grin.

At that moment an odd comparison came to my mind. Sasuke and Naruto’s body matched their personalities fairly well. Sasuke was agile, wiry, lean, elusive. Of the two Naruto’s overall body had a bit more mass, he was sturdy, sinewy, unyielding, dependable.

“I have to say I am very impressed by how you’ve kept so fit” Sai said abruptly bringing me back down to earth.

Naruto gave Sai a look that seemed to express surprise at the fact of Sai still being in the room. He tentatively thanked Sai for the compliment and returned his attention to me. “The message Sakura?”

I glanced at the old women. Naruto took the hint and they were politely escorted out of the room a moment later. When they were gone I asked Naruto if it had been necessary for him to have been measured while in his boxers.

Seemingly confused by the question Naruto replied that the old women had insisted so it must have been necessary.

I kept my thoughts about that to myself of course.  There were more pressing concerns that moment anyway.

I informed Naruto that at that moment there was a genin team in the emergency room that had been deemed too injured to continue on with second stage of the exam. The genin team claimed that they had lost their scrolls to a team from Kirigakure who entrapped them in a poisonous mist.

Naruto frowned but noted that Kirigakure had some reputation for poisons techniques.

“Was it an unnecessarily lethal dosage?”

I told Naruto that they hadn’t been poisoned the way they thought they had been poisoned. They had instead been attacked with a nerve agent.

Naruto asked if I doubted the genin’s story.

I did not. Indeed there was enough traces of the poison on them to say they had been attacked by a poison mist technique. But their symptoms had not matched what should have happened when they got hit by a technique such as the one they been attacked with. What they had described was C-rank technique that caused coma like paralysis within seconds of exposure.  But before that one's lips and tongue deaden, then comes dizziness and vomiting, followed by numbness and muscle paralysis.

“It’s a bit of process.” I said to Naruto.

Naruto then asked the obvious. “What happened to the genin?”

I explained.

The genin had remembered salivating profusely then losing consciousness and then coming in and out of sleep dimly aware that most of their muscles had gone completely numb. I checked their clothing and found a very small concentration of a unique toxic compound that was not found in any known poison mist technique in use. The genin had somehow been tagged with the substance beforehand.

“So the poison mist was a coverup. To mask the actual attack. Those kids were being experimented on?”

“It looks like that.” I said solemnly. “It would have taken some time for the substance to seep from their clothes onto their skin. The poison mist attack was probably timed to match up with that”

I added to the bad news. “These genin might experience some long term effects, most of which will psychological.”

Then I added some more. “This is new Naruto, I’ve never seen this before. And in larger doses it has the potential to be devastating on a battlefield.”

“This was developed after the war?” Naruto inquired.

“I would think so.”

I saw something flash in Naruto’s eyes, something caught between hurt and anger. Then as quickly as it came it was gone. “Can antidotes be created?”

I hesitated

“In your opinion” Naruto added.

I answered sincerely. “I haven't looked into it too deeply but I have some ideas. There are other poisons that may actually be used as a countermeasure since they block acetylcholine receptors that...”

Naruto put his hand up. “You can keep the technical details Sakura. When we get home you can lead a research team to develop antidotes for this or any future surprises Kirigakure may have.”

I hesitated again. “I...”

Naruto grinned. “You’re great Sakura. You’ve brought some very critical information to my attention. I was right to put my confidence in you.”

I told him that I was honored and flattered but I’ll have to decline. I would share my thoughts with Tsunade and Shizune but I reiterated that I was committed to raising my daughter full time.

“And that is admirable. It is truly is. But maybe some kind of schedule can be worked out.” Naruto said.

I asked who would take care of Sarada while I’m working.

“When Sasuke comes back...”Naruto started

I cut him off. “When Sasuke comes back he won’t stay. He doesn’t stay.”

“In time.....I’ll talk to him.”

There was an unspoken “again” at the end of that statement. But I found myself wondering in a morbidly amused way what could Naruto possibly have said that Sasuke couldn’t see for himself when he said goodbye to his wife and child every few months?

I rattled off some obvious truths to Naruto. As hard is it might have been to believe I was not the wounded bird in my marriage. Sasuke needed to go out to find himself, and he needed to come home to a stable family to reset. He needed to find the answers out there, answers that couldn’t be found at hom.

“Alright, that’s a separate issue. We’ll address later. Here’s what is going on right now! I can’t help but feel that you are wasting something special. You are special Sakura.  One day you will wake and notice this but it’ll be too late!”

By then was infuriated by the parth the conversation had taken.

“I don't need you to save me from myself Naruto. How weak do you believe me to be?”

Sounding tired Naruto said, “Sometimes Sakura there is a pretty large difference between what you assume about my motivations and what my motivations actually are.”

I snapped at him. “Does Hinata wake up every morning to this lecture about being a full time mother?”

“Apples and oranges” Naruto growled.

“How do you figure that?”

“We’re talking about two different people. What makes her happy might not make you happy, what you makes you happy might not make her happy.”

“And you think you know what makes me happy?” I shouted at him.

“I know what used to make you happy and that used to be medical ninjutsu.”

“Maybe you are not the only one who has changed Naruto!”

It was then that Sai chimed in.

‘Sakura is right you’ve both changed to some degree. Yet you’ve changed in very similar manners. You two have found additional meaning in sacrifice, Naruto has sacrificed his personal time including time spent with his family to dedicate himself to being a Hokage. Sakura has sacrificed her desire to practice with medical ninjutsu to dedicate herself to her daughter. Similar ideals two different destinations.”

I locked eyes with Naruto for a moment and then we both turned to Sai.

“Sai you’re still here?” Naruto asked.

“Should I have not been?”

I knew exactly what Naruto was feeling. I had been so focused on the conversation I had completely forgotten that Sai had been in the room. I replayed the conversation in my head almost in a blind panic. I was terrified that something intimate might have been said in Sai’s presence.

Naruto asked Sai if he had overheard the entire conversation.

“Was that supposed to be a private moment?” Was Sai’s reply.

Naruto’s face was then suddenly caught in some odd transitional state in between being himself and panicking and being the Seventh and taking it in stride.  

"Anyway Sakura, thank you for informing-me-about the um critical data that we talked about before" he stammered.

With as much most rigid formality I could muster I managed to squeak out some form of “it was my pleasure Hokage-sama.”

Naruto cleared his throat before announcing that he would definitely have a long talk with the Mizukage at the next meeting about this travesty. After that we were quickly dismissed from the room.

As we stood outside of Naruto’s hotel room Sai turned to me with a very pleased look on his face and said; “I enjoy when we as a group have these frank and introspective discussions. It implies a closeness in our bond that I am truly fond of.”

At that point I was too emotionally spent to contemplate what Sai may or may not have picked up on or thought he picked up on during that conversation. I simply agreed with him and called it a day.  

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Feb 10: 6:00 AM

I had a dirty dream last night.

I haven’t had a dirty dream in a long time.

I am a grown woman, married, with a child. My days of dirty dreams should be long behind me. Yet it seems I had underestimated the lingering effects of seeing Naruto in his clingy boxers would have on me.

In the dream I was wearing the same black dress that I had worn at the opening ceremony except that I was now matching it with knee-high black leather boots. I strutted right into the Hokage’s office like I owned the place and no one in the receptionist's area had the nerve to say anything to me. When Naruto saw me come in he looked like he was ready to jump up from behind his desk.  

I brought a lone finger to my lips gesturing for him to be still and be silent. I quietly locked the door behind me and then I sauntered over to him. With one sweep of my hand I knocked Naruto’s laptop, his lamp and most of his papers off his desk. I laid down on top of it with my right leg bent and my left extended.

Naruto wordlessly placed his hand on my knee and ran his fingertips slowly along the inside of my thigh. I moaned softly when he leaned forward and kissed me on the side of my neck. I shivered when his fingers found their way beneath my dress traced along the edges of my panties. They patiently took the scenic route towards my core. I called out his name and responds Naruto kissed my neck again and bit gently into my skin.

I reached out and pulled his face roughly to mine. His hand slid into my panites.

He whispered my name into my mouth slowly and with promise just as fingers slipped inside me.

And then I woke up.

With my heart pounding and my breathing ragged I leaped into the shower. I spent a while in the shower.

I am not sure how I will able to look Naruto in the eyes today.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Putting the journal to the side, Naruto marched to the kitchen, poured himself a cup of ice water, and then proceeded to dump the ice water over his head.

He had never stopped being physically attracted to Sakura. Growing close to Hinata had not made Sakura less appealing to him it didn’t make her hideous. But it became a distant attraction like seeing a painting of beautiful woman. He could objectively say she was beautiful but had not felt the pull, the desire to be with her for years.

But then the kiss and suddenly it was like recalling specific details of a once vague memory.

The attraction returned. No it hadn’t simply returned. It had returned with a vengeance.

The attraction of his youth, simply wanting to get a kiss for her or peep at her nude body carried with it an underlying innocence. All of that was a product of wanting to get to know her, to get close to her.

His attraction had been limited by experience.

When you knew how it feels to have a woman’s body press against yours, when you’ve felt the heat of woman’s excitement, when know firsthand how the female body can soften and sigh and accommodate you, the feeling of her body clicking with yours and what it means to get lost inside her......

It made attraction a very different beast.

Now he wanted to posses her body and soul.

Naruto swiped at his wet forehead with his arms.

He wondered if Sakura made love with her eyes closed or did one see her eyes cloud with desire. Did soft moans escape her lips or did she cry out in ecstasy at the to of her lungs.

He poured himself another glass of ice water, dumped it over his head, and returned to the journal.  

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Feb 11: 10:00 PM

I’ve spent the day looking Naruto directly in the eyes whenever I see him. If I look anywhere else I flashback to him in his boxers.  

Not looking forward to sleeping tonight.  If I have another dirty dream I might wake up feeling guilty. If I don’t have another dirty dream I might wake up disappointed.

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Feb 12: 11:30 PM

Some things are so unexpected that no one is prepared for them.

Since the start of the exams its been a rare treat for Naruto Sai and I to be free for an entire evening. Tonight an opportunity had presented itself. We were even lucky enough to have Gaara join in and turn our trio into a quartet.

As we shared food and drinks in the hotel restaurant we covered every predictable topic under the sun. We covered the success of the exam so far and its potential future. We spoke of the everyday triumphs and disappointments of our individual lives or the amusing ups and downs of our children's lives.

I found it adorable how Naruto’s eyes lit up when he spoke of Himawari and Boruto. He was a proud papa.

Thankfully we didn’t delve too deeply into specific topics about our spouses or our respective marriages. I suspected this was mostly out of respect of their absence. Eventually we moved to more familiar grounds, the past. Or more specifically the chunin exam Naruto, Gaara, and I had participated in. Gaara ended up apologizing to us over his actions for about the hundredth time since we had become friends. A few gulps of wine made Gaara insistent so the only thing either us could do was gracefully accept his apology as if were the first time either of us had heard it

Then things got unpredictable.

Near the end of the dinner Gaara aglow from his last cup of wine glanced across the dinner table at me and then Naruto. Sighing contently he announced, “Shukaku and I were a little surprised that when we heard you married Hinata, Naruto. You had fought really hard to protect Sakura during our fight both of us thought you’d two would get together.”

Naruto was seated to my left and I turned to him just as he turned to the right. We stared at each other in silence. I waited for him to comment but I suppose Naruto had been waiting for me to comment because Gaara’s statement was met by absolute silence. The quiet lasted long enough to disregard Gaara’s statement as if neither of us had heard him.

But then Sai jumped, “That is interesting because at one time I had once believed Naruto held strong feelings for Sakura.”

Naruto sighed and addressed the table.

“I still do have strong feelings for Sakura....just not in the way you once thought of Sai. Life is complicated. There was a confusing mix of emotion, angst, anger and hormones flying around our team and when you are young you think you were feeling one thing and it isn’t until you get a little older that your realize it might have been something else.”

Sai seemed to consider this. “So you are saying your feelings weren’t real?”

“Sakura and I discussed it and we concluded that my feelings at the time may have stemmed from something other than love.”

“Unlike Sakura’s love for Sasuke” Sai added.

“My feelings were not as big as her love”

Naruto then laughed good naturedly. “So its easy to see why Sakura never considered me.”

Despite my better judgment I also jumped into the conversation.

“That’s not true. I did consider you. I mean it did cross my mind occasionally.”

“Really?” Sai added.

Naruto turned back to me. His eyes were as steady as his voice.

“Sai, I think Sakura is just trying to spare my feelings. I appreciate it but I knew how you felt about Sasuke.”

He stared right into my eyes as he talked. I met his gaze because it never occurred to me to look away.

“Sasuke was-is the only love I’ve known that is true. But I did consider Naruto.”

I was addressing the table as well but I didn’t break our eye contact.

“Naruto was the strongest of the three of us not just in a physical sense. In the sense of keeping himself together. Naruto is sweet and kind and he just naturally tries to take care of those around him. I did consider Naruto but...”

I paused.

My brain might have been in overdrive but my mouth was still way ahead of it. I wasn’t sure what I should say next but the words formed in my mouth before they registered in my thoughts.

“He didn’t need me.”

I broke our eye contact and stared down at my hands. It took my moment to regain the courage to look back up at him.

“I guess I wanted to be needed.”

I barely heard Sai's voice over the sound my blood, rushing to my ears. “Interesting, Sakura you actively helped Naruto and Hinata come together. Did you think Naruto needed Hinata?”

I didn’t answer Sai I stared into Naruto’s eyes with such intensity the only color I saw was blue.

“Hinata needed me.” I had heard someone say.

And it took me a half a second to recognize it had been Naruto’s voice. He broke our eye contract and turned back to the rest of the table and dispelled the tense atmosphere with a jovial smile. Naruto was one of those rare people who could alter moods with the twitch of his lips and and the twinkle in his eyes.

“In the end it all worked out for the best. We’re both with the loves our lives, we’re still friends, everyone is happy.”

Sai nodded. “They do say true love like cream in homogenized milk will always rise to the surface. ”

“I am not sure anyone has ever said those exact words Sai but the sentiment is sweet” I laughed.

The entire table followed into laughter.  No one laughed with more enthusiasm than Gaara whom right before Sai’s quotation had a guilty, embarrassed look on his face. Obviously he had no idea that his casual statement would have opened up such a can of worms. He eagerly accepted this lighter tone.

The conversation shifted to safer grounds as we snacked on dessert. After the cake and icecream our little party broke up for the night. In the process of bidding everyone goodnight I let it slip that I was going to the medical labs to pick up some notes I had left behind.   

Now the sequence at the restaurant was quite an emotional experience for me. But that turned out to be just the tip of the iceberg. What happened next was for better or worse was the emotional highlight of the night.

In the lab there were a handful of medics and technicians looking over some equipment. No one who be really surprised to see me there during the night shift hours. I went to my office and waited for the inevitable knock on the door. It came about fifteen minutes after my arrival.

I took in a deep breath before calling out that the door was open,

Naruto eased into the room and shut the door quietly behind him.

“I’d like a word with you.”

I had figured he would he would. I waited for him to say something else but he simply studied me.

“There was no reason for me to lie this time” I said anticipating his thoughts.

He didn’t respond. but I noticed his breathing was irregular. It was relatively shallow and swift, not usual from someone with Naruto’s level of fitness or his demeanor. Most people wouldn’t have noticed this but as a medic it was harder for me not to notice. He was, I realized eventually making a failed attempt to relax himself and regain his composure. He must have caught on to the fact that I had noticed something because he quickly turned his back to me.

What I could not tell by his breathing was if he was angry or simply hurt. Was he going to yell at me or cry? Or rather would he hold himself together and as the Seventh stoically march off to bed.  

I stepped closer to Naruto  and put a hand on his shoulder.

“Nothings changed Naruto” I said to him.

He laughed softly with his back still turned to me. “Yeah what you said at dinner alone shouldn’t have changed anything.”

He turned around slowly and looked straight into my eyes almost devouring me with his hunger. The impact of his gaze on me was so intense that I took a half step back.

“But then I think about that kiss and I can’t help but think tha--.”

He cut himself off mid sentence and he let his eyes roam around the office.  

“Why did you come to your office instead of going to your hotel room?”

“I figured you would want to talk. I thought I’d save us the trouble of having to explain you knocking on my door during the night.”

“You thought you’d save us teh trouble?”

He smiled.

“Am I that predictable Sakura?”

“It depends on the situation. You’ve got a history of impatience. When you get your mind to do something, you tend to just go and do i--”

Naruto interrupted me by pulling me close and giving me a long lingering kiss. I suppose if he wanted me to shut up that was one way to get me to do it. He broke the kiss and pulled back. I think now that he was gauging my reaction. I was a little too stunned to speak but my body knew exactly what to say. I arched closer to him and Naruto dove in for seconds.

This kiss was an explosion compared to the last two kisses.  Urgency replaced sweetness when his lips covered, well I should say claimed my own. An anything but tentative tongue brushed past my lips and eagerly explored the world beyond. Once I got over my initial shock  I responded with equal ferocity knocking the Hokage hat right off his head as I drove my fingers into his blonde hair. Then like a river meeting sea I simply flowed into him.

Instinct and need drove me to edge both of us towards my desk. I was just about to push Naruto on top of a pile of injury reports when I heard heavy footsteps in the lab outside the door. Somebody coughed and we froze. Naruto’s hands stalled on the last knotted button on my dress and my fingers stilled on the waistband of his pants.

We stood there for a minute, holding on tightly, breathing each other in. The footsteps faded away.

I think I made a noise between a giggle and a sigh right before I said, “That should not have happened.”

“I shouldn’t eat ramen, I shouldn’t drink, I shouldn’t  kiss you. Sakura why is all the bad stuff so addictive?”

I lowered my voice to raspy tone. “In my professional medical opinion I think you just have an addictive personality, You get a taste of something good and you just want and more.”

Naruto grinned wolfishly. “I think you're right doctor I just can’t help myself.”

Heaven help me I giggled again when our lips met for a third and fourth time.

When the chuckles subsided Naruto pulled back we just looked at each other, neither of us saying a word. I reached out and gently caressed his face, outlining his whiskers with my fingertips. In the silence of the room the moment passed and reality settled in for both of us.

“I think we’ve crossed a line.” Naruto said.

We released our grips on each other. A part of me wanted to continue but I was mostly relieved that things would not escalate any further.

Naruto glanced at the desk I followed his gaze. I believe it dawned on us both at the same time what would have potentially happened had we been in a less public area.

I apologized to him.

Naruto shook his head, “Don’t be sorry Sakura, I should be better man than that.”

In the moment of silence that followed we readjusted our clothing, smoothed out our hair and buttoned what had been unbuttoned. All these actions occured beneath a shared cloud of guilt and shame.

When he was back to respectable form with his hat on and his spine straight Naruto drew in a deep breath and said with a bashful grin, “The trouble is I really, really enjoyed that.”

Then he left. No more words were exchanged, no secretive touch, no discreet eye contact-no goodbye smooch.

I took a moment then to assess my self. I waited for guilt, and shame to engulf me. And they came in time. I felt shame when I thought of Sarada and the kind of woman I wanted to be in her eyes. I felt guilty when I thought about the vows that I had made an promises I had already broken if not physically but mentally.  I regretted that my life had reached a point where the kiss of a man other than my husband would leave a song humming in my veins.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Ah that second kiss....that didn’t help the situation at all.  

Naruto recalled that during the kiss a tendril of Sakura’s hair had caught his lips and he reached to release it, and their hips had aligned as he had done so.

Sakura had been pushing up against him, and it was then that it had dawned on him that it might actually be happening. And it that moment in time he had wanted nothing more than for it to happen. It was like losing himself to Kurama the way he had lost his senses.

And when they had been forced to stop his raging passion had been replaced by raging disappointment.

In the aftermath of it all while he was in his room and with reason returned to him. He found himself overwhelmed by guilt. He considered talking to his wife. Coming clean to Hinata, letting her know what had happened, how he felt.

He wanted to tell the truth.

But what had been the truth? What could he tell her? Was it lust, love? When did he fall in love with Sakura? When did he have time to fall  in love with his busy schedule?

He didn’t call. He was supposed to make her happy, supposed to keep her happy, that was his role as a husband. Hinata was his wife not Sakura. He had an obligation to her, she was his wife, the mother of his children, his greatest fan.

He hated to disappoint her.

Naruto had no intention of breaking up his marriage. However in a moment of clarity that night when his lust for Sakura had abated he found that he still longed to be by her side. And the temptation to go to her room and simply be with her was a real one.

He was in love  

Naruto laughed as he flipped a page in Sakura’s journal he was in the same position that he had been close to two decades ago. Of his feelings he was sure of Sakura’s he could not be certain.  And he wouldn’t assume, no he didn’t assume then, he wouldn’t assume now.

XXXXXXXXXxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Feb 13: 12:30 PM

Infidelity is an ugly word.

An even uglier act

Nothing good can come from it.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Feb 13: 10:30 PM

There were times while Sarada was at the academy that I would lay down in bed and think to myself. There must be more to love than this.

If I were to find something more in the arms of someone other than my husband would that really make me a monster?

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Feb 14: 3:30 PM

If I can just keep everything contained to my private thoughts. Then it isn’t all that bad. If it’s all a fantasy than I haven't betrayed anyone.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Feb 15: 12:30 PM

Sai came to me while I was on my lunch break.

“He’s upset again.”

We got to Naruto’s hotel room just as Gaara was stepping out. The Kazekage closed the door behind him with a heavy sigh.

I threw questions at him. I managed to only get two vague and cryptic answers out of him, which was a considerable victory considering that the summit meetings were heavily confidential.

“The summit meetings have been a little tense lately.”

“The further we get from the war the easier it is for idealism to be replaced by everyday.”

That was it. It wasn’t much but it shed a little light on what I could expect from Naruto’s mindset. We entered the hotel room to find Naruto scolding his laptop.

“I needed the revision yesterday! Not today, not tomorrow, not next week, I needed it yesterday!”

Shikamaru’s voice came through speakers. “I’ll try and get it to you tonight.”

“Don’t try, get it to me Shikamaru! Get me that revision because I am drowning here and you are supposed to be my lifeboat!”

Naruto slammed the lid of the laptop shut.  He turned to us his eyes wild with passionate fury.

“What do you want?” He grunted.

Before we could say anything Naruto cut us off with a wave of his hand.

“Actually no, I am headed out. I need some air.”

Sai stepped forward. “Are you leaving the hotel? It’ll just take a moment for me to gather the other guards.”

Naruto shook his head. “I am going out alone.”

“But the Alliance has set rather definite regulations about--”

Naruto interrupted Sai with a spat.

“If there is someone out there who is strong enough to kill me Sai what can you or the rest of the guards possibly do against him? I’d have to protect you! You guys would actually be burdens to me. You are useless Sai to me, can’t you see that?!”  

I slapped Naruto across the face with my open hand. It wasn’t something I consciously thought about doing. It just happened and I heard Sai gasp.

“Ask me again if I think you’ve changed.” I said to Naruto.  

The Seventh stepped back. He was hurt, he was humiliated. But mostly the slap had startled him. He put his hands up toward his face and looked at me with sad puppy dog eyes. I’ve hit Naruto so many times over the years and I think this was the first time I had ever truly hurt him.

I felt tears rolling down my cheeks, I was hurting for both of us.

After a moment he closed his eyes and when he reopened them he offered me and Sai an oddly composed stare.

“Anyone who is still in this room when I get back will be stripped of their rank.”

He stormed out of the room leaving me and Sai.

"I suppose we should just give him some space for now" Sai mused.

He was surprisingly unfazed by what just happened. I took a bit of confidence from that. I left the room feeling that Sai was probably right.

Edited by Candleguy, 18 February 2015 - 12:55 AM.

[Candleguy]

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Feb 15: 7:30

“What do you want Uchiha-san?” Naruto slurred to me when I approached him.

I suppose “Uchiha-san” was supposed to hurt me but he was the one who flinched at his own words. As if he had tossed explosives at me but was standing too close to the explosion to avoid the sharpnel.

Unlike Tsunade and Lee Naruto was a mellow drunk. A certain amount of liquor makes him docile, it makes him slower. Drink always seemed to curb his historically unrestrained personality. However it also made him less inclined to guard some of his more private thoughts.

“Sai told me you apologized to him. And that you were brooding in your room.”

Naruto had been sitting in a reclining chair in the balcony of his room. We were on the thirtieth floor so he was staring out into the horizon with a bottle of sake at his side.  

“I do not brood Sakura. I am reflecting on my life.”

“You are drunk.”

“I reflect better when I am drunk.”

“Well brooding, reflecting, I am here to cheer you up.”

“You really shouldn’t be here” he said.

I asked why not.

He looked me up and down in an exaggerated manner and said, “Because like you said I am drunk. And you might think you know what I need. But I know what I want.”

He fell abruptly silent, as if he felt he had said too much. He turned away clearly embarrassed.

“Sorry about that. That was-I don’t know what that was.”

I stepped deeper into the balcony. “That was you being drunk. It doesn’t matter though I probably trust you more than anyone.”

Naruto offered me a skeptical look. “Really, even after what happened in your office?”

“I am fairly sure I actively participated in that incident.”

“I might drunkenly fondle you.”

“Only if I let you.”

Naruto’s right eyebrow rose suggestively.

“No.”

“It would cheer me up though.”

“You are a married man Naruto. I am a married woman.”

“Yeah we were married two days ago in your office and look how that turned out.....”

I conceded his point as he supped from the bottle.

He sighed.

“I’m sorry about yesterday Sakura. I was projecting my own uselessness on someone else. Projecting is the right word right?”

I replied that the usage seemed correct though the context seemed questionable.

“I am failing as a Hokage Sakura.” He told me as if it were the most obvious news in the world.

“How can you possibly think that?”

He explained.

When it was becoming clear that Naruto’s time to be Hokage was fast approaching Naruto asked Shikamaru to calculate the chances of a war breaking out during his tenure. Shikamaru came to him the next week with troubling news.

Naruto quoted Shikamaru’s exact words to me very dramatically.

“These are all estimations of course. But based on the current political climate as long as you remain as strong as you are for the rest of your life there will be less than twenty percent chance of a war breaking out while you are in office. If you lost your power or died of natural causes in office there’s a sixty five percent chance there will be a war between at least two village within fifteen years of your death or loss of power. War will break out within one year if you are assassinated and Sasuke is still alive.”

“Sasuke would probably not react to your assassination in a reasonable manner” I said to Naruto.

Naruto chuckled “A fine mess for my successor to clean up.”

Naruto had asked Shikamaru to elaborate on the report. And his future councillor did. It seemed most people were not fighting because of any serious idealism forged by camaraderie discovered during the war. The reality was nothing at the moment had been worth fighting for to risk Naruto and Sasuke intervening. At best in a conflict between nations or villages Naruto and Sasuke could stop a fight and humiliate the combatants in front of the entire world. At worst if either Naruto or Sasuke picked a side during a conflict the other side faced the prospect of complete destruction. The scales would balance themselves when one of them died. People would like these better odds they would take more risks.

“So I thought to myself someone has to change the political climate and I had to change the way people think about certain things. But I needed to do something without being the big stick hovering over everyone. Without ironically being the weapon that Nagato left behind to keep people in check. I needed to change things to make people listen without having to flex my muscles first.”

Immediately after becoming Hokage, Naruto had Shikamaru began to work around the clock to come up with ways to further the international peace movement. However whenever Naruto presented some of his ideas to other Kages, the newer ones especially, the Daimyos or other heads of state, they talked over him, they talked down to him, they talked through him. They talked to him about economics, history, geography, they had many legitimate reasons and many excuses to paint him as just an idealistic dreamer. A very strong dreamer though, worth having the honor to meet with, worth respecting for his battle prowess, worth going to for protection if need be, but a dreamer nonetheless. So they did their best to keep information from him, to leave him confused and misinformed, they chuckled right in his face if he was caught lacking in knowledge of the current topic of discussion. In some instances he had found himself feeling as if he had been transported back to his “deadlast” days in the academy.

“To change a political climate you’ve got to be political right? I needed to think like them, I needed to be able to lie them, to maneuver around words and people, to read between lines like them, I need to what they knew. I worked hard at that for a long long time. But I learned how to be a politician Sakura, and I used what I learned over the years to get this chunin exam.”

“It’s a tremendous achievement,” I said.

“You would think that. Except that it’s scared some people. Some of the new Kages don’t trust me anymore. They think I have too much influence on the world stage. Sakura this whole time I thought I was working with them towards achieving the chunin exams. It turns out I had been fighting them all this time, I fought with politics instead of my fist to get this. There’s more tension now then there was when I got into office. All these years and I’ve made it worse.”

He took another swig of sake.

“With the way things are now if I die tonight within fifteen years there is a better than fifty percent chance of a war breaking out. That means Boruto, Sarada, Himawari will have to fight, they’ll have to watch their friends. What is the point of anything I’ve ever done if I can’t even keep our children out of a war Sakura?!”

I asked Naruto if he thought he could stop wars forever. He didn’t but he could close his eyes at any moment and see Neji dying. He had pledged to himself that he would never allow his children to go through that experience.”

“I am the Hokage I should be making more of a positive impact. I should be making a better future for the next generation”

I mentioned to him that I thought he had been changing the world by just being. To me he had been changing the world before he even became Hokage. I told him how Sarada will look to her father and try to decipher what being a shinobi really means. She’ll learn from him that a shinobi loves and protects her village and her family and she never gives up on them. When she comes to me for the same thing, I’ll tell that a shinobi tries to understand others, even her enemies. That compassion is not a weakness and love is a strength. Both of our answers will come from our personal experiences with the same man. Hopefully Srada will pass this example on to her children, just like Boruto and Himawari will pass it on to their children. Ino’s children, Sai’s children, Shikamaru’s children, Konohamaru’s children hopefully they would all pass it down.

“That sounds like the Will of Fire” Naruto said.

I insisted that it was different. This was new. The First was only thinking about Konohagakure. If one percent of the people who felt Naruto’s feelings during the war pass it on to their children and they pass it on to their own one day what it means to be a shinobi will be completely different than what Hashirama even imagined. And the world would be a better place for it

“Hopefully” Naruto added. “Maybe you are giving me too much credit Sakura ”

“No I don’t think so Naruto. You are actually the coolest guy.”

Naruto tried to suppress a grin, but did not quite make it.

“Hey don’t hide it from me, I miss that smile."

He grinned. He then brought the half finished bottle of sake to his mouth but he stopped himself and placed it back down on the ground beside him.

“I don’t know if they will mean anything to me in the morning. But right now I think I should thank you.”

“No, I should thank you for inviting me here. I really enjoyed working with medical ninjutsu again.”

“Give me a phone I’ll reinstate you as the lead medic in Konoha tonight.”

It made me really happy to know that Naruto believed in me so much. I said that to him. But I had to decline Sarada needed me, I may be an ineffectual wife but I’ve devoted myself to being a great mother.

Naruto looked like he might say something, but seemed to think better of it,  “I understand.”

“I’ve made my choices and I’ll stick to them.”

“Are we still talking about your medical ninjutsu?”

“What else would we be talking about?” I asked.

“Sakura are we going to have an affair?”

I was standing still and yet I somehow almost tripped over my own feet.

“Who said anything about an affair?!”

Naruto simply shrugged. “No one has said anything about an affair. There’s just this  thing going on between us.”

“A thing?” I asked.

“A thing. And it helps keep me keep me up at night.”

He paused.

“I didn’t mean for it to sound like that. But that is a part of the situation.”

I draw in three deep breaths. Then I gave Naruto my opinion on our “thing.”

It was like he had said at dinner. Life is complicated. There was a confusing mix of emotion, angst, anger and hormones flying around when we were younger. And it could be happening again. I had been feeling really lonely lately and Naruto had been feeling very stressed. The circumstances we found ourselves in created fantasies in our minds. Fantasies that we might be able to turn the clock back, return to a time when we were young and fresh and innocent and we only had our dreams. When we feel a distance between ourselves and our spouses we build intimate connections with people whom we believe we might relive our lives, it’s an impossible but attractive dream.

Naruto stared at me his reddened eyes wide. “Wow, you’ve given this a lot of thought.”

“I-I’ve been thinking things through since the scene in my office. I dont want to make a mistake based on poor judgment and wishful thinking.” I said.

“So if we were in love it wouldn’t mistake.”

It would still be a mistake I pointed out. We would simply have a better rationalization for making a mistake.

“You are smart Sakura you should have been Hokage.”

He looked me over again. This time without the exaggerated lust that was meant to scare me off. He looked me over, considering. and when he spoke again his voice had changed, it was kind and generous and cheerful, like the Naruto of old.

“You know the truth is it would have never worked out between us. You would have probably been mean to me all the time.”

I smiled. “You would probably annoy me all the time.”

“You probably snore Sakura.”

“I do not snore!”

“Then you probably hog all the blankets.”

“I bet you eat in bed and leave crumbs all over the place,” I countered.

“You don’t even know how to cook ramen do you?”

“You don’t know how to eat anything besides ramen do you?”

“It’s obvious Sakura, you and I were not meant to be.”

Then he smiled. The slightest kindest smile. And he looked at me. The same way he had looked at me while standing on my doorstep in Konohagakure months ago.

And I knew then that I loved Naruto.

I was suddenly on the verge of my own emotional breakdown. But the moment wasn’t about me, It was about Naruto. I forced myself to smile in friendly acquiescence.

We chatted and laughed some more our conversation colored meticulously in between platonic lines. Eventually he began dropping hints that I should leave. I suspected he had some more “reflecting” to do so I dragged the conversation until he announced that the intended to go to bed. I didn’t believe him but what I couldn’t stay and watch him sleep.

Before I left I said to him that he really had no need to redefine himself to be a good Hokage. If anything he should redefine what it means to be a good Hokage.

He nodded to me in silent acknowledgment of the statement. I do not know if my words had any impact on him or if he simply just wanted me leave.

I left reluctantly and I retreated back to my room. Where I granted myself the opportunity to shatter properly.

I had told Naruto the truth before that he had caught me at a bad time. I was indeed at that moment vulnerable to his presence. But as history has proven its when I am at my most vulnerable that my relationship with Naruto clarifies itself.

I can admit it to myself now I kissed him because I love my stupid Hokage. As much as it sounds like the plot of a trashy novel I am a woman, mother, wife, who is in love with her boss.

And I didn’t tell Naruto this because he would want to know how and why now? After all these years, after all that has happened?  What could I say really? Could I really tell him it’s because of the way he looked at me. Naruto probably doesn't even know he does it.

I am reminded now of cryptic remarks uttered to me by Tsunade randomly for years when in her most inebriated states

“Naruto still looks at you like you’re a woman”

She would slur this to me and I would simply nod my head at her. How else was Naruto supposed to look at me? I was a woman after all.

I didn’t get it, I had stopped paying attention long ago.

Then he invited me to be part of the chunin exams. Naruto stood at my door and his warm eyes washed over me. He didn’t just simply see me as a woman like Tsunade had said. I was a mother, I was a trusted friend, I was someone who had talent, who had skill, someone who he admired, someone beautiful and sexy, someone was worth being looked at with love by someone like him.

That wasn’t the first time he had looked at me that way. I can remember now bits and pieces, moments in time, the look had been there. It had always been there.

I kissed Uzumaki Naruto, my friend, my Hokage, a married man I now love, six weeks ago, and fifteen years too late.

After the war I had concluded his feelings for me were rooted in his rivalry with Sasuke, for years this was our truth. Naruto was happy with Hinata and I was happy with Sasuke, everyone got what they wanted.

So what right did I have to love Naruto now?

In years these two kisses will be harmless kisses between friends. This will again be our truth and it will become the truth. Naruto will continue to be happy with his family, and I will be happy with my family.

Everyone will be happy

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Naruto dropped the journal on the coffee table. He sat back on the couch and waited for what he had just learned to settle over him.

The thing about love he mused was that it was a powerful irresistible individual driving force. But was one who was driven by that force obligated to respect the personal force of another? This is what Naruto had considered in a far less sophisticated manner years ago when he had first seen signs of Sasuke reciprocating Sakura’s affection.

Sakura was in love. He was in love too. There was an obvious conflict. When Naruto considered Sakura’s love. When he considered how it had remained intact through various trials and tribulations. When he considered how much she was willing to sacrifice for Sasuke. He wondered if his feelings could match the depths of her own. He didn’t think it could, he didn’t think he could win, he wasn’t even sure if he wanted to win and cut Sasuke from a potential source of happiness. He also admired the depth of Sakura’s feelings.

So for time in his life Naruto assented to defeat before his fight had even started.

When Sasuke had gone on his journey Sakura measured their friendship for any sign of hard feelings. Naruto downplayed his intentions and she was left with her assumptions. He didn’t fight her on it. It didn’t matter whether they were true or not. The results would be the same. Perception became reality and he opened his heart to alternatives.

Naruto sighed as he lifted himself off his couch

An alternative had presented itself. And he fell in love again. No it had been a different feeling with Hinata, he didn’t fall, he accepted love. He wanted to protect and take care of her. He wanted to be there for her. It seemed logical and inevitable. He thought it was mature, a mature love that would carry him through the rest of his life.

He made a home with Hinata. They had established a future.

As Naruto headed to the bathroom he memories of his visit to the Uchiha household floated to his mind. Even before the kiss when they were just talking about the chunin exam the familiarity had been there. It had never left, but why would it? Of course there would be familiarity between old friends.

But he was being disingenuous. Familiarity wasn’t the right word to use. It was chemistry. The conversation had been like a dance, he dipped, she dipped, they matched each other’s stride, it was fun. He had been technically giving her objectives for a mission of sorts and it was still fun. And then when it was over he hadn't wanted to leave. He couldn’t stay so he just took a moment to look at her. She noticed his look, closed her eyes, lifted her head and their lips collided.

In hindsight Sakura had been right there had been other moments like that in the past. Of course none of them had ended with a kiss but the atmosphere had been similar. Brief moments during birthday parties, village festivals, and the occasional double date. A glance here, an affectionate touch there, the occasional playful conversation, a smile seen from the corner of his eyes. Platonic moments of course since they were old friends.

Naruto turned the tap in the bathroom sink and allowed the cold water to pool in his hands. He splashed the water across his face and the bracing cold shocked his system.

He had reset.

He gazed into the bathroom mirror and studied his reflection.  It was time to decide what kind of a man Uzumaki Naruto was.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sakura was in a emotionally chaotic state and disheveled in appearance when she entered The Seventh’s room later that evening. She noted immediately that he appeared to be in no better shape at least in his outward appearance. Any sleep he had gotten had not been a restful one.

As it turned out the chunin exams had not been easy on either of them. But it was almost over. When they got home in a few days when they were around the safety net of their friends and family things would go back to normal.

Naruto had been sitting in same spot on the balcony she had left him in yesterday. When he noticed her presence he got up quickly. He started to walk towards her but then abruptly stopped. She continued forward stepping deeper into the living room.

Naruto calculated quickly that Sakura was approximately ten paces away from him.

He asked her to stop. He then moved backwards until he was about fifteen paces away from her.  She stared at him quizzically at first and then in horror as he dropped to his knees and placed his forehead to floor.  

“Are you drunk again Naruto?” Sakura asked. “You are the Hokage of the leaf you shouldn’t be doing whatever it is you are doing.”

“I am sorry” He stated.

“For what?”

Naruto pointed to a notebook that lay causally on the coffee table. She recognized it immediately.

“I stole your journal from your room. I read it.”

She charged.

Naruto slipped away from her blow in a blast of chakra.

Now standing a few feet away from her Naruto said,  “As sorry as I am and I am truly sorry.  I can’t let you kill me Sakura.”

She turned to him her fists clenching. “It'll be okay as long as I restart your heart within four to six minutes..”

Naruto scratched at his cheek anxiously. “Let’s talk about this reasonably.”

“Reasonably? You ass!You broke into my room and stole my journal!”

Naruto didn’t reply.

She turned away from him and walked towards the balcony. She drew in three quick breaths as she stared into the night sky.  

“Sakura....”

“How could you do this?”

“I needed to know.”

“Well now you know. And it doesn’t mean anything. It doesn't change anything. What was the point of betraying my trust Naruto?”

“I had to know” He said again.

“Why?”

“Because I am an idiot. And I love you. I don’t know if I fell for you again or I had just stopped feeling it. Maybe you are right, maybe its was triggered by stress or some other psychological thing whatever, doesn’t matter. It’s real, i know it’s real, I love you Sakura.”

“I know.” She said with her eyes misting over.

He shook his head. “You assumed Sakura. Now you know. Now we both know.”

“And what good does it do us?”

“No good, no good at all.”

Naruto straightened his posture and drew in a massive breath.

“I am struggling to do the right thing here.”

“What is the right thing?” Sakura asked.

“To tell you we shouldn’t be friends anymore. No, that’s too extreme we should stop being friends for awhile and maybe in time, well thoughts and feeling change it’ll just fade.”

“I used to believe that feelings can’t change.” Sakura said numbed by Naruto’s declaration..

“You used to believe that Sakura.”  

The Seventh walked over to the coffee table and picked up the notebook. He took a few steps towards Sakura and extended the notebook.

“Sakura the path I’ve walked has given me Boruto and Himawari. If I had go back again I would still walk that same path for them. But I should've told you what you meant to me.”

Sakura took the notebook from him and her own moment of clarity. Whatever happened next could set them off on a course that could never be undone. Her options were clear love him or lose him. Love, lose, similar words, four letters, one syllable each.  

“What if I don’t want you to do the right thing?” She muttered softly.

Confusion masked Naruto’s face. Sakura felt dizzy, as if she were standing too close to the edge of a cliff.

“What if I want you to show me how much I mean to you? What if I want to show you how much you mean to me?”

Naruto was clearly taken aback. “What?”

With her heart beating with a rapidness that frightened her. Sakura deftly slipped her wedding ring off her finger and placed it down on the coffee table. She looked back at Naruto.

“I’ll face rain. For a touch of the sun.”

Naruto laughed, he was struck foolish at this turn of events. He laughter trailed into silence as it dawned on him that Sakura wasn’t laughing along. This was no joke.

“Do you want to fly with me Naruto?”

Her voice quivered with such vulnerability, that it made Naruto ache. But when looked carefully he could see the resolve and passion of her stubborn nature burning behind her eyes.

“Ah” he sighed. “I remember why I love you.”

Naruto lifted his hand and glanced at his fingers. He slid the ring from his finger walked stiffly over to the coffee table and put his ring down next to Sakura’s.

Then he kissed her until a tiny moan escaped her lips. The kiss deep and aggressive continued until her hips pressed against him. The brush and friction sent his nerves afire.

With no desk in the hotel room, Naruto reasoned he would have to make do with a bed.

Walking her backwards he guided her towards the bedroom. They stumbled out of the living room banging into furniture and almost tripping over each others feet multiple times in their frenzied need to cling to each other. Locked in a ceaseless kiss they bounced against the walls of the hall leading to his bedroom until they pushed through the door.

They finally broke apart when they were mere steps away from his bed.

“We’re here” Naruto laughed softly.

“Almost didn’t make it” Sakura laughed back.

Naruto reached to her and started slowing unbuttoning her dress. She licked her lips nervously as it began to slip from her shoulders.

When he reached the last button he whispered her name. A question not a statement, an opportunity to pull back and retreat, a chance to put a stop to it all.

She pressed her hand against the back of his neck and brought his mouth to hers.

Breaking the kiss she said, “Do what you have to do."

So the dress fell to the floor leaving her in her sandals bra and panties. Naruto picked her up as if she were light as feather and laid her down on his bed. With one hand he removed her bra. His tongue moved down her torso as he he slipped off her panties and finally her sandals.

Sakura stretched out in his bed completely naked and Naruto straightened to take the sight in. She took pleasure in the fact that he obviously liked what he saw. It was her turn now so she reached up and undressed him kissing every inch that was uncovered

When he was fully nude she kissed his chest and dropped lower pausing briefly as his nipple then going closer to his belly and then

"Sakura" he groaned.

When her tongue caressed his tip of him his whole body grew rigid.

“Sakura" he said a second time. Not really knowing why. Was he trying to stop her? Was he encouraging her. He didn't know his brain wasn't functioning properly.

She took him her mouth.  As deep as she could and sucking hard all the way back to the tip.

"Okay" Naruto heard himself mutter. He rested his hands on her head. This time for sure to encourage her. He ran his fingers through her hair as she worked her mouth up and down his shaft.

"Okay slow down Sakura" he warned after a few more blissful moments.

She either didn't hear him or she didn't care. She began humming so her lips vibrated as she worked her way down the shaft to the groin. And his eyes started to lose focus.

"Sakura I am going..."

She pulled away. "It’s alright I want you to.." she said softly.

She went back down to take him in again but this time he pulled away almost falling completely off the bed.

"No, no, not yet. This has to last. This night is going to last for as long as it can” he said to her.

He kissed her and let his hands cup her breasts. He kneaded her gently as he maneuvered her down onto her back. Then he nudged her legs apart and knelt between them. He bent down and his tongue parted her lips. She arched towards him. He braced his hand on her thighs and held her steady as long deep thorough licks aross her hypersensitive nub set her on her fire.

His pride swelled when she began to babble gibberish at him. Nonsensical phrases and wordless moans with his name interposed between them filled his ear when his tongue circled her. In time she strained upwards with her fist clenched and head thrown back. When her legs wrapped tightly around his head he knew he had her.

Naruto pulled up over Sakura and he rained he kisses down on her face as she caught her breath. He then kissed around her breasts the left and the right, each nipple hardened the moment his tongue slipped over it.

Abruptly he reached up and grabbed him by the back of his hair

“It’s been fifteen years of foreplay Naruto. I want to feel you” She growled.

He grinned. “Yes ma’am”

When he entered her she was soaking wet. He pulled out almost all the way and rammed forward with one great thrust. At first he wanted to tease her a bit but when he was sheathed completely in her slickness he felt the overwhelming sensation that this was where he belonged.

With her.

He closed his and the weight of the world seemed to lift right off his shoulders. Years of weariness melted away from his body.

Suddenly he felt a soft hand caress his cheek,

He opened his eyes.

Sakura looked up at him. “Hey, let me in.”

He smiled as their gazes locked. Naruto pulled out. Then he drove in over and over in a slow steady rhythm. Deeper, harder. inch by heated inch he buried himself inside her

She squeezed him and moaned using her inside muscles to pull on him. He shuddered feeling the fire build in him. He shook it off willing himself to maintain control.

He took her shoulder in his mouth and gently bit grazing it with his teeth and sucking on it until she gasped out loud.

He felt her body tighten and relax against him. She was tipping over the edge losing herself. He smiled knowing for sure that he had her again. But the she wrapped her legs around him bringing him impossible closer, and she kissed along his chest and neck

And he lost it

His steady rhythm collapsed into a frantic frenzied pace and he sent her over the edge. But he followed right after.

Naruto shuddered violently as he came inside her.

When he could think again Naruto dropped his sweaty forehead to hers. “Sakura”

“Yeah?” She said riding her own wave.

“That’s two to one.”

“I see.”

Sakura braced her elbow onto the bed and placed her open palm against his chest. She pushed while simultaneously sliding out from beneath him. Suddenly Naruto found himself flipped onto his back.

Sakura straddled his body. She took a hold of him in her hand and within a few gentle strokes he was hard again.

“You can keep count if you want Naruto. All I know is I’m going to put you to sleep”

She guided him into her. Then she plunged downward fully impaling herself onto him. Sakura contracted her muscles around him. Then she moved her hips once testing.  Naruto's eyes squeezed shut and his fingers dug into the skin of buttocks. She braced her hands on her knees and lifted her pelvis, then dropped it back down again slowly, rising and falling.

Increasing the intensity she braced her hand on his shoulders and increased her pace. She positioned herself in a way that Naruto could more effectively rub against her. Pleasure slammed against her as she rode him with fast movements of her hips. Naruto threw his head back on the pillow his face twisted in pleasure and it only encouraged her further.  

She tooks his hands and leaned back creating new friction at a new angle. Naruto was sweating profusely now desperately tried to regain control before he lost it completely. He had to make her go first. He locked his hand on her waist as his body leapt beneath her. His body bridged upward violently, Sakura wrapped her legs tightly around his buttocks, grabbed his shoulders and held on, riding him furiously.

Naruto’s body buckled. If he was going to go he wouldn’t go alone. He used every ounce of willpower he had to latch on to her body and he thrust upwards relentlessly. Sakura dug her nails into his back as she emitted a silent scream and she abandoned herself to a series of continuous explosions. As her body rocked against his Naruto erupted into her and fell back onto the bed climaxing with a deep guttural moan.

He almost gave himself over to the light. But he thought to himself that the night was still young, He wasn't one to give up that easy.

He shook the fog from his head when he felt Sakura nibbling at his ear.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Naruto woke up several hours later.

In fact when he woke up he woke all at once with his eyes popping open and him being keenly aware of his environment. He felt more refreshed and alive than he had in some time. It was the complete opposite of the hangover fueled morning the day before.

“I told you I'd put you to sleep” Sakura said.

Naruto turned his head and looked at her. Sakura sat up in bed with her knees pulled up to her chest. She appeared to be wide awake.

"More like you were trying to give me a heart attack."

She grinned mischieviously. "I wouldn't let you die."

"Did you sleep at all?' He asked.

"Yes I woke up a few minutes before you did. Don’t worry I slept like a baby as well. You did real goooood Naruto."

He laughed. “That’s good to know.”

She turned away and drew in a deep breath. “We should probably talk about.....everything.”

“We should,” he sighed.

Naruto took a moment to think. There was one thing that he wanted to know.

“Sakura do you still...do you still lo-” His voice trailed off. He couldn’t even find the strength to ask the only question on his mind.

Sakura began to speak without turning to him. “Around Sarada’s seventh birthday Sasuke came home and it was an usually extended stay. He brought her a ton of books and read to her every night for four consecutive months. This was their private father-daughter together and I rarely intruded. By the time he left again he had gone through all the books. She enjoyed them all but I knew there was one that was their personal favorite. Sarada always requested it by name, and after reading it Sasuke always came out of her room, with reddened eyes. I thought it was sweet.”

Sakura paused. “When Sasuke left Sarada asked me to read her the book. The book was about sailor who left all the people he cared about because he was called by the sea. The sailor had a song that....Well there ws a verse then went um-”

She sang.

“I'm leavin' my famly, leavin' all my friends. My body's at home, but my heart's in the wind.”

Sakura sniffed loudly before continuing. “So please call my missus. Gotta tell her not to cry 'Cause my goodbye is written....By the moon in the sky.”

Sakura paused once again. “I almost wept openly in front of Sarada, I would have hated myself if I had. I don’t ever let her see me cry. I finished the book tucked her in, went to my room and cried into my pillow. After that night it hurt less. I feel sad for Sarada she adores her father as she should. But I--I know why he does it and I pray for his safety every night. I love him but it doesn’t hurt like it used to. It’s different now.”

Naruto stared at the ceiling. It seemed to him now that he had always been a selfish man. He was lucky that what he had wanted usually had been something positive, something right. He wanted to save Sasuke, he wanted to be Hokage, he wanted to bring the world a sustained period of peace. None of these desires had hurt anyone. He had never taken from anyone.

“Do you still...” Sakura said.

He blinked. “If I was dying of thirst Hinata would cry so I could drink her tears. She made me feel loved in a way I had never felt before. It was powerful.”

She turned to him. “What do feel now?”

“Loved, and scared.”

“Scared?”

“Yeah but in a good way like a roller coaster.”

She sighed. “Are you actually comparing me to a roller coaster?”

Naruto grinned. “I told you before you’re kind of scary Sakura-chan.”

She closed her eyes at the sound of her name. Twin streaks of tears slipped from beneath the closed eyelids.

He continued. “And I think true love is supposed to be kind of scary.”

Sakura smiled as she wiped at her eyelids.

“Don’t smile. I might fall for you more.”

“Is that even possible.” She asked.

“I don't want to risk it do you?” Naruto said as he reached out his hand to her.

She took it and he gave her a little squeeze before interlocking their fingers.

“Hinata is my wife and I’ve got nothing but good things to say about her. But me and her it’s not you and me.”

Naruto pulled Sakura down to him and wrapped her his arms around her. Sakura placed her head against his chest.

“We can’t be together you know. We can’t break apart our marriages. It’ll hurt to many people,” Sakura said.

Naruto said nothing as he placed his hand against the back of Sakura’s head. His mind was desperately searching for solutions and remedies to these rising issues. Nothing he had thought so far was anywhere near satisfactory.  Everything ended with pain and heartache.

“But you’re the Hokage. If you send for me I’ll have to come. I’ll come to you Naruto, I’ll run to you.”

He remained silent. He was suddenly tired.

“You heartbeat sounds like a melody” he heard Sakura laugh before falling asleep again.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Naruto met Sai at the door.

“You are finally awake.”

“I’ve been sick so I decided to stay in bed this morning.”

“Will you be able to make it to the final summit meeting this evening?”

“Of course why?”

“I’ve gotten a message from the Kazekage. He’s been asking around and it seems that the Kage are set to approve your revised proposals.”

“Oh.”

Sai studied Naruto’s face.

“I thought you would be happy. You are getting what you wanted right?”

“At a price, I gave up some power. I am worried this may cost me sometime in the future.”

“Well what will be, will be, as some people may say. The future is not ours to see so let us enjoy the moment because for now the world is in theory a more peaceful happeir place.”

Naruto nodded. “Yes you are right Sai. you’ve become very wise.”

Sai smiled. “May I come in?”

“No” Naruto said. “I am going back to bed.”

Sai glanced over Naruto’s head beyond the crack in the door into the room.  “Okay, well have you seen Sakura? I didn’t see her go back to her room after she went into yours.”

Naruto sputtered with dismay for a few moment before finally being able to say, “Did you check the medical labs? She mentioned something about a night shift to me last night before leaving my room.”

“I see.”

“You must have missed her when she left.” Naruto said. He was horrified that he had forgotten he had asked Sai to call Sakura up to his room.

Sai frowned. “That’s a bad thing for a bodyguard to miss. Someone come out of the Hokage’s room. You should have me replaced for my uselessness Hokage-sama.”

Naruto did a double take. “No Sai...You’re a great bodyguard, it’s just that...”

Sai grinned. “I am teasing you Naruto. I am positive I didn’t miss her because she spent the night in your room. But don’t worry I am the only one who knows and the good thing about no longer being in ROOT is that I get to personally choose what secrets are worth keeping to myself.”

Naruto shook his head. “You don’t have to hold these kind of secrets for me Sai.”

Sai shrugged. “There is a village far in the east where not telling, or a certain opaqueness, is an act of respect. These people feel that revealing painful secrets isn’t intimacy, it’s an act of aggression. You tell secrets not for the good of another but to make yourself feel better. To absolve yourself of your burdens. It’s an interesting concept if bizarre to us.”

“It is bizarre” Naruto agreed.

“Yes and it’s like you said Naruto life is complicated. Anyway you two are my friends so I just hope you two can happy for as long as you are able to be happy. ”

With that said Sai happily excused himself. Naruto waited for a moment before closing the door. Already he was spinning a web of lies to cover himself.

As he walked back to his bedroom the thoughts of all the things he and Sakura had been putting at risk weighed him down with each step. The loss of their family's love, the loss of respect of their friends and colleagues. How could anything good be built on the foundation of so much potential destruction?

Naruto stepped into his bedroom feeling a spasm of anxiety. He felt out of place as if he walked into an alternate world. Any happiness he found in this room ran contrary to the world he had built outside these walls. This was something separate from his actual life, something that conflicted with what his life was supposed to be.

He looked towards his bed. Sunlight drifted in through the transparent curtains and washed over Sakura’s sleeping form. Naruto watched her sleep for a moment. She had most of his sheets wrapped completely around her. He chuckled to himself, she really did hog the blankets.  

Suddenly one hand reached across the empty side of the bed as if she were searching for him. Moving swiftly Naruto slid beneath the covers beside her. As if aware of his presence, Sakura cuddled against his side her fingers splayed over his torso, her cheek resting on his shoulder. She smiled a brilliant smile.

Naruto covered her hand with his and pressed her palm against his chest so could feel the steady beat of his heart. He inhaled her scent as a shaft of light from the window warmed his face. He closed his eyes, in time his breathing matched hers and a gentle peace settled over him.

His mind cleared and he felt convinced that this was real and it was meant to be. Even if in the end it would turn to out be "meant to be" for this one moment.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Hope you liked it let me know if you did

The song lyrics from Sarada’s book is from Shiver me Timbers by Tom Waits

[somilmish]

great fic. Well done :)