CloudedMemories

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-Remembrance-

Falling down to his knees he felt blood trickle out of his mouth, its red color mingling with his tears and rain. His eyes strayed up towards The Uchiha that he had hoped to save and return to Konoha. He almost laughed out loud bitterly, but it hurt far too much because this was the second time he couldn’t use his lung.

The Chidori had punctured his right lung this time, but it was far more intense as he could feel the electricity sear the flesh around the hole. The smell of charred flesh and blood lingered near his nose. The Uchiha smirked. He would have growled if he didn’t throw up bile and coagulated blood onto the ground.

“You… son of a b*tch.” He managed out at last, hacking and coughing violently. The Uchiha’s lips pursed together for a moment before kicking him roughly in the chest. “Well now, isn’t this unfortunate for the dobe. No one to save you, The Fox all sealed away now, and it seems you have reached your limit.” The Uchiha’s smirk returning full force and a soft chuckle laced with malice left his mouth.

“It’s time to finish this. You were once my brother, and I might have been proud to call you a rival. Now, you’re nothing but a pathetic little half-rate shinobi.” The Uchiha snarled as he stomped onto his chest, crushing a few ribs in the process. He let out a rough scream as the ribs dug into his internal organs.

It didn’t hurt though. He was going deaf and numb from what The Uchiha had just uttered. ‘Almost.’ He let loose a smile. The Uchiha frowned. “Dobe,” The Uchiha’s last words echoed in his ears before The Uchiha took the Kusunagi and pierce the heart of Konoha’s future Hokage.

“Smile.” He whispered before he closed his eyes and let himself be overtaken by darkness. ‘I regret. Everything.’ His final moments at hand, he let go even if he was unwilling.

-

This wasn’t right.

He walked through the empty streets looking for signs of life. “Konoha,” he breathed, he hadn’t seen this village in months. For good reason too, the chase after The Uchiha had started nearly 3 seasons ago and he had traversed through too many types of terrain to remember Konoha well.

Walking slowly his eyes shifted from stall to stall. Building to building in hopes of finding something or someone that he could talk to. He continued to cover distance around the village until he came upon his apartment. Looking at it with mild surprise that it wasn’t vandalized at all.

Climbing the steps to his apartment he noticed that everything was almost the same as he had left it the day of his mission. There was no dust when he opened the door; everything seemed to be in the condition he left it. It wasn’t saying much, but it was amazing that nothing was broken like it usually was when he went on extended missions.

Graffiti of prejudice and anger was usually sprayed everywhere in his apartment. He never set up traps because the civilians would usually report him when he did and he didn’t want to kill any of them. Even if some of them deserved it. His eyes quickly scanned the room; nothing was out of place so he proceeded into his bedroom.

The same just like the rest of his house. Sighing he turned around and left his room as peripheral caught something that was new in the living room. A small stand was on it and two books were laid onto it. Curiosity gnawing at him, he walked towards the stand before a flash appeared before his eyes and he clutched his head in pain.

Unleashing eight of the Kyuubi’s tails. Chasing after The Uchiha. Kyuubi being sealed by the remaining members of Akatsuki. The fight against The Uchiha. The Chidori through his chest. Letting go. He gasped allowed as the recent memories started to ebb and a pounding headache started to form.

He lay upon his floor until his headache started to recede and he could finally get onto his legs again. He could remember up to leaving the village and the recent events but the months between leaving the village up to The Uchiha encounter were blank. Bracing himself against the unfamiliar stand he looked onto the covers of the two books that were there.

Remember. Gold-flaked gothic letters spelt it very boldly on the front of the cover and the spine. The book wasn’t too thick. He couldn’t open it though, the cover wouldn’t lift and the book wouldn’t remove itself from the stand.

Forget. Blood red nimbus-font was etched into the leather bound cover. It was significantly thinner then the other tome, and he could open this one. He cracked open to the middle of the book and it was blank. Closing it he decided to crack it open to the very first page.

“To Remember. You Must Forget.”

The book started bleeding red ink and not wanting to be near it if it did anything bad he dropped it. The faux-blood hissing and spitting as it hit the ground before it evaporated into smoke and wafted away. Eventually it stopped bleeding and he hesitantly picked it up again.

There was a long list of names and below each name was a picture. Turning the page he read the names off. “Anko Mitarashi. Maito Gai. Hayate Gekko. Neji Hyuga. Zabuza Momochi. Shizune. Kakashi Hatake. Jiraiya. Tsunade. Sasuke Uchiha.” His heart gripped at this point. How dare he.

How could he say all those things without batting an eye, they were a team and he broke them. The Uchiha broke her heart, The Uchiha broke his dreams, and The Uchiha destroyed so much. But yet he couldn’t let The Uchiha go. Because he promised her, to the day he died. He promised her.

The book seemed to go in order of how well he remembered and familiar he was with people. He knew lots of people and as he progressed his fears were starting to grow. “To Remember. You Must Forget.” Rang in his ears. If this was the case… he turned to the last person. Promptly dropping the book.

“Sakura Haruno.” Printed clearly at the top with a picture of her smiling wistfully at something he couldn’t see. “I… I don’t want to forget them.” He spoke aloud. The book on the ground shut itself and split itself in two. One half re-grew and became the replicate of the original. The other one shrank and became a one-page diary.

Reminder. Written in simply bold black letters on it. He slowly leaned down and picked it up. Cracking it open to the single blank page he stared it at. “What is this?” he questioned aloud. Staring at it ink started bleeding from the spine and moved it’s way around the page.

“To Remember. You Must Forget.”

“WHY! WHY DO I HAVE TO FORGET!” he roared at the book, slamming it at the wall with unbridled fury. The ink on the pages getting sucked up again and spilling out formed new words. “Because, you regret.” He stared at the pages in shock. “How do you know?” He murmured aloud.

Again the ink repeated the process and new words formed. “I remember everything.” “Why am I here, tell me damn it.” He fell to his knees, unable to keep himself in once piece any longer. “To let go of your inhibitions.” The words showed and then gathered into a pool at the center of the spine and then disappeared.

Reminder promptly shut itself and slid towards him before stopping. Hands shaking and sweat started to form on his brow he pocketed Reminder and turned towards his older counterpart. Forget was back on the table. Forget repeated the same actions as Reminder and again he could only unenthusiastically hold it.

His pocket started to chill where he had pocketed Reminder. Quickly pulling it out he opened it as ink bleed out and spelt more words. “Forget everyone with Forget.” Growling slightly he slammed the book shut and re-pocketed it.

Forget started to chill and he quickly cracked it open it up. Beneath “To Remember. You Must Forget.” A second sentence formed. “Forget-Me-Nots.” Then a third formed. “To Be Forgiven. You Must Learn.” A fourth. “Unchained. Unhindered. Unremorseful.” The fifth and final one bled red.

“Smile.”

-

He stood there unmoving watching in morbid fascination as he watched ghostly figures walk through the streets, their figures opaque against the gray dank buildings standing out. He walked through their spectral forms quite easily and as he saw their faces he realized that he knew all of them.

“Kiba…” he watched closely as the dog boy and Hinata Hyuga strolled down the moderately bustling streets of Konoha. An icy sensation shot up his leg as he reached down to pull out Reminder. The cover flipped open quickly and a single word formed.

“Forget.”

“I’m not going to forget them, I don’t even know how,” his voice cracking from the emotional torment that was stirring within him because of this damn book. Words reformed on the page.

“Memories Will Return.”

He looked hesitantly at the words. The book did say that if he forgot he would remember everything in time. He was just worried that things would be permanent. “How do I even start to forget…” he drifted off as the book shook violently, ink rupturing out of the pages and across his arms.

The ink bound his arms together and a burning was prickling his skin. He watched in wonder and fear as the ink sizzled and then as quickly as it had started the ink became brittle and crackled off. A pen had been put into his right hand, while 3 words were etched in, what he was sure to be his blood, his left arm.

“Stop.”
“Continue.”
“Flower.”

He stared at the three words for the longest time, even ignoring the chills that were starting to numb his thigh. Eventually he snapped out of his stupor and reached for Reminder. “Write.” The words were scrawled across the page before they melted back into the paper.

Questionably raising his pen he studied it for a moment. Nothing out of the ordinary though it seemed to be out of ink. Shrugging to himself he put the pen to the paper and started to write, but instantly grimaced and dropped the pen. It felt like blood was being sucked out his arms, similar to the sensation of a vacuum in his veins.

Reaching down to pick up his pen again he saw that red ink was dripping from the tip. Snorting to himself, he scolded himself for being surprised at something like this. Steeling himself for his reaction again, he put the pen to paper and quickly wrote ‘Stop’ onto the page.

Instantly he felt a cold breeze flow through him and the surrounding. Looking up he saw that the ghostly figures no longer moved. Instead they stood in the same position they were, exactly in that position. No movement was shown whatsoever, even the birds in the sky seemed to have defied gravity and stayed in the air mid flap.

Walking back up to Kiba he studied his face for a moment. “Forgetting…” he mumbled with tone of being intrigued but remorsefully. “How do I forget…” sitting there he stared at the frozen figure in front of him. Closing his eyes he imagined the face of the dog boy, and slowly he tried to blur the features.

Grunting to himself in frustration because the face was far too ingrained into his mind, he opened his eyes and jumped back slightly frightened. His heart racing he saw that the projection of his friend’s face had actually blurred like in his mind. “Is this how I forget?” It seemed cruel to have him forget them piece-by-piece, wrenching at his heartstrings, as he had to disassemble his friends into nothingness.

Forcing himself to dispel his slight depression, he concentrated again and closed his eyes. Imagining the entire body of the Inuzuka he smudged the hair in his mind, blotching the clothes and smearing the skin until it started to merge with the background. Eventually he could do no more because he was breathing too heavy from the anger that was creeping up on him.

“I’M NOT GOING TO DO THIS ANYMORE!” His frustrations echoed around the empty streets before his panting started to slow down. He dropped his eyes and looked at the feet of the representation of his friend. The sandals seemed slightly fused to the ground as the sandals were stretched and pulled in his mind.

The toes didn’t exist, as it was simply a blob at this point after his mental tweaking. Edging his eyes up he took a step back in ghastly horror. The face… wasn’t there anymore. It simply didn’t exist. No eyes, mouth, nose or facial features were on that smooth layer of skin.

Blank as a sheet of paper the hair and ears were still intact as well as his outfit though many of the fine details were gone and he was fairly plain compared to the world and ghosts around him. “Again, I have to do this,” he commanded himself before closing his eyes and blurring the features again.

However this time the features on the Inuzuka started returning, he couldn’t forget. How could he forget them after so many trials and tribulations? They were comrades and friends; simply forgetting them was exactly like telling them that they were no longer associated.

His mind growing restless needing input from the outside world opened up his eyes without his mental consent. Staring back at him was The Inuzuka, the features on his face had returned slightly with eyes, nose, and mouth in basic outlay. Details around The Inuzuka’s body had started to reform and take on actual shapes as it was. The Inuzuka’s toes had severed themselves again and now he had 5 blobs sticking out his blob of a foot instead of a singular mass.

Huffing to himself, he turned away and walked away. Though his left arm started to sizzle with a little heat, he turned down. “Continue,” was glowing slightly red and seemed to radiate a bit of heat. Taking his pen that he had put in his pocket, he pulled out Reminder once more.

He jotted down ‘Continue’ on the paper as soon the tip touched the paper before gasping out in surprise. His neck had the sensation of having something sucked out of him, and he had a sneaking suspicion of what it was. Though the feeling passed for he felt a warm sensation spreading through his body from his toes all the way up to his head.

Glancing at the specters he saw that they had all started to move again and were interacting with each other, disregarding him completely. It was a little like déjà vu, he had this feeling once before, when he was really young; of course back then he didn’t know why people ignored or hated him.

It was obvious why they couldn’t see and talk with him now, since they were on a completely different plane from him. Deciding to follow the projections of his friends he followed The Inuzuka and The Hyuga until they reached their destination. The path they took was growing more familiar as they progressed.

The Yamanaka and The Akimichi merged with the two he was already with, watching their interactions carefully. They seemed far friendlier with each other and less competitive then in their Genin youth. He turned his head and craned his neck over all the familiar highlights that were on the tip of his tongue.

“I know this place… but where?” he questioned aloud; eventually his senses were being bombarded by warm memories and feelings that he couldn’t place fingers. Eventually they stopped and turned a corner, he did the same and stopped walking. “Ichiraku!” His smiled widened as he rushed past the figures and ran into the stall. “Old Man Teuchi! Ayame! I’m back!” His glee was full and happy to see his old friends again, though his smiled quickly disappeared. “They can’t hear or see me at all…” He felt this sharp anguish of being unacknowledged stemming from a deep wound of being ignored.

He turned around to avoid having to deal with the pain only to drop to his knees from another shocker. She was here. She was here with all of The Rookie 12 save himself and The Uchiha. They had seated themselves on one of the new tables Ichiruka seemed to have before Ayame walked up to down with her own sort of sad smile.

“Regulars?” Ayame asked before a round of soft nods and ayes went around the table. There were 2 seats open and he assumed they were for himself and The Uchiha, deciding to take his place even if he couldn’t join in he could feel like he was apart. Sitting next to her he smiled at her.

Pink her, soft lips, a forehead that was just right. Curves in the spots that mattered to him, dressed in her Field Medic outfit, her green eyes vibrant with a hint of a dull sheen of something that ate at him. It nagged at him that it had something to do with him, but decided to wait until he got more information.

Chatter and conversations merged together around the group as the shinobi exchanged greetings and gossip. He sat there listening in on their talk, catching bits and pieces of the current events of this time. Ayame walked out again with 2 trays full of ramen of all flavors, though it seemed that they mostly had Miso ramen, which was his favorite.

Eventually everybody took their respective bowls and took their chopsticks, he expected most of them to say “Itadakemasu,” which was normal tradition with each meal they had. However he heard the strong voice of Konoha’s Green Beast quite clearly as “To Naruto!”

An echoing of “To Naruto!” was heard from everybody, last by Tsunade’s prodigious student. “To Naruto” her enthusiasm slightly curbed when she said his name. It floored him that they were cheering his name, though he could only question why. She looked at his favorite ramen with a sort of for longed gaze.

“Cheer up Forehead, he’ll be back when he gets Sasuke,” The Yamanaka whispered to her, she turned her head and smiled at her. “I know, it’s hard thought? The day he leaves is the day I know what it means to lose something so dear that it hurts to simply think his name.”

The dull sheen in her eyes started to gloss a bit more and he realized that it truly was his fault for making her this way. His hand reached out to cup her cheek but it phased through the phantom and he choked back unshed tears for a second. He wanted to hold her, tell her that he was here. Fine, whole and real.

Though he knew that this wasn’t true, he was stuck in this world of memories and reminders that nagged at him to let go. He was snapped out of his thoughts as the rough housing between Neji and Lee erupted on whose turn it was to pay the bill. It was amusing as he finally erupted in a loud chuckle though no one could hear it.

He continued to observe his teammates, doing all those things he wished he could have done back then. Making faces at Neji, running laps around Lee claiming he was faster, pretending to stomp on The Aburame’s bugs. All sorts of manners in which he would have acted upon if Sakura weren’t there to stop him and keep him in check from being so crazy.

He smiled at her again; She was his everything, everything he ever had in mind he did for her, all his dreams and aspirations revolved around her. To become Hokage and protect her, to become a shinobi to help her, rescuing The Uchiha to keep her happy. He didn’t care if he didn’t get recognition from her because she was Sakura.

He hoped though, that one day she would turn around and see him as more then a teammate or friend. That she would one day call him her’s, for only her to keep and cherish and share memories with until the day they died. His pocket started to release its icy sensations to call upon him.

Reaching into his pocket he opened Reminder and read the short sentence before him.

“Forget her last.”

Clear, simply, and concise. Though those were the last things he was feeling as he felt an unrestrained burning hatred course through his veins, forgetting the very thing that made him who he was. He wanted to become a ninja, to become Hokage, to be the very best for her! It was her that he did all these things that shaped the way he was.

To forget her was to forget himself. Snarling with rage he took the book and chucked it far across into the street, clapping his hands together in self-congratulations he turned his back only to look down to find Reminder had returned on the ground in front of him. “I’m not going to forget anyone. My friends make me who I am, if I forget them what does that make me?!”

The ghosts all around him froze up and dissolved away into tiny particles and drifted away in the icy breeze he felt creeping upon him. The shadows upon the ground grew in size and were expanding at a phenomenal rate. He could only stand there in awe as he watched everything be enveloped by the shadows. His legs were locked and he could not escape.

Oozing darkness approached him, climbing up his legs and consuming his entire body. He couldn’t scream, yell, or do anything vocal to indicate that he was still there but he could feel its grip. It reminded him… it reminded him of death. It’s freezing hand grasping his shoulder; he had felt this once before. He blinked once.

His eyes widened at the change of scenery, he was back in his living room with the stand still there. The black smog still wrapped around his figure, he could still feel it’s effects. It reminded him of The Uchiha’s frown, right before he died. Did he die? The question had finally filtered through his subconscious and formed into a coherent thought this very moment.

The darkness dissipated and melted into the surfaces of the wall and floor and he could feel his pocket weighted again. Reaching in he saw that Reminder had returned itself onto his body. He cracked it open to see if anything had changed and wasn’t surprised to find writing upon its cream-colored pages.

“Forget.”

He sighed to himself; his rage had subsided when he felt the cold reminder of his pseudo-death or actual death. He reached into pocket and pulled out the pen that formed during his first encounter with the book. ‘Am I dead?’ he wrote into Reminder, it seemed to have its own mind and could possibly answer his questions.

“To Remember. You Must Forget.”

A twinge of annoyance crossed his face. This was going nowhere, he was walking in circles. He was stubborn; he knew that from a many past experiences. Maybe it was time to give in and comply. He was so desperate for answers that he was willing to do anything at this point.

He could tell that this world would drive him crazy if he didn’t progress anywhere soon. He looked down to see if Reminder had any more one-line wisdom to place upon his mind.

“Smile.”

-

He stood in front of The Inuzuka again, freezing all the specters once more and was working on erasing him. It pained his heart but he bulled through it, he had to forget to go on with this horrible shell of an existence. Akamaru’s owner had no details on him at this point. He was a faceless mannequin at this point with a texture-less sweater and solid black pants.

He closed his eyes again and started to erase the sweater with his mental eraser, revealing flesh beneath the gray clothing. Opening his eyes again he saw that the torso had no features on it either and that he was getting better at this. It wasn’t something he wanted to get better at but it was a necessity at this point.

The pants were erased and he was left with a featureless human-sized doll. He would have never recognized it as The Inuzuka if it weren’t for the fact that he was the one that transformed the high-spirited youth into this abomination. “Now what?” he asked aloud, waiting for Reminder to answer him he pulled it out the pocket before it iced.

Opening Reminder he found that the words “Forget.” Were still there and that it hadn’t changed at all. He looked back up at the thing before him, and glanced down at the words. Repeating the process before he groaned in frustration once again. Slamming Reminder he pocketed the book and closed his eyes for the umpteenth time that day.

The feature-less creature was pictured in his mind, and he took his mental hand and slowly wiped across the basic body. Slowly melding the skin-colored into the white background he had given himself. The body spreading itself like a paste before melting together with the white.

He continued the process until there was nothing in his mind and decidedly opened his eyes and hoped for the best. Nothing. That was the best he could describe what the dog boy was now. He wasn’t in existence anymore that was the only way to put this situation. Grasping his left arm he felt the words on his arm heat up.

‘Flower’ was warming up considerably and he repeated what he did for the first two words. He opened up Reminder and quickly wrote the word in before feeling his arm go numb temporarily. This blood loss trade was starting to test his patience for experimenting with the book.

Instantly The Inuzuka returned in full detail and started to dissolve into a particle vortex at base of the ground and started rebuilding into a stem. Climbing up slowly he saw 2 leaves and at the top five petals sprung forth from the bud at the end. Three of which were a light red similar to the signature face paint of the clan and the other 2 were black similar to the hair color.

“A forget-me-not,” he breathed out. The second line of Forget had come to fruition. He felt a warm breeze like he did when he wrote down ‘Continue’ and watched as the flower floated up in mid air and start hovering around. He followed the flower onto the street as it merged with the other ghastly apparitions totally unnoticed.

Eventually the forget-me-not walked in between The Aburame and The Hyuga, its petals moving about like it was arms and legs and the bud turning to and fro like a head. Though there was no voice this time he could tell that The Inuzuka was talking due to the soft melodic laughter from The Hyuga and the barely audible chuckle that left The Aburame’s lips.

He followed the flower and saw that they were turning a corner quite quickly, so he ran up fairly fast and tried grasping the flower by the stem. Only to fall to his knees and convulse uncontrollable as his mind started flashing memories at him. His childhood and the academy had flashed before his eyes and watched as The Inuzuka was quickly erased.

The Genin exams with his fight against Kiba were quickly edited out. All those missions that he and Kiba had done together were phased out of his mind. His cooperative missions with Team 8 during the tracking of the Akatsuki were altered to remove The Inuzuka.

Letting out a painful gasp he finally stopped shaking violently and laid on the ground as the mental stabs in his brain started to dull. He stared at the blue sky and puffed in and out as he tried to recuperate from the ordeal he had just been through. Only to suffer a painful pang within his heart as he realized the true implications of what had just transpired.

He racked his thoughts around as he tried to recall anything about the… he forgot. He couldn’t even remember a name. He knew that there was something he was forgetting because there were blanks within his mind. A face was missing in a large group of his friends, entire scenes cut out as he tried to recall other gatherings, disjointed and abrupt cuts within his memories as he tried to replay them in his head.

His pocket started to ice up as he reached in and pulled out Reminder. He hesitantly opened the book and watched as the ink bubbled out of the crack and reform itself slowly until it stopped.

“Smile.”

-Remembrance-