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I was thinking?


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#1 Ryriena

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    Movies pairings: Jurassic Park series (Owen x Claire, Malcome x Sarah) Han x Leia, Luke x Maria Jade, Finn x Rey, FinnPoe (Star Wars)

    Dislikes Supes x Wonder Woman, as it's basically turns a feminist icon in to a baby maker, NaruHinata, Sasuke x Sakura abusive relationship ahoy.

Posted 29 May 2015 - 12:16 AM

In my rewrite, I was going to let Naruto have a twin sister who became a member of root her name will be Akira. I was wondering, what people thought of her background? Basically, she grew up in root like Sai, however, unlike Sai she is very outgoing and has spunk like her mother. She becomes a member of root and becomes close to Sai, I was also going to show how Sai learns why bonds are important by having him die defending his friends in team seven and Akria from harm. I think it will show that Sai fully learns what bonds and emotions can portray? So what do people think?
Them Duke boys never meant no harm.--------> my childhood.
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#2 Nate River

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Posted 01 June 2015 - 09:41 PM

I am probably a bad person to ask because I am highly prejudicial against OC's unless they are used a minor filler characters or unless there is a major plot thread that cannot be completed effectively with the available cast.

I personally, cannot see what she does for your story and the characters that is not already done. Sai's development of bonds really gets shafted as the story focuses on Sasuke, but before that, the development of bonds was one of the things Naruto was helping him with. If this is a rewrite, why not work with the material that has been given and expand on that? Though I am no Sai/Ino fan, the pairings existence gives you another obvious avenue for this, especially in terms of romantic bonds. There are plenty of existing characters that can do the job of your OC.

The other thing I would caution on with this idea is that the "long lost relative" is one of the most common, if not the most common, form of author self-insert there is. They are also frequent mary-sues. You will be fighting a long up hill battle against this built in prejudice for many fanfic readers. This is a well-worn area where most readers have experience, frequently negative, of encountering this type of character.

One advantage of the fanfic format is that if they are reading Naruto fanfiction then they already care about some of the characters. As a writer of an OC, you will have to make the reader care about them. It won't come built in and because of most readers personal experiences with this specific type of character you will start behind the eight-ball.

So, I'd caution against it and look to see if existing cast members can do what you really want. Naruto, Sakura, Kakashi, and Ino would be obvious choices, but there is no reason it has to be limited to them.

This I would be looking at as a reader:

(1) Why is her growing up in root important? Why focus on bonds during this period as opposed to the time frame of the manga? Given the basic goal why not stick with the basic material?

(2) Back story: Why is she root? I would be really careful in designing it if you go this route. Naruto's backstory is a mess with massive inconsistencies. It was good for making people care, bad for consistency and coherence. You also need to be careful because of the Tragic Past OC fanfiction trope that is also widely despised. Given what root is and what happens to Naruto's parents I don't see how you get past this problem.

Overall, I like the general idea of spending time with Sai and bond formation. It's a plot thread that died an early, and unfortunate, death as the series moved toward Sasuke. It certainly could use more fleshing out. However, I think using an OC for this purpose is not a good idea when there are cast members who could do the same job, but without walking you right into some of fanfiction's most hated tropes.

On the other hand, if your true goal is write a story about life in root, then OC's will be unavoidable as Root's members outside of Sai are unknown. This is a situation where the available cast would not be sufficient and OC's would be a must. So, I'd asl what you are really aiming for: If its a rewrite with more attention paid to Sai's bonds then I would strongly considering changing your setting to sometime during the manga and using already established cast members.

If your real goal is to tell a story about Sai's life in root with bonds being a secondary concern then you will needs some OC's to flesh out the rest of root, but if you go down this path (1) don't forget about the main cast entirely and (2) don't make any of them long lost relatives of the main cast unless it absolutely necessary.

Personally, I think Danzo would prioritize two things when looking for members: Skill set and lack of traceability. People who wouldn't be missed or noticed if they disappeared would be great for an organization such as root. That's obvious just my opinion, though.

Anyway, I don't want to discourage your from writing. Good or bad, the best way to getting better is to try and see for yourself what works and what does not. What I said is just from my experience reading loads of stuff over the years and seeing what I thought work and what did not.

#3 Ryriena

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    Anime/Manga - Gaming

    NaruSaku, Ash x Misty, (Pokyshiping) Ichigo x Rukia, Kiba/Hinata, Ichigo x Orihime, Uryū x Orihime, Cullen x Amell, Alastair x Warden, Cullen x Female Inqustior Ed x Winnry, Spike x May Valatine, Kaiden Alekno x Female Shepard, Garus x Female Shepard, Joker x Female Shepard, Angg x Katara, Zuko x Katara, Mako x Kora ( Avatar the last air bender - Legend of Kora) I don't see the ending of Kora as canon since its more of a fan service ending, since the canon pairing is not a properly developed paring.

    VLD pairing: Plance, Shiro x Adam, Hunk x Shay, Kallura
    anti Allurance


    The Dragon Prince: Cullum x Rayla

    TV pairings
    Casket(Castle)
    Angel x Buffy, Buffy x Spike, Angel x Cordila Chase (Buffy the Vampire Slayer), Booth x Bones (bones)
    Tony x Ziva David, Abby x Timothy McGee, Timothy x Delia (NCIS)
    Dean x Castiel, Sam x Gabriel, Sam x Elaine, Dean x Jo (Supernatural)

    Comics parings: Supes x Lois Lang, Peter Parker x Mary Jay Waston, Captian x Black Widow, Hawke Eye x Black Widow, Jean Grey x Cyclops, Jean x Wolverine, Rouge x Gambit, Batman x Slilena Kyle, Bruce x Black Widow


    Movies pairings: Jurassic Park series (Owen x Claire, Malcome x Sarah) Han x Leia, Luke x Maria Jade, Finn x Rey, FinnPoe (Star Wars)

    Dislikes Supes x Wonder Woman, as it's basically turns a feminist icon in to a baby maker, NaruHinata, Sasuke x Sakura abusive relationship ahoy.

Posted 06 June 2015 - 03:21 AM

Thanks for your advice, Nate River. I think it important for you to know that she was adopted by Danzō. I am doing somewhat a bond with Sai and have her in the story to show some progress with bonds on his part, although, I wanted to rewrite the whole Naruto episodes and make the Uzuamiki the focus of the story; instead of the Uchiha's so I though this might be a good way to show these changes. I was going to have him learn his bonds are important to him and he dies protecting Naruto, Sakura and Atika from his former friend in the storybook he drew.
Them Duke boys never meant no harm.--------> my childhood.
Freedom of speech is no laughing matter, since it does take one person to stand up for the right too speak out.
firma__op__luffyxnami_nu__out__by_pjxd23

#4 ThroughWithLove

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Posted 06 June 2015 - 04:10 AM

In my rewrite, I was going to let Naruto have a twin sister who became a member of root her name will be Akira. I was wondering, what people thought of her background? Basically, she grew up in root like Sai, however, unlike Sai she is very outgoing and has spunk like her mother. She becomes a member of root and becomes close to Sai, I was also going to show how Sai learns why bonds are important by having him die defending his friends in team seven and Akria from harm. I think it will show that Sai fully learns what bonds and emotions can portray? So what do people think?

 

I agree with much of what Nate stated about OCs. They tend to be gary/mary-stus. Countless times, I've immediately dropped otherwise good fics due to their inclusion. That's not to say it can't be pulled off though. I think you should only add this charcter if she truly contributes to the story. For example, why is she Naruto's sister? If she weren't Naruto's sister, would dynamic with Sai change in any way?

 

Personally, I think you'd be better have having Sai forge this bond with Naruto and then end up doing everything you pointed out. Save Naruto's long lost sister for something a little more integral to Naruto's character and give a compelling reason he never knew about her until now. Something as big as Naruto having a sister seems too important to including for the sole purpose of resolving Sai's forgotten subplot.


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Behold! Akame ga Kill's True Canon Pairing!


#5 Ryriena

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  • Interests:Anime/Manga, history, unexplained mysteries, linguistics, geology, astrology, astro physics, chemistry, astronomy, sport cars, and racing cars, monster trucks, quantum mechanics and particle physics

    Anime/Manga - Gaming

    NaruSaku, Ash x Misty, (Pokyshiping) Ichigo x Rukia, Kiba/Hinata, Ichigo x Orihime, Uryū x Orihime, Cullen x Amell, Alastair x Warden, Cullen x Female Inqustior Ed x Winnry, Spike x May Valatine, Kaiden Alekno x Female Shepard, Garus x Female Shepard, Joker x Female Shepard, Angg x Katara, Zuko x Katara, Mako x Kora ( Avatar the last air bender - Legend of Kora) I don't see the ending of Kora as canon since its more of a fan service ending, since the canon pairing is not a properly developed paring.

    VLD pairing: Plance, Shiro x Adam, Hunk x Shay, Kallura
    anti Allurance


    The Dragon Prince: Cullum x Rayla

    TV pairings
    Casket(Castle)
    Angel x Buffy, Buffy x Spike, Angel x Cordila Chase (Buffy the Vampire Slayer), Booth x Bones (bones)
    Tony x Ziva David, Abby x Timothy McGee, Timothy x Delia (NCIS)
    Dean x Castiel, Sam x Gabriel, Sam x Elaine, Dean x Jo (Supernatural)

    Comics parings: Supes x Lois Lang, Peter Parker x Mary Jay Waston, Captian x Black Widow, Hawke Eye x Black Widow, Jean Grey x Cyclops, Jean x Wolverine, Rouge x Gambit, Batman x Slilena Kyle, Bruce x Black Widow


    Movies pairings: Jurassic Park series (Owen x Claire, Malcome x Sarah) Han x Leia, Luke x Maria Jade, Finn x Rey, FinnPoe (Star Wars)

    Dislikes Supes x Wonder Woman, as it's basically turns a feminist icon in to a baby maker, NaruHinata, Sasuke x Sakura abusive relationship ahoy.

Posted 06 June 2015 - 05:48 PM

Thanks for the advice! I think I will forge this bond with with Naruto instead now that I have time to think about the story aspects of the oc's. After thinking about it this makes more sense plot wise than a nameless OC does thanks guys.

Edited by Ryriena, 06 June 2015 - 05:49 PM.

Them Duke boys never meant no harm.--------> my childhood.
Freedom of speech is no laughing matter, since it does take one person to stand up for the right too speak out.
firma__op__luffyxnami_nu__out__by_pjxd23




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