17 replies to this topic

[Traekor]

I had the idea a few days ago, and started writing bit by bit. Finally I had spare time today and decided to sit down and post the first chapter - so I could think about where I'd like to go and see what people thought of the general idea. I'm not quite sure I've ever read a fic that did something quite like this, and I foresee it being quite challenging.

So let me know what you think. It is pure NaruSaku

All I Have Left

Enjoy, and any comments, ideas, or criticisms to help me improve my writing or the story feel free to share!

-Traekor

[MagusKyros]

I just stumbled upon it, and I've never seen it done before. Though I've had a few ideas that are relative to it.

Just one problem with the fic is that Sasuke abandoned Naruto and Sakura way too fast. It took another round with Itachi, and learning that his brother considered Naruto more important than him, AND witnessed that Naruto was becoming more and more powerful to leave Konoha.

The only other thing I ask is that you have a whole story already outlined so you know what you're aiming for.

Other then that, I hope you fix that Sasuke part (and you don't have to make him stay, Oro could kidnap him or whatever), and good luck with this interesting idea.

[Traekor]

I just stumbled upon it, and I've never seen it done before. Though I've had a few ideas that are relative to it.

Just one problem with the fic is that Sasuke abandoned Naruto and Sakura way too fast. It took another round with Itachi, and learning that his brother considered Naruto more important than him, AND witnessed that Naruto was becoming more and more powerful to leave Konoha.

The only other thing I ask is that you have a whole story already outlined so you know what you're aiming for.

Other then that, I hope you fix that Sasuke part (and you don't have to make him stay, Oro could kidnap him or whatever), and good luck with this interesting idea.

Thanks for your comments, and I already had considered that about Sasuke (some of which I mentioned in the author notes).

To defend my reasoning I'll make the following points:
- His goal is power, and even during the Gaara fight he is portrayed as starting to feel jealous of Naruto
- Without Konoha, why would he stick around with Naruto and Sakura? I do think he has some concern for them as comrades, but at the same time, I do not think he'd forestall his goals just to wander the countryside with them
- The cursed seal was activated during the Gaara fight, and who's to say that without the right setting for him to gain the willpower to repress it, or having outside help to let it recede (such as another Ninja like Kakashi sealing etc) - would hamper his emotions
- Coming face to face with Orochimaru - the promise of power would be the ultimate temptation, especially since I think it's implied the seal is strengthened when in proximity of its giver

These are just a few of the reasons along my thinking. Also I'd like to note, I think a small reason he goes is for the protection of his friends. If he stays with them - Orochimaru would likely return, and have quite frankly no reason to leave them living (especially Naruto which he knows Akatsuki will eventually be after). I tried to hint on that, and perhaps I may embellish the Sasuke thoughts in the future. Overall though, the main purpose of the first chapter was to set up the scene for Naruto and Sakura when they recover from the fight.

Also - in the original story, the issue is he's leaving Konoha. In this one, there's not much of a village to leave.

So yea, I may touch up and see if I can convey his emotions a bit better. I do not plan to have him stick around though.

[MagusKyros]

Thanks for your comments, and I already had considered that about Sasuke (some of which I mentioned in the author notes).

To defend my reasoning I'll make the following points:
- His goal is power, and even during the Gaara fight he is portrayed as starting to feel jealous of Naruto
- Without Konoha, why would he stick around with Naruto and Sakura? I do think he has some concern for them as comrades, but at the same time, I do not think he'd forestall his goals just to wander the countryside with them
- The cursed seal was activated during the Gaara fight, and who's to say that without the right setting for him to gain the willpower to repress it, or having outside help to let it recede (such as another Ninja like Kakashi sealing etc) - would hamper his emotions
- Coming face to face with Orochimaru - the promise of power would be the ultimate temptation, especially since I think it's implied the seal is strengthened when in proximity of its giver

These are just a few of the reasons along my thinking. Also I'd like to note, I think a small reason he goes is for the protection of his friends. If he stays with them - Orochimaru would likely return, and have quite frankly no reason to leave them living (especially Naruto which he knows Akatsuki will eventually be after). I tried to hint on that, and perhaps I may embellish the Sasuke thoughts in the future. Overall though, the main purpose of the first chapter was to set up the scene for Naruto and Sakura when they recover from the fight.

Also - in the original story, the issue is he's leaving Konoha. In this one, there's not much of a village to leave.

So yea, I may touch up and see if I can convey his emotions a bit better. I do not plan to have him stick around though.

You're really underplaying Sasuke's relation with Naruto and Sakura, You have good points, but any of those don't warrant enough for Sasuke to abandon Konoha like he did.

The heart of him leaving still lies with Itachi, and witnessing Naruto's power on top of the hospital roof. He finally made his decision after he saw how the cursed seal boosted the powers of the Sound 4 when he fought them.

If he really didn't care about his friends or Konoha much, and solely concentrated on his goal, he would've gave into the CS power a long time ago; and while Konoha doesn't exist much in your story, that doesn't mean survivors may not have existed.

[Traekor]

You're really underplaying Sasuke's relation with Naruto and Sakura, You have good points, but any of those don't warrant enough for Sasuke to abandon Konoha like he did.

I added a line of his thought in his conversation with Orochimaru. I do believe you are correct here; but I think that his relation with Naruto and Sakura could actually push him away in this case. Sasuke is quite smart, and I'm sure if he came face to face with Orochimaru again (with the cursed seal active and no ninja to hide behind) he'd pretty much figure out he could go quietly or kicking and screaming. If he did choose to go back to Naruto and Sakura, blowing off Orochimaru, I think it's safe to say he'd figure that would probably get his friends killed in the long run.

While I stand by my decision to have Sasuke defect, I have slightly altered his conversation with Naruto too - to portray more of a concern as comrads (and then he gets pissed off).

I know much of the main manga storyline and events leading up to the defection are void; this is necessary. As an AU by plot diversion, perhaps I am taking a tad of justifiable (to a degree) creative liscence.

Your discussion is appreciated - I realize that everyone has different interpretations of characters and ideas of what could happen.

[MagusKyros]

Actually I think what you fixed works.

The only thing that isn't clear is whether you're going with the whole "the CS is influencing Sasuke" concept or not. Depending on how you're using it, it would make the "Chidori through Naruto's chest" seem out of place, or sensible.

Of course, for your defense, that particular manga scene seemed out of place as well, lol

[FullmetalNinja25]

Pretty good start, can't wait to see more.

[SakuNaruLover]

Looks nice, keep up the good work :thumbs:

[Crazy Ninja Dude]

The first chapter was very cool for me.

[Traekor]

Well, All I Have Left is now at the timeskip. Since more ro less everything Shippuden canon is out the window at this point (hurray, a Naruto series that won't focus on Sasuke!), I have to come up with a convincing plot based on the world I created.

Something Sharinkugan suggested to me was how/when Naruto's peers learn his secret - and that will be one thing covered and perhaps how many of them react.

However, the biggest obstacle coming my way is how to handle the Gaara arc. With both him, and the leaf on an increased awareness (out of necessity for survival) and with him getting direct messages from Jiraiya, I do not think it'd be quite as easy for Akatsuki to waltz in and take him. Given the dire condition of the 'good guys', I think it can be reasonably inferred that they would be putting all their effort into looking out at their own. So what I'm thinking is, still having more or less Deidara/Sasori attacking the Sand, but there may be vastly different results of their appearance there. If anyone has any reccomendations on what they think may, or should(n't) happen, feel free to share.

Now my request to the many NaruSaku fans of the forum. I'd like to know whether I've created a realistic basis of trust and friendship for them, based on my plot's events - and for my own sake, how this ranks against other NaruSaku fics. This includes if you have any criticisms on my writing in general, as I would like to improve.

Also, as far as Shippuden is concerned - I'm not really a fan of all the Sasuke-ism, and the recent and rapid twists that seem to detract from the focus on Naruto, what made him special, and his generation. This said, I probably won't be using certain Akatsuki members anytime soon (or if I do, not as seen in the manga), for example.

Otherwise, I'll think of a some things to happen sooner or later - but if anyone has any suggestions feel free to share! I more or less have a clean-slate to work on (No 'find Sasuke' arcs). Thanks for reading and any advice or comments!

[Jin]

Well, All I Have Left is now at the timeskip. Since more ro less everything Shippuden canon is out the window at this point (hurray, a Naruto series that won't focus on Sasuke!), I have to come up with a convincing plot based on the world I created.

Something Sharinkugan suggested to me was how/when Naruto's peers learn his secret - and that will be one thing covered and perhaps how many of them react.

However, the biggest obstacle coming my way is how to handle the Gaara arc. With both him, and the leaf on an increased awareness (out of necessity for survival) and with him getting direct messages from Jiraiya, I do not think it'd be quite as easy for Akatsuki to waltz in and take him. Given the dire condition of the 'good guys', I think it can be reasonably inferred that they would be putting all their effort into looking out at their own. So what I'm thinking is, still having more or less Deidara/Sasori attacking the Sand, but there may be vastly different results of their appearance there. If anyone has any reccomendations on what they think may, or should(n't) happen, feel free to share.

Now my request to the many NaruSaku fans of the forum. I'd like to know whether I've created a realistic basis of trust and friendship for them, based on my plot's events - and for my own sake, how this ranks against other NaruSaku fics. This includes if you have any criticisms on my writing in general, as I would like to improve.

Also, as far as Shippuden is concerned - I'm not really a fan of all the Sasuke-ism, and the recent and rapid twists that seem to detract from the focus on Naruto, what made him special, and his generation. This said, I probably won't be using certain Akatsuki members anytime soon (or if I do, not as seen in the manga), for example.

Otherwise, I'll think of a some things to happen sooner or later - but if anyone has any suggestions feel free to share! I more or less have a clean-slate to work on (No 'find Sasuke' arcs). Thanks for reading and any advice or comments!

I think your story is terrific. I think with the angle you went you pretty much have a clean slate to do whatever you please with a post time skip world. It is really kind of an AU story so whatever you say goes. I am kind bummed with the list of survivors, but I noticed you have not quite said some of the people I am hoping are alive are dead yet. I also disagree with that other poster I feel Sauske was perfectly in character. Sauske to me has always seemed to only care about himself except in a few brief moments here and there where it would be good for drama to have him care. These moments to me though in the manga always seemed odd and out of character to me. Just like the character was going one way then Kishi decided to have him go another out of the blue. So I really have no trouble believing Sauske would leave when he did.

[Rick (Bonta-kun)]

Well, you should know my opinion based off the reviews i give you at FF.net, but ill say it again. I think this is a very good fic, its a quite realistic outcome of what may have happened had Konoha lost the fight, characters are portrayed beutifully and a very realistic portrayal of Naruto and Sakuras building relationship. As it how it compares to other NaruSaku fics, for me, if i dont include one-shot fics, then this would rank somewhere near the top probably, and i guess for me, the best thing about this fic is the way the characters are written. With the Akatsukis attack on the sand, im not sure if it would be much different actually, considering they had the spy in the council.

[Traekor]

Thanks for your comments and compliments.

With the Akatsukis attack on the sand, im not sure if it would be much different actually, considering they had the spy in the council.

I'm actually working on this now, and while Yura does pose some problem - I think there's also some major plot differences as well. I already have portrayed Gaara acting on his own once, and even as a Kazekage, I don't really see him being the type to put kitten up with the council or let them in on everything.

If he is getting direct communication from Jiraiya that isn't going through anyone else in the Sand, that's something to factor in as well. Finally, possibly the biggest change in any Gaara vs Deidara part would be the prescence of Temari - A long range wind fighter. Remember, no Konoha, no 'ambassador'. So not only would Gaara be more prepared, he'd have possibly more help on his side (as you will see). I'm still working out the kinks though - at least once the Gaara attack is done the rest is all my plot with no other manga arcs that "would happen".

[Rick (Bonta-kun)]

Well, since they have the spy, maybe they would know Temari is there, so Akatsuki might not take any chances and send Sasori in there too. I dunno actually, just throwing ideas out there.

[blindeye]

Now that the time skip is finished I cant wait for Part 2!

But now that your job has picked up just take your time. :thumbs: Waiting possibly wont kill us.

Spoiler! --Click here to view--

Ohh one thing I forgot to put in the review. You put Shikamaru and Asuma in the Sand village. Hopefully will get to see some of Shikamaru's tactical genius during your Gaara arc. He would be a good addition to the battle along with Asuma.

[Jin]

I have not seen any updates on this story in quite sometime I was wondering if it has made it into the ranks of abandoned fictions?

[Traekor]

I have not seen any updates on this story in quite sometime I was wondering if it has made it into the ranks of abandoned fictions?

For now I'm on an extended writing hiatus.. Just have not found the time or really the inclination to jump back into writing. I may revisit it in the future however, I just do not know when that may be!

[catsi563]

Please update soon. this is a beautiful story. And ive enjoyed it thoroughly.

Also I do agree with others you been very solid in your Interpretation of Sakura and Narutos building relationship.

as an side note. Also I think that the time away from each other would actually help and make their relationship grow stronger. Since At the moment of the Story THeir relationship is based on tragedy. Which can be a start but is nit a very good foundation to build on. It leaves sakura too clingy too needy and makes Naruto a security blanket instead of a love interest.

But with a time skip of a year or 2 for them both to grow and mourne for konoha. they can return to each other and BAM she sees that hes kept his promise and even more importantly hes grown and matured.

Also shes grown and matured as well and now has something to offer him. In her monstrous strength ((Which he loves to death)) and her healing abiliites.

In regards to Gaara I doa gree with others. Shikamaru, temari, and Asuma would make for an powerful force against Deidara. And even Sasori wouldnt neccesarily be able to turn the tide against them. though it would be a brutal fight for all conscerned.

I eagerly look forwards to the next chapters And i hope you can find your muse soon.