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[Cupcake-chan]

Uhh... actually no... I don't think they even know that Brazilian Carnival exists. And even it they did harass me to dance like that, I would kick their asses.

[Cupcake-chan]

Hm... it's been a while since I've written here. So where do I start?
Well, as you know --or not, I was in the school play, and I was-- believe it of not-- suffering from exhaustion. I had huge headaches and I'd get dizzy all the time, and I even passed out once. This all due to the lengthy practice hours and a lot homework. I even wrote an essay about it --for composition-- and I thought I'd share it with you:

HERE!! --Click here to view--

An Act of Exhaustion

I felt like I had banged my head on an unidentified object. The pain reflected onto my temples, and over again onto my forehead. The pain throbbed through my system. I slowly opened my heavy eyelids. The florescent lights stung my sensitive eyes. I looked around and saw the school corridors. I stood up too quickly and immediately regretted it. I grabbed on to the nearest locker, hanging on to it for my dear life. All I saw were black flashes covering the lights I so longed to see. The dizziness put my balance to shame. Everything was spinning. My reaction brought the attention of the others. They quickly stood up from their crouched forms and ran towards me. My unfocused eyes glanced at their worried faces. I groaned. I didn’t want or need all the unnecessary attention. All I really needed was a couple of pain killers.
“Are you okay?” asked one of the actors from the school play, How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying.
I immediately nodded. I couldn’t feel crappy at a time like that. All the other actors and I were required to stand on the school stage and act. Otherwise, three months of hard work and dedication would be thrown right out the window. And that was something I wasn’t ready to do, not on the opening night. But I had to admit, I felt atrocious. For the past three months, I had gone to sleep at midnight or one in the morning, sometimes even later, and all because of the lengthy hours of play practice and excessive amounts of homework. The way I felt was surreal. I constantly asked everyone if they had Advil, Tylenol or even Motrin. I mentally slapped myself for not bringing them. Any pain killer would do. The moment they said no, I all the hope I had go down the drain. How could I go on if I felt like my head was about to pop off like a balloon? I just felt so tired. I could feel my body’s weight become a hundred pounds heavier. But, I couldn’t give up yet. All I had to do was survive the night, go home and collapse on my bed.
I stumbled on my words making them sound like a whine, “Please, are you sure you don’t have pain killers with you?”
They all shook their heads. I sighed in disappointment. A wave of pain suddenly made its way through my system causing me to hiss and hold my head, hoping to stop the spinning. A flow of nausea punched into my senses. I didn’t move a muscle –movement would only make things much worse. Everyone suddenly straightened themselves and walked hurriedly towards the illuminated stage, preparing themselves to enter the set for their next cue. I took a deep steady breath and slowly stood up from my position and did the same. The pain would have to wait. The dizziness would have to wait. All I needed to do was walk on stage, act, sing and go home.
After ignoring the pain, the night seemed to go by faster, and I was able to waltz through the play with flying colors and go home. The next day, I woke up for class just to find out that I was forty minutes late. My mom understood my situation and wrote me a note, justifying my tardiness. The day continued smoothly until the next show, and so on for the next day.
A few minutes before the last performance, all of the students –more like actors—stood in a circle holding hands. They made speeches on how they had enjoyed the time we all spent together, and how they were going to miss all of the fun, and how they had made marvelous friends. I, of course, was too shy to make a speech, but I know what I would have said. I felt the exact same way as everyone. There were hard times, but overall, I could honestly say I would happily do it all over again. I felt so warm inside; an immense wave of joy flooded my senses. I couldn’t stop smiling—it was the type of smile that makes you jaw ach. No one saw it, but at the last minute, during the last bow, I cried. I was able to feel small tears run down my cheek. I quickly brushed the transparent tear away and composed myself, and acted like nothing had happened. I can’t recognize if it was because I was happy or sad that the show had ended or just plain exhausted. All I know is that I don’t cry very often, and for me to act the way I did, means that it was a very memorable experience in my life.

So that's how I felt. Though I did exaggerate some things, most of it was real.

Something else that had happened... Oh yes! I wrote a fanfiction story. The name of it is Sway Away
What else... er... not much has happened to me lately. In arts class we've been doing set design from a book of film you read or watched. I'm doing Narnia. The scene of the lamp in the middle of the forest. When I'm done with it I could take a picture and show it to you guys -- though that isn't really interesting.
Oh well... That's it for now.

[Cupcake-chan]

Yes, indeed my family is falling apart. No, rather my respect for them. I can truly say that I can have a bit of a temper sometimes, but now they purpously trigge itr, and right before your eyes, a huge argument starts durring dinner in a fancy restaurant. First my parents ask me to be an adult, more like a parent, and tell me to take care of my little sister. Sure, there' bogong wrong with that, the thing is thr this hasn't been the first time. They throw the responsability onto my shoulders, while they go out for days enjoying their time. What happens to me? I have intake care of my friggen sister and try not to flinch when the come back and ask me how things were. I've confessed before in the confession thread that my little sister has Down syndrome. When she was first born, my mom chreated a website on it, and now pretty much every day, she just spends time on that and havigy skype conferences about down syndrome. That was only the start of the falling apart thing. I can't remember the last time I had a actual decent conversation wih either on my parents. One's an workaholic and the other only cares about a small flaw found in my sister, not to mention that mom's also a workaholic. Then there's my stuck up older sister who thinks she's so superior to everyone else and talks with her sassy voice and " oh I'm so superior than you" attitude. They just drive me insane. And the only thing I really want is someone to talk to, maybe even sone attention. Now, can I get something like that in this dipkitten family? I don't think so. You know, today I was at my friend's house and I say this selfportrate we did in 8th grade art class. I did one too. I asked my parents if they could frame it. Y'know what happened to it? It went right down the garbage, next to all of my hopes and dreams. First I thought theat they thought it was ugly. So I improved my artistic skills. But they still don't give a kitten. My sister thinks I'm just a waist of space while my parents, if they have any problems, turn on the tv and other everything. Now I'm here grounded for " over reacting" to something my mom said. I've been playin the piano for a while too, but they tell me to stop making such a racket. How is someone supposed to live inthi enviroment? Then they think I'm a ribel an think I'm the one who should do therapy. And now I find myself crying in my room, porin out my hear into a blog about my stupid parents, hoping that someone could tell me their honest opinions on my life. But, that's just stupid, why would anyone bother help someone as hopeless as me? I think I might be becomeing depressed.

Edited by Cupcake-chan, 21 March 2010 - 05:22 PM.

[BlackLightning]

Wow... that must be pretty darn depressing. I won't pretend that I know what you're feeling nor do I able to connect with your feeling since I never even knew my own parents/siblings. But 1 thing for sure is that everyone in this site DOES care about you, you can always tell us your problem, some of us may even have good advice or able to share their experience with you (Shauna for one, maybe? If I remember correctly, she got quite similar experience with you so you can try talk with her.)

[Cupcake-chan]

I know people care, somewhat, about me. I couldn't help but freak out at the moment. And as suspected, my parents acted like nothing we argued about last night happened. You have no idea how that pisses me off. I usualy like to keep my problems to myself, but I guess talking to people about it could, in a way, make me feel better.

[BlackLightning]

It always help, the thing is that some people just don't like/want to do it (Heck, I don't have the right to say that since I'm also the type that just keep my problem inside it it explode... literally)

[Cupcake-chan]

Explode? How so?

[BlackLightning]

Lets just say that the unlucky guys who (accidently?) triggered the explosion most probably gonna be sent on stretcher. Yes, I'm that violent

Edited by BlackLightning, 21 March 2010 - 11:09 PM.

[Cupcake-chan]

Well, things have calmed down a bit. I'm still angry at my parents but... I guess I'll just have to suck it up. And the good thing is, they'll be taking a 10 day vacation, so I'll get calm down and recompose myself while they're not here.

I recently discovered that a close friend of mine has similar problems, but her problems went to the point in which she started cutting herself. I, thank god, am afraid of feeling pain, so I rather not. Even though I have the curiosity of trying DX

Also a down point is that I might be failing Biology. DDX It's sad because I actually like that subject. That has also brought my mood considerably lower than it was before.

Now, on the bright side, I'm gonna start learning how to drive in the summer so that I have get my license on my birthday.

And something interesting: About 2 out of 10 female teachers at my school are pregnant. I guess 2010 is the the teacher's baby year XDD

Other than that, I guess I'm fine.

Edited by Cupcake-chan, 15 April 2010 - 12:47 PM.

[BlackLightning]

I recently discovered that a close friend of mine has similar problems, but her problems went to the point in which she started cutting herself. I, thank god, am afraid of feeling pain, so I rather not. Even though I have the curiosity of trying DX

Been there, done that, still got the scars. in a pretty kittened up way, cutting DOES help as a way for release... problem is that after the effect wears off, the pain will come back ten-fold. So at the end of the day, self-mutilation is pretty much useless at best or addicting at worst. My recommendation for both of you is is to find a psychiatrist or someone you can trust to spill everything thats bothering you.

[Cupcake-chan]

Nah, I'm afraid of pain, so yeah, I don't think I have the courage to cut myself willingly.

So today I was having a 'deep' conversation with my idiotic sister. She asked me if I had 'problems', and she said that she did, saying "I'm such a narcissist sometimes, and I always think I'm so awesome when in the inside I'm really insecure. I feel like I always need people to say that I'm awesome --and they do. I mean, if I wasn't me, I would totally want to be my friend".

...

Stuck up much?

And as for me here are my issues.

Lazy
Afraid of commitment
Silent
Shy
Cupcake obsession
Anger issues (only a bit)
Impatient

...

Annoying -- that's one work to describe me (Please don't say it isn't true, I'm not looking for pity)

[BlackLightning]

Annoying -- that's one work to describe me (Please don't say it isn't true, I'm not looking for pity)

Naah, you're not that annoying. Ok, a bit annoying sometimes but most of the time you're more like fun than annoying.

PS: Nope this isn't pity... heck I don't think I have capabilities for pity....

[Black Rose]

U r not annoying. I can be much more annoying than you!! XD

P.S: One of my clssmates cut her herself bcz she's in love with a boy -.- OMG. I'd never do that (and u'd better not think of trying that, too!!!!). Why all this pain??? (p.p.s: I can't stand pain... I'm afraid of it...!)

[Cupcake-chan]

Today was a baaaad day.

First off, I fell of my bike when I was riding to school, and, literally, fell on my face. Hard pavement... And so I got to school, went to the bathroom, and found out that my face was a bit bloody. The pain won't go away D:

The only good thing is that I didn't chip a tooth or break a bone.

[BlackLightning]

wow... How the hell did that happen? did you look away when riding or something?

[Cupcake-chan]

Heh... my foot hit a rock, I stopped the bike and fell on my face... All because of a effin rock.

[BlackLightning]

Well... thats just... ouch.... O well, everyone fall from a bike at least once in their life... unless they never ride 1 at the first place...

[Cupcake-chan]

This wasn't the first time I've ever fallen off a bike. This is the first time I've ever landed on my face.