14 replies to this topic

[Sedna]

I'm sorry for coming on here about this, I've just been kinda sad lately. Well last week I went on a date with this guy I've been talking to. It was my first date ever and I was excited. Well we went to a resturant, split the bill in half (took a lot of persuading for him to let me pay), and started walking around downtown. While we were walking, he said something that made me angry. I punched him in the face, and he got a bad nosebleed and a bruise. I instantly regretted it, and I even told him he could punch me back. He left afterwards, and I walked home by myself. I don't have a phone so I can't text or call him. But whenever I try to talk to him at school, he ignores me. I know it was my fault, and I know I shouldn't of hit him. How can I get him to forgive me?

Edited by Sedna, 28 February 2015 - 07:55 PM.

[narusaku256]

Its not that you were wrong but....just a bit too harsh. You could've told him politely or sternly but anyways what's happened has happened. Here's what you can try.

Just see when he is alone and tell him that you want to say something very important and that you'd leave immediately after saying something and that you won't take much of his time. He won't refuse. Just tell him that you really really are sorry about what you did. Maintain eye contact. Its important. Tell him that though you were angry about something, you could've told him politely and it was so wrong of you to act the way you did. Tell him you don't really expect him to answer right away and that you said what you felt and the rest all...its upto him. You'd respect whatever decision he takes. And take his leave. I bet he'd forgive you and he won't mind giving another date, a shot. Don't screw up this time though XD

Whether to follow this advice or no is really upto you. Hope it works. All the best

[sushi.]

Holy hell, tell me what did he say to make you hit him? If what he said was that bad, I wouldn't contact him again if I were you. I'd just say I was sorry(if I was lol).

[Sedna]

Its not that you were wrong but....just a bit too harsh. You could've told him politely or sternly but anyways what's happened has happened. Here's what you can try.
Just see when he is alone and tell him that you want to say something very important and that you'd leave immediately after saying something and that you won't take much of his time. He won't refuse. Just tell him that you really really are sorry about what you did. Maintain eye contact. Its important. Tell him that though you were angry about something, you could've told him politely and it was so wrong of you to act the way you did. Tell him you don't really expect him to answer right away and that you said what you felt and the rest all...its upto him. You'd respect whatever decision he takes. And take his leave. I bet he'd forgive you and he won't mind giving another date, a shot. Don't screw up this time though XD
Whether to follow this advice or no is really upto you. Hope it works. All the best

Thanks for the advice, I appreciate it.

Holy hell, tell me what did he say to make you hit him? If what he said was that bad, I wouldn't contact him again if I were you. I'd just say I was sorry(if I was lol).

He had said something about my brother that was really cruel. Thanks for the advice Sushi.

[narusaku256]

Thanks for the advice, I appreciate it.
He had said something about my brother that was really cruel. Thanks for the advice Sushi.

Hang on! If he said something real bad about your brother then I think what you did was right. He doesn't have the right to judge anyone. I think....Sushi is right here. You shouldn't apologize cuz it was not your fault to begin with

[tricksie]

I'm sorry you had such a bad experience on your first date. 

 

So first off, I think you should apologize for punching him. That was the wrong response. But if he said something cruel about your brother, and knowingly did it to hurt you or put down your brother, then count yourself as lucky that you've seen a side of his true character without having to go on several dates with him or get more deeply involved. 

 

It was a learning experience. And he may not want to rekindle anything, even if you were in the right and he was in the wrong. Do the right thing, apologize for punching him, and then let it rest. It's ok to feel hurt after someone says something hurtful to you, it's just that your reaction was wrong. Don't spend more energy trying to get him to forgive you. Do the right thing, then move on with your head held high. If he's a good guy, then the apology will speak for itself and one day he'll see that. If he's a jerk, and you just didn't realize it at the time, then neither the punch nor the apology will change him. You're better off without him, and after saying that single apology for punching him, you'll never have to look back with an ounce of regret. 

 

There are always going to be people in life who say things that hurt your feelings, whether they mean to or not. You can't and shouldn't punch all of them. Sometimes it's intentional, and sometimes it's just stupid timing or an honest mistake. 

 

In the future, if a friend or boyfriend says something that hurts you, take a step back, take a deep breath, get a hold of your anger and express how you feel in words. Ask why he said it, and then explain why it hurts you. If he doesn't take it back or apologize, then leave. You never have to stay one minute longer around someone who isn't kind and considerate to you. 

 

Punching never ever solves anything. It only makes things worse, sooner or later. Words, however, have the power to change and heal. Stay in control of your emotions next time and use them to protect you, not your fists. I hope this helps! Hang in there!

[BakeNeko-Chan]

Thanks for the advice, I appreciate it.
He had said something about my brother that was really cruel. Thanks for the advice Sushi.

 

Honestly, if someone said something insulting about my siblings, especially my younger sisters, I'd want to punch them too. I don't think I would act on it, but boy would I want to.

 

I think apologizing for the punch is the right thing to do, because it was a very extreme reaction. If he accepts your apology or not is up to him, but after that it sounds like it would be better not to have continued contact with this person.

Edited by BakeNeko-Chan, 28 February 2015 - 08:26 PM.

[Sedna]

I'm sorry you had such a bad experience on your first date. 
 
So first off, I think you should apologize for punching him. That was the wrong response. But if he said something cruel about your brother, and knowingly did it to hurt you or put down your brother, then count yourself as lucky that you've seen a side of his true character without having to go on several dates with him or get more deeply involved. 
 
It was a learning experience. And he may not want to rekindle anything, even if you were in the right and he was in the wrong. Do the right thing, apologize for punching him, and then let it rest. It's ok to feel hurt after someone says something hurtful to you, it's just that your reaction was wrong. Don't spend more energy trying to get him to forgive you. Do the right thing, then move on with your head held high. If he's a good guy, then the apology will speak for itself and one day he'll see that. If he's a jerk, and you just didn't realize it at the time, then neither the punch nor the apology will change him. You're better off without him, and after saying that single apology for punching him, you'll never have to look back with an ounce of regret. 
 
There are always going to be people in life who say things that hurt your feelings, whether they mean to or not. You can't and shouldn't punch all of them. Sometimes it's intentional, and sometimes it's just stupid timing or an honest mistake. 
 
In the future, if a friend or boyfriend says something that hurts you, take a step back, take a deep breath, get a hold of your anger and express how you feel in words. Ask why he said it, and then explain why it hurts you. If he doesn't take it back or apologize, then leave. You never have to stay one minute longer around someone who isn't kind and considerate to you. 
 
Punching never ever solves anything. It only makes things worse, sooner or later. Words, however, have the power to change and heal. Stay in control of your emotions next time and use them to protect you, not your fists. I hope this helps! Hang in there!

That was some really good help Tricksie. I think I'll just apologize for punching him on Monday. Hopefully he'll forgive me and we can be just friends.

Thanks for your advice too BakaNeko- Chan!

[sushi.]

That was some really good help Tricksie. I think I'll just apologize for punching him on Monday. Hopefully he'll forgive me and we can be just friends.

Thanks for your advice too BakaNeko- Chan!

I think he should apologize to you too. He should be just as sorry for what he did as you are. If he isn't, I wouldn't be friends with him if I were you. But if you both apologize and talk it over, maybe you can give eachother a new chance.

[KnS]

Tricksie's advice is great.  The only thing I would add is a bit more emphasis on your anger control.  

 

Your reaction was, as Tricksie said, way too much for the situation.  No matter what he said about your brother, punching him in the face was excessive and may be a sign that you have an anger control problem.  If so, it's something you definitely need to watch for and work on.  You don't want to go through your life being unable to respond appropriately to the bad behavior of others; there's going to be potential for it throughout your life.

 

The other issue is that you should consider yourself lucky that the guy you hit didn't respond to your punch by retaliating in kind, or you might have found yourself seriously hurt.  If you don't learn to control your instinct to strike out when you are angered or offended, you may punch the wrong person one day and regret it in more ways than one.  No one likes to be hit in the face, and you don't want to end up getting the stuffing beaten out of you.

 

As Tricksie said, take this as a learning experience. Apologize if he will allow it, and move on.  I wouldn't even expect to be friends with him now, after this, as the bridge may be burned.  If you can be friends you will know with time.  He may be embarrassed or angry now himself, and he may need space from you.  Don't push it.

[tricksie]

 

The other issue is that you should consider yourself lucky that the guy you hit didn't respond to your punch by retaliating in kind, or you might have found yourself seriously hurt.  If you don't learn to control your instinct to strike out when you are angered or offended, you may punch the wrong person one day and regret it in more ways than one.  No one likes to be hit in the face, and you don't want to end up getting the stuffing beaten out of you.

 

KnS is so right, and I didn't even think about the fact that he might have punched you back! Yes, give it some time. Don't have expectations. One day you may be able to be friends or even more...or one day you'll realize you were better off without him.

[NarutoUzumaki01]

Don't know if this going to help, but... Did he said that on purpose? Because he may just spoke his opinion or "truth" that he belived in. Without intention to hurt you personaly. If yes, that's easy way, and people here already give you advise. If not - that's more of a problem, and you just punched a guy, who tried to share his opinion with you. Well he didn't answer with same, tells something about him. In the end, there is not much you can do. Either way, it will be apologize, but you need to deside for what you will ask him to forgive you. At least, for making him bleed, belive it or not, not even one boy wanted have that from a girl, especially on their first date... because of what he said. Not going to say what is max in this situation, just good luck, any way.

[narusaku256]

Don't know if this going to help, but... Did he said that on purpose? Because he may just spoke his opinion or "truth" that he belived in. Without intention to hurt you personaly. If yes, that's easy way, and people here already give you advise. If not - that's more of a problem, and you just punched a guy, who tried to share his opinion with you. Well he didn't answer with same, tells something about him. In the end, there is not much you can do. Either way, it will be apologize, but you need to deside for what you will ask him to forgive you. At least, for making him bleed, belive it or not, not even one boy wanted have that from a girl, especially on their first date... because of what he said. Not going to say what is max in this situation, just good luck, any way.

Opinions aren't supposed to insult someone. And even if he wants to say something about her brother, there are ways about going around that. I think she should apologize but that's it. No expectations whatsoever. A guy who cannot respect a girl's family members isn't fit to be with her. What does it make him?

[NarutoUzumaki01]

Opinions aren't supposed to insult someone. And even if he wants to say something about her brother, there are ways about going around that. I think she should apologize but that's it. No expectations whatsoever. A guy who cannot respect a girl's family members isn't fit to be with her. What does it make him?

We don't know whole situation, so that's just my assumpion. Remember, not all people think about other people's opinions and what voicing their own opinion could cause, and totally not all could tolerate anything that's even 1 bit out of their own belives. Especially opinions about their close ones.

Edited by NarutoUzumaki01, 01 March 2015 - 04:52 AM.

[Sedna]

Don't know if this going to help, but... Did he said that on purpose? Because he may just spoke his opinion or "truth" that he belived in. Without intention to hurt you personaly. If yes, that's easy way, and people here already give you advise. If not - that's more of a problem, and you just punched a guy, who tried to share his opinion with you. Well he didn't answer with same, tells something about him. In the end, there is not much you can do. Either way, it will be apologize, but you need to deside for what you will ask him to forgive you. At least, for making him bleed, belive it or not, not even one boy wanted have that from a girl, especially on their first date... because of what he said. Not going to say what is max in this situation, just good luck, any way.

Yeah, I guess I understand where you're coming from. I did take it wayy to far. Thanks.