Jump to content


Tip Of The Spear-Rewrite

  • Please log in to reply
2 replies to this topic

#1 Merchant Of Blue Death

Merchant Of Blue Death

    Academy Student

  • Academy Student
  • Pip
  • 18 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Democratic People's Republic Of Kalifornia

Posted 15 November 2018 - 09:18 PM

So, I've been thinking about doing this even before I got that one PM and after a review popped up pointing out an unfinished sentence that I can't remember how it was finished I have begun rewriting the story. 


For those that haven't read it let me give you a run down. It's an AU where Naruto and Sakura are mistreated and beaten by the villagers. Naruto, for being the jinchuriki and Sakura for being his friend and companion. As he nears death Kurama releases himself and starts healing the two children, kills the attackers and once the Third arrives uses a memory transfer jutsu and shows Hiruzen just what has been going on under his nose. After telling Hiruzen and Kakashi a thing or two Kurama then announces that he will raise and train Naruto to be the hero Minato wanted him to be while Naruto will train Sakura to be strong enough to be a worthy mate and wife. 


As he takes the kids away to live in our world so they can grow strong without the influence of the prejudices of the shinobi culture and world in general. Before he goes, however, Kurama informs the two shinobi that Naruto and Sakura will be told everything, his titles, heritage, position as the next Hokage as his father had ordered and, the marriage contract between him and Sakura. They are then shown being discovered as survivors of the Great Western Quake and Tsunami in Japan, Growing up in the US as wards of the Hagaromo clan which are all fox hanyo, human or human-hanyo hybrids. After they finish school both teens join the US Navy (I'm a retired Sailor so that's why  :cool:) with Naruto being a SEAL and Sakura training to be first a Corpsman (medic) and then a rescue swimmer. They're sent back to their world and are de-aged by jutsu (yeah, cheesy I know but it's the only way to have them accepted by their peers and village as a whole not to mention keep just how smart and powerful they actually are. 


As soon as they are deemed ready Kurama takes them back to Konoha where they notice changes in how they are treated and how the village seems to have changed. Once they are situated Hiruzen places them in the academy with limited Hokage duties as a means to train him for the job. 


After that, the main story begins as Sakura and Naruto make changes and friends. The rest will ruin the story but if you've read it you know what happens next. For those that don't the most obvious and significant change is that Naruto and Sakura will introduce firearms and other technology into the shinobi world. They will also be making logical changes in how the graduation exams are handled, the genin teams' makeup and begin their own lives as a married couple. 


Now, if you've read this far you know the story and how it starts. I want to change that part the most, it was pointed out to me that the beatings Naruto suffered from on a daily basis were a product of fandom and not canon. Point taken, in the rewrite, Naruto and Sakura won't be suffering overt mistreatment and neglect on a daily basis but, they will have at least one beating as a catalyst for Kurama's actions. That said, the lead up to that event is what I'm working on at the moment and that's where I need some help. 


Following Minato and Kushina's deaths, Hiruzen is trying to stack the deck in Naruto's favor and to do that he needs trusted people. Using the one picture of Minato's teammates under Jiraiya and speculation that the person on the end is Teuchi Ichiraku so that's one person. The other one in the middle is an unknown and there is some talk that it's Sasuke's father Fugaku but going on the normal team makeup I'm thinking it's a young lady. If so I need a name and a reason she's not active and is being recalled to duty to watch over Naruto. If nothing else I just need a name the rest I can work out. 


I hate to ask things like this but I'm at a blank and all that I could find on the web is that the teammates were just ninja fodder that was killed in the third war. I call BS on that as I doubt Jiraiya would neglect his students like Kakashi would in the future. While most of the story will stay the same I am pulling things that for one reason or another just didn't work out or made no impact one way or another. The biggest that I will reveal is that Sakura's parents won't throw her to the streets as I had originally written but she is on her own with Naruto after he's locked out of the orphanage. 


Other things changed are going to be inconsistencies that I developed as the story progressed. Most of those were because I basically forgot what I had done in earlier chapters such as Neji and Hinata being closer as the beginning and Neji reverting to his canon self near the middle. Things I am keeping are Danzo and Orochimaru as the main villains, I mean, they were both wasted in canon after the Akatsuki came into play. That's another thing, Akatsuki, they won't be a factor as a whole because they don't exist as a group but, individuals will make themselves known in one way or another. 


Anyway, that's what I have to say as to why Tip Of The Spear is going through a rewrite. I hope those that like the story will continue their support and read the new one when I start posting it after the first of the year. Now, I have to steel myself to make that announcement on FFN. I know it's not fair to my readers but it's also not fair to them to continue to deliver a subpar product. At least I'm doing this for the right reasons, I remember one story that was into 39 chapters and the author stopped and stated he was redoing it with Naruto and Hinata as the pairing and Sakura was hooked up with Gaara. His rewrite was not met with joy and only got into the 3rd chapter before it was abandoned. 


Naruto and Sakura will always be my main pairing in any story I write unless I want to do something dark but Sakura will always be in Naruto's life.  :narusaku:

Edited by Merchant Of Blue Death, 15 November 2018 - 09:19 PM.

#2 tricksie


    Legendary Ninja

  • ANBU
  • 3,521 posts
  • Gender:Female

Posted 28 November 2018 - 05:01 AM

Rewrites are always good...and very hard to do! But yeah, your readers and ultimately your story is worth it!! As for your plot hole request, you may have already figured it out by now, but that's a great opportunity to make a good OC. Or pull someone interesting from the series who deserves more of a backstory. I don't know if that helps, but as a reader I love reading more about characters in fanfic that didn't get the attention and backstory they deserved in the series.

#3 Dalton.T.R



  • Jounin
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 1,547 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Probably stuck in a tree somewhere...SO COME HELP ME!!!

Posted 29 November 2018 - 06:39 AM

Holy kitten! It's you!!! From Fanfiction.net! Damn, I hoped I'd see you here at some point! 

0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users