Originally posted on tumblr here: http://bodegacowboy....chasing-the-sun
Disclaimer: This is a lemon okay? Those of you who don't know fanfic terminology this means there is sex involved. There will be a sex scene. I just needed to wrap a story around it to legitimize myself as an artist .
Also its an affair fic so y'know if that bugs you then please don't read it and get your feelings hurt.
I don't condone cheating in real life and if cheating occurred in canon I'd go "hey that 's a little weird for kid's story and out of character"
What do you need to know for this fic? Its canon based, by that its mostly tries to be "canon" with a few of the more unnecessary details tossed out, for example I didn’t bother dealing with SaiIno so that doesn’t exist.
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The Seventh woke up with one of the worst hangovers he had ever experienced
This was saying something since over the last few years he had come to know a handful of intense hangovers. He was currently sprawled out on his back on what he had first imagined was grass but upon closer inspection appeared to be carpet. Next to him lay two empty bottles of sake.
Remarkably the words of Naruto’s godfather managed to burst through the haze of confusion.
If you ever find yourself waking up in a strange place after a night of hard drinking you need to immediately try and remember three things. Where you should be, what you were doing before you blacked out and who you should be waking up with. Don’t even move until you can answer at least two out of three of those questions.
Though it felt as if a dozen galloping horses had been running through his head, Naruto willed himself to concentrate. Bits and pieces of his long term memory resumed functioning and what he remembered brought a smile to his face.
He was in Amegakure. He was in their recently built Imperial hotel, and he was here because these were historic times. He was here for the first ever chunin exam completely sponsored by the United Shinobi Forces. The chunin exam was now a multinational biennial examination featuring hundreds of genin gathered from every shinobi village that was a current member of the ever-growing shinobi alliance. And if that wasn’t impressive enough it also doubled as a Kage summit.
The Kages of each nation would come together to discuss worldly matters while the youngsters of their villages attempted to advance in the ranks.
It was an unprecedented event and undeniably a significant step towards peace talks on a continental scale.
And it was all his idea.
Naruto sat up and grinned. He had spent a tremendous part of his first years as Hokage working diligently to convince the others Kages and daimyos to support this exam.
His grin widened when he recalled the grand festivities of the opening ceremonies. All his hard work had paid off.
So why had he had been black-out drunk again?
The reason for his current wretched state broke the surface of his consciousness. His grinned faded.
Oh no
He groaned loudly conscious of the fact that each individual Kage had the luxury of having an entire floor to themselves. No one was likely to hear his hangover pains.
Naruto picked himself off the hotel room’s kitchen floor. Stumbled into the living room area and plopped himself on the comfy couch there.
Drawing in a deep breath Naruto thanked his lucky stars that the Kages had voted against bringing their families to the summit for safety reasons. Hinata for sure would not have been pleased to see him a state.
“This is not exactly Kage behavior” He told himself.
Then again granny drank like a fish and she did a great job. I should ask her for tips on how to handle my drinks better.
A knock on the hotel room door reverberated through his entire body.
“Who is it?!” Naruto called out as he massaged his forehead.
“It’s Sai.”
“Come in!”
The door swung open and Sai quietly entered the room.
“Good morning, are you feeling alright?” Sai asked when standing before Naruto.
“How drunk was I last night Sai?” Naruto groaned.
“Very”
“In public?”
“No you restrained yourself to the hotel for the most part.”
“Good.” Naruto studied his friend and current bodyguard. He pointed at the notebook Sai held in his hands.
“What’s that?”
“This is Sakura’s journal.” Sai replied.
Naruto stared in horror at the book.
“Why did you have that?” He said with his voice cracking.
“You ordered me to take it from her room.”
Naruto hung his head in shame.
Sai shifted uncomfortably on his feet. “May I ask you something?”
“Go ahead” Naruto said bracing himself
“How did you know she had this journal?”
“She told me she started writing in a journal after Sarada started in the academy.”
“I see. So this is a prank? I noticed you and Sakura had regained your past playfulness."
Naruto ran both hands across his face. "You noticed that huh?"
"It is my job to pay attention."
“Well you are right. It’s a prank gone horribly wrong” Naruto said solemnly.
“It is a very brave prank” Sai said.
“Sai from now on don’t take orders from me when I am drunk.”
Sai considered this for a moment. “So if you are drunk and we are attacked and you order me to save your life I should not follow those orders.”
Naruto sighed. “Okay let’s revise that. If I am drunk and I give you an order that could get us both killed, like stealing Sakura’s personal things for example, don’t just follow those orders blindly, use your better judgment.”
Sai nodded in acquiescence. “I understand. So what do I do with this? I’m sure she will notice that it’s missing by now”
Naruto held his hand out. “Give it to me. I’ll give it back to her.....when y’know the prank is done.”
Sai hesitated.
“I won’t tell her you helped me.”
Sai let out a sigh of relief and handed the notebook over to the Hokage. Naruto casually placed the book beside him on the couch and quickly dismissed Sai from the room.
When Sai’s footsteps had receded from earshot Naruto glanced guilty at the journal. If he had been in the right state of mind he would have never ordered the journal to be stolen. But he had and since it was already here.
He had a question that needed answering so his desire for answers overcame his shame.
Naruto picked up the journal and quickly scanned its interior. He noticed that each page was dated so he quickly skimmed to the latest entry. According to the date listed Sakura had jotted it down last night.
Naruto began to read
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Feb 16: 7:30pm
“What do you want Uchiha-san?” Naruto slurred to me when I entered his room.
I suppose “Uchiha-san” was supposed to hurt me but he was the one who flinched at his own words. As if he had tossed explosives at me but was standing too close to the explosion to avoid the sharpnel.
Naruto groaned loudly and put his face into his hands. He pressed his palms against his eyes until he saw pink dots.
So stupid...so embarrassing...I am the Hokage of the Leaf...I am a father.....What the heck am I doing?
Every fiber in Naruto’s being told him he should close the journal now march to Sakura’s room and beg for her forgiveness.
He would ask for forgiveness.....after he had validated his suspicions
With a specific date in mind Naruto returned to the journal.
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October 9th 12pm:
Nothing really could shatter the relative peace of my daily routine like the Hokage showing up at my front door.
Under most circumstances such an event would call for bowing or the recitation of oaths and other such expressions of loyalty and subordination. I am however one of the few people in any village who is fortunate enough to be able to greet the Kage of the Leaf at the door with a warm hug. I led him to the kitchen where I served him tea as if he were a neighbor stopping by for the latest gossip
We chit-chatted a little about our families Sarada and Boruto specifically. During the first pause in the conversation Naruto asked me to once again be a part of a historic event.
According to Naruto the medical staff that will treat injured genin during the exam will be a collation of different medics from different villages. And apparently my Hokage had it in his mind to suggest to the alliance that I lead the medical team.
I wasn’t sure what to say so I just said the obvious, besides the occasional emergency I hadn’t done any consistent medical work in years. Naruto then casually hinted that the council had mentioned the same thing when he had suggested my name as head representative of the village’s medical corps. He actually grinned mischievously as he implied that I was being slighted by the village elders.
Naruto admittedly had played a good hand. I was sufficiently annoyed at being looked down upon but it wasn’t enough to entice me back to active duty. I had stepped away from being an active kunoichi to raise my daughter. Naruto was asking me to spend a seventeen days away from my child.
“If you believe your skills have diminished it’s fine....” he had said flagrantly adding fuel to my fire.
I replied rather indignantly that I was as sharp as I had ever been. However Naruto Tsunade or even Shizune would be better fits at this time.
He said nonchalantly, “They are better fits if you say no.”
At that point I thought I had been saying “no” just in a very polite way. The problem that I saw however was that though inactive I was still a kunoichi and Naruto despite our history was my boss. So refusing outright was in all likelihood insubordination.
As if reading my mind he said, “I am not ordering you to do this. I came here personally to ask you to do me a favor as a friend and not the Hokage. I wish to rely on your...”
He paused I suppose he was searching for the right word. He looked me in the eyes and said “expertise.”
I said yes despite the maternal guilt. My parents would watch over Sarada while I was away, she would be fine until I returned.
Now I do not regret agreeing to leading the alliance medical staff but I do regret what happened immediately after I had agreed to help.
I walked Naruto to the door and just as he had finished saying goodbye I kissed him.
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Naruto glared dumbfounded at the journal.
That was it? That’s all she had to say about it?
Naruto thought back to the kiss. The problem was that the kiss had been too good. No that wasn’t right, saying it was good immediately created comparisons with the kisses he had shared with his wife. The first time he had kissed Hinata he thought that was good as well. No good wasn't the right word, good wouldn’t have affected him the way that it had. This kiss it had a lot of weight to it a lot of history attached to it.
It just fit.
It was exactly how he had used to imagine kissing Sakura would feel. It was something undefinable, it was, it was,
Us, it was just us
Even now he could taste her on his lips.
Wait....this might be a good thing.
It occurred to him then that he may have been looking at things from the wrong perspective. If the kiss was meaningless to Sakura he could accept it as a fluke. It would be okay, all he had to do was confirm for sure that the kiss meant nothing. Then things would go back to normal.
He continued reading skimming quickly through any entries that did not appear to offer any clues to the answer he was seeking.
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Dec 9th: 9:30pm
I’ve tried to keep from dwelling on it. But its officially been a month since I kissed Naruto. The odd thing is that I am still not sure if anything has really changed.
After the kiss when Naruto wordlessly stumbled out the door I was afraid that our friendship was at risk. And my fears multiplied as the days went by without any word from him. But as I think deeper on it the last time I had anything close to a meaningful conversation with Naruto was during Sarada’s birthday party earlier this year. And before that was Boruto’s birthday party. We were two adults who only seemed to converse during our children’s birthdays or village holidays. Perhaps nothing changed and we’ve simply fallen back to our usual routine.
I had briefly considered walking over to his office and apologize. But I thought better of it. Maybe it was better to simply let it fade into history. Maybe that’s what Naruto is doing letting it fade.
For now though the kiss still lingers with me.
In its wake I felt sensual, womanly, I suppose that’s the effect a good kiss could have on a person
But I felt immensely guilty as well.
I suppose that’s what a good kiss from someone who is not your husband could have on a person
Naruto’s face went successively from a look of surprise to astonishment, from astonishment to joy, from joy to shame, from shame to worry.
He closed his eyes drew in a deep breath. when he reopened his eyes he began flipping through the pages, he had another specific date in mind
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Jan 26: 9pm: The road to Amegakure
Naruto insisted on everyone leaving at the same time. His bodyguards, his administrative staff, the genin, would be spectators, everyone marched out of the village in unison creating the effect of a mini-parade. Villagers cheered on our departure and the faces of the genin glowed with pride and excitement .
Instant morale.
Being Hokage wasn’t just about being strong you needed to understand people. It seemed Naruto had a firm grasp on that concept
Speaking of Naruto I have yet to speak with him since our last encounter. I am not sure if he’s avoiding me or I am avoiding him. All of our communications in the last few weeks have been via messengers or emails from his secretarial staff.
I am not sure if he is avoiding me or if he is just busy.
On a more positive note I used most of the day to refresh my friendship with Sai. To be honest things started out a little rough as he had greeted me this morning with what I suppose he considered a compliment
“I’ve noticed that you’ve lost a lot of weight. I am very impressed since you had Sarada and stopped being on active duty I never thought I’d see you this thin again.”
I gave him a friendly tap against the skull with my fist. Our conversations from then on were much more amiable.
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Jan 27th 2:37 pm:
Met with Naruto, finally, unexpectedly.
I was walking along the road so caught up in my own thoughts that I hadn’t noticed his approach. It was an eerie coincidence because I was thinking about him one moment and then suddenly I felt a masculine presence at my side. Time and old age had yet to work their magic on Naruto’s speed.
He greeted me with practiced stoicism as we walked shoulder to shoulder. “Sakura I would like to converse with you.”
Momentarily caught off guard by his statuesque stiffness I hesitantly agreed. I looked around the nearest shinobi was well out of earshot. This was as private as it was going to get.
I turned to Naruto and stared forward his eyes on the road. He was at that moment essentially The Seventh.
Of the many brief but complaisant conversations I’ve had with Sasuke in the last two years was about the changes in Naruto. I asked if he had noticed that Naruto was less boisterous, less energetic. Sasuke had noticed, but it was he claimed the unfortunate cost and burden of leading men.
“Nothing stays the same forever Sakura.”
From a practical standpoint I knew Sasuke had been right about Naruto, some change was to be expected but how much was too much?
“I wanted to thank you for coming Sakura. This is the first time you’re spending time away from your daughter and I know that can be hard.”
I told him that I missed her a ton. And that I knew if she were here right now she would have likely told the Hokage to his face that this whole procedure was silly.
I mimicked Sarada’s voice
“Everyone walking to Amegakure like this is silly, why does the Hokage where that hat it’s silly, mama you’re silly.”
I looked over at Naruto to see that he had quirked half a smile. And just like that we were friends again.
I asked him then if he had cried the first time he had left for a summit and had to say goodbye to Boruto and Himawari.
He cleared his throat. “I may have teared up a little.”
The strongest Kage in the world tearing up over his children. I found the image sweet and I told him that. Visibly embarrassed he quickly changed the subject.
“I simply wanted to say that your village thanks you for your service.”
I replied that if the village was ever in any serious need I would be glad to offer my services however if I were to be honest I was going to Amegakure because he asked.
“I am doing you a favor remember? Now if can you do me a favor, please stop it with that too-serious face. I am finding it very distracting.”
Naruto snorted and looked off for a moment. When he turned his attention back to me he had a familiar playful smile on his face.
“You know Sakura one day you will notice that I am your boss.”
I informed him quickly that I had no problem having him as my boss. I simply preferred he talk to me with his normal face.
He conceded the point and carried on.
“I was just trying to say I am glad you came.”
I let out a laugh and revealed a bit of insight that had dawned on me since we left the village. I told him that I knew for sure that part of the reason he had dragged me out of my home was so he can brag about this grand historic event.
Naruto’s face shone with childish delight. “Why would I brag about this? It wasn’t all my idea.”
I explained my reasoning to him. The exam was mostly his idea and it’s not what people expected from him. Of course if there were a super strong tyrant out there people would expect him to go out and punch someone in the face. This was different, this was about ideas, culture, diplomacy, this was proof that he was not just a near limitless source of chakra.
I looked over at Naruto to see that he could hardly suppress a grin.
I continued. “I can see it clearly now. We are going to get to this huge event and you are going to point at the crowd and say Sakura “this is my baby.’ Then I am going to say Naruto you are the coolest guy. Because that's what you want to hear me say.”
He laughed, it was a contagious laugh and so I laughed too. I pleased by the return of his carefree laugh. It had been awhile. Eventually the laughter had to settle, and that’s when things turned serious. It was actually my fault since I noticed that he wasn't getting enough sleep.
“There are shadows beneath your eyes. And you seem restless” I said to him.
“There has been a lot on my mind recently” Naruto declared.
It was an open secret that Naruto and Shikamaru had spent the better part of the entire year leading up to the exam burning candles at both ends in the Hokage office. The fruits of their labor were dozens of revolutionary proposals to present to the other Kages.
His voice lowered to just a cut above a whisper.
“Work has kept me up most nights. But you know what hasn’t helped me sleep either? That kiss.”
I felts some color coming to my cheeks coming but I suppressed it. I think. I hope I did.
“You should be angry at me” I told him.
“I am not mad at you. I am just confused.”
“You shouldn't be confused.”
“I shouldn’t be, but I am.”
“Please don’t be confused it shouldn't have happened.”
“It shouldn’t have, but it did.”
“You shouldn’t even think about it”
“I shouldn’t but I do.”
That was the totality of our conversation about this kiss give or take one to two minutes of awkward silence in between each statement.
We didn’t even look at each other. Which worked out for the best since we immediately noticed that we were rapidly catching up to the group walking ahead of us.
As softly and quickly as I could I reiterated that it had been a mistake and that I was sincerely sorry that it had happened.
Naruto cocked his head to the side and looked at me questioningly. His eyes were searching. For what I don’t know.
“Don't worry about it. Let's just consider it a private joke between friends.”
“A joke?” I asked.
“A private joke, something we can laugh about it later.”
I agreed to these guiltless terms.
He nodded to me. “I should go, let us speak on this matter on another day.”
The Seventh had returned and he quickened his pace to break away from me.
“Try and get some rest tonight.” I called out to his back.
Naruto slowed his pace and turned to me. He chuckled softly. “Jiraiya used to say there is no rest for the wicked Sakura. But maybe he should have said there is no way to rest with wicked thoughts.”
This time I believe color did rise to my face but luckily Naruto had already turned away likely grinning like a fool.
I saw then that his intent was to tease me about the kiss likely for the rest of our lives.
He was a monster but we were still great friends.
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Naruto sighed, he had been joking but some jokes still held a grain of truth.
That stupid kiss. It had burned him for weeks now. How many nights had he shamefully awoke hard with desire and stunned at the good fortune that he hadn’t called out Sakura’s name while his wife slept.
He wasn’t proud about it. But there were times when the ache was overbearing and he reached out to Hinata to satisfy the need. Their lovemaking would be furious then, fiery and explosive. But it wouldn’t ever fully satisfy the desire. That lingered like a minor burn crying out for a soothing salve.
Naruto sighed again and kept reading.
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Jan 28th 2 AM: The road to Amegakure
Can’t sleep
Why did that idiot have to say that?
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Jan 31: 10:30 PM: Amegakure : Imperial Hotel
The eve of the first ever Allied Shinobi Chunin Exams was an exciting one for good and bad reasons.
Being a part of the Hokage’s inner circle landed me in party full of diplomats, Kages, and pure blooded nobility. Luckily I had assumed the entire event would be one long party so I had packed the proper attire for formal and informal celebrations.
For the party I reacquainted myself with an old classic. A short strapless black dress with open toed shoes that was simple but elegant enough for this sort of affair. I flitted from conversation to conversation like a social butterfly but all the while I kept an eye out for Naruto.
He had been stalking the other side of the room with a seemingly paradoxical look of predatory stoicism on his face. He held the posture of a shinobi of great importance, relaxed enough to be approachable without subverting the objective fact that he could the entire room if came to that. It wasn’t until Gaara joined his company that the usual gentle light returned to his eyes.
Besides Gaara the only person Naruto seemed to really have a report with was the man who consistently appeared by his side to refill his champagne glass.
I would have to keep an eye on that.
It was actually when Naruto had looked up from the bottom of an emptied glass that he caught me in a stare.
His mouth spread into a pleased grin and I could feel mine do the same. We maintained eye contact from across the room until some VIPs invited themselves to Naruto’s personal space. He greeted them and I turned away to search for a bite to eat.
I did feel the pangs of maternal guilt throughout the night and I tried to embrace it as punishment for leaving Sarada behind. But in the end it was impossible to fight the creeping sensation that I was having a good time. Especially when I was pulled into a group of high ranking medics from Amegakure. Initially they picked my brain about Tsunade’s methodology but it soon became a fascinating discussion on current breakthroughs in medical research.
It was an enjoyable conversation though I was the only female in the group and the only one in our mini party with a ring on my finger. It didn’t really surprise me at all when the occasional subtly suggestive remark was floated in between talks of medicine and anatomy. Most of them tested the wasted the waters but I deflected their inquiries with grace and politeness.
They were harmless.
The real troublemaker arrived forty minutes into the conversation.
“Excuse me gentlemen may I speak to my head medic for a moment.”
The medics scattered like lowly bureaucrats before a lord at the sight of Naruto’s presence.
“Well I didn’t mean for them to take off like that” Naruto said sheepishly.
Though to me he appeared to be rather pleased with himself.
When he turned to me and I asked, “Your head medic? I thought I was working for the Alliance”
He smiled, “no you’re still mine-the village’s medic I am simply showing you off.”
“Oh like a pony’ I retorted.
“A prized pony.”
A question occurred to me then but I kept it to myself until we were in a less public setting. Instead I asked what Naruto wanted to talk to me about. He replied without looking directly at me that he simply wanted to know if I was enjoying the party.
As I was explaining that I was enjoying it more than I expected his eyes flickered suddenly. I sensed him look me over more than than I saw the total movement of his eyes. That kind of subtlety could have helped Naruto graduate at the head of the academy.
As I was trying wrap my mind around the implication of this. He excused himself politely but abruptly from my company.
When he rejoined Gaara and melted back into a crowd of diplomats I assumed that would be the last I saw of him that night.
I was wrong. Because when I returned to the floor of my hotel a few hours later I found him waiting just outside my door.
“I left early” he said answering the obvious question in the air.
“And you came here.”
“No, I went to my room first.”
I sniffed. “And then you pigged out on some ramen?”
“How did you know?” he asked.
I told him that I smelled it on him.
I then noticed a piece of noodle that lingered in the corner of his mouth. I reached out to wipe it away but then I realized how much of an intimate gesture that would have been. This sudden onset of self awareness paralyzed me and my hand just hovered in the air between us.
I pointed to his mouth, "You've got some noodle on your lips"
“Oh” Naruto swiped at his mouth and I willed my hand down to my sides.
I let him know that he should really cut down on the ramen,
“But it’s delicious.”
I shook my head and wondered aloud how is was it that Naruto had mastered senjutsu training but he didn't have the discipline to keep a healthier diet.
“It’s really simple Sakura, I wanted to master senjutsu.”
“So what’s your question?” I asked him.
“Why did you kiss me?”
I let out a long slow breath before I answered. “You caught me at a bad time.”
He eyed me skeptically.
Words simply flowed out of my mouth. “I had been up earlier than usual. Sarada was asleep, she wasn’t going to wake up for another hour. The house is bigger than it looks Naruto. Sometimes it echoes.”
I waited for Naruto to reply but he remained silent. He was wearing the face of the Hokage again.
“I was lonely. It was a mistake” I added.
“Okay” He said dispassionately. “I understand.’
I had a question for him.
With my voice tinged with irritation I said “I’ve been thinking about it since it happened. When you broke up the enjoyable conversation I was having with the Amegakure medics. Were you just looking out for Sasuke’s wife?”
He cringed, breaking his Hokage face. Then immediately denied my accusation.
“Are you sure you don’t feel obligated to protect the virtue and honor of your best friend’s wife.”
Naruto cleared his throat. “I admit I noticed some of them flirting with you. I admit that. But imagine this, I do nothing, one of them gets fresh, all of a sudden I hear “shannaro” right before I see a Amegakure medic being transported across the room with a broken jaw via your first. Alright now Amegakure demands you be arrested, I decline their request, they declare war on us I have to declare war on them. They attack us our defense obliterates their forces. Losing the war affects their economy and they fall into a depression. If I was protecting anyone here it’s Amegakure.”
It was a deflection but it was a very amusing one. It was enough to sway me towards forgiveness. Whatever Naruto’s intentions were I was at the very least sure they came from a good place.
“So I can assume you are not here watching my door like a guard dog for Sasuke’s sake?”
He sighed. “No, that was the last thing on my mind.”
“Good. And I can take care of myself.”
He put his hands in the air as if to surrender. “I know, I know. I am sorry if it came across that way.”
I nodded in acceptance of his apology. “But Naruto, wouldn’t fighting a war over me extend the cycle of hatred?”
He thought about this. He actually paused to consider this.
“I guess there are exceptions to the rule.”
“Doesn’t your office support pacifism?”
“Sakura it’s closer to a non-aggression principle.” Naruto then gave me a cheeky look that seemed to say I’ve come a long way. Are you impressed?
I was impressed for the record.
“Alright Naruto if by chance I punch a foreign ally I give you permission to allow me to be arrested, ok? If I happen to break decade long peace treaties feel free to just let me go.”
He paused.
“I don’t think I can let you go.” And he quickly tagged on, “As a Hokage I have an obligation to protect my people.”
There had been something about the tone of the first half of his statement that had an immediate affect on me. Goosebumps ran up and down my flesh so I responded with a general but true statement about how loyalty to his people was what made him a good leader. I then slipped my key into the door and unlocked it just do something other than stare awkwardly at Naruto.
I heard him say over my shoulder because as I was at that moment trying not to look at him. “You looked beau-nice tonight.”
I quickly turned to face him. Not sure why now that I think about it.
“Well you are just being kind.”
His eyes softened. “No I am not.”
“Well thank you, I guess its not bad for a mama huh? You also looked nice tonight, very handsome actually. If I were single well.....I mean..If we were both single...y’know...maybe. Who knows right? If things were completely different than how they are now....”
He looked at me clearly confused as if I had broken the married man and married woman’s neutral compliment pact.
“Sakura are you alright?”
I told him I was fine. Which was technically the truth. I was physically very healthy.
“May I ask another question?”
I nodded to him.
“Why is it that I am having a hard time believing you?”
“About what?”
“The kiss.”
He took a half step forward me. My instinctual response to this was to lean my back against the door for support. Of course it popped open and I stumbled backwards inside. I floundered for about three stumbling steps before I caught myself with as much grace as I could muster. I looked up at Naruto and asked, as if it was what I had in mind all along, if he wanted to come inside to talk.
He consider it quietly for a long, long, long time. Then he smiled before slowly backing away for the doorway, apologizing and announcing that it was best for him to go get some sleep.
I readily agreed I recommended a minimum of eight hours.
I didn’t let go of my breath until Naruto was gone and I had locked the door .
Overall I suppose, despite the very clear and present danger I had faced at this event. I had a good time.
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With the journal in hand Naruto paced the living room of his hotel. He remembered the night of the party very well. The kiss had been the catalyst of course. That had been the source of the leaks that left him in a consistent state of emotional confusion. The party however was where the dam had burst and his emotional unraveling had truly begun. .
He actually had never seen Sakura looking as lovely as she did that night. or maybe he had, maybe she had looked as lovely at her wedding. Then, he had simply felt legitimately happy for his friends and there was nothing more to it. There was definitely something more going on now something more than friendly.
He had spent the initial moments of the party disoriented, like a man suddenly regaining his sight after being blind for fifteen years. Rather than being drawn to her like a month to a flame Naruto had deliberately stayed to one side of the room to avoid her. His tactic had worked until the Amegakure medics arrived to the scene. When they had surrounded Sakura, when she had happily become lost in the conversation and lost to the room. He felt something he had not felt in a long time.
At first it had manifested in amusement.
These guys are pretty lucky that Sasuke isn’t here
As the conversation continued it became impatience.
Talking for so long to another man’s wife those guys are pretty lucky I’m not Sasuke
As the conversation continued it became irritation.
If I were Sasuke, I would be using my eyes to ignite things from across the room by now
And then.
If I were Sasuke....
The visual came to him immediately, he saw himself henging into Sasuke taking Sakura by the hand, leading her away from the wolves and back to their room. Where he would breathe her in, taste her. Touch her like she wanted to be touched until he could feel her essence coursing through his blood.
Naruto stopped the visual now as he had then with a vigorous shake of his head as if he were a wet dog.
He had been jealous, passionately jealous. And next thing he knew he had been standing right beside her in front of a hotel door. Him smelling of ramen and her of sweet perfume.
The moth had been drawn to the flame and he had been burned into cinders.
Naruto knew one thing. When a husband is jealous over his wife, he worries that he might be losing her. Sakura was not his wife. How could he be worried about losing something he never had?
That’s what I need to find out.
Naruto returned to the journal.
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Feb 01: 10:30 AM:
In the morning I watched Naruto give a speech to genin. I had not expected to be a part of that moment. I’d simply decided to stop by and greet the Leaf academy students before they set off for Amegakure’s version of the Forest Death. I gave them a few quick and easy medical tips. Some advice that could potentially help if they happened to be injured and waiting for an Allied instructor to pull them from the arena.
As I was about to leave Naruto arrived and he went to work quickly.
Initially it started as one might expect, you represent the village now, make your families proud, you are the future of Konohagakure. The genin of course gave Naruto the kind of attention one would give a living legend. But he really grabbed their hearts and minds when he told them a fable once told to him by Jiraiya.
It was a tale about a race of sage birds who dwelled deep within the darkest rainforest in the world. Generations earlier the sage birds had secured this rainforest as their native homeland because of its abundance of resources and lack of natural predators. The sage birds had everything they needed in the rainforest except consistent sunlight.
So even though the top canopy of the rainforest blocked over ninety percent of the sunlight from the sage birds they learned to thrive on the forest floor. They lived peacefully and comfortably and without the need to fly. After a few decades the sage birds had stopped teaching flight and soon enough most of them had forgotten this ability altogether.
There however came one sage bird who loved the sunlight. On the rare occasions that a stream of light managed to reach the forest floor this bird bathed in it’s warm touch. When he heard tales of how his people used to fly he began to dream of soaring above the trees and being embraced by the delicious rays of the sun.
This bird studied under all the sage elders, he unearthed the lost histories of his people, he rediscovered the ability of flight. And as soon as he was physically able to do so the sage bird took off into the air and burst through the canopy.
Unfortunately a storm had been brewing over the rainforest and the sage bird once again found himself shielded from the light. This time not by leaves but by ever growing dark clouds. Distraught but not deterred the sage bird realized he only knew two things for sure. One that beyond those storm clouds awaited the warming glow of the sun. Two the sun on his feathers was what made him truly happy. With the dreams of gliding between sunrays in his heart the sage bird soared right into heart of the storm.
And he was never seen or heard from again.
After the story Naruto announced that there were a number of morals to the tale. It was likely a cautionary fable against impulsive foolish behavior, against impatience, against arrogance. On a deeper level it could be seen as a story about being greedy or simply an observation of human nature and how people are never content or satisfied with what they have. Naruto conceded that all of these wise interpretations were valid. However when he had first heard the story from Jiraiya he had not considered any of that. He actually admired the bird, he thought it was courageous for the bird to risk the dangers of the storm for his dream.
Naruto had grinned broadly at the genin. He told them how as an adult he can see now that either interpretation held some validity since the lines between courageousness and foolishness, selfishness and selflessness can easily blur.
“What if I told you that the life of a sage bird was far less than that of a human. What if I told you the sage bird spent most of his life learning how to fly. And he knew he only had weeks left to live, no days? Would it change the way you think about the story? Would it change the way you think about the Sage Bird?”
He continued by telling the genin that there would be a moment during the exam where they will think to themselves it was ok to quit now. That they could just try again later. That the two years until the next exam would go by quickly.
Naruto went on to say depending on the situation this could be the most reasonable point of of view in the world. But they assume, and it was admittedly a reasonable assumption to make, that the exams would be around in two years. That they would be around in two years. Sometimes he said whether you know it or not you only get one chance.
“If you get that chance, the opportunity to be be happy to fulfill a dream...”
He paused.
“Some birds may be okay singing and dancing on the forest floor. That’s fine, that can be a happy and fulfilling life for many birds. But if you are the type of bird that dreams of the sun. You may find that to get to its warm embrace you have to face the rain. It’s up to you to decide if it’s worth the risk.”
The genin departed for the first of two phases of the exam with gallantry and vigor in their hearts. It was ironically the Hokage that lingered tentatively in their wake. I followed him for a little bit as he walked about aimlessly around the campus grounds. When there was a comfortable distance between us and the bodyguards I matched his pace and nudged him playfully with my shoulder.
I told him how similar we were in many ways. I got that kind of bittersweet feeling every time the exams come around as well.
“It just means we’re getting old” I joked.
He appeared surprised by my presence for a moment. Then he chuckled warmly. “It might be something a bit more than that.”
I asked him to elaborate. He shook his head and mentioned that it was no big deal.
Naruto then craned his head back, looked up into the sky and I said. “You know Sasuke really should be here with us.”
I couldn’t disagree with him.
Despite the currently flawed state of my marriage and the currently awkward status of my relationship with Naruto, there would always be an “us” in some way or some form. “We” would always exist
I suppose neither of us had anymore to say about my husband so we continued walking.
“Sakura, you think I’ve changed don't you?” Naruto asked after a few quiet minutes.
"Why would you say that?” I asked back.
“It must be obvious. I know the way I look at some things has changed. When I was younger I would try and break every single rule if it got me some attention. Then I felt like there wasn’t a rule I wouldn’t break to protect my friends. Now, well life can be so complicated. I am starting to think-”
He glanced at me, unemotional.
“-I do think that maybe the only way to keep it simple is to keep to the rules.”
Not knowing exactly how to respond I said, "Funny how things change"
Impassively, Naruto studied my face,“So you do think there's been a significant change?"
"I think your priorities have changed a lot but your heart is always in the right place.”
Naruto looked at me in an odd mixture of surprise and hurt mingled with appreciation. I can only assume in hindsight that this had been the first time anyone had acknowledged Naruto’s change, at least to his face.
“I couldn't be the Hokage and still be....I had to mature to become the kind of man a Hokage should be be.”
“Oh you've matured? I hadn’t noticed.” I said teasingly.
He looked at me with amusement in his eyes. “I am mature I read books now.”
I asked him what kind of books did he read.
“Literature” he said a grin forming on his face.
“Oh what kind of literature?”
“The classics.”
“Like what?”
He glanced up into the air. “The Lighthouse on the Mountop. Its not a well known book but its classic.”
I laughed out loud. “You just made that up.”
He chuckled. “Sakura do not be jealous that I am more well read than you are.”
“You are not” I challenged. “Who is the author of The Lighthouse on the Mountop?”
“Questioning your Hokage is an arrestable offense” He replied.
“I am sorry Hokage-sama” I said wiping tears of laughter from my eyes.
After a quiet moment Naruto turned to me with a smirk on his face and said, “What did you do to me?”
I asked him what he meant by that. So he leaned in close and whispered conspiratorially. “Ever since you kissed me my mind has been cluttered with unnecessary thoughts.”
Abruptly Naruto’s stomach collided with my fist.
“That’s the kind of joke you want to crack in public?” I whispered back to him.
Naruto half laughed, half coughed as he bent over at the waist. He quickly turned away from me and towards the approaching bodyguards. Continuing to laugh-cough Naruto waved them back to their original positions with one hand while massaging his gut with the other.
When they were back in place Naruto returned his attention to me. Still trying to catch his breath, he plopped down on the ground to collect himself. I did likewise. I sat facing him
Naruto continued laughing “You know how long its been since someone hit me?”
“I didn’t hit you that hard.” I said now slightly embarrassed.
He laughed again and I was suddenly struck by nostalgia.
“Naruto don't change too much okay?”
“That is a promise I can't make.” He pointed to his hat. “I had to redefine myself to be worthy of this hat and I’ll have to improve myself further to keep being worthy of it.”
He sighed and smiled at me.
“Some things may change Sakura, but you will always be sorta scary to me.”
I scoffed. “And you will always be an idiot to me.”
He grinned. “That’s fine. I don’t think I mind that at all”
It was one of Naruto’s better grins. It flashed and reflected in the Amegakure sun and I was suddenly infused with a vibrant energy that I think will carry me through the rest of the day.
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Feb 05: 11:30 AM:
Naruto and I have fallen into some strange kind of routine. At least “routine” is the only word I can think of at the moment to describe these successive encounters.
We see each other frequently but between the summit meetings and him monitoring the progress of the exam we barely utter more than a few phrases to each other.
Maybe I am being too generous calling them actual encounters. Especially if the majority of them consist of us simply passing by each other as we head off in opposite directions. He would be the Seventh then, surrounded by important people chattering in his ear. They would stop at seemingly random intervals and Naruto would then make some concise authoritative statements to no one in particular. The moment he stopped talking the chatter would start up again.
Whenever I get close enough to this cavalcade Naruto’s eyes would abruptly cut towards me and I’d see a smile dance at the corners of her lips.
I don’t know why but I don’t say “hello”, I don’t wave, I simply meet his gaze. And in the time it takes to draw in a breath he is back to the Seventh and I turn away.
The discreetness of the entire exchange is odd. I’m not sure how to describe the tangible undercurrent of these moments.
Is it it residual awkwardness from the kiss? Why would it manifest itself like this? But the fact is each of these random seemingly banal moments somehow leaves me simultaneously terrified and elated.
I am a grown woman, a wife and a mother, what is wrong with me?
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All of it came vividly to Naruto’s mind. Their laughter, their easy conversation, the warm, secret glances they had exchanged.
He could remember it all without much effort.
Naruto stared at the journal. He wondered if he would have to order Sakura to destroy it.
With the damning evidence down on paper it all seemed obvious.
He kept reading.
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Feb 07: 10:30 AM:
I am not sure how concerned I should be about what just happened.
I was making the rounds in the emergency room when I saw Sai seemingly patrolling the area. The moment he caught sight of me he rushed over.
“He seems very upset” was all he said before gesturing for me to follow him.
“He” of course was Naruto.
Sai brought me to the the featured restaurant in the hotel where found Naruto sitting alone in VIP section clicking away at his laptop.
I mentioned to Sai that Naruto didn’t seem all that upset.
Sai shook his head, “Do you know what he hates the most when he is working? When someone breaks his concentration.”
Sai pretended to trip and knocked a lone glass from an empty table to the ground. The glass shattered against the ground breaking the quiet stillness of the restaurant. Naruto’s head snapped up and his blue eyes blazed with shadowed intensity. When his eyes focused on us they immediately warmed.
Naruto generally wore his heart on his sleeve. But the more passionate versions of his emotions rarely broke through the surface. For as long as I had know Naruto people’s first impressions of him was that he was an overly emotional kid. But if you paid attention you’d realize he knew how to govern his passions and master his emotions' to an enviable degree. If he wanted you to know he was angry you would see his frustration. If he didn’t want you to know he was sad you’d see a smile. What he expressed emotionally was completely contingent on what Naruto felt really mattered in any given situation.
After Sai helped a staff member clean up his mess. Naruto beckoned us to his table.
“You guys are just in time for lunch” He said.
We joined Naruto at his table and we ordered. As we ate I couldn’t help but notice that Naruto was being unusually quiet. I pointed this and other subtle signs of his frustration out to him but Naruto deflected my observations.
As we neared the end of the meal Sai blurted out what I had been dancing around. "Naruto are you okay?"
A look of caution blossomed on Naruto’s face. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
“You seem upset”
“I am fine” Naruto said, looking at me but addressing both of us.
Before either of us could respond Naruto gestured to a passing waiter who was carrying a tray of drinks. He then asked if either of us wanted a drink.
“A little early for that don’t you think.” I remarked.
He laughed and told me that just now I sounded like Shikamaru. This did not deter him from ordering a cup of wine.
“You should watch yourself with the drinks Naruto.”
“Your concern is noted” He said after taking a big mouthful of wine.
By the time we had finished lunch Naruto had confided in us. Well he told us as much as he could considering that what was discussed at Kage summit's was supremely confidential. Factions had sprung up among the Kages, mini alliances within the Alliance. Some of the new Kages from the more recent villages had decided that it was in their best interest to curb Naruto’s influence on the shinobi world. So they undermined his proposals forcing him to have to present them again after adding significant concessions.
“When I was just strong enough to save their lives they loved me. Now that I have ideas that may change their lives they are scared of me. And all I want to do is offer them a better chance at a lasting peace.”
“Some people want peace on their own terms” Sai said to Naruto.
It was very profound point. Unfortunately Sai continued to talk.
“Have you considered that your influence can reach beyond the Kages, to their council, to their people? With your status as a living legend many shinobi would prefer to be in your shadow rather than that of a Kage who is clearly inferior to you in strength. You can create factions in their village setting up the foundations for a coup d'etat. In two years time at the next summit meeting you reveal to the Kages that they can either submit to your will and stay as figurehead rulers of their village or they can face the humiliation of being stipped of their power by their village council.”
Naruto leaned back in his seat. “I had not considered Sai probably because I am not Danzo. Sometimes I forget that you used to be in ROOT.”
“I am just saying the easiest route for everyone would be to either single handedly or with Sasuke’s help wipe them all out in a magnificent display of power at the next summit, except for the Kazekage of course, then you declare yourself the Kage of Kages and have Sasuke as your--”
I interrupted Sai with a kick to his shins from beneath the table.
“Sai’s just trying to help” I told Naruto.
Naruto nodded patiently. “I know but Sai’s not that far away from what some people actually think I am capable of. That’s the frustrating thing about politics it's still a war just without bloodshed.”
Immediately after our lunch we were dismissed by the Seventh. Sai and I loitered at the table for a moment but Naruto’s focus was now completely on his laptop. We’d gotten as far as the entrance before I doubled back to Naruto’s table.
Upon reaching him I jumped right into narration. I told Naruto a brief story about Tsunade’s work ethic. Whenever Tsunade was working on a difficult project and things weren’t really clicking for her she’d end the night by saying “I have not failed I've actually discovered five hundred ways that won't work.: The night after if things still didn’t go well she’d say I have not failed I've actually discovered five hundred and one ways that won't work. She'd keep on going like that until she found the way that worked.”
Naruto tilted his head away from the screen just enough to show that he acknowledged my presence.
“I know you will find the right way Naruto because I still believe in you.” I blurted out to him. “Well I’m sure a lot of people probably still believe in you. I am definitely not claiming that I hold exclusive belief in you Naruto, I just wanted to remind you that I am still amongst those who still believe in you.”
Naruto turned away from the screen a smile slowly making its way across his lips.
"Thank you Sakura-c..." He swallowed his words, cleared his throat, swallowed again.
“Sakura being around you makes me feel very nostalgic.”
It was strange the way he said that—It did not come across as something he viewed as a positive.
“Thank you Sakura. You may go now.”
Once again I found myself in Naruto’s presence with nothing meaningful to say to him. I left and reconnected Sai outside the restaurant.
After talking it over for awhile. We have agreed to keep an eye on him from now on.
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Feb 08: 9:00 AM:
Naruto (and the mass of people surrounding him) just stopped by the medical labs. All the medics and technicians stopped to stare at the legend as he walked towards me.
He asked me about the genin. I revealed that as of today no one had suffered any permanent injuries, and there were no casualties either.
He found this to be excellent news. Though of course he would have already known this because I had sent a report saying the same thing to him the night before. Naruto read all my reports before going into a summit meeting.
I caught his eye and added to my news that I was a little concerned about him. By the looks of it I did not think he was getting enough sleep.
He smiled, narrowing his eyes playfully “I appreciate your concern, but I am fine. Sleep is a luxury for a Kage”
I raised my fist. “Naruto if you insist on not getting adequate rest. I’ll put you to sleep myself.”
Naruto chuckled, and then following his cue the rest of the room chuckled. It was as if he had made the joke.
“I will definitely take that into consideration. I am sorry to have concerned you, but I will be fine.”
“Of course you will be fine sir, you are the strongest man I know” I said.
After then was gone leaving a buzz of excitement in his wake.
A young medic from Takigakure approached me tentatively and asked “You can call your Kage by his first name?”
I hope the next time Naruto wants to tell me he is okay he’ll not drop by the medical labs. It took me ten minutes to get everyone back to work.
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Feb 09: 8:00 AM
You never wake up in the morning hoping to have an emotionally exhausting day.
It all started when I made a startling discovery in the emergency room. The moment I had a break in my shift I made a beeline for Naruto’s room. Only to find a line waiting outside his door. Luckily I was only there for a few minutes when Sai stepped out of the room to inspect the line. As the head of Naruto’s personal guards he could just about walk in out of Naruto’s room at will. I let him now I had an urgent message to deliver and Sai did not hesitate to usher me through Naruto’s door to the dismay of the others on the line.
“He’s being fitted for a custom robe right now, it’s a gift from the Amegakure council, but since you say it’s urgent...”
Sai led me through Naruto’s bedroom door, without bothering to knock. We walked in on a scene featuring two geriatric women fussing over the Hokage. Ignoring our sudden presence in the room they stretched cloth measuring tape across the width and length of his body.
Oh and Naruto was dressed only in his boxers.
Surprise flashed on his face when he was saw me but he reined it in with impressive swiftness. Then he addressed us as if were a normal occurrence for people to burst into his room.
“Is something the matter Sai?”
Sai related quickly that I had some urgent news for him. But by the time Naruto turned to me I had completely lost my train of thoughts. Or I should say my train of thoughts had left me behind, and a new breath stealing train of thoughts had taken its place.
“What is your news Sakura?” Naruto asked.
I told him that I had two questions for him first.
“Are you wearing silk boxers?”
He nodded, embarrassment briefly coloring his face.
Silk boxers, form fitting, obviously a wife’s gift to her husband. Hinata had gone shopping for these boxers and picked them out knowing his exact measurements, knowing for sure what looked good on him. These thoughts simply bloomed in my mind as pure facts rather than speculation. Exposed to these facts I should have been amused or indifferent to them but I found myself in a confusing state of ambivalence.
I went on to my next question.
“If you spend most of your time in your office how is that you are in better shape now then you were during the war?”
Naruto’s eyes shone with sudden mischief when he looked at me. He explained that it wasn’t enough to simply train one's mind for politics. The village head had to be in top physical shape at all times. So his exercise routine was as vigorous now as it had ever been.
When one of the elderly tailors wrapped a measuring tape around Naruto’s right arm. He flexed and his arm confessed to the room that it was indeed heavy with well defined muscle.
The old woman hanging on his arm cooed playfully while Naruto locked eyes with me.
“Not bad for a papa” Naruto said with a grin.
At that moment an odd comparison came to my mind. Sasuke and Naruto’s body matched their personalities fairly well. Sasuke was agile, wiry, lean, elusive. Of the two Naruto’s overall body had a bit more mass, he was sturdy, sinewy, unyielding, dependable.
“I have to say I am very impressed by how you’ve kept so fit” Sai said abruptly bringing me back down to earth.
Naruto gave Sai a look that seemed to express surprise at the fact of Sai still being in the room. He tentatively thanked Sai for the compliment and returned his attention to me. “The message Sakura?”
I glanced at the old women. Naruto took the hint and they were politely escorted out of the room a moment later. When they were gone I asked Naruto if it had been necessary for him to have been measured while in his boxers.
Seemingly confused by the question Naruto replied that the old women had insisted so it must have been necessary.
I kept my thoughts about that to myself of course. There were more pressing concerns that moment anyway.
I informed Naruto that at that moment there was a genin team in the emergency room that had been deemed too injured to continue on with second stage of the exam. The genin team claimed that they had lost their scrolls to a team from Kirigakure who entrapped them in a poisonous mist.
Naruto frowned but noted that Kirigakure had some reputation for poisons techniques.
“Was it an unnecessarily lethal dosage?”
I told Naruto that they hadn’t been poisoned the way they thought they had been poisoned. They had instead been attacked with a nerve agent.
Naruto asked if I doubted the genin’s story.
I did not. Indeed there was enough traces of the poison on them to say they had been attacked by a poison mist technique. But their symptoms had not matched what should have happened when they got hit by a technique such as the one they been attacked with. What they had described was C-rank technique that caused coma like paralysis within seconds of exposure. But before that one's lips and tongue deaden, then comes dizziness and vomiting, followed by numbness and muscle paralysis.
“It’s a bit of process.” I said to Naruto.
Naruto then asked the obvious. “What happened to the genin?”
I explained.
The genin had remembered salivating profusely then losing consciousness and then coming in and out of sleep dimly aware that most of their muscles had gone completely numb. I checked their clothing and found a very small concentration of a unique toxic compound that was not found in any known poison mist technique in use. The genin had somehow been tagged with the substance beforehand.
“So the poison mist was a coverup. To mask the actual attack. Those kids were being experimented on?”
“It looks like that.” I said solemnly. “It would have taken some time for the substance to seep from their clothes onto their skin. The poison mist attack was probably timed to match up with that”
I added to the bad news. “These genin might experience some long term effects, most of which will psychological.”
Then I added some more. “This is new Naruto, I’ve never seen this before. And in larger doses it has the potential to be devastating on a battlefield.”
“This was developed after the war?” Naruto inquired.
“I would think so.”
I saw something flash in Naruto’s eyes, something caught between hurt and anger. Then as quickly as it came it was gone. “Can antidotes be created?”
I hesitated
“In your opinion” Naruto added.
I answered sincerely. “I haven't looked into it too deeply but I have some ideas. There are other poisons that may actually be used as a countermeasure since they block acetylcholine receptors that...”
Naruto put his hand up. “You can keep the technical details Sakura. When we get home you can lead a research team to develop antidotes for this or any future surprises Kirigakure may have.”
I hesitated again. “I...”
Naruto grinned. “You’re great Sakura. You’ve brought some very critical information to my attention. I was right to put my confidence in you.”
I told him that I was honored and flattered but I’ll have to decline. I would share my thoughts with Tsunade and Shizune but I reiterated that I was committed to raising my daughter full time.
“And that is admirable. It is truly is. But maybe some kind of schedule can be worked out.” Naruto said.
I asked who would take care of Sarada while I’m working.
“When Sasuke comes back...”Naruto started
I cut him off. “When Sasuke comes back he won’t stay. He doesn’t stay.”
“In time.....I’ll talk to him.”
There was an unspoken “again” at the end of that statement. But I found myself wondering in a morbidly amused way what could Naruto possibly have said that Sasuke couldn’t see for himself when he said goodbye to his wife and child every few months?
I rattled off some obvious truths to Naruto. As hard is it might have been to believe I was not the wounded bird in my marriage. Sasuke needed to go out to find himself, and he needed to come home to a stable family to reset. He needed to find the answers out there, answers that couldn’t be found at hom.
“Alright, that’s a separate issue. We’ll address later. Here’s what is going on right now! I can’t help but feel that you are wasting something special. You are special Sakura. One day you will wake and notice this but it’ll be too late!”
By then was infuriated by the parth the conversation had taken.
“I don't need you to save me from myself Naruto. How weak do you believe me to be?”
Sounding tired Naruto said, “Sometimes Sakura there is a pretty large difference between what you assume about my motivations and what my motivations actually are.”
I snapped at him. “Does Hinata wake up every morning to this lecture about being a full time mother?”
“Apples and oranges” Naruto growled.
“How do you figure that?”
“We’re talking about two different people. What makes her happy might not make you happy, what you makes you happy might not make her happy.”
“And you think you know what makes me happy?” I shouted at him.
“I know what used to make you happy and that used to be medical ninjutsu.”
“Maybe you are not the only one who has changed Naruto!”
It was then that Sai chimed in.
‘Sakura is right you’ve both changed to some degree. Yet you’ve changed in very similar manners. You two have found additional meaning in sacrifice, Naruto has sacrificed his personal time including time spent with his family to dedicate himself to being a Hokage. Sakura has sacrificed her desire to practice with medical ninjutsu to dedicate herself to her daughter. Similar ideals two different destinations.”
I locked eyes with Naruto for a moment and then we both turned to Sai.
“Sai you’re still here?” Naruto asked.
“Should I have not been?”
I knew exactly what Naruto was feeling. I had been so focused on the conversation I had completely forgotten that Sai had been in the room. I replayed the conversation in my head almost in a blind panic. I was terrified that something intimate might have been said in Sai’s presence.
Naruto asked Sai if he had overheard the entire conversation.
“Was that supposed to be a private moment?” Was Sai’s reply.
Naruto’s face was then suddenly caught in some odd transitional state in between being himself and panicking and being the Seventh and taking it in stride.
"Anyway Sakura, thank you for informing-me-about the um critical data that we talked about before" he stammered.
With as much most rigid formality I could muster I managed to squeak out some form of “it was my pleasure Hokage-sama.”
Naruto cleared his throat before announcing that he would definitely have a long talk with the Mizukage at the next meeting about this travesty. After that we were quickly dismissed from the room.
As we stood outside of Naruto’s hotel room Sai turned to me with a very pleased look on his face and said; “I enjoy when we as a group have these frank and introspective discussions. It implies a closeness in our bond that I am truly fond of.”
At that point I was too emotionally spent to contemplate what Sai may or may not have picked up on or thought he picked up on during that conversation. I simply agreed with him and called it a day.
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Feb 10: 6:00 AM
I had a dirty dream last night.
I haven’t had a dirty dream in a long time.
I am a grown woman, married, with a child. My days of dirty dreams should be long behind me. Yet it seems I had underestimated the lingering effects of seeing Naruto in his clingy boxers would have on me.
In the dream I was wearing the same black dress that I had worn at the opening ceremony except that I was now matching it with knee-high black leather boots. I strutted right into the Hokage’s office like I owned the place and no one in the receptionist's area had the nerve to say anything to me. When Naruto saw me come in he looked like he was ready to jump up from behind his desk.
I brought a lone finger to my lips gesturing for him to be still and be silent. I quietly locked the door behind me and then I sauntered over to him. With one sweep of my hand I knocked Naruto’s laptop, his lamp and most of his papers off his desk. I laid down on top of it with my right leg bent and my left extended.
Naruto wordlessly placed his hand on my knee and ran his fingertips slowly along the inside of my thigh. I moaned softly when he leaned forward and kissed me on the side of my neck. I shivered when his fingers found their way beneath my dress traced along the edges of my panties. They patiently took the scenic route towards my core. I called out his name and responds Naruto kissed my neck again and bit gently into my skin.
I reached out and pulled his face roughly to mine. His hand slid into my panites.
He whispered my name into my mouth slowly and with promise just as fingers slipped inside me.
And then I woke up.
With my heart pounding and my breathing ragged I leaped into the shower. I spent a while in the shower.
I am not sure how I will able to look Naruto in the eyes today.
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Putting the journal to the side, Naruto marched to the kitchen, poured himself a cup of ice water, and then proceeded to dump the ice water over his head.
He had never stopped being physically attracted to Sakura. Growing close to Hinata had not made Sakura less appealing to him it didn’t make her hideous. But it became a distant attraction like seeing a painting of beautiful woman. He could objectively say she was beautiful but had not felt the pull, the desire to be with her for years.
But then the kiss and suddenly it was like recalling specific details of a once vague memory.
The attraction returned. No it hadn’t simply returned. It had returned with a vengeance.
The attraction of his youth, simply wanting to get a kiss for her or peep at her nude body carried with it an underlying innocence. All of that was a product of wanting to get to know her, to get close to her.
His attraction had been limited by experience.
When you knew how it feels to have a woman’s body press against yours, when you’ve felt the heat of woman’s excitement, when know firsthand how the female body can soften and sigh and accommodate you, the feeling of her body clicking with yours and what it means to get lost inside her......
It made attraction a very different beast.
Now he wanted to posses her body and soul.
Naruto swiped at his wet forehead with his arms.
He wondered if Sakura made love with her eyes closed or did one see her eyes cloud with desire. Did soft moans escape her lips or did she cry out in ecstasy at the to of her lungs.
He poured himself another glass of ice water, dumped it over his head, and returned to the journal.
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Feb 11: 10:00 PM
I’ve spent the day looking Naruto directly in the eyes whenever I see him. If I look anywhere else I flashback to him in his boxers.
Not looking forward to sleeping tonight. If I have another dirty dream I might wake up feeling guilty. If I don’t have another dirty dream I might wake up disappointed.
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Feb 12: 11:30 PM
Some things are so unexpected that no one is prepared for them.
Since the start of the exams its been a rare treat for Naruto Sai and I to be free for an entire evening. Tonight an opportunity had presented itself. We were even lucky enough to have Gaara join in and turn our trio into a quartet.
As we shared food and drinks in the hotel restaurant we covered every predictable topic under the sun. We covered the success of the exam so far and its potential future. We spoke of the everyday triumphs and disappointments of our individual lives or the amusing ups and downs of our children's lives.
I found it adorable how Naruto’s eyes lit up when he spoke of Himawari and Boruto. He was a proud papa.
Thankfully we didn’t delve too deeply into specific topics about our spouses or our respective marriages. I suspected this was mostly out of respect of their absence. Eventually we moved to more familiar grounds, the past. Or more specifically the chunin exam Naruto, Gaara, and I had participated in. Gaara ended up apologizing to us over his actions for about the hundredth time since we had become friends. A few gulps of wine made Gaara insistent so the only thing either us could do was gracefully accept his apology as if were the first time either of us had heard it
Then things got unpredictable.
Near the end of the dinner Gaara aglow from his last cup of wine glanced across the dinner table at me and then Naruto. Sighing contently he announced, “Shukaku and I were a little surprised that when we heard you married Hinata, Naruto. You had fought really hard to protect Sakura during our fight both of us thought you’d two would get together.”
Naruto was seated to my left and I turned to him just as he turned to the right. We stared at each other in silence. I waited for him to comment but I suppose Naruto had been waiting for me to comment because Gaara’s statement was met by absolute silence. The quiet lasted long enough to disregard Gaara’s statement as if neither of us had heard him.
But then Sai jumped, “That is interesting because at one time I had once believed Naruto held strong feelings for Sakura.”
Naruto sighed and addressed the table.
“I still do have strong feelings for Sakura....just not in the way you once thought of Sai. Life is complicated. There was a confusing mix of emotion, angst, anger and hormones flying around our team and when you are young you think you were feeling one thing and it isn’t until you get a little older that your realize it might have been something else.”
Sai seemed to consider this. “So you are saying your feelings weren’t real?”
“Sakura and I discussed it and we concluded that my feelings at the time may have stemmed from something other than love.”
“Unlike Sakura’s love for Sasuke” Sai added.
“My feelings were not as big as her love”
Naruto then laughed good naturedly. “So its easy to see why Sakura never considered me.”
Despite my better judgment I also jumped into the conversation.
“That’s not true. I did consider you. I mean it did cross my mind occasionally.”
“Really?” Sai added.
Naruto turned back to me. His eyes were as steady as his voice.
“Sai, I think Sakura is just trying to spare my feelings. I appreciate it but I knew how you felt about Sasuke.”
He stared right into my eyes as he talked. I met his gaze because it never occurred to me to look away.
“Sasuke was-is the only love I’ve known that is true. But I did consider Naruto.”
I was addressing the table as well but I didn’t break our eye contact.
“Naruto was the strongest of the three of us not just in a physical sense. In the sense of keeping himself together. Naruto is sweet and kind and he just naturally tries to take care of those around him. I did consider Naruto but...”
I paused.
My brain might have been in overdrive but my mouth was still way ahead of it. I wasn’t sure what I should say next but the words formed in my mouth before they registered in my thoughts.
“He didn’t need me.”
I broke our eye contact and stared down at my hands. It took my moment to regain the courage to look back up at him.
“I guess I wanted to be needed.”
I barely heard Sai's voice over the sound my blood, rushing to my ears. “Interesting, Sakura you actively helped Naruto and Hinata come together. Did you think Naruto needed Hinata?”
I didn’t answer Sai I stared into Naruto’s eyes with such intensity the only color I saw was blue.
“Hinata needed me.” I had heard someone say.
And it took me a half a second to recognize it had been Naruto’s voice. He broke our eye contract and turned back to the rest of the table and dispelled the tense atmosphere with a jovial smile. Naruto was one of those rare people who could alter moods with the twitch of his lips and and the twinkle in his eyes.
“In the end it all worked out for the best. We’re both with the loves our lives, we’re still friends, everyone is happy.”
Sai nodded. “They do say true love like cream in homogenized milk will always rise to the surface. ”
“I am not sure anyone has ever said those exact words Sai but the sentiment is sweet” I laughed.
The entire table followed into laughter. No one laughed with more enthusiasm than Gaara whom right before Sai’s quotation had a guilty, embarrassed look on his face. Obviously he had no idea that his casual statement would have opened up such a can of worms. He eagerly accepted this lighter tone.
The conversation shifted to safer grounds as we snacked on dessert. After the cake and icecream our little party broke up for the night. In the process of bidding everyone goodnight I let it slip that I was going to the medical labs to pick up some notes I had left behind.
Now the sequence at the restaurant was quite an emotional experience for me. But that turned out to be just the tip of the iceberg. What happened next was for better or worse was the emotional highlight of the night.
In the lab there were a handful of medics and technicians looking over some equipment. No one who be really surprised to see me there during the night shift hours. I went to my office and waited for the inevitable knock on the door. It came about fifteen minutes after my arrival.
I took in a deep breath before calling out that the door was open,
Naruto eased into the room and shut the door quietly behind him.
“I’d like a word with you.”
I had figured he would he would. I waited for him to say something else but he simply studied me.
“There was no reason for me to lie this time” I said anticipating his thoughts.
He didn’t respond. but I noticed his breathing was irregular. It was relatively shallow and swift, not usual from someone with Naruto’s level of fitness or his demeanor. Most people wouldn’t have noticed this but as a medic it was harder for me not to notice. He was, I realized eventually making a failed attempt to relax himself and regain his composure. He must have caught on to the fact that I had noticed something because he quickly turned his back to me.
What I could not tell by his breathing was if he was angry or simply hurt. Was he going to yell at me or cry? Or rather would he hold himself together and as the Seventh stoically march off to bed.
I stepped closer to Naruto and put a hand on his shoulder.
“Nothings changed Naruto” I said to him.
He laughed softly with his back still turned to me. “Yeah what you said at dinner alone shouldn’t have changed anything.”
He turned around slowly and looked straight into my eyes almost devouring me with his hunger. The impact of his gaze on me was so intense that I took a half step back.
“But then I think about that kiss and I can’t help but think tha--.”
He cut himself off mid sentence and he let his eyes roam around the office.
“Why did you come to your office instead of going to your hotel room?”
“I figured you would want to talk. I thought I’d save us the trouble of having to explain you knocking on my door during the night.”
“You thought you’d save us teh trouble?”
He smiled.
“Am I that predictable Sakura?”
“It depends on the situation. You’ve got a history of impatience. When you get your mind to do something, you tend to just go and do i--”
Naruto interrupted me by pulling me close and giving me a long lingering kiss. I suppose if he wanted me to shut up that was one way to get me to do it. He broke the kiss and pulled back. I think now that he was gauging my reaction. I was a little too stunned to speak but my body knew exactly what to say. I arched closer to him and Naruto dove in for seconds.
This kiss was an explosion compared to the last two kisses. Urgency replaced sweetness when his lips covered, well I should say claimed my own. An anything but tentative tongue brushed past my lips and eagerly explored the world beyond. Once I got over my initial shock I responded with equal ferocity knocking the Hokage hat right off his head as I drove my fingers into his blonde hair. Then like a river meeting sea I simply flowed into him.
Instinct and need drove me to edge both of us towards my desk. I was just about to push Naruto on top of a pile of injury reports when I heard heavy footsteps in the lab outside the door. Somebody coughed and we froze. Naruto’s hands stalled on the last knotted button on my dress and my fingers stilled on the waistband of his pants.
We stood there for a minute, holding on tightly, breathing each other in. The footsteps faded away.
I think I made a noise between a giggle and a sigh right before I said, “That should not have happened.”
“I shouldn’t eat ramen, I shouldn’t drink, I shouldn’t kiss you. Sakura why is all the bad stuff so addictive?”
I lowered my voice to raspy tone. “In my professional medical opinion I think you just have an addictive personality, You get a taste of something good and you just want and more.”
Naruto grinned wolfishly. “I think you're right doctor I just can’t help myself.”
Heaven help me I giggled again when our lips met for a third and fourth time.
When the chuckles subsided Naruto pulled back we just looked at each other, neither of us saying a word. I reached out and gently caressed his face, outlining his whiskers with my fingertips. In the silence of the room the moment passed and reality settled in for both of us.
“I think we’ve crossed a line.” Naruto said.
We released our grips on each other. A part of me wanted to continue but I was mostly relieved that things would not escalate any further.
Naruto glanced at the desk I followed his gaze. I believe it dawned on us both at the same time what would have potentially happened had we been in a less public area.
I apologized to him.
Naruto shook his head, “Don’t be sorry Sakura, I should be better man than that.”
In the moment of silence that followed we readjusted our clothing, smoothed out our hair and buttoned what had been unbuttoned. All these actions occured beneath a shared cloud of guilt and shame.
When he was back to respectable form with his hat on and his spine straight Naruto drew in a deep breath and said with a bashful grin, “The trouble is I really, really enjoyed that.”
Then he left. No more words were exchanged, no secretive touch, no discreet eye contact-no goodbye smooch.
I took a moment then to assess my self. I waited for guilt, and shame to engulf me. And they came in time. I felt shame when I thought of Sarada and the kind of woman I wanted to be in her eyes. I felt guilty when I thought about the vows that I had made an promises I had already broken if not physically but mentally. I regretted that my life had reached a point where the kiss of a man other than my husband would leave a song humming in my veins.
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Ah that second kiss....that didn’t help the situation at all.
Naruto recalled that during the kiss a tendril of Sakura’s hair had caught his lips and he reached to release it, and their hips had aligned as he had done so.
Sakura had been pushing up against him, and it was then that it had dawned on him that it might actually be happening. And it that moment in time he had wanted nothing more than for it to happen. It was like losing himself to Kurama the way he had lost his senses.
And when they had been forced to stop his raging passion had been replaced by raging disappointment.
In the aftermath of it all while he was in his room and with reason returned to him. He found himself overwhelmed by guilt. He considered talking to his wife. Coming clean to Hinata, letting her know what had happened, how he felt.
He wanted to tell the truth.
But what had been the truth? What could he tell her? Was it lust, love? When did he fall in love with Sakura? When did he have time to fall in love with his busy schedule?
He didn’t call. He was supposed to make her happy, supposed to keep her happy, that was his role as a husband. Hinata was his wife not Sakura. He had an obligation to her, she was his wife, the mother of his children, his greatest fan.
He hated to disappoint her.
Naruto had no intention of breaking up his marriage. However in a moment of clarity that night when his lust for Sakura had abated he found that he still longed to be by her side. And the temptation to go to her room and simply be with her was a real one.
He was in love
Naruto laughed as he flipped a page in Sakura’s journal he was in the same position that he had been close to two decades ago. Of his feelings he was sure of Sakura’s he could not be certain. And he wouldn’t assume, no he didn’t assume then, he wouldn’t assume now.
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Feb 13: 12:30 PM
Infidelity is an ugly word.
An even uglier act
Nothing good can come from it.
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Feb 13: 10:30 PM
There were times while Sarada was at the academy that I would lay down in bed and think to myself. There must be more to love than this.
If I were to find something more in the arms of someone other than my husband would that really make me a monster?
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Feb 14: 3:30 PM
If I can just keep everything contained to my private thoughts. Then it isn’t all that bad. If it’s all a fantasy than I haven't betrayed anyone.
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Feb 15: 12:30 PM
Sai came to me while I was on my lunch break.
“He’s upset again.”
We got to Naruto’s hotel room just as Gaara was stepping out. The Kazekage closed the door behind him with a heavy sigh.
I threw questions at him. I managed to only get two vague and cryptic answers out of him, which was a considerable victory considering that the summit meetings were heavily confidential.
“The summit meetings have been a little tense lately.”
“The further we get from the war the easier it is for idealism to be replaced by everyday.”
That was it. It wasn’t much but it shed a little light on what I could expect from Naruto’s mindset. We entered the hotel room to find Naruto scolding his laptop.
“I needed the revision yesterday! Not today, not tomorrow, not next week, I needed it yesterday!”
Shikamaru’s voice came through speakers. “I’ll try and get it to you tonight.”
“Don’t try, get it to me Shikamaru! Get me that revision because I am drowning here and you are supposed to be my lifeboat!”
Naruto slammed the lid of the laptop shut. He turned to us his eyes wild with passionate fury.
“What do you want?” He grunted.
Before we could say anything Naruto cut us off with a wave of his hand.
“Actually no, I am headed out. I need some air.”
Sai stepped forward. “Are you leaving the hotel? It’ll just take a moment for me to gather the other guards.”
Naruto shook his head. “I am going out alone.”
“But the Alliance has set rather definite regulations about--”
Naruto interrupted Sai with a spat.
“If there is someone out there who is strong enough to kill me Sai what can you or the rest of the guards possibly do against him? I’d have to protect you! You guys would actually be burdens to me. You are useless Sai to me, can’t you see that?!”
I slapped Naruto across the face with my open hand. It wasn’t something I consciously thought about doing. It just happened and I heard Sai gasp.
“Ask me again if I think you’ve changed.” I said to Naruto.
The Seventh stepped back. He was hurt, he was humiliated. But mostly the slap had startled him. He put his hands up toward his face and looked at me with sad puppy dog eyes. I’ve hit Naruto so many times over the years and I think this was the first time I had ever truly hurt him.
I felt tears rolling down my cheeks, I was hurting for both of us.
After a moment he closed his eyes and when he reopened them he offered me and Sai an oddly composed stare.
“Anyone who is still in this room when I get back will be stripped of their rank.”
He stormed out of the room leaving me and Sai.
"I suppose we should just give him some space for now" Sai mused.
He was surprisingly unfazed by what just happened. I took a bit of confidence from that. I left the room feeling that Sai was probably right.
Edited by Candleguy, 18 February 2015 - 12:55 AM.