Today I got really mad at my mother and now she's feeling blue because of my scoldings.
Today, my mother went out to meet her friend in Yokohama. But then my mother texted her friend that "she was too sick to meet her and so she will go back home". Reading that message, my mother's friend got really worried.
There is a good reason why my mother's friend got really worried. Two months prior, my mother was in a life or death situation. She was in a critical condition and was hospitalized. My sister was having another sickness and hospitalized as well for a different reason. I quit my job so I could take care of my mother and sister, especially since we don't have a father. My mother's medication worked, she got better, so did my sister, and I was able to work again.
Because of this, my mother's friend was worried that my mother's sickness backlashed or something like that. She called my mother but there was no reply or anything. Then she called my sister and my sister called my mother, no reply (My sister lives separately). Then my sister called me while I was starting to have dinner with my boss to talk about some business details (yeah, I know it's Sunday but I still work).
Needless to say, I was worried and even when I called her or texted her she didn't pick up. I thought maybe she's out there outside god knows where nearly dying. Or maybe she was at home collapsed, unable to call the ambulance and that could lead to danger. I told my boss that I'm sorry and I had to go back home check on my mother and I rushed home. While I was in the taxi I was really frightened that she might be dead. I really care for my mother. She raised me and my sister only by herself without receiving any help. My sister went to the best university in Japan, received a master and got a great job. I also was able to go to a decent school, graduate and get a good job. All because my mother worked hard so we could get great education. No other single mother family around us had kids that were able to go to university like me and my sister because it's too expensive to afford. She's the best mother. No matter, all the kitten our father has done to our family (he's the worst scumbag I've had the pleasure of meeting and if it weren't for the criminal law I would have killed him), she always protected us and fought through all the hardships, worked endlessly without any sleep. (After she got released from the hospital, she stopped working and is living peacefully). The stress was the reason why she collapsed and got hospitalized in the first place. If she died, I thought I should die as well. If I wasn't able to make her happy, I didn't know what point there was to keep living. Anyways, that's what I thought through the thirty minutes I was in the taxi.
But when I reached home, she was eating something in the living room and said, "Oh you're back early. Want to eat something?"
I was surprised and asked her, "weren't you sick? Are you okay? Shall I take you to the hospital?"
And then she looked at me confused and asked me what I was talking about so I explained about the whole situation to her. She then said, "Oh, well I just felt lazy to meet my friend so I made an excuse to get back. I didn't answer any of the calls because I felt too troublesome to answer to her."
So then I raged. When I get angry I don't shout, I become more cold than I usually am. I started speaking in a dark tone. "Do you have any idea how worried you made us? Look at your own situation. You were hospitalized a few months ago and in a life or death situation. Didn't you even think to consider that saying you were sick would immediately lead people to believe that what happened two months ago would happen again? That was the worst excuse you could come up with. You only thought about how lazy and troublesome you were didn't you? Didn't think to consider how worried we will be after what happen two months ago. How selfish of you. Maybe it will do you some good if you consider how I felt when I couldn't reach you. Or how your daughter felt when she couldn't reach you. Oh and by the way, I had to cancel my business meeting because of that stunt you pulled. You brought all of us lots of damage and suffering. All thanks to you feeling lazy and inconsiderate."
After I said all that I went back to my room and didn't talk to her. But then I felt really bad so I went out bought some snacks and gave it to her. She said, "thank you and I'm very sorry." But she still looks very sad and I feel horrible. I feel like such a jerk.
-end of ramble-
Edited by ramenanmitsu, 07 September 2014 - 03:24 PM.