Sakura's Realizations

This is the Sakura POV I said, which ended up on becoming a story. Please tell me what you think of it before I post this on ff.net
Thanks!

*~Realizations~*

Author?s Note: Our protagonists are now 18 here. Oh, and um <insert usual disclaimer here>

I stare outside the window, like all the secrets in the world had been kept in there. I wish it were true, though. If only life was that simple, I would not be facing this difficulty in my thoughts. I am confused. Perplexed. Befuddled. Whatever you would like to call it. The rain outside somehow made my mood more serious, like it had some kind of jutsu in it. Oh, dear God, what am I supposed to do?

The story still reflects on my mind. I just want to forget it for tonight. I am unable to sleep because of that story.

In my room one time, with the same rain, and the same room as where I am standing right now.

I was still having a hard time coping with Sasuke?s leave at that time. I was in bed, reliving my days with the dark-haired, black-clothed Uchiha. I wanted his safe return. I wanted Naruto to bring him back. And when he comes back, I wanted to hug him and hope to never lose him again.

I really wanted to see his face. Even if he did not even care I existed.

I tried to recall those days when Ino and I would fight over his heart. It usually ended in slapping each other silly. I chuckled a bit at how we were such immature children back then. *Sigh* Life was so simple back then. I really wished that I could go back to the peaceful days.

And in the next day I found myself paying a visit to Ichiraku. Naruto was there already like I expected, but the one who was beside him ? I was very, very surprised to see her. This was the first time I?ve seen Naruto actually eat with a girl. Guess this girl truly didn?t think of Naruto as an annoying little brat like I thought he was. By the looks of it, they were having a date. Wow, Naruto has a girlfriend now. I was surprised? and happy for him.

Hinata must have seen something in Naruto that I didn?t.

What is it, though? I wanted to know. Hmm? What?s gotten into me? Why should I bother thinking about what Hinata saw in Naruto? I wasn?t going to steal Naruto from her. If I found out the answer, would something truly happen? I didn?t think so.

I walked past the ramen shop. Seeing them together, I didn?t want to bother them.

As I made my way home, the moment stuck to my mind. The image of Naruto eating with Hinata clouded my thoughts. What?s wrong? Aren?t I happy to see them? Hah, Naruto won?t be bothering me with dates for a long, long while! Yeah, that?s right. I should be happy. But, why is my heart so? fast?

My inner self screamed at me. My inner self told me to be happy. She told me to get over with that image. You like Sasuke; she kept telling it to me. I like Sasuke? I like Sasuke?

I got home and finished the rest of my day. I went to bed.

And I thought I had a wonderful dream. I dreamed that Sasuke actually married me. He looked really happy about it, too. People were celebrating it and cheering on us. My heart was pounding. I actually became Sasuke?s wife. I wanted to rub it into Ino?s face. Too bad she wasn?t my rival anymore. She had long gone for Shikamaru, even in the real world.

Then the image of our marriage shattered, and my wonderful dream became a nightmare. I was on the floor filled with cuts and bruises. Sasuke was smacking me around for not doing what he wanted me to do. He then executed his Mange Sharingan on me, and I was in his world being pierced by his Chidori for 24 hours.

The image shattered again, and became an image of Sasuke cheating on me. I was crying my lungs out.

The image shattered yet again. I saw Naruto, reaching his hand out for me. I tried to reach him. I was running and pushing myself to the fullest, but the faster I ran, the farther he gets. Naruto, please help me! I cried.

But another hand held with Naruto. A hand that I was surprised to see. The hand that? stole Naruto from me. It was Hinata.

I woke up from my prolonged siesta. What a nightmare. Even now I didn?t want to recall it.

And realization struck me?

Sasuke will never love me. Sasuke hasn?t, and never will. It was really stupid to try to win his heart. He has left with Orochimaru and betrayed the leaf, and me. How could I have been so stupid? How could I have loved him? Every mission I always waited for his safe return. I always worried about him. He always made me worry. What did I get in return? Nothing. He didn?t give me even a hint of love. I heard countless ?You?re weak? and ?You?re a burden? from him. Yet, I still persisted on him. I couldn?t believe myself?

Naruto, on the other hand, protected me with his life. He was such a good person, that ramen freak. I remember when he protected me from that demon, Gaara. Kakashi-sensei told me the story. Naruto fought hard, ready to die, just for me. I have turned him down and boxed him on the head numerous times. He really loved me, but I failed to see that because of my blindness. Blindness to a love that will never come true. My blindness? I was so damn stupid.

And although I have failed to see him as the man he is, and turned him down repeatedly, he still persisted. He still loved me.

I used to believe that he could never understand me. I used to believe that he was just an annoying brat with a really stupid dream. I used to believe that he was not a hero. I was wrong. I was so wrong. I was so, very wrong. He was the person who understood me the most. His dream doesn?t seem that distant anymore. He was a hero who would protect the lives of others with his own.

The person who understood me the most?

I felt guilt inside myself. It was because of my lust for Sasuke?s love that I am now feeling it. From love, I loathed Sasuke as much as I loathed myself.

I got up from bed to look outside the window. I swore to myself I will never mistreat Naruto again. I will never feel this guilt inside myself ever again. It was time for a new beginning.

I didn?t think that I would be this serious about Naruto? but I feel happy for him. Hinata deserves him and his love unlike me. She was the very first one to see Naruto as an inspiration. I don?t deserve him. I should never love him and try to win his heart.

Thinking the word ?Hinata?, I remembered asking myself what Hinata saw in Naruto. It used to be nothing but a random thought, but now I finally understand. I finally understand why Hinata liked him so much.

I felt sort of relieved to see that I saw Naruto somehow, even though it was at a most erroneous time. Naruto?kun?

To be continued?

EDIT: I almost forgot. I got some of the lines here from UN's works so I'll be crediting him when I put the fic up.

#1 blessed_devil

#2 Wrathchylde

#3 Uzumaki Naruto

#4 Tatsu_no_Houou

#5 Smiter

#6 blessed_devil

#7 LoveHinaGuy

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