Salad: Kids... It's just me Dad.
Sasuke: No you got a brother. *Turns and yells down the hallway* "Brussels Sprouts! Get out here and eat with your family ! Or I will mentally kill you again you little cry baby!!"
Salad: Brussels.... Dad I'm the only kid you have... right?
Sasuke: *Thinking for a moment* Oh... right right.. that one lives in a The Village Hidden by Rocks with his three sisters. Or is it the one in the Sand Village with his two older brothers....
Salad: What?
Sasuke: Nothing. Now where was I Carrot Top?
Salad: My name is Salad, *glares* Sasuke.
Sasuke: Yeah sure... sure.Anyways I was telling you about How I Met Your Mother. Right so, Karin had an ass on her that you could bounce a quarter off of.
Salad: Karin? Dad what are you talking about?
Sauke: Your Mother, Celery! Rabbit
Moon Goddess above pay attention would you!
Salad: Sakura Dad!
Sasuke: Wha...Who?
Salad: My Mother's name is Sakura!
Sasuke: Who told you that?
Salad: You did... *glares at him* Sasuke.
Sasuke: Oh... right... right... Don't know why I did that...
Salad: What?!?!
Sasuke: Nothing. Poor kid.... Sakura huh.. well there is a story that goes with that. See I met your ehm... "Mom" when I was a really young kid. Back then things were great. The
Uchiha Clan was a alive and well. You see this was before Itachi killed off your ancestors and spared me because he knew how awesome I was. The 3rd Hokage was back on the thrown, and the once famous pass time of collecting nine tail fox stuffed animals had ended. The market would never fully recover from that honestly.
Salad: Focus Dad.
Sasuke: Oh right Clam Chowder I'm getting there. Anyways I'll never forget the first time our eyes meet. That boy's ass looked like he had two full hams in his pants. And he had the biggest mouth I had ever seen. I asked a nearby pink haired street urchin looking thing what his name was. And the creature told me
Naruto Uzuamki. I knew then and there Clam Chowder that I had to make him mine. The question was how?
Salad: *starts screaming and slamming her fist on the table with
every word said.* SALAD!! SALAD!!! SALAD!!! SALAD!!!
Sasuke: *turns and slaps the pink haired woman sitting kitty corner to him, across the face.* You heard the Uchiha child table wrench! She wants a salad! Now get up off your lazy ass and make her one! You can't do anything right! Look at all the dust around here! I leave for three months and this is what I come back to! God what is wrong with you?!?
Sakura: Yes Sasuke-kun right away.... your right as always. I should have prepared better. If only I had known when you were coming back.
Sasuke: The way you act your lucky I ever come here to eat. Wretched woman.
Sakura: *stops eating her meal and silent gets up, turns to the fridge and starts getting out the lettuce, and other ingredients for making a salad.*
Salad: I don't want a.... My
NAME is Salad... *adjusted glasses* Sasuke.
Sasuke: Of course it is dear. Now where was I?
Salad: When you had first meet Mom..... Saskura Haruno your wife...
Sasuke: My what? I've never been marr.... Oh right. Sure. *starts laughing* My wife.
Salad: *glares at her Father and notices that her Mother just has her head down as she chops lettuce.*
Sasuke: I remember now yes.... anyways. It was always difficult to get
Naruto to notice me. He was always causing problems at school. Yelling with that big beautiful mouth of his, causing a ruckus.... I mostly tried to ignore him, hoping he would notice I wasn't paying attention. You see that's what
Naruto wanted the most, attention, so I used that against him to make him think about nothing but
ME. Then at about that time your legendary, great, and amazing Uncle Itachi.... *starts sobbing slowly*
*Sakura walks over and hands him a
handkerchief only for him to push her down against the counter, she then bounces off it and lands on the floor.*
Sasuke: Get away from me. You don't understand any of this! You've always had a family that loved and supported you!
Sakura: *sighs well talking under her breath* Not anymore.... *Get up off the ground slowly and gets back to making the salad.*
Salad: *frowns and looks sad*
Sasuke: So anyways eventually I left the village, but Naruto came after me, like I knew he would. I knew I had him, but you know you have to play hard to get in this situation make them earn it a little. That get's you in their head. Trust me Toast, guys want to earn it. Don't give it up right away.
Salad: You don't say. *Looks over at her Mother out of the corner of her eyes who doesn't respond, or seem to notice.*
Sasuke: Yeah. Anyways a couple of years past. In the mean time I had found a nice little place with two others guys. Then a few years later Naruto finally tracked me down, and then this strange woman tried to punch me. I would have killed the b*tch but some hunk of a man got in my way.
Sakura: *Places the salad bowl next to Salad. Only for Sasuke to slap it off the table sending it flying against the wall.*
Sasuke: YOU IDIOT ! Uchiha's don't eat olives! That's your families disgusting habit! Don't you dare try to feed
MY child trash like that. What are you trying to hurt the girl? Your lucky I even let you raise her!
Sakura: Of course your right Sasuke-Kun. I completely forgot. *Looks down at the ground sadly.*
Sasuke: Of course you did cause you don't have a damn brain. Unlike Ino or that pansy Hinata. Still can't believe she took Naruto away... anyways... *looks up at
Sakura* Well don't just stand there sit down and eat your damn food, you stupid woman. How are you going to finish cleaning the living room if you don't eat.
Sakura: *Brokenly sits down and goes back to eating her now cold meal, trying not to lock eyes with Salad.*
Salad: *Adjust her glasses and just stares at Sakura, for a few seconds before then looking back at her father.*
Sasuke: Anyways I was going to show Naruto and the other guy my next big move. Show them how great I am you know? But my roommates didn't think it was a good idea, they even brought up Itachi... *tears swell up in his eyes aga9j as he turns towards
Sakura* Well don't just sit there ! Give me something to take care of my tears. What kind of heartless woman are you? You know my brother still upsets me!
Sakura: *sits at attention handing Sasuke her
handkerchief again* Of course Sasuke-Kun. I'm sorry I never would...
Sasuke: Course you don't because you don't ever do anything. Look at this pig stye it's a mess! And..
Salad: DAD!
Sasuke: What honey?
Salad: Back to the story... please.
Sasuke: Oh... right...
Salad: *Pretend she doesn't see that Sakura is glad that Sasuke's attention is back on Salad.*
Sasuke: So after I found out what this God damn Village had done to my beloved... *runs
handkerchief across eyes* and legen.... *blows nose* dary brother, I came up with my plan.
Salad: *perks up for the first time since her Dad came home.* To become Hokage and make the world a better place!?! *She smiles for a second but it doesn't last long, when he father answers.*
Sasuke: What? No. I didn't want to become Hokage until later, and I never wanted to be Hokage because of any of that "better place" good citizen kitten they try selling you at school. No, first my idea was to destroy the Village.
Salad: You were going to destroy the Village....
Sasuke: Of course. It makes sense. Look the Hokage thing wasn't until much later. I only did that to get into Naruto's head some more. You know make him think I'm going to take what he wanted most away from him.Always make sure your living rent free in their head. That's the key to life Cucumber the key!
Salad: *Adjust her glasses again, looking out of the corner of her eye at Sakura for a moment who is emotionless still eating as if nothing around her is happening.*
Sasuke: When that failed I just changed my strategy a bit and took the next most important thing from him that I could think of.
Salad: Which was what Dad?
Sasuke: *Smirks as he drinks some water down, he stares out of the corner of his eye at Sakura who blankly just continues eating staring forward acting emotionless, and then starts talking again* It doesn't matter anymore.
Salad: So it's a thing?
Sasuke: I guess that word works as well as any other. Anyways I'm done eating. So story time is over. *Turns towards Sakura.*
YOU woman stop your damn eating, your going to get fat you eat that much. Go and get my good ninja uniform out and start ironing it. I want to be looking my best when I meet up with Naruto later tonight. I can't be wearing these rags around him.
Sakura: *Stop eating and puts on a fake soulless smile on.* Of course Sasuke-Kun. You always make things interesting when you come and visit us.
Sasuke: Of course I do. I'm the greatest there has ever been, the chosen one. Don't ever forget that! I'll be back in a few hours, and I want that outfit ironed and this house dusted when I get back. So chop chop.
*Sasuke gets up to leave but before he gets to the front door he turns around.*
Sasuke: Oh and uh if you see Naruto before me ask him for some more money will yah? I'm using this months rent and grocery money to go out.