328 replies to this topic

[Paradox Jast]

Oh pfffft. Stop makin' me grin like an idiot.

[shadow_Uzumaki]

I'm just curious, and don't take offense, but is this a bit influenced by Desaix's Training for the Job? It's quite similar to each other actually....

[Paradox Jast]

Yeah, it is influenced, or at least I got the beginning of the idea for it based off the idea behind his story. I left a post in desaix's thread long ago stating as such. I guess in a way you could say that mine is a more modern Training For the Job, though other than the premise behind it, the stories are rather different. Back when he started his, there was still so much unknown about the world of Naruto, and even though desaix is still around the forums on a semi-regular basis, he's unable to update his work.

I think part of my success is that people were looking for a replacement while desaix can't finish his. But who knows, really? Personally, I feel that despite the common origins, WPC can stand on it's own two feet.

The main similarity between them is that they are NaruSaku stories. Other than that, they both have Naruto acting in charge of a new base. That's about as far as it goes. I've actually been trying to avoid making it too similar, because I want them to be different.

Edited by Paradox Jast, 21 March 2010 - 04:16 AM.

[catsi563]

please for the love of all that is orange and pink. Be VEEEERRRRRY careful with the romantic wangst. Its obvious enough that Naruto and Sakura love wach other, the notion that another girl can come in and cause trouble for them is nearly ridiculous. Its also a completely overused bit of hollywood tripe. Im torqued off enough at chuck for pulling the same silliness between Sarah, shaw and Chuck.

It can realy bite you in the butt if your not careful as a writer with that type of thing and you can write yourself into a corner.

Oh and dont short change your success bys aying tis just because people cant finish Training. your success has come from writing a thorouhly detailed and well written story, that has action romance and in character reactions.

[KungFuTruffle]

Hm, not to sure what you mean. If you mean insta-powerups, those aren't happening. Sasuke will never be a focus of this fic like he is in canon either.

I think the poster was more referring to the Uchiha fetish Masashi Kishimoto has, which causes them to show up in every part of the story.

Oh, and please don't sell yourself short. I don't read Whirlpool Country as a replacement for another fic, and I doubt anyone else does. I read it because it's a good story, with a good plot, and good writing.

And yeah, what catsi said. Romantic foils are very hard to work right. Try not to shove her at the readers too much, or it'll cause severe backlash.

[Paradox Jast]

I already knew the romantic drama would be tough to write. Doing nothing would make their relationship a bit boring, while doing too much will just make people roll their eyes and be like 'here we go again'. It's hard to explain the vision I have for Natsumi without giving too much away.

[shadow_Uzumaki]

Oh, I agree, I was just making an observation on the similarities between the two. I feel your story can stand on its own even without Training. Keep up the good work! >.<d

[ShippudenGirl]

Thank goodness Natsumi is leaving for the time being.

I loved the Kushina/Sakura interaction, I hope you have more of that ;D

He-he, funny how they talk about Naruto behind his back x) Naruto must be sneezing up a storm!

[ciardha]

One minor critique on chapter 27. It's a nitpick that's common when male writers write about girls and breast development and girls feelings about their breasts.

Sakura hasn't expressed dissatisfaction about the size of her breasts since she was 12 in still in Tanner stage 2- the breast bud stage. At about 12 3/4 she was slightly behind average to still be in Tanner stage 2 of breast development, but not by much. By the Chunnin Exams- at right around 13 1/2 she had moved into Tanner stage 3- within the age norm.

Once a girl starts Tanner stage 3, her breasts are their full adult size at max two years, sometimes as short as 6 months later. (unless she has an extremely rare disorder that cases the breasts to continue to grow past puberty)- and you can see that in the flashback Sakura has with her training with Tsunade- likely about 14 1/2, right before the Chunnin Exams, that she passed. Although her body below the waist looks not much changed, her breasts look just about the same size as they do now in the manga- 2+ years later- she's nearing 17 now, as Naruto is past his 16th birthday. Kishimoto knows female puberty development pretty well, the hips don't start to really develop a "womanly" shape until around 15, right about the time breast development completes. (Notice Temari's breasts look about the same size in part 1 and 2, she turned 16 in part 1, 19 in part 2.

Tsunade as well had her adult- pre grief induced enlargement, breast size at about 16 as well- in the flashbacks with her brother Nawaki, her breasts look the same size several years later when she meets Dan. I theorize she was in very early pregnancy, a month or less, when Dan died and miscarried shortly after Dan's death, just after her breasts would have enlarged a size due to the pregnancy, and in deep grief she got a bit nuts and made her breast size go up a couple more sizes and couldn't undo it once she got past the crazy part of grief- her breasts didn't enlarge after Nawaki's, death, and didn't after Jiraiya's either, only Dan's. A woman's breast size goes up about 1 cup size during a first preganancy (doesn't during later pregnancies if the breasts stay pregnancy cup size.), and fairly regularly stays a cup larger post pregnancy. Sounds like you are saying in your fic Kushina did the fairly typical thing and kept her pregnancy breast size.

Considering the way Sakura dresses, and her words to Naruto in 245, she knows she looks like a woman now. She dresses to minimize male attention to her breasts (and less successfully- to her rather large bottom- it's large enough that like Hinata's breasts, at best she just slightly minimizes the appearance). At B cup she can successfully hide her breast size, without making it obvious she is. (Hinata can only make her DD breasts look D in that loose jacket top.)
Hinata and Sakura would have slightly different reasons for hiding their breasts. For Hinata, she doesn't like attention drawn to herself, period, so being so well endowed would be painfully embarrassing. For Sakura it would be about shutting out unwanted male attention- perverted guys.

Sakura appears to be quite comfortable with her body now as it is- but here's where your scene could work- Sakura does strongly desire Naruto's approval. If she thinks he finds bigger breasts than hers the most sexy, she may feel hers are inadequate. (Remember she did see how he reacted to Konohamaru's Yuri no Jutsu and those "girls" looked about C cup, so about a size larger than her breasts.) At B cup the standard Chunnin outfit you have Sakura wearing would also somewhat minimize her breast size (C cup or larger it would draw attention to them) although not as much as her standard red top in the manga, which just skims over her breasts. The current situation might trigger Sakura casually wear something maybe a bit more like Tsunade's top that would draw Naruto's attention to the fact she does have breasts, without going to something that was too overt for Sakura- like Ino's fitted crop top, something I don't think would be her style, not as a still virginal girl, just really feeling that depth of mature desire for the first time.

[Paradox Jast]

Hm, I had figured that Sakura had perhaps always wrapped her chest in bindings (she strikes me as the type who perhaps would), but was at the same time trying to give the impression that she felt Kushina had what Sakura feels is the 'perfect' physique. It's not really something that I had planned on getting into TOO deeply, but you've definitely given me some information to think on. Thanks.

[ShippudenGirl]

Tsunade as well had her adult- pre grief induced enlargement, breast size at about 16 as well- in the flashbacks with her brother Nawaki, her breasts look the same size several years later when she meets Dan. I theorize she was in very early pregnancy, a month or less, when Dan died and miscarried shortly after Dan's death, just after her breasts would have enlarged a size due to the pregnancy, and in deep grief she got a bit nuts and made her breast size go up a couple more sizes and couldn't undo it once she got past the crazy part of grief- her breasts didn't enlarge after Nawaki's, death, and didn't after Jiraiya's either, only Dan's. A woman's breast size goes up about 1 cup size during a first preganancy (doesn't during later pregnancies if the breasts stay pregnancy cup size.), and fairly regularly stays a cup larger post pregnancy. Sounds like you are saying in your fic Kushina did the fairly typical thing and kept her pregnancy breast size.

You know, Minato might actually be Tsunade's son since we don't know Dan's last name. It was a theory I heard that was really interesting.
As for Sakura, i'm sure she's not too over-stressed about her boob size; hasn't seemed to affect Naruto's feelings for her.

[Gravenimage]

UCHIHA!?!?!

Don't go Kishi on us, pls.

I think were all sick of seeing Sasuke acting like a stuck up power up brat in the manga with his revenge.

[pharix]

I always go "yay" in my head when this story is updated

[Paradox Jast]

I go 'yay' when I get it back from my beta and get to post it. lol

Anyway, Chapters 16 and 17 have been checked and re-upped, in their edited formats. It might take a little while for it to change online (says it can take up to 30 mins). But that means all the old chapters are officially fixed (for the most part) and I can finally just concentrate on moving forward.

[ShippudenGirl]

I like when things move forward, lmao.

[socermania2]

Hm, not to sure what you mean. If you mean insta-powerups, those aren't happening. Sasuke will never be a focus of this fic like he is in canon either.

Know, like taking up an unnecessary amount of time.

[ciardha]

Hm, I had figured that Sakura had perhaps always wrapped her chest in bindings (she strikes me as the type who perhaps would), but was at the same time trying to give the impression that she felt Kushina had what Sakura feels is the 'perfect' physique. It's not really something that I had planned on getting into TOO deeply, but you've definitely given me some information to think on. Thanks.

Bindings would show under her arms at her sleeve openings if she did- re Ino in part 1. Kishimoto did actually show what Sakura wore under her tunic in part 1- it looked like a camisole type bra
http://www.snowleota.../gkcamibras.jpg
with the typical ninja mesh undershirt connected to it - seen in this chapter opening illustration:
http://www.onemanga.com/Naruto/54/02/
I figure she still wears that type bra/undershirt.

You know, Minato might actually be Tsunade's son since we don't know Dan's last name. It was a theory I heard that was really interesting.

Too young- she would have had to become pregnant at about 12 years old, plus Jiraiya would have certainly said something. Plus she was at least in her early 20's when she and Dan started dating and did so around the time Jiraiya became Minato's sensei. It's much more probable that he was a second cousin to her- Tobirama's grandson, where she was Hashirama's granddaughter.

[catsi563]

Was just reaidng the 16-17 updates and i got a funny idea regarding the chakra of whirlpool.

Ill lay a bet its natural ((read Sage)) chakra. Natural enerhy is not normal chakra and might very well "feel" exactly like ino described it.

an interesting development considering narutos up coming sage training.

[Chesh]

Glad to hear its been updated.

Cant wait to read it.

Hope to see it soon in the Library

[Paradox Jast]

I've added up through Chapter 20 into the Library.

Happy reading.


Oh, and Catsi.... shhhhhhhh....