Interests:Naruto, NaruSaku, Guilty Gear, Blazblue, Love Hina, Full Metal Panic!, The Legend of Zelda, League of Legends, videogames and anime in general.
Interests:Naruto, NaruSaku, Guilty Gear, Blazblue, Love Hina, Full Metal Panic!, The Legend of Zelda, League of Legends, videogames and anime in general.
Posted 27 September 2012 - 04:00 AM
T XD: I guess I'm not ready for the big leagues yet, XD
Okay I have been pretty much locked down playing Borderlands 2. This game is so addicting. I am now on my second playthrough getting my ass handed to me because it is really cranked up
Definitely. I am getting it for the 360 incase anyone wants to play with me, thought from what I have seen most here play on the PS3.
Nothing again the PS3, just saying I play on the 360. Had a dream of an old memory. Woke up crying. First time that has ever happened to me..
Song of the day 9/30 "Night air - Jamie Woon"
I know that feeling. You had something that affected you a lot and then you pictured it in your dream sometime after, even you can see it in your dream in a way that you fear what could happen and the wakening from the dream isn't a good feeling either, you feel like you're depressed.
I know that feeling. You had something that affected you a lot and then you pictured it in your dream sometime after, even you can see it in your dream in a way that you fear what could happen and the wakening from the dream isn't a good feeling either, you feel like you're depressed.
Yeah. I would share what the dream was, but it is still a soft spot in my life.
I once had a fiance a long time ago. She was my first true love. Little do some know, I wasn't always the person I am today. I was worse, far worse. I broke windows, stole things, got into a lot of trouble and fights in school. Until I met her. She changed who I was and continues to change me to this day. I became a much better person living my life through love instead of hate.
In 2004 2 weeks before Oct 1, she got into a bad accident. She went ATVing with a few friends. I stayed home and studied for my exams. Here ATV flipped and she smacked head first into a tree. Sadly, she did not wear a helmet. She was in a coma and doomed to have brain damage.
I visited her only once. I gave her a ring because I told her one day I wanted to marry her. When I left, I wanted to see her again, but couldn't. On Oct 1st 2004, she woke and seemed fine. No problems. She asked her parents where I was, but I was no where to be found. She gave her parents a ring and told them to give it to me if I showed up. By the time I got there I found out she died just a few minutes later after waking. he wanted to say goodbye and tell me she loved me. Her parents told me that she wanted me to always believe in love and to find someone who made her as happy as I made her.
Few years afterword, I went through hard times. I was in a relationship with a girl who treated me bad and abused me. I don't know why we got together, but I just know that this is how it ended up. I lost a testicle in a surgery and spent years in therapy that seemed to do nothing. So I chose to end it all.
I don't know what happened. I remember putting the gun in my mouth, but after that it is just a blur. I do remember a dream. A white room and there she was. My love. She held me in her arms and just told me to stop. Told me to not give into to sadness so easily. I told her I wanted to be with her. I wanted to be happy with her again. She told me it is not time yet to be together, but that she will always be watching over me. I woke up with the gun on the ground. She made me promise to never give up.
I was never a big believer in God and I hate going to church but after that day I believed. She was there. I felt it and god let me see her one last time. From that day one, I wore her ring about my neck and I never take it off.
The one thing that was so special about her was that she had purple eyes. Yes, purple eyes. Real purple eyes. Not contacts either. That's what I love most about her. So everyday on October 1st, the anniversary of her death, I wear the color purple and listen to her favorite band, My Chemical Romance.
Still miss you, love. I hope you are proud of what I have become.
Rebecca May Shields, 1987 -2004 I am only a hero because you made me one and you continue to make me one everyday.
Do or die, you'll never make me Because the world will never take my heart Go and try, you'll never break me We want it all, we wanna play this part I won't explain or say I'm sorry I'm unashamed, I'm gonna show my scar Give a cheer for all the broken Listen here, because it's who we are I'm just a man, I'm not a hero Just a boy, who had to sing this song I'm just a man, I'm not a hero I! don't! care!
We'll carry on We'll carry on And though you're dead and gone believe me Your memory will carry on We'll carry on And though you're broken and defeated Your weary widow marches on
The song of the Day will always be this on Oct 1st "Welcome to the Black Parade - My Chemical Romance"
Edited by James S Cassidy, 01 October 2012 - 01:55 PM.
I'm sorry to hear that, can't say my love life was so rich, since, well, I never had any luck in that departament in first place. I know the feeling tough. I can't say my life is terrible, I mean, I don't have any health issues or economic ones. But since I was young I suffered from an extremely low self esteem, and it only got worse as time went by. And having an ignorant father that feels disappointed with everything you do didn't helped any. There were many days were everything simply went completely wrong, and life started to feel really meaningless and pointless. Some times I just felt like putting the barrel on my head and end it all. But unlike you, it wasn't a person or a memory that kept me going. It's patetic to admit but the only thing that I could held on it was the fear of dying, something as simple as that. But I'm afraid that if I lose that feeling, there will be nothing to keep me from going over the edge. But don't worry man, you are surely more strong willed then I am to keep going, if that helps any.
I'm sorry to hear that, can't say my love life was so rich, since, well, I never had any luck in that departament in first place. I know the feeling tough. I can't say my life is terrible, I mean, I don't have any health issues or economic ones. But since I was young I suffered from an extremely low self esteem, and it only got worse as time went by. And having an ignorant father that feels disappointed with everything you do didn't helped any. There were many days were everything simply went completely wrong, and life started to feel really meaningless and pointless. Some times I just felt like putting the barrel on my head and end it all. But unlike you, it wasn't a person or a memory that kept me going. It's patetic to admit but the only thing that I could held on it was the fear of dying, something as simple as that. But I'm afraid that if I lose that feeling, there will be nothing to keep me from going over the edge. But don't worry man, you are surely more strong willed then I am to keep going, if that helps any.
Hope is a waking dream. I found hope in a person who loved me more than anything and this leads my path every day. You can be angry, you can be sad, but never forget that love is all around you. It might not necessarily be the love of a girlfriend or boyfriend, but the love of anyone willing to care about you. Maybe the love of a family or the love of a good friend.
As long as we have hope, there is nothing we can do even if we are at the end of our rope. It's so easy to give in and die, the hard part is living through it all, but the good thing is when you get what you are after you accept it. You earn it. I know how you feel when you say that fear is what keeps you alive. I know that all too well. Fear of death, fear of nothing. Fear of not accomplishing anything, or in my case...the fear of being alone.
I don't like being alone. You have a fear of dying, well say hello to a man who is afraid of being alone. Death feels like a lone journey we must take but we eventually met the ones we loves who have passed before. So, no. You are not pathetic. You are human just like everyone with just as many flaws, but it means you have potential to be better. You have potential to make something out of nothing and be proud of yourself for it.
Everything I know, Everything I feel and think, it is all because of her. So thank her for seeing the truth.
Edited by James S Cassidy, 01 October 2012 - 03:26 PM.
Scott, I'm really glad that you met her and loved each other and it's true that there's some people you meet in your life who will encourage you and will help you to be more successful in your life. I didn't experience the way you felt and being through in your life after the incident but sometimes, I think that what would happen to me if someone, a member of the family or a friend or an acquaintance, who I should protect had gone and it's a very terrible feeling. But, you see, don't let the feeling of being alone get into you cause you have your life which you should hold on to and there's nothing more important than your life and how you live it.
Everyone of us has hard times in our lives that could last for ever and aches our heart but you're never alone even if you had someone to be with cause these persons will always be with you in every step you take, and will protect you. And I say this cause I always have the feeling that the their love are always with us.