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[Cupcake-chan]

Fool Me Once, Shame On Me has been updated with chapter 11>> http://www.fanfictio...t/s/5078750/11/

Edited by Cupcake-chan, 15 February 2010 - 09:42 AM.

[Jenskott]

Excellent (I was waiting for it).

[artemisfireflame]

Hope you guys enjoy it!
(And thanks, cupcake-sama, for notifying the thread! Much obliged!)

I am very curious as to the reactions this chapter will receive, so for anyone who reads it, if you can, let me know what you think!

Thanks a bunch, and take care!

[ciardha]

Hope you guys enjoy it!
(And thanks, cupcake-sama, for notifying the thread! Much obliged!)

I am very curious as to the reactions this chapter will receive, so for anyone who reads it, if you can, let me know what you think!

Thanks a bunch, and take care!

While your Naruto, Hinata, and to a lesser degree Sasuke are out of character for the manga, I definitely think you are writing a very engrossing story. (Sakura and Shikamaru- other than his chain smoking, which seems to have become a bit of fanfic trope that is a bit of annoyance to me, are dead on believable to cannon, with the way things developed in your plotline)

Considering how much of a creep your Naruto was to Sakura I wouldn't want him anywhere near Sakura ever again. In your ficverse I'd be shipping Shikamaru and Sakura big time. (You do build up Shikamaru's gradual attraction to her quite believably, and is that a hint of attraction on her side?) I'd say Naruto deserves to be in the situation he's in- he acted extremely hardheadedly obtuse about Sasuke and was especially cruel to Sakura when she just wanted to protect him and Konoha from Sasuke. Why should someone like that be worthy of people risking their lives to rescue? Your Hinata's behavior too was pretty repulsive. In the manga I couldn't see either character ever being like that, and you do need to let a little more now out about why those two changed so dramatically, it's kind of hard to believe, especially on Naruto's side. If it was some sort of mind control, I'd drop a hint about that in the next chapter. It would make me feel more like Naruto deserves a rescue if it was. I'd also like to see Ino get blunt about what a jerk Naruto was to Sakura, as a deeply caring female best friend would, and maybe even encourage her to have a romance with Shikamaru- who does care about her.

Now, Sasuke's strange change from disparaging disinterest toward Sakura when she fawned over him, to intense obsession with having her when she lost all interest in him (seeing him as the enemy bent on everyone she cares about) and fell in love with Naruto, (while not something I'd see Kishimoto doing) isn't outside the realm of believability for his character- we saw in part 1 how he would become intensely angry when Naruto surpassed him in something.

Edited by ciardha, 16 February 2010 - 05:10 AM.

[Cupcake-chan]

Hope you guys enjoy it!
(And thanks, cupcake-sama, for notifying the thread! Much obliged!)

I am very curious as to the reactions this chapter will receive, so for anyone who reads it, if you can, let me know what you think!

Thanks a bunch, and take care!

No problem! By the way, that was a great chapter!

[Jenskott]

Considering how much of a creep your Naruto was to Sakura I wouldn't want him anywhere near Sakura ever again.

That is a trouble I also have. I love Sakura in this fic and I think her characterization is spot-on. But I seriously want throttling Naruto sometimes. Sakura fully devoted to him, did all she could to show him she loved him, gave him her heart... and he stomped on it. He behaved like an a**hole because she refused sharing his Sasuke-obsession, and besides he was an utter hypocrital. All he declared she had done was not only false but he was the one had been doing it.

And I am really shocked after hearing that speech, Hinata didn't interrupt and stated she could tell that to him, word by word (part of me hopes he didn't cheat on Sakura but he told that because he was furious and he wanted to hurt her further. It would not do it good, but it would make it less awful than cheating in my mind).

Although I guess after running into a bunch of fics invariably make Sakura the bad "guy" in the relationship and overblow her early brattiness and her Sasuke's infatuation, it is an original change.

I hope we have an explanation about the weird and OOC Naruto behavior and I agree it would be nice if something has been driving him to act like that. Mind control or maybe some had been turning him on Sakura with a bunch of lies disguised like believable truths (right like Iago did to Othello in the Shakespeare drama)...

Nevertheless, it is a great story in spite of it.

Edit: I still am hoping for a reconciliation and a NS happy ending. Although I also think Naruto must earn Sakura's forgiveness. I look forward to it.

Edited by Jenskott, 16 February 2010 - 11:36 AM.

[artemisfireflame]

Cupcake-sama,
Thanks a bunch! You're so sweet!

To Jenskott and ciardha,
Thanks a lot for your constructive thoughts!
I have been getting a lot of suggestions to put Naruto more in character, although I feel like I've portrayed him as such in the flashbacks when Sakura and Naruto are really together. I can't say much more on the topic without spoiling future plot, but it's been really interesting how readers focus on their breakup and the events afterwards than on the great moments they actually had with each other. And I really hoped to make a point of how Sakura seems to be balancing out both the good and bad memories, as if she's trying to make sense of their disparity herself, however subconsciously. There is a reason for Naruto being so strange, but that is all I can say, for now.

To ciardha, on the ShikaSaku ship,
That is a really important point of the story that I've been trying to get across: just because a man and a woman have a great friendship, doesn't meant they are destined for a relationship. There is just something about an excellent, platonic understanding between a guy and a girl that I really enjoy writing or reading about. Shikamaru and Sakura by no means see each other as brother and sister, but they do not see each other as dateable material. They are supposed to be attracted to each other because they are such compatible people, but neither would, by no means, ever cross that line. I'll work on making this clearer in the future. Thanks for the tip!

To ciardha, on your last paragraph about Sasuke...
I apologize, but I was a little confused.. Did the Sasuke in my story give off the impression that he was obsessed with her? If so, please tell me when and where, because that was certainly not an idea I wanted to ever express...

To all- thanks so much!

[Destiny]

Honestly that fanfic is the only one I can read anymore. I get so enveloped by it, you can actually feel Sakura just getting warn down. Artemisfireflame You're pretty much the bomb in my book.

[artemisfireflame]

Ehehehe, thanks so much! *blushing* I wouldn't be able to keep writing without you guys.

[Jenskott]

Thanks a lot for your constructive thoughts!

You are welcome.

I can't say much more on the topic without spoiling future plot, but it's been really interesting how readers focus on their breakup and the events afterwards than on the great moments they actually had with each other.

Now you mention it... It is true. It is curious how we are focusing on the most sorrowful moment instead of in the happy memories. Perhaps it is because we badly want they make up?

And I really hoped to make a point of how Sakura seems to be balancing out both the good and bad memories, as if she's trying to make sense of their disparity herself, however subconsciously. There is a reason for Naruto being so strange, but that is all I can say, for now.

You tease...

Thank you for dropping that hint, nonetheless.

To ciardha, on the ShikaSaku ship,
That is a really important point of the story that I've been trying to get across: just because a man and a woman have a great friendship, doesn't meant they are destined for a relationship. There is just something about an excellent, platonic understanding between a guy and a girl that I really enjoy writing or reading about. Shikamaru and Sakura by no means see each other as brother and sister, but they do not see each other as dateable material. They are supposed to be attracted to each other because they are such compatible people, but neither would, by no means, ever cross that line. I'll work on making this clearer in the future. Thanks for the tip!

That is very interesting, and I think you have sucessfully portrayed that.

[ciardha]

To ciardha, on your last paragraph about Sasuke...
I apologize, but I was a little confused.. Did the Sasuke in my story give off the impression that he was obsessed with her? If so, please tell me when and where, because that was certainly not an idea I wanted to ever express...

This bit from chapter 7 --Click here to view--

He tossed them aside, and was about to do the same with the second photograph, but…

…Her eyes.

She gave him a small smile, dirt smudging her features, hair just brushing her shoulders, hand raised in a playful wave… Naruto must have taken this during a training session, as Sai and Kakashi were a dueling blur behind her.

The photograph floated slowly to the ground, joining the wallet, before a booted foot came smashing down on it, in its path to the door.

Sasuke’s hands were clenched into tight fists on his sides as he strode down the hallway, murderous intent leaking from every pore in his body.

…

Her eyes were the same shade as the tree leaves behind her, bathed in sunlight.

She was looking at him…

…With love.

Edited by ciardha, 17 February 2010 - 12:30 AM.

[tricksie]

There is a reason for Naruto being so strange, but that is all I can say, for now.

...on the ShikaSaku ship,
They are supposed to be attracted to each other because they are such compatible people, but neither would, by no means, ever cross that line. I'll work on making this clearer in the future. Thanks for the tip!

That's great to hear. I'm really enjoying this story, and I was wondering if there was something else going on with Naruto.

As for Shika/Saku, it's so tempting after this last chapter. You just want to give the poor girl some relief! And your Shikamaru sounds wonderful. They would make a good couple, if the specter of Naruto wasn't hanging over them. But he is, so I'm still hoping for a happy NS resolution.

Anyway, lovely reading. It's nice to read a story with such an interesting plot. Good writing without a lot of gimmicks, a plot line really keeps the reader thinking, and characterizations are believable. Well done, dear!

[ciardha]

As for Shika/Saku, it's so tempting after this last chapter. You just want to give the poor girl some relief! And your Shikamaru sounds wonderful. They would make a good couple,

Yeah, that was my reaction too. I could see they didn't have a passionate connection, but the beyond friendship not quite love just looked so right for Sakura after the way Naruto hurt Sakura in absolutely the most cruel way possible. To me Naruto turned from hero to villain when he did that to Sakura. He basically did to Sakura emotionally what Sasuke did to Karin physically in the manga.

[Shadowmoon~]

This bit from chapter 7 --Click here to view--

He tossed them aside, and was about to do the same with the second photograph, but…

…Her eyes.

She gave him a small smile, dirt smudging her features, hair just brushing her shoulders, hand raised in a playful wave… Naruto must have taken this during a training session, as Sai and Kakashi were a dueling blur behind her.

The photograph floated slowly to the ground, joining the wallet, before a booted foot came smashing down on it, in its path to the door.

Sasuke’s hands were clenched into tight fists on his sides as he strode down the hallway, murderous intent leaking from every pore in his body.

…

Her eyes were the same shade as the tree leaves behind her, bathed in sunlight.

She was looking at him…

…With love.

I remember this part!

I also thought that somehow, Sasuke had feelings for Sakura, too. That bit showed that he was quite envious on how Sakura was lovingly looking at Naruto now, and how she never looked at him that way before. Before, it was just a childish crush, and was not even to the point of true love.

Anyway, I absolutely love your story. Please continue writing, because this is one of those special stories I definitely look forward to with every update.

[artemisfireflame]

To ciardha and Shadowmoon-
Thanks so much for letting me know what your responses to that Sasuke scene were--it's very enlightening, and I will definitely make sure to address/edit that issue in later chapters. Although I never ever wanted that scene to come off as Sasuke being obsessed with Sakura, I did want to portray that undeniable attachment he had to her. Whether or not that attachment was love is highly debatable, although personally, I tend to think that it isn't. Instead, with the way both Sasuke and Sakura have grown in the manga, I can only believe, and then write about, their relationship as being a "bond" in every ambiguous sense of the word. I hope to not spoil anything, but I should say here that Sasuke is by no means acting on any obsession with Sakura, his goals are a little bit broader than that. So instead, that scene was meant to show how emotionally volatile he has grown to be within the years that have past. And more so than jealously, he feels resentment instead. I promise to make this much clearer throughout the story. Thanks so much for giving me your opinions on that!

To ciardha on the way Naruto had betrayed Sakura-
I'm actually pleased that you became so protective of Sakura and angry at Naruto! This was the reaction I was really trying to pull from readers with the way he treated her. I do apologize, however, because those feelings can be quite cumbersome and unpleasant. An overall point I'm trying to get across with this situation however, is that people do bad things to other people, whether or not they are family members, friends, or strangers. Those victimized are at real crossroads: how are they supposed to reason out and prioritize judgement, condemnation, forgiveness, and tolerance? That is the limbo that my story's Sakura has been in for years, and she has finally been pushed to a point where she has to choose. I hope I will hear from you about later chapters! Your thoughts and criticisms are extremely illuminating! Thanks so much!

And to Jenskott and tricksie, once again and forever, thanks so much for your support!

[Cupcake-chan]

Oh I just remembered. So here's the thing, did you [Artemis] intend to make the 'closed door' symbolic in your story? If you were or weren't, I think if quite unique that it has turned out like that. At first I didn't get the gist, but after re-reading some of the chapters, it seems to me that the closed door is way beyond a physical entrance. It symbolizes the pain that they (or Naruto) are trying to shut off.
I'm really interested to read who Sakura's reaction will be towards Naruto. She might be pissed, sad, of happy. And all of these reactions might, in turn, push Naruto away, or tighten their bond. But of course, that will be dealt with in the future, I suppose. But keep in mind that, if she's angry at him, she might say stupid things that will draw him away, or he might fall on his knees and beg for forgiveness. If she's sad, there would probably be a similar reaction. Although, if she's happy, she might be too overenthusiastic and get her heard broken by an emotional wreck. But in the end it's your decision.
Once again, great chapter.

[ciardha]

To ciardha and Shadowmoon-
Thanks so much for letting me know what your responses to that Sasuke scene were--it's very enlightening, and I will definitely make sure to address/edit that issue in later chapters. Although I never ever wanted that scene to come off as Sasuke being obsessed with Sakura, I did want to portray that undeniable attachment he had to her. Whether or not that attachment was love is highly debatable, although personally, I tend to think that it isn't. Instead, with the way both Sasuke and Sakura have grown in the manga, I can only believe, and then write about, their relationship as being a "bond" in every ambiguous sense of the word. I hope to not spoil anything, but I should say here that Sasuke is by no means acting on any obsession with Sakura, his goals are a little bit broader than that. So instead, that scene was meant to show how emotionally volatile he has grown to be within the years that have past. And more so than jealously, he feels resentment instead. I promise to make this much clearer throughout the story. Thanks so much for giving me your opinions on that!

To ciardha on the way Naruto had betrayed Sakura-
I'm actually pleased that you became so protective of Sakura and angry at Naruto! This was the reaction I was really trying to pull from readers with the way he treated her. I do apologize, however, because those feelings can be quite cumbersome and unpleasant. An overall point I'm trying to get across with this situation however, is that people do bad things to other people, whether or not they are family members, friends, or strangers. Those victimized are at real crossroads: how are they supposed to reason out and prioritize judgement, condemnation, forgiveness, and tolerance? That is the limbo that my story's Sakura has been in for years, and she has finally been pushed to a point where she has to choose. I hope I will hear from you about later chapters! Your thoughts and criticisms are extremely illuminating! Thanks so much!

And to Jenskott and tricksie, once again and forever, thanks so much for your support!

Looking forward to your future chapters.

[Derock]

Keep in mind people that this is a fic listing.

If you want to discuss about a certain fic you like, make a new thread about it. Thanks.

[Gravenimage]

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