328 replies to this topic

[Hak]

Wanted to say that the chapter was really worth waiting! It's always nice to see Naruto interacting with his parents in fanfiction (Minato in manga also)!
Hope the wait for next won't be so long...

[Paradox Jast]

Well, I've already started chapter 23... so keep your fingers crossed?

[Hak]

I will, and toes also!

[catsi563]

chapter was definatley good. mostly exposition but some small character development along the way.

only thing id change or at least advise caution against happening too often was Karins reaction. Karin is not the type to fangirl Sasuke in public like that. In point of fact shes quite admant about keeping such things private.

still i can roll with her slipping like that in public once as a comedic moment, especially with Sakura =^__^=

Actually Im curious to see Karins role in the future of this story. I still think shes going to have a major affect on Sasuke in the upcoming chapters. an affect that few people are going to be abel to give her credit for.

Shes got Sasukes trust and that is a major thing with that character.

good stuff

[Paradox Jast]

I was leaning SasuKarin just by reading the canon manga. I can't say I'll give it a lot of attention in this fic, but it might have a shining moment here and there.

A lot of the other potential relationships I introduce in the fic (or other male/female characters) are being introduced primarily for the purposes of developing the NaruSaku, often with a secondary purpose of plot development.

Right now in my outline, there is only one person who will be introduced (but has already been named in the fic) that will be after Naruto, and is in the fic for that purpose alone. However, that situation will become more awkward for Sakura than anything else.

[Cloud]

OMG OMG OMG OMG UPDATE.

*FANBOYS*

[catsi563]

Hey paradox. while you may not be focusing on Sasukarin for the story let me provide a little research material to help you with what little you are doing

SasuKarin manifesto

SasuKarin FC

both sites provide some remarkable insights into what Ive rapidly coem to the realization of is an amazing amount of development in a remarkabley short time.

[Hefster]

I have to start on Chapter 23 now before Dragon Age arrives.

Oh good luck with that. Dragon Age will rob not only your time but also your sanity. That's just how good Bioware's games are.

[Codus N]

Hey, PJ just a lil' suggestion... I think you should have Naruto lead a 3-man team consisting of: Naruto, Hanabi & Konohamaru. (have Naruto do something that'll convince Tsunade) Why Kono? because he is the perfect antithesis of Hanabi, Konohamaru would help break some of Hanabi's rigidness, while Hanabi would help Konohamaru by smacking him upside down for doing something reckless & stupid (in other words, keep him inline) . Sound familiar? besides, Hanabi should have someone her age around if Naruto's busy. And Kishi just LOVES making parallels so, why shouldn't you?

Edited by Newkerz, 04 November 2009 - 08:16 AM.

[Denim88]

Right now in my outline, there is only one person who will be introduced (but has already been named in the fic) that will be after Naruto, and is in the fic for that purpose alone. However, that situation will become more awkward for Sakura than anything else.

Hehehe, I think I know who that someone is XD

I look forward to that encounter, Jast. It will be a most splendid beta-reading, I'm sure!

Other than that, I'm sort of hoping for more interaction between Kushina and Sakura (I think I mentioned this once already), but I know Naruto's your main focus at the moment. That and maybe a little bit of Kakashi and Rin and how they're going on with either trying to salvage their damaged relationship or not.

I would say more, but being your beta kind of makes it hard for me to go on without revealing spoilers. I'll just hush for now. Looking forward to the future updates. Let me know if you hit road blocks; I'll happily help in anyway I can!

[Paradox Jast]

Oh good luck with that. Dragon Age will rob not only your time but also your sanity. That's just how good Bioware's games are.

Indeed. I played it for a week straight. Today is the first break I've had, really.

Hey paradox. while you may not be focusing on Sasukarin for the story let me provide a little research material to help you with what little you are doing

Thanks for the links. I've looked into them a bit, but will probably use them more later when Sasuke returns in the story.

Hey, PJ just a lil' suggestion... I think you should have Naruto lead a 3-man team consisting of: Naruto, Hanabi & Konohamaru. (have Naruto do something that'll convince Tsunade) Why Kono? because he is the perfect antithesis of Hanabi, Konohamaru would help break some of Hanabi's rigidness, while Hanabi would help Konohamaru by smacking him upside down for doing something reckless & stupid (in other words, keep him inline) . Sound familiar? fu.png besides, Hanabi should have someone her age around if Naruto's busy. And Kishi just LOVES making parallels so, why shouldn't you?

Naruto is going to be leading more than just 3-man teams, he's going to be leading entire platoons. While I have made Hanabi his apprentice, I don't want to go -too- in-depth with it, for fear of distracting from the main points of the story. Pretty much all other characters are being introduced into this story for Naruto to use as stepping stones in his growth. There is nothing stopping me from going back once this story is done and writing little side-stories to flesh out this fic a little more (even if it is unlikely). I've already got Hindsight::Foresight going, which is a companion fic to WPC in its own right.

Thats not to say I'm saying no to the Hanabi/Konohamaru = Sakura/Naruto bit, but while the parallel thing works well for Kishimoto - I'm not him. I've done my best in trying to keep the characters as 'in-character' as possible while letting them mature. Some have argued that I've had characters mature too fast - Naruto especially - but I just chalk most of them up to people being able to easily forget that this fic has spanned several months time, even if it doesn't seem like it. It's harder to notice the passage of time if it's not explicitly written, but doing that can mess up the flow of the fic if it isn't a LARGE passage of time. If I was a good artist at all, I'd have probably made this a doujin, just because it's so much easier to display changes and passage of time with pictures.

Back to Hanabi - I'm still trying to flesh out some of her scenes, but she already strikes me as mature enough (forced to be mature, not naturally)in demeanor to where it doesn't matter if she has someone her age around or not. Of course, the interaction itself would be interesting to write, but like I stated previously, this is a Naruto story, not a Hanabi story. Hanabi will be there to help Naruto understand what is required of a person who holds the entire future of an individual in his hands. If he can't train her well, the first time she encounters an enemy, she will be at risk. That scares the kittenens out of Naruto.

So far WPC has been rather happy-go-lucky with a bit of drama thrown in. Thats gonna change as the upcoming war approaches - WPC might take a bit of a dark turn to some. I haven't decided if there will be any major deaths, but don't put it past me. (Just know that Naruto, Kushina, Sakura and Hanabi have too much plot-armor to die.)

Hehehe, I think I know who that someone is XD

I look forward to that encounter, Jast. It will be a most splendid beta-reading, I'm sure!

Other than that, I'm sort of hoping for more interaction between Kushina and Sakura (I think I mentioned this once already), but I know Naruto's your main focus at the moment. That and maybe a little bit of Kakashi and Rin and how they're going on with either trying to salvage their damaged relationship or not.

Yes, I'm sure you remember who that someone is. So hush.

I try to include a bit of side-interaction with each chapter, though some chapters I deem more important than others, and I don't want to take away from the flow - unless I need to pass time. I made a comment at the end of one of my later chapters that Kushina would be taking more of a backseat in the coming chapters, and got a bit of backlash because people enjoy how well I handle the Kushina-Naruto dynamic, and it's almost exactly how many of them would envision it being. So I'll probably renege on that and keep her visible for a while. There will definitely be some Kushina-Sakura interaction, as well as at least one Kushina-Sasuke scene. Kakashi and Rin will get mostly background-style moments, I think I might have a bit of trouble writing anything major for the two of them. It's still early for them, though.




As an update - I've re-written quite a lot of chapter 8, so when I post chapter 23 I'll make a comment to go take a look at chapter 8 as well. I didn't like some of the terminology I used in the original version of the chapter, and I also felt I could have fleshed out the Yuugao-Naruto relationship a bit better before I clarified it in a later chapter. When I do it later, I felt like I kinda 'dumped' it in the story... but I had wanted to flesh it out more than I did before that point. (I think it was chap 12 or 13? I have to go back and look, I'll be editing it soon enough). So the Yuugao-Naruto interaction gets clarified and given a foundation here now.

Chapter 23 is coming along nicely. The council scene is mostly done, and its been hard to write. Need to keep it flowing without it getting boring, and when your main purpose for the meeting is to rattle off statistics and reports, it feels like sitting in a math class. *yawn*

[catsi563]

for my own personal thoughts

I too would love to see more Kushina and more Kushina Naruto Sakura interaction. Also Inos interaction with Kushina must not be left out either as Ino will almost certainly have an opinion of the mother who disappeard from her little brothers life.

id like to see some mroe of Yuugao shes too good a character in this story to just shove aside. Some good stuff coming up cant wait.

[Codus N]

If I was a good artist at all, I'd have probably made this a doujin, just because it's so much easier to display changes and passage of time with pictures.

Why don't you try collaborating with Ladygt then?

[Paradox Jast]

When I read her comments on the few pictures she's posted as of late, she seems busy enough as it is. I don't think she's finished the doujin she was working on, either.

[Codus N]

Oh,yeah I forgot to say this. The reason why Hanabi should have Kono as companion/teammate while training under Naruto, is that Kono would help Hanabi by showing her that sometimes it's okay to act like a kid if you really want to. Being mature at her age is fine, but it kinda gives a setback to your growth. While Hanabi would also help Kono mature little by little as well. Even though Naruto might be able to fill in Kono's part,I think it would be more effective if she had a friend of her age to show it. As for Kono maturing, we saw that in the Pain arc he had great character development & this story would be a great prelude to that. Just my 2 cents worth. (being honest, I'm a Kono/Hana supporter as well.)

Edited by Newkerz, 17 November 2009 - 11:16 AM.

[Paradox Jast]

Well, Chapter 23 has been posted, as well as edited versions of chapters 8, 9, and 10.

I'm not getting fanfiction.net update notices though, so my gut tells me no one is going to notice this latest update. Unless if the update notices are just being delayed, but it's rather odd for that to happen.

[Denim88]

My guess is that you may be getting a delay, because I got an update about a day ago. I don't know; ff.net said they got around to fixing a lot of the problems, but who knows how long it'll be before the changes are really evident?

Well, either way, the story continues to be awesome. Now...if only I can get my arse in gear and get crackin' on some of my fanfics. It's the holiday/winter break for crying out loud! I have no excuses right now! :/

[catsi563]

Hye PJ i was jsut reading through parts of Whirlpool Country and notcied something that you may need to correct for future chapters.

Specifically chapter 18 and 22

its mainly along the lines of an earlier review where we discussed caution with suffixes.

In this case though its Karin. Much as Sakura never calls Naruto by a suffix to denote their closeness. Neither does Karin. In all of her appearances and when addressing Sasuke she never ever addresses him as Sasuke kun.

It was an intesting trend I noted with her. Especially given how everyone allways ((wrongly)) compares her to Sakuras fangirlism. She doesnt use suffixes with his name.

you havent abused it so as Is aid it was jsut something i noticed and wanted to make sure I brought it to your atttention.

[Paradox Jast]

Yeah, I'm trying to keep the suffix placing to a minimum, unless it's being used for opposite effect.

Naruto will use -chan with Sakura when he's feeling playful, otherwise from now on he's not really going to bother.

Sakura will use -kun if she's feeling 'in the mood', or using that 'dripping with venom before the kill' tone.

Karin so far has used -kun as a more of a teasing/affection thing towards Sasuke so far, or at least that's what I'm hoping to imply. Eventually, it will probably be dropped altogether, but while they'll both still be in the story, having them near each other at the same time isn't going to happen -that- often.


Just beat me over the head and remind me if it seems like it gets out of control in any particular chapter, k? lol

[catsi563]

naw youve been good with it so far. it was more of something I noticed in relation to Karin and wanted to make sure it was brought to your attention was all.

If i may suggest. One thing you might throw in, in a later chapter is maybe having Sakura note that about Karin when they discuss Sasuke ((and I can assure you in the context of the story they almsot assuredly would talk about him)) never uses suffixes and then have her note to herself how she never used Suffixes with Naruto.

itd be an interesting contrast between the two. Ive always thought Sakura and Karin would have a really great interaction between them character wise due to their strong personalities.