Sakura: Naruto!
Naruto: Sakura-chan! Long time no see.
Sakura: Yeah... I've been very busy, you know. The life of a jounin... You can't even undertsand since you are still a genin. Besides, I don't need anything from you, so why would I seek your company?
Naruto: ...
Sakura: Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that I'm going to become your love guru, how does that sound?
Naruto: Like kitten, but OK. What do you want to tell me about love?
Sakura: That you don't love me. You only liked me because I liked your rival.
Naruto: And you don't like him anymore?
Sakura: Wha-? Of course I do. If you have a crush when you are 10 you must stick to it til you die -even if it's by your own crush's hand. Otherwise you're slut.
Naruto: Oh, OK, so if you still love him, and that's the reason why I loved you, then that means I still love you, right?
Sakura: Wrong! You are not allowed to love me. I cannot be your first love. Otherwise, your "other" first love will seem less pure.
Naruto: My "other" first love...?
Sakura: Yes. Hinata. You know she loves you, right? She confessed and all that jazz...
Naruto: Yes, that's true! She loves me in the same way I love ramen!
Sakura: Yeah, well, I guess in a way she does. I'm sure she wants to eat you and slurp you... But what I mean is she loves you in a romantic way. Do you think you could love her back, pretty please? It would be sad for her if she doesn't get you in the end...
Naruto: OK, let me think...*bunch of random, non-romantic, asspull flashbacks*... Sorry, Sakura-chan, I'm still not sure.
Sakura: Don't worry, I'll help you *punches Naruto, rendering him unconscious*
HALF AN HOUR LATER.
Naruto: *waking up* Oh wow, Sakura, you were right!I've always loved her! I mean, I just had this wet dream about her, she was wearing a scarf... Man, I love scarves, they are so meaningful to me now, even though I never wore a scarf before... Anyway, I just had this dream, and now I understand I loved her all along!
Sakura: So, are you going to ask her out?
Naruto: Of course! I mean, have you seen her boobs? I'd be crazy if I didn't ask her out! And she's a brave woman, you know. It takes a special kind of strength to wear shorts in the snow...
Sakura: Good for you!
Naruto: Yeah... She's my first bond, you know?
Sakura: Er... Didn't you say the same about Sasuke-kun once?
Naruto: Sas- Sasu-who?
Sakura: Sasuke-kun! You know, pale skin, black eyes, duckbutt hairdo...
naruto: Not sure... Can you tell me something else?
Sakura: Well, he's hot...
Naruto: Jeez, Sakura, do you know something about him that's not related to his looks?
Sakura: Yes, but I don't care about anything else, so...
Naruto: Oh, OK, I know who you're talking about. He's the guy who was going on a self-discovery journey to atone for his sins, right? You went full-retard and asked him if you could go with him...
Sakura: How- How do you know?
Naruto: Kakashi-sensei told me. He also said it was pretty lame...
Sakura: Hey! It wasn't lame at all! It was cute, I blushed like a five-year-old girl... And besides, he poked my forhead!
Naruto: And?
Sakura: And nothing. Aren't you listenting or what? He. Poked. My. Forhead. It's his way to say he loves me!
Naruto: But wait... Wasn't that what Itachi used to do to him?
Sakura: I don't know. Was it? I don't know kitten about their relationship. Not that I really care, mind you.
Naruto: So, if it was a gesture his brother used on him, doesn't that mean that he was sister-zoning you?
Sakura: No way! Just shut up !That gesture has romantic connotations for Sasuke!It was tru lub!!
Naruto: Well, if you're absolutely certain that Sasuke sees it as something romantikku, then that means that Itachi was pedo-gay for his baby brother and Sasuke knew all along that his nii-san had the hots for him, and was not disgusted in the slightest, right? Gee, those Uchihas are really crazy in the head...
Sakura:...
Naruto:...
Sakura:...
Nartuo:...
Sakura: We were talking about you and Hinata.
Naruto: True! Sorry, I forgot. But yes, Hinata... She's the one. I finally have something I want to protect. Because I had nothing before, you know? No family, no friends, no teammates or teachers I cared about... Now I understand the words of that Haku-dudette, all those years ago...
Sakura: Er... Haku was a dude.
Naruto: Was he? Oh yeah, he was hot. He was pretty and smart and sweet. The first time I saw him I thought he was more beautiful than you! Ha-ha-ha... But he didn't seem to like Sasuske, so of course that was a big turn off. I mean, if he had liked Sasuke, I would have gone for him. He would have been like some kind of prize, you know? Just like you. Not a human being with feelings and all, just a prize that I wanted to take away from him. Because that was the way I saw you.
Sakura:Yes, I always knew that. Everyone and their mom knew your feelings for me were just shallow and/or a new way to mark Sasuke as your rival. It was self-explanatory.
Naruto: Exactly! Because that's the kind of guy I am! Well, now I have to go and ask Hinata out. See you later!
Sakura: Bye! I'm gonna go train with Tsunade-sama, because I want to surpass her one day, so that Sasuke-kun will find me worthy when he comes back...
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Persona 5 hype 
