My Stories
#1
Posted 01 March 2008 - 05:32 PM
Anyway if you would care to read them let me know what you think.
Thanks in advance
http://www.narusaku....r.php?uid=6300
#2
Posted 02 March 2008 - 09:13 PM
Anyway here is Hokage Chapter 1 Whirlpool country
I find it hard to write narusaku though I love the pairing so let me know if this is doing them justice.
#3
Posted 03 March 2008 - 04:17 AM
1) shes claling him baka waaaaaaay too much. She only calls him that when she's teasing him for acting alittle silly, or when he really is being one. The only time I could see her calling him baka in the story as you represented them was at this line.
a teasing line and well in character for her and the moment. he'd slow down and come back to her and theyd go to the house together.
2) this may be personal opinion. But I highly doubt that Sakura would get angry with him for spinning her around like he did. in fact I lay a bet shed enjoy the heck out of it. esoecially since his excitement and childish nature are some of his mroe endearing qualities to her.
Now if he did that in the middle of a public meeting or some such the sure shed defiantely let him have it with both barrels. But as newly weds in the middle of a honey moon who just got an luxurty suite for free and found out something about his past.
well Id think shed be mroe exited then he would be in that instance though obviously he'd be mroe expressive, while she was mroe reserved about it.
Over all you did ok for a start. Just remember. She only uses baka as a tease or when he really earns it by being stupid.
Second Sakuras more into PDA the you might think. Shes just mroe controlled when its important such as at meetings with the hokage etc or diplomats etc.
Edited by catsi563, 03 March 2008 - 04:17 AM.
..(^)> PENGUIN!!!!
C(...)D
..m.m
Training with a sannin 2 1/2 years
new pair of gloves 20 ryou
the look on your best friend, and former sensei's face's when you cause a small earth quake. Princeless
Catsis Fan Fiction
#4
Posted 03 March 2008 - 09:38 PM
And I have now added chapter 2 A Dangerous Encounter
just as a warning there is a sexual scene here, nothing is described in any detail but it is happening
#5
Posted 04 March 2008 - 06:19 PM
An example might be the spinning around scene. I could see it written thusly as an example of an affectionate interaction betwen them.
“Sorry Sakura-chan,†he said in his most charming voice, “It’s just that, I have never been able to find out that much about my mother’s family and here we stumble across them without even realizing it.â€
Sakura smiled and said, “I can’t seem to stay mad at you anymore, but let’s be careful here. There may be people here not delighted at the return of an Uzumaki.â€
“Don’t worry Sakura-chan between you and me we could handle an army of enemies,†Naruto grinned and went over to the bed, “Why don’t we relax before dinner?†he winked at his bride.
The bolded words add a touch of the fun that She would feel at his childish antics ((seriously its part of why she fell for him in the first place)). while still portraying her as her normally serious self. I definately agree shed add a cauitonary note to him about the return of an Uzimaki. But shes a more playful gal then she lets on.
The second part looks good. only thing id call you on would be Sakura letting his injury slide so easilly. She's just not so easilly mollified when it comes to him. especially if shes come to know him so well that shes marriied him. Firm Sakura would come out almsot immediately and tell him to sit, and shed check him out to make sure. its just her nature, especially so with him as shes very protective of him.
the only way hed get away would be to adopt the baka persona and run off playfully laughing trying to make her catch him at the springs.
you left a good cliff hanger their at the end though. Im looking forward to more. defiantely.
Edited by catsi563, 04 March 2008 - 06:23 PM.
..(^)> PENGUIN!!!!
C(...)D
..m.m
Training with a sannin 2 1/2 years
new pair of gloves 20 ryou
the look on your best friend, and former sensei's face's when you cause a small earth quake. Princeless
Catsis Fan Fiction
#6
Posted 05 March 2008 - 09:05 PM
Sasuke warning lol he becomes a major character after this chapter.
#7
Posted 08 March 2008 - 12:10 AM
The Temple of the Whirlpool
Hope ya like it
I have posted a reworked chapter 1 in the library.
#8
Posted 08 March 2008 - 07:54 AM
..(^)> PENGUIN!!!!
C(...)D
..m.m
Training with a sannin 2 1/2 years
new pair of gloves 20 ryou
the look on your best friend, and former sensei's face's when you cause a small earth quake. Princeless
Catsis Fan Fiction
#9
Posted 08 March 2008 - 10:07 PM
The Enemy Revealed
It is a little short and I thought about combining it with the previous chapter but felt it was better separate.
I like Sakura's genjutsu but then I realized I really ripped it off from Itachi's with Cherry Blossoms instead of ravens (or crows). I think a picture of Sakura dissolving into cherry blossoms and blowing into the wind would be cool though. (hint Hint for any artist types out there reading) also I'm not happy with the name of the jutsu but i coudn't think of a better one. If someone can I would be grateful.
Edited by Verilance, 14 March 2008 - 11:31 PM.
#10
Posted 14 March 2008 - 12:37 AM
The next Chapter A Pleasant Interlude
I think I will go back and post some of these in the library I have the first drafts of the next bit done but it need a re write before it appears here.
Edited by Verilance, 14 March 2008 - 12:39 AM.
#11
Posted 18 March 2008 - 10:59 PM
A New Threat
This really is llike an end to the introduction as the main plotline begins here.
#12
Posted 24 March 2008 - 11:13 PM
The Storm Approaching
#13
Posted 25 March 2008 - 02:59 AM
..(^)> PENGUIN!!!!
C(...)D
..m.m
Training with a sannin 2 1/2 years
new pair of gloves 20 ryou
the look on your best friend, and former sensei's face's when you cause a small earth quake. Princeless
Catsis Fan Fiction
#14
Posted 28 March 2008 - 09:53 AM
The family that couldn't be.
[post='http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6EItApJttbY']An Underrated Song Worth Listening[/post]
#15
Posted 29 March 2008 - 01:15 AM
New teams Assembled
#16
Posted 29 March 2008 - 04:40 AM
The family that couldn't be.
[post='http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6EItApJttbY']An Underrated Song Worth Listening[/post]
#17
Posted 30 March 2008 - 08:54 PM
Unwelcome Truths
Thanks for reading
Edited by Verilance, 30 March 2008 - 08:58 PM.
#18
Posted 31 March 2008 - 10:21 PM
Into the Mist
#19
Posted 01 April 2008 - 11:40 PM
Here is next bit Prelude to War.
Next we go back to Ino, Choji and Temari looking for Shikimaru.
#20
Posted 10 April 2008 - 10:17 PM
ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!!
oh well that's my rant for today
Goes back to singing "Still Alive" to himself.
Don't you hate it when you can't get a song out of your head It's been two bloody weeks
......Aperture Science da da da......
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