14 replies to this topic

[Froot]

I haven't written in a while - at least, not for recreation, but rather for those stale essay writing topics at school - so I figured I'd start a little project to get myself back into the game.

This is kind of a long-term project, or, at least, I'm hoping it's going to be; I guess you could say I'm a commitaphobe because I can't stick to a story for a long time. That's why I'm making a thread for it, in hopes that maybe I'll get a little motivation?

There's a bit of a twist to this, though; It was originally going to be a fic, then I decided to make it a doujinshi, but just decided today that if I were to tell the story visually, a lot of detail would be left out. Unfortunately, I'm not as talented as natsumi33.

So I came to a decision; I will do both

If fate allows, I'll update this fic every {insult preset period of time here} along with a few pages of my doujinshi. It's really ambitious for me (especially seeing as how I can barely draw a page before I get bored) but I really need the experience, so I'm hoping some of you will support my journey!



This thread is a rip-off of Paradox Jast's pretty much just a discussion thread; You know, ideas, questions, and maybe a few extras now and then? I'd really like your input from time to time - It would give my project a purpose.


So, to start things off, here's a bit of a teaser for the fic. Unfortunately I don't have any images yet, but, hopefully, I can get those up soon.

Please enjoy!

Here we go~ --Click here to view--

She gingerly traced her fngers over his damp forehead, brushing his wild bangs away. She gave a quiet sigh.

Naruto, she said aloud to the thin air, you, of all people...

She sighed again.

He'd been in bed for the past week, sleeping most of the time and just laying around the rest. He barely spoke, and when he did, it was curt, quiet, as if he wasn't allowed much time to talk anymore.

Sakura hated it.

She looked on with wistfulness in her eyes as she remembered the way Naruto used to be. He used to be loud. Outspoken. Energetic.

Healthy.

Now he just stayed in bed and let the day waste away, something the old Naruto would never do; He'd wake up before the crack of dawn and work to acheive his goals until the last rays of light were fleeing over the horizon. He'd grab them and play tug-of-war with time and seize as much day as he could. When the moon had finally won out, he'd stay, working himself to exhaustion, just daring night to over-take him.

Sakura thought she could feel his sadness sometimes as he stared out the window at the setting sun, watching the day run out of reach, or envy the stars when they came out and danced on their onyx fields. Dance. Move. Something he could no longer do.

When he coughed, now, he coughed up blood, just as when it rains, it pours; When the spasms of pain came, along with them were the Attacks.

That was when he needed her most.

Each seemed worse than the last. Each time, through strangled coughs and vomiting, he'd groan, "I'm dying, Sakura, this time, I'm really dying." He'd squeeze her hand tight and try to push himself as far into her arms as he could. In turn, she hugged his shoulders so tightly that she felt she could have almost squeezed the hurt out of him. She could feel his pulse through his fingers in hers, racing wildly, so quickly that she felt he might burst. She could feel hot tears seeping through her thin shirt and caught the occasional and faint "help me" pass through his lips, knowing she was helpless to stop it...

She was moved to tears every time...



"Mmn...?"

Sakura was jerked out of her thoughts as she heard Naruto's soft moaning. She was happy to see him awake so late. But a feeling of unease crept up her neck... Her stomach tightened. There was a hollowness to his eyes, one she'd never seen before.

"You awake, Naruto?" she said in feigned happiness, turning on the bed to face him.

There was a long pause. Sakura could feel her heart drop lower every second. She could almost feel the words he was about to say.

And then, when he finally said it, it hit her like lightning.





"I'm dying now, Sakura."

Remember, I'd love some constructive criticism, ideas, comments, maybe even a "You fail" just so I can know ahead of time if this is a bad idea and save myself lots of time and frustration.

Damn. I've made a commitment to everyone.

Edited by Froot, 04 March 2010 - 03:54 AM.

[Serenity Namikaze]

WoW...it really heartbreaking

It is how you're story start or you give only a big summary of it?

I don't really have inspiration right now to help you but I'll enjoy helping you as much as I can in the future. For now, I'll give you my support as someone who liked you're oneshot story ( I almost read every one you wrote ) but I really like you're idea so far

As for doing a doujinshi, I think that it would be wise to wait for the story to be completed before doing the pics.

Then again, if you feel confident enough to do both in the same time, I'll give you my 2 up because writing a long fanfic can be hard but adding pictures with it is a really good challenge.

[Froot]

Thank you!

It's a teaser, just a little glimpse of what the story's about. I was in the mood for angst, so sorry about the sadness.

I know, it's a huge challenge, but if I can do this, then I can do anything!

I appreciate your support either way, so thanks in advance.

[Muffins?]

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh this story looks great I haven't read a good angsty Naruto fan fic in a long long lonnnnnnggg time. Keep up the good work Froot!

[Froot]

Thank you so very much.

[ShippudenGirl]

Wow!
That was beautiful (In a tragic-romance way) the way you described there feelings and how Naruto used to be! Continue! I'm not very inspirational. Sorry. ^^'

P.S
I don't know if it was because my still dialated pupils or your story that made me cry!

P.S.S
I'm so damn curious as to what Naruto is dying from.

[Froot]

Wow... So much positive feedback!

Any kind of comment is inspirational. The fact that you've bothered to respond is more than I expected and so motivating.

P.S. It made you cry? And you claim you're not inspirational.

P.S.S.

Edited by Froot, 04 March 2010 - 04:09 AM.

[Serenity Namikaze]

Thank you!

It's a teaser, just a little glimpse of what the story's about. I was in the mood for angst, so sorry about the sadness.

I know, it's a huge challenge, but if I can do this, then I can do anything!

I appreciate your support either way, so thanks in advance.

Are you kidding, I don't mind angst AT ALL (in fact, I LOVE those kind of stories ) so don't be a shame of it

I'll just have to make sure that there is a tissues box when I read it, no biggies

[KungFuTruffle]

It's an interesting and ambitious idea. I'm fine with some angst now and then. Just don't go overboard. Some people do, and then it becomes less sad, and more funny. Like "Geez, what else can happen now? Oh, that. Ha!"

[Paradox Jast]

Actually, that little teaser was a good short story in and of itself.

Angsty fics really aren't my thing personally, so there's not much I can offer as far as suggestions go. I'm a fairly happy person overall, and angst just makes me feel rotten. If it's angst that rebounds with moments of hope in between and has a happy ending, I'd read it. But I typically avoid tragedy fics. Like I said though, it's just personal preference for me. I'm sure there are plenty out there who enjoy a good angst/tragedy.

Though I think everyone dislikes wangst (whiny angst, the "Boo hoo no one understands me life sucks I wanna die naoplz." kind). So be careful there.

Good imagery in the teaser. Keeping that up throughout an entire fic would be quite the accomplishment, though possibly difficult as well. If it comes naturally to you, go with it. Otherwise you might find yourself getting burnt out.

I'll check in periodically and see how it's going, here and on DA since I have you on watch. Assuming you upload anything there, I mean.

[Froot]

It's an interesting and ambitious idea. I'm fine with some angst now and then. Just don't go overboard. Some people do, and then it becomes less sad, and more funny. Like "Geez, what else can happen now? Oh, that. Ha!"

I get what you mean. I've always found that moderation when it comes to angst is a good thing because there's a point where it starts getting ridiculous, just like you said. I myself don't like too much angst either... Truth be told, this scene here is probably the angstiest thing I've written or plan to write.

Actually, that little teaser was a good short story in and of itself.

Angsty fics really aren't my thing personally, so there's not much I can offer as far as suggestions go. I'm a fairly happy person overall, and angst just makes me feel rotten. If it's angst that rebounds with moments of hope in between and has a happy ending, I'd read it. But I typically avoid tragedy fics. Like I said though, it's just personal preference for me. I'm sure there are plenty out there who enjoy a good angst/tragedy.

Though I think everyone dislikes wangst (whiny angst, the "Boo hoo no one understands me life sucks I wanna die naoplz." kind). So be careful there.

Good imagery in the teaser. Keeping that up throughout an entire fic would be quite the accomplishment, though possibly difficult as well. If it comes naturally to you, go with it. Otherwise you might find yourself getting burnt out.

I'll check in periodically and see how it's going, here and on DA since I have you on watch. Assuming you upload anything there, I mean.

Wow... Thanks so much!

I'm on the same boat as you. As good as they are, some of the fanfic writers whose stories I've read put way too much angst in there without any happy moments or even a less than tragic ending... I do want a little bit of both, and that's what I'm trying to accomplish.

Oh, wangst. I can't tell you how many wangst fics Iv'e read just to laugh at the characters. Probably one of the worst stories I can think of to be honest. So no need to worry about that there.

Thank you so much for the support! I suppose I'd better get started really soon.

Edited by Froot, 04 March 2010 - 01:15 PM.

[Froot]

Thanks Goku. I certainly will.

[tricksie]

Good job! I definitely think you should keep it up. Very fluid to read - easy, descriptive but not too heavy, and I like it from Sakura's pov. Makes you feel like you're watching him suffer too. Written in such a way that you really want to know what happened to him and what's going to happen next. Keep going!

[Froot]

Wow... Thank you!

So much inspiration lately... I surely will continue this then.