Aevrum

The first episode I ever watched had a NaruSakuSasu scene in it outside of the academy in Konoha; it was the first run of this episode in my country (Germany, late 2006, but I really can’t pinpoint which exact episode it was, even after extensive searching, but it was surely one of the early ones, maybe even a part of episode 3 or 4? My mind is struggling to put the pictures together^^) and the only thing I knew from short ads on that channel for this new Anime about it was, that the blond boy, Naruto, is obviously the main character and that there are fights.

And I didn’t even watch that episode from the beginning, I came right home from school and after turning the TV on, I saw that there is this new series running and decided to give it a shot (It was not like I didn’t want to^^). I, of course, didn’t really understand and knew the plot and the dynamics between the characters back then, the only thing I saw was that scene I mentioned above before that episode ended. I remember it featured a Sakura trying to talk with and get Sasuke’s attention and a jealous Naruto striving for Sakura. I honestly thought back then, that it could be possible, although he tried to not show it, for Sasuke to like Sakura back, I didn’t saw him ignoring her, in my eyes, he was only trying to act cool (I was 10/11 years old back then, I instantly didn’t like him very much as a character, but I knew acting that way was considered to be cool and that it could have an effect on the girls. I was in a similar age group and could easily project it to my own environment in school).

This scene immediately burned itself into my mind like a weak shadow and the first thing I concluded, after watching only a few seconds of this new Anime, was, that Naruto and Sakura will most probably end up together. Although I initially thought that Sasuke deep inside actually likes, maybe even loves Sakura (he kind of accepted her fully as a teammate later on, that’s something special for him ), I knew that her love for him was not real. It was no love, it was admiration (‘fangirlism’, how probably most of you would call it, but that term just doesn’t do its justice for this art of “affection”) for his behavior, his coolness and being a “great ninja”. Yes, she was greatly affected by him, but that were simple childish feelings, nothing near love, I knew that kind of affection from everyday experience with children of my same age group. (A few days or weeks later, I felt vindicated, as Sakura started to blush and behave like around Sasuke when she saw Naruto acting like ‘a real ninja’ in the wave arc. From that point on, there was not one aspect left, that made her behavior towards Sasuke more special or in any kind more loving, than towards Naruto. She wondered herself, why Naruto is making her feel like when Sasuke is around, the special place Sasuke has, as the class best, tough and cool ninja and “catch number 1”, very quickly fading away. It was also crystal clear for me from that point on, that “Naruto” is going to be a NaruSaku story at its core, probably with Sasuke being an obstacle between them because of Sakura’s uncertainty and naturally “failing” to be one in the end [When I now think back at how the series developed in Terms of Sasuke; man, was I wrong^^ But I also can imagine that Kishi changed the whole direction the Manga was going after the first chapters and seeing its popularity, because there are really some subtle and minor changes at how the characters act. I, for example, never quite understood why Sasuke suddenly decided to go to Orochimaru and became so “dark”, even the curse seal and his drive to kill Itachi shouldn’t have had that of a massive effect on him, he was simply too proud of himself for working with such a “snake” (^^) and cherished Naruto’s friendship too much.])

In contrast to that, Sakura’s behavior towards Naruto was something that I without a doubt could classify as attraction. Maybe in retrospect it wasn’t planned by Kishi to appeal like that, maybe he genuinely tried to portray him as a simple nuisance to her, but her being “annoyed” by his behavior to such a great extent and behaving extra different and “abusive” with even an special “insult” for him, couldn’t be a coincidence. You know what they say, teasing is a sign of affection and I could tell from my own behavior (of course not THAT comic-like and exaggerated as hers, but still awkward enough, when I look back ) towards the girl I really really liked back then, that this saying is true. She just needed to realize with more interactions and time, why she feels the way she does towards him. I was truly more convinced of Sakura’s love for him than of Naruto’s love for her, because he acted at the beginning like a lovesick puppy, like Sakura towards Sasuke. But after watching more and more Team 7 action and him standing up for her and successfully slowly trying to make her open up to him, I was also sure, that Naruto’s emotions towards her were genuine and sincere.

He often did things for the sole purpose of helping her, cheering her up and making her feel better (and that was in my opinion also the reason, why in the end they didn’t end up together from a writing standpoint, I will try to explain my reasoning at the end of my text, it doesn’t fit here to my childhood views), with annoying her, but also giving her room for herself at times, which he considered to be good for her.

It was such a grown up and pure love I couldn’t completely comprehend back then, but it just seemed so extremely right to me.

From that first episodes on, I was instantly a NS “fan” (not in sense of a community, but inside of me being happy during every moment of them, watching the episodes), before I even realized the whole setting of the Anime and its mechanics. Additionally Sakura reminded me so much of that girl I liked in real life, and in so many different aspects, that I kind of also started to adore her as a character (Not romantically spoken of course(^^), she was simply my favorite. I now think it was truly strange to have the girl of the team as my favorite character as a boy my age back then, but I really think till this day, that she was the best character in the whole series [at least if you disregard the retcons of the last episodes and movies I recently watched], she simply was completely realistic and likeable, I could easily imagine a real person in her place. She seemed at first completely ready and overconfident, but struggling and overwhelmed in front of the real ninja life, but deep inside again ready to do everything with a little push from outside) and I rooted for Naruto to make her see, what she truly feels for him. It was also kind of a projection of my own struggle (I am a child of immigrants and honestly thought that I would never deserve the love of a “native” with such a higher social status [Yeah, kids are really dumb, I was no exception, but I was anyway realistic, even as a child]. I was raised to be always modest with everything, no matter how good you are, you can always achieve better. I struggled for appreciation, just like Naruto, but where he tried to become the best ninja, I was always the top student of my school. I wanted him to achieve, what I couldn’t, because there were just insurmountable societal and cultural barriers. So, the whole NaruSaku thing had also a big personal touch for me. I wasn’t completely aware of this back then, but when I look back now, I think this was one aspect, why I was instantly driven to NS, after only a few seconds into this new Anime. But it was of course only a small part of “why I like(d) it”.)

In any Anime/Manga/series I watched/read till now, you could say it was the only pairing I ever ship(ped). Never affected me a pairing as it did in Naruto, I am generally totally neutral and/or uninterested in pairings. (Although the whole big concept of “shipping” was totally unfamiliar to me till recently, I just thought it is the natural conclusion of the Naruto story). In that context, I am probably not the ‘normal’ everyday shipper and NS will probably stay as the only pairing I ever ‘shipped’ in my life.

After that, I unsteadily continued to watch the Anime whenever it was on TV. I honestly didn’t completely love the series back then as for example I liked One Piece, but that was mostly because I always missed some episodes (because of its airtime and also because I at some point thought it was too childish to still watch Anime with 12 and tried to stop watching any “childish” series, although I still enjoyed all of them. Man, was I a weird kid^^) and it was getting harder and harder to comprehend everything that happened, which a little bit drained the fun of it. I kinda dropped off, after the fight at the valley of the end.

I only “watched” Shippuden randomly, when it was on TV in the background (only remember Sakura’s fight against Sasori [honestly thought it was Gaara for quite some time^^], Kakashi vs. Deidara, the Bridge incident and Orochimarus Hideout), but these scenes alone were more than enough to convince me, that Naruto and Sakura finally (too slow and hesitantly for my liking but anyhow steadily) drift together, there were so many hints in nearly every scene together, I believed she finally started to realize that her whole demeanor around him was no coincidence and not totally “normal”, and Yamato’s little “talk” to her after the bridge incident completely sealed the deal for me. I mean, I always knew that it was going this way, but now it was 100 percent sure, there was no other possibility left besides NS. I only didn’t quite know how to handle her since maybe 200 episodes unadressed feelings towards Sasuke; it was totally unrealistic, that she possibly could still harbor any feelings for him in a romantic sense (she never truly knew him and talked to him and she was simply too old and mature now to still hunt a ghost she had solely in her imagination), but it was like a lingering shadow, preventing them from totally opening up to each other. But I was sure that after Sasuke’s pending return to Konoha, it would be all handled properly and slowly dissolved. I for myself knew, or thought so, that she doesn’t look at him anymore like that and that she would in the worst case finally and definitely realize it after his return and Sasuke’s presumable consecutive emotional “opening” to Naruto and her. Her colder and shocked behavior towards Sasuke after meeting him again at the hideout was also like evidence for my thoughts.

But after that, the Anime had a break in Germany after the Sasuke retrieval Arc in Shippuden and with it, the Anime got completely out of my sight and I lost the interest in following it any further. My classmates sometimes talked and discussed about Naruto, but I only paid attention to parts in the story I knew and tried to never be spoiled in what happened afterwards, although I honestly had no real interest in catching up again. It was like I already knew everything that was going to happen: Tears, sweat and blood, Naruto somehow convincing Sasuke to come back to his senses, they altogether fighting off the evil, Naruto becoming Hokage (or refusing the title, because he realizes that he is not ideal for the position and the title itself not being what he wanted, but rather the idea behind it) and during all this Naruto and Sakura finally coming together, to make a perfect ending.

Two years ago, after chapter 700 came out and the Manga ended, I purely coincidentally read somewhere about the end pairings with extracts from the actual last Manga chapter. And you can’t imagine how surprised I was that Sakura indeed ended up with Sasuke and not with Naruto. It was simply unbelievable for me, how this could have had happened after the point I stopped to watch the Anime. There was just no possible way of a happy ending without Naruto and Sakura ending up together. It contradicted everything I watched so far and thought the series tried to tell its audience and believed to understand. Either there must have happened something big preventing their marriage, I remembered everything I watched wrong or there were substantial episodes showing Sakura’s and Sasuke’s love to each other (beware: a hint of sarcasm ) in the early Anime I somehow missed. I didn’t know how much the story went on after I quit, but it felt like the ending was not far away from where I left off and surely, how short could the epilog have been after the “story end, with the final fight” of such a substantial franchise?

I didn’t even know who that girl was, that Naruto married. I thought she must have been a civilian or an unimportant side character I never noticed or that was introduced later on, near the end :). [I remembered the shy girl with the brown jacket from the Chuunin exams and liked her character back then although she was a bit weird with her whole demeanor and spooky eyes, but the name Hinata and her redesign didn’t ring a single bell in my head.] I just thought: “Really Naruto, you couldn’t get the love of your life it was all about and still ended up with someone? How can you even do that to that girl? Or did you change so much?” The MC not achieving his “goal” in Sakura and having to settle with a person he doesn’t care as much about (I assumed so much) was so sad and unfitting for his personality at the same time.

I have to say, I was honestly disappointed. I now knew, that all three survived and Sasuke somehow returned to Konoha, the three of them keeping their friendship, as I always expected. But it felt like Sasuke again winning against our hero and main character by “getting” the girl it was all about and without deserving it one bit. Sakura obviously not fully realizing the love between her and Naruto and the psychological unstable troublemaker Sasuke (I knew he was not a bad person, but he simply had way too many flaws and was emotionally broken) ending up with the heroine, without any consequences, was not easy to swallow and accept. But you can’t always expect a full happy ending matching your own perspective of the relationships, can you? I realized, that my approach on the series is probably unique and that there are many viewers/readers (that furthermore followed the series more strictly in the past years) for whom only a SS ending made sense.

After that, I quickly dismissed the ending, I had other things to worry about than an old childhood Anime series, I never fully actively watched, it were my first days in college back then.

Roughly six months ago I wondered, what I could do in my free time, before the next semester began. Immediately I thought about watching Naruto, I don’t know why, but I strangely did^^ I hadn’t watched it any further in 6/7 years and I couldn’t let a series unfinished ;). I also knew that it ended two years ago, so surely the Anime would also be finished. I was wrong, but a friend told me that the last episodes were coming up soon, so I decided to watch the whole Anime from episode 1 on, till the end.

I have to say it was an extremely fun ride, I did not think that I would enjoy it so much before I started, I feared it to be too childish and that rewatching it will destroy my fond memories. Especially Part 1 was superb, mixed with a little bit of nostalgia from my childhood days. I can’t really explain it, but Part 1 has such a different atmosphere compared to Shippuden; it has the perfect pacing and mysterious aura of the strange ninja world to the fresh ninja-children, and most importantly a believable, not too fast, growth in strength and pretty neat emotional and socio-cultural motives – just perfect!

But enough of this, let’s get back to pairings: I rewatched the whole series, now of course knowing the end pairings and was genuinely curious of the NH development. I cherished every NH moment, especially the chuunin exams and the blood oath. I quickly understood, where the possibility of this end pairing came from and started to like NH. I didn’t even think about NS anymore, why anyway? It wasn’t going to happen and I quickly got accustomed to the thought. It was like a safety mechanism, my mind tried to block off ‘positive’ NS situations and highlight NH moments, to not be disappointed at the end.

The only NS related thoughts I had while watching, was genuine disgust towards Sakura as a character (Its quite funny how she was my favorite before and how my whole perception of her changed watching her knowing (better: expecting) that she will not develop any further and actually have “her way” with it at the end). Knowing she will end up with Sasuke and probably never fully understand Naruto, made her totally unlikeable every time she hurt his feelings or fangirled Sasuke instead of acknowledging Naruto. For example her whole behavior after Tsunade healed Sasuke, till the canon end of Part 1 made me really angry. It was so unlogical, strange and odd. I only thought, “How? Why? What’s happening? What are you doing? Please stop Sakura, I understand you are an idiotic little child, you don’t have to show it to me again and again, just please stop!” I was just furious every time she acted completely irrational, but also had a small grin on my face every time Sasuke hurt her emotionally (and physically knocking her out). She simply deserved it now in my eyes.

I totally ignored every NS moment and held on every small NH scene, but I still didn’t understand how Kishi would justify a NH ending. I slowly understood why he chose SS and NH at the end, because there was simply no way he could leave Hinata hanging (because she was always characterized  as ‘pure’ and ‘innocent’, and the more time went on with her still chasing after Naruto and not moving on, but at the same time nothing big happening on the NS front, it was from a writing standpoint the “easier” and less hurtful way to go; figures that I later read Kishi’s interview, where he talked about Sakura being a bad girl for stealing Naruto from Hinata and the comic con interview, where he indirectly admitted that during the time he had to decide on a pairing, he simply had no time and motivation left, to develop Hinata away from her obsession), but Naruto had no interest in her and there was simply no easy way suddenly changing that. Than the whole Itachi + Pain fight happened. It was so strange for me watching the Anime after that, I didn’t understand the reason why the things happened THAT happened.

Firstly, after killing Itachi and seeing “the Truth”, Sasuke decides to destroy Konoha? Where is that logic coming from? He lost his curse seal godammit, he is not under any influence now. But after a small talk with Tobi he immediately trusts him and forgets everything his brother talked about? It was shown in trillion flashbacks and in Part 1 that he is a caring good guy deep down, but now he goes against his last “brother” Naruto to kill him and every other innocent people, without asking questions? Is he truly so much emotionally destroyed and easy to manipulate (and strangely only by the evil)? I could have accepted this, but that’s only the start of strange things.

Later, Pain simply walks into the village and easily kills and destroys everything he sees, nobody can do anything, or even hurt him, but Konohamaru “kills” one Pain. Afterwards Naruto makes his heroic entry after Sakura’s strange 1 hour pleading and can surprisingly hold up with him. His increase of power is just ridiculous. I mean he was probably weaker than Sakura after his journey (it’s hard to tell, there was no real opportunity, but honestly, what did Jiraiya even teach him? How to relax at the hot springs? He had no new strong move.), by the time he fought Kakuzu he was at the power level I always expected him to be, but he wasn’t allowed to use his new jutsu anymore, but suddenly after an extremely short sage training he is stronger than Jiraiya and probably the whole village combined? And that without the Kyuubi? It just wasn’t fun anymore, the power difference totally unrealistic. I didn’t know I was watching Dragon Ball^^

But okay, leave these aspects aside, just like the quick dissolvement of the Root problem in Konoha and the conflict between the different countries - story elements of great importance till then, and don’t even start with the utterly strange fourth war. Or with that whole child of prophecy, talk-no-jutsu, BS, that totally made Naruto Part 1 with it’s concept of “fate” and “hard work” look like a joke. Let’s concentrate on NS and the other relevant pairings:

As I watched Pain getting the upper hand against Naruto I just thought “Okay, Sakura will intervene any moment in the fight and help Naruto. … Okay, she can’t hold back any longer, any second she will jump down, it’s written all over her face. … Strange, why isn’t she doing anything? What’s happening? ... Alriiight, that’s not exactly the right time to try to act “rational” for the first time in your life Sakura, do something!” And then suddenly Hinata runs down, does everything she can to help and confesses. I was so glad for that NH moment finally, the first real one since Naruto’s talk with the injured Hinata at the training ground and knew there was no going back from NH after she didn’t die and the confession not being mentioned afterwards.

But I think it was also an extremely bittersweet scene. I knew in my mind, that Sakura was supposed to rescue Naruto there; that moment was “stolen”, the confession would never have happened if Sakura would have acted like she normally does (Remember the bridge incident, her not caring for her own safety and not listening to Yamato, it’s an extremely similar situation). Afterwards Sakura acted again like she normally would, concerned about Naruto’s well-being with chiding and hugging him intensely. Even Hinata had this approving genuine smile in the background, what made everything that happened seem extremely weird. It all appeared like a closure scene for Hinata’s feelings towards Naruto, that she would move on seeing that he “needs” Sakura and not her. That would also explain the OOCness of the confession.

But I knew NH was going to happen, so I was really confused and frustrated. Why was Kishi doing that? That’s not supposed to be a tug of war, why was he doing that to Hinata? You make it a clear unrequited love without any chance in Part 2, then you don’t use the chance of closure, but you will indeed let her end up with him? It was not fair towards Hinata, she was now my favorite female character, she didn’t deserve someone who can’t love her back. And it was, although I tried to hate her, not fair towards Sakura. Was he know really finally making her fall in love with Naruto, only to crush her heart at the end, because of her selfishness towards Naruto till now?

Shortly after that, it got even worse with Sai confronting Sakura with Naruto’s selfless love to her, Sakura thinking about all the thing he did for and deciding to kill Sasuke. So that Naruto was going to intercept her and/or save her trying doing something like that, she physically can’t achieve? How was that supposed to end with SS and NH now? How was she mentally ever supposed to “reach” Sasuke? Letting every attraction towards Naruto go, to save him from his unhealthy strong love and trying to save Sasuke alone from his darkness? And could she really do this and hurt Naruto, knowing how sincere his feelings are towards bot her and Sasuke and with her own unresolved feelings towards him?

Oh yes, she could. The “fake” confession was a scene I never even could have imagined in my craziest dreams. It was so strange, that even my “NS filter” in my head couldn’t ignore it. It had two major aspects for me:

1. It made me absolutely hate her character and I totally dropped her off my list. She was now even below Sasuke. It was totally successful in THAT aspect. No one, not even the strongest enemy, hurt Naruto so much and it was with full purpose. She knew how observant in emotional matters Naruto was (remembering the promise and her realization that he “always knew”) and did it anyways.

 2. At second glance, it was totally grotesque and bizarre. What was she really trying to achieve? Really protecting him from his burden? She had at least some feelings for Naruto, that much was undeniable, even for me, trying to ignore it, and Naruto loved her. She should have known that even IF Naruto fully believed her, he would NEVER abandon Sasuke and simply go back with her to Konoha. Heck, she should have been the person that knows him the best, but it seemed like everyone present there knew him a lot better, judging from their reactions. I mean, she knew that this was going to happen, that’s after all the initial reason she came up with the confession thing and didn’t tell him straightly. But she still went through with it and strangely only talked about Sasuke-this, Sasuke-that during the “confession”. And what would have happened, if she could have convinced him? They still would have had to kill Sasuke, it would only buy her some time. What made everything finally perfectly confusing, was Naruto claiming that he “hates people, who lie to themselves”. Where exactly was she lying to herself? Sakura cautiously chose every word so, that she didn’t deny her unresolved feelings for Sasuke. And if you have your legitimate doubts and ask her “why now?”, then you should probably not let her go so easily, without a satisfying answer; I never thought of Naruto being a coward in such important situations, where it matters;

I had only one explanation for this whole thing: Sakura was a total emotional wreck now after Sai’s confrontation and Shikamaru’s pressure and therefore couldn’t think straight, and Naruto was hurt so much because of his fears, that he lost his mind for a moment.

But I didn’t dwell on this scene for long, it still seemed like a blow to NH to me, because it honestly kinda confirmed, that there were also to a small extent romantic feelings from Sakura towards Naruto and I feared from Naruto’s reaction, that the confession mentally broke him.

But “thankfully”, our friend Sai, who till then ‘supported’ NS, came back and confirmed Naruto’s fears, that she did everything because she loves Sasuke so much, that she simply forgets to think. Combined with her inability to kill him (honestly, that flashback scenes were absolutely cringeworthy when I look back now, they had nothing real to show between her and Sasuke and purposely avoided the bench scene), made me “relax” again, Sakura was still an idiotic little girl and Naruto seemed to try to distance himself from her afterwards, trying to stay away from more pain, the confession was never talked about afterwards – I was simply overinterpreting the whole scene.

But nevertheless, these points above were all things, that left me utterly disturbed and nothing was anymore like it was before. Naruto holding a speech to Sasuke about fate and that they will both die at their next fight, and a ridiculous war where everything and everyone, living and dead, comes together but in the end is only about Naruto and Sasuke.

Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoyed it very much, especially Itachi and Sasuke’s fight against Kabuto, all the action, the goosebump scenes and yes, I admit, even (and maybe even especially) the NH Neiji-big-hand scene, but I started to watch the episodes with 1.5x or even 2x speed to not waste any time – there was this typical ‘Naruto-vibe’ missing.

I was honestly super happy with how everything ended up. I read Gaiden (with schadenfreude about how unhappy Sakura ended up, finally realizing that Sasuke is not her knight in shining armor and that she will never understand and emotionally grasp him) and watched The Last (I think it’s a good movie for the “NH heart” and I ignored every nonsense retcon it showed me, but couldn’t ignore the “closure” scene with Sakura. I fully accepted from episode 1 of my ‘rewatch’ on, that Naruto and Hinata will end up together, but this was simply a blow in my guts. How dare you try to destroy Naruto’s character like that? And with Sakura – there was simply no words left. Naruto is a masterpiece of “how to destroy a character and its purpose, meaning, likeability and goals in the shortest time possible with actually staying mostly in character and with no plot-twists”.) and Boruto, happy to see them all grown up.

But there was always this feeling in the back of my mind, that there is something wrong and that this simply couldn’t be it. It was like a complete different Anime with different characters now, or, better, characters, that fell into the trap of guilt, duties, false loyalties and – later - adulthood.

I tried to satisfy my hunger for more Naruto stuff with searching for material I may have missed, but stumbled on reddit Naruto on FanFiction recommendations of a user. I never read any FanFiction in my life, but decided to give it a go; the more Naruto the merrier.

I was “warned”, that it was going to be NaruSaku, but I didn’t care. Besides everything what happened at the second part of shippuden and me trying to ignore them, I still had a soft spot for the pairing in my heart and thought that I could enjoy it, if the user was right with his praise.

And man, was he right! The story was “Do you remember love” from DigiFruit and after finishing it, I had literally goosebumps everywhere! The story brought everything crashing back I enjoyed about the pairing, but tried to lock up. Their whole perfect dynamic together, how he always loves her, no matter what and no matter how often, she slowly realizing her concern and love for him and the whole concept of them meant to be together, the heartbreak, melancholy and devotion.

At first I thought that it was simply a especially good NS fanfic, and tried reading many MANY other fictions and particularly NH ones – they were good, but they never gave me the same inner satisfaction and emotions. Then there was a funny story, where Sakura realized her feelings for Naruto, after him and Hinata coming together. She was characterized as a crazy b*tch, trying to manipulate Naruto – exactly what I needed with my focused Sakura hate – but strangely, the longer the story went on, the more I realized: Even with that crazy characterization, compared with Hinata, Sakura is thousandfold better for Naruto than this canon-like, stuttering, blushing submissive Hinata, that is drawing the life energy out of him, even in a fic.

This finally manifested now my own head-canon to the Naruto ending, for my own sanity:

It was a cool bittersweet ending, I wouldn’t have thought the mangaka being brave enough to do; with Naruto staying away from anymore pain and moving on from the love of his life with Hinata, but during that losing a part of his true cheerful self on the way and losing his inner main goal of an always happy family, trapped in his own cage of his Hokage dream, that is developing into his own nightmare. Sasuke plagued with his former failures and wrongdoings, bound to a whole life without a real family and home, he realized lost forever as a child. Sakura hardly trying to go on with her shallow, boring and suffocating everyday life with a long lost image of a ideal dream life and love, perfectly representing the concept of “mono no aware”, the cherry blossoms stand for in Japanese culture. Plus the whole series turning into a parody of itself, with forgetting all motives and Naruto magically forgiving everyone and everyone bad turning good, but I digress.

Afterwards I started to read other NS fanfics and it simply captured me fully again. I began to saw all the flaws with the canon-pairings and what could have been. And I have to say, after many months, it still kinda haunts me.

Naruto’s love for Sakura is on such a different level than Sakura’s obsession with Sasuke or Hinata’s dream of ‘Naruto-kun’ and so important to the whole plot, that I can’t believe it getting dropped at the end and degraded to a joke in The Last. Just remembering Naruto’s fights against Gaara and Sasuke unleashing new powers for Sakura’s sake and his pained smile… and then reading the cover of chapter 236, ‘The promise that I could not keep’: “I stayed away from sadness and pain… I wanted to protect that smiling face.”, gives me such goose bumps.

And then making Sakura acknowledge his dream, that is THE main goal Naruto’s, as the first person ever and showing steadily growing affection towards him, and with that, the only bothsided relationship of the three; only to drop and destroy everything after the Pain arc, is still unbelievable for me. I mean, I can understand it from a writing standpoint later in Shippuden, because Naruto’s selfless love is the easiest to make him give up and you can please two fan bases for one; but it not ending with NS or an open ending is a nail to Sakura’s character coffin, because Kishi from the start never bothered to give her a reason to love Sasuke – because it was not meant to happen in a fully happy ending. And then making her play wingwoman for Hinata is the biggest abomination I ever saw, because it implies: 1. Naruto’s love to Sakura and emotional capacity really regarded as a joke by everyone, or 2. Sakura and Hinata being downright evil monsters trying to manipulate him.

The story beside, I also just personally think that Naruto is totally incompatible to a shy character like Hinata and Sakura incompatible to a ‘closed’ character like Sasuke. It is just totally boring and would never work out in real life, which canon kind of confirms.

I had initially so much more to write, but I am totally exhausted writing this monster and forgot many things, maybe I will edit it things in later.

That said, I think I want to write my own rewrite for Naruto to find my own closure to this series, with which I connect so many childhood memories and features my only ship ever; but went totally different ways than I would have ever imagined as a kid. Especially Sasuke not returning earlier with the whole related reintegration question afterwards and preparing together, with damaged trust from the others except Naruto, to fight the last enemy, was a bad surprise. Sadly Team 7, that was such a constant throughout the series, is dead forever. There are so many flaws – especially accumulating near the end – that I can never look back at Naruto the same way anymore. It is a great task and I will probably never finish it, but it is like a thing I just need to do.